Volume one.

Grabbing an orange juice, I sat down at the table closest to the exit. I drunk my juice taking out my phone to finish the current book I was reading, Nicholas Sparks: See Me, I smiled at the love in the book. Love is beautiful, I couldn't wait until I was in love.

I wanted that type of love you would do anything for. The type of love that didn't come easy, you had to fight for it. The type of love you never had to question. The type of love that doesn't fade. The type of love everyone dreams for but only a few lucky ones get. I want that rare type of love. I just want to be loved.

"What you doing?" My best friend, Janey, asked taking my orange juice.

"Nothing now." I remarked exiting out my book, not even bothering to get my OJ back.

"Guess what Saymon did?" She asked letting me know it wasn't good.

"What?"

"He popped up and took me somewhere talking bout he missed me."

"Okay? So why don't you seem happy bout that?"

"He took me to Applebees." She frowned.

"I'm still not seeing the problem."

"That's mad cheap, he could at least took me to Olive Garden. Like damn I'm only worth a 2 for $20."

I was trying to understand but I still didn't understand the problem, he thought about her and wanted to spend some time with her and all she was thinking about was the price of things. It was ungrateful to me.

"He told you to order the 2 for 20?" I chuckled not telling her my thoughts.

"No, he said to get whatever but still Applebees is known for the 2 for 20." She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe he didn't think-"

"That's the problem, he doesn't think."

I just shook my head not saying anything, she was always like this not appreciating the things he did for her. One day he went shopping to surprise her but she didn't like anything he picked so she threw everything in his face and told him to take it back when nothing was wrong with anything he bought.

"I think he's cheating on me." She shook her head pulling out her phone.

"Why you say that?"

"Because he doesn't take me shopping anymore, he's always busy now and he stopped remembering little things about me."

"That doesn't mean he's cheating though, you know he has two jobs sometimes he won't be able to talk."

"He should of continued selling drugs if he needed the money." I squinted my eyes and tilted my head at how simple minded she was.

Ignoring the ignorant statement, I pushed it to the side. "Did you at least talk to him about it?"

"Who's going to admit to cheating?"

"Real niggas." I joked making her glare at me.

"I'm serious." She said making me stop laughing. "How about you talk to him?"

"Me? No."

"Why not?"

"Last time I talked to him for you it got me in drama between y'all and my life is all about positivity now."

"I just need you to see if he cheating that's all." She put her hands in surrender. "You grew up with him, he won't lie to you."

"No." I repeated standing my ground.

"To think you're my best friend, tuh."

"Love you more babes." I blew a kiss at her.

"Whatever can you come home with me today? I'll buy you food."

"Okay." I smiled getting sold on the idea.

"See you fifth period." She returned the smile as we both got up since the first bell was ringing for homeroom.

~

"We walking or catching the bus?" I asked walking up to Janey as she closed her locker.

"Walking." She said making me nod as we walked out the school.

People were standing around talking to their friends as other people walked out the doors, Janey stopped to talk to people making me roll my eyes, she always does this. I looked around seeing Saymon leaning on a car, we made eye contact as he nodded smiling.

"There go Saymon." I nudged her making her squint in confusion as she looked his way walking towards him.

"What you doing here?" She asked with attitude.

"You seemed mad when I left you so I wanted to see you and make it up to you." He smiled grabbing her waist.

"That's cute babe." She fake smiled. "But um, I'm busy today."

"You can't cancel? I cleared my whole day for you."

"She only had plans with me, you can cancel I'm okay." I smiled as she shot me a quick glare making my smile drop in confusion.

"See Nana don't mind." He called me by my nickname still smiling.

"She wasn't the only plans and I can't cancel the others, I'm sorry." She lied. "Maybe tomorrow."

"At least let me take y'all home."

"Okay." She nodded as he finally let her go.

"Yo Terror!" A boy called Saymon by his street name making him turn his attention towards him.

"The car door open, give me a minute princess." He kissed her on her cheek as I got in the back seat.

"You busy?" I repeated with my eyes squinted.

"You see how clingy he is? I was just with him yesterday and he wants to spend the entire day with me today like can I breathe?"

"You were just claiming he spends all his time outside so I'm confused?"

"You just don't get it because no one wants you." She waved me off.

"More like I don't want anyone."

"If that's what you gotta tell yourself to sleep better at night." She joked.

"Imma just ignore that." I told her. "What other plans did you have?"

"Nothing, I was just going to sleep." She shrugged making me shake my head.

I was going to say something else but Saymon walked to the car getting in, I leaned back in my seat pulling out my phone to block the tension. Janey house was a seven minute walk but a three minute drive so he pulled up in no time as I was getting out Janey words stopped me.

"Actually best friend, my mom just told me she was inviting people over so I can't have company." She spoke making me glare at her. "Babe, do you think you can take her home?"

"Yeah, she good." He looked back before I can protest.

"Thank you babe." She kissed his cheek getting out the car all jolly not even looking back as we watched her walk in the house.

"You don't have to take me home, I'll catch the bus." I told him grabbing the door handle.

"You good Nana, get in the front." I sighed climbing over to get in the front. He waited until I was in my seat belt to pull off.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

"Why you be acting like I'm a stranger talking bout some I don't have to and thanking me for shit?" He spoke catching me off guard.

"It's called having manners." I looked at him weirdly.

"You have never thanked me for nothing." He joked making me laugh.

"Yeah okay."

"What you bout to do?"

"Same thing I was going to do at Janey house, sleep." I spoke making him shake his head.

"Still be taking your afternoon naps."

"Of course, I was only going over there cause she said she was going to buy me food."

"I'm hungry, ride with me to get something?"

"you paying?"

"Of course."

"Then I'll never said no to food." I smiled.

"Where you wanna go?"

"It don't matter." I shrugged.

"Janey said the same shit yesterday and wasted my money for food she ain't even eat."

"That's the thing." I spoke making him look at me. "Janey and I are not one of the same."

"You right bout that." He laughed pulling into Chipotle parking lot.

"I'm so grateful for you." I joked making him laugh as I got out the car excitedly. I basically danced to the damn front while he watched me in amusement.

"I want a bowl, steak and chicken, brown rice, lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, guacamole and sour cream."

I watched as they made his burrito. "Is that all?"

"Nah, let me get two large cups. Some chips with that cheese shit and another one with salsa." Saymon said making me laugh.

He paid as the lady handed me both cups, I walked to the soda station putting ice in our cups while I looked at the soda selections. I selected ginger ale for me and fruit punch for him, he came over just as I was putting tops on it.

"You still only drink juice right?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Good cause I got you a fruit punch."

"You wanna eat in here or the car?"

"Car." I told him seeing it was getting crowded in there.

He nodded grabbing the bag while I carried the drinks, we got in the car as he pulled off. I wanted to ask where we was going but decided against it. He parked his car making me look up from my phone to see us outside a park, I smiled at the little kids playing.

"Thank you." I said as he passed me my bowl.

"You good." He did a small smile looking down at his phone.

"That's your favorite saying." I spoke making him look up. "Thank you? You good. I just failed a test? You good. My grandma just got shot? She good."

"Ayo." He laughed making me laugh. "I don't even say you good for everything."

"Okay." I scoffed handing him his drink.

"Good looks." He mumbled then looked up as I smiled raising a eyebrow. "Nah, see- fuck you fool." He laughed.

"It's okay, everything's good." I laughed.

"How you been though?" He asked as music played lowly.

"I been-" I stopped to find the right word. "-adjusting? I guess. I'm trying to be this positive person now."

"You always been a positive person though."

"Not always."

"When I'm with you it's nothing but positive vibes and you always bringing a smile to my face so as I said you've always been a positive person."

"Maybe." I chuckled as it fell into a silence, a comfortable one.

I ate my food watching the kids play on the playground not having a care in the world, I wish I was still a kid. The biggest problem I had as a kid was never wanting to nap at nap time, I'll kill for a nap time in school now.

"She thinks you're cheating on her." I broke the silence making him furrow his eyebrows.

"Why?"

"You never take her shopping no more, you're always busy and you don't remember little things no more." I repeated everything she said.

"I don't take her shopping no more because she never likes shit I buy her, she know I work two jobs now, I couldn't be a street pharmacist-" I cut him off choking off my soda.

"A street pharmacist?" I threw my head back laughing.

"Shut up." He laughed. "But she know I be busy, it's hard juggling two jobs. And I remember the important shit so I'm confused."

"I'm just the messenger."

"I'm guessing she told you to talk to me instead of her doing it herself."

"Just the messenger." I repeated throwing my hands in surrender.

"She talking bout remembering little shit but she don't even know my middle or last name, favorite color, number none of that shit."

"Saymon Meonte Rogers, yellow, 9." I said remembering.

"You don't know me." He smirked.

"Know you better than your girlfriend." I half joked making him laugh.

"I'm not cheating on her though, I just be busy."

"You should be telling her that." I told him.

He nodded continuing to eat his burrito looking at the kids while I studied him, Saymon was definitely something to look at. He was indeed the finest boy I knew.

"If both of y'all seem unhappy, why stick around for this relationship?" I asked.

"It's complicated." He answered after a minute or two.

"It's y'all relationship so it's not my place to question it or try to understand it." I backed down.

"Nah, you good." He said as I busted out laughing. "You gon get on my nerves with that." He chuckled.

"Everything good."

"Yeah yeah." He chuckled as I closed my Chipotle bowl. "You know that cheese shit and salsa was for you, right?"

"I figured but I didn't think you'd remember."

"Nah, I remember everything."

"Not according to Janey." I joked making him suck his teeth as I laughed.

"You know what I didn't remember? A stupid ass pocketbook she ordered from Louis Vuitton. A pocketbook I spent my whole check on."

"I thought it was something serious."

"It's never nothing serious."

"It's complicated." I mocked making him do a quick chuckle.

"You don't know the half."

"Y'all relationship, y'all problems." I said not even wanting to know the drama.

"You look tired."

"I am." I yawned just on time making me laugh. "I'll usually be sleep right now."

"I'll take you home then cause I'm a little tired too."

"Okay." I nodded putting my bowl in the bag putting my seatbelt back on.

We rode in silence with the music playing lowly, I didn't say anything and neither did he. Driving always made me sleepier, I hope my sleepiness stayed because it seems to always disappear when I finally got to lay down.

"Thank you for the food and saving me from boredom for a few." I smiled as he pulled in front of my house while grabbing the door handle.

"You welcome." He smiled back at me as I pulled it to open the door. "Nana?" He called making me stop.

"Yeah?"

"You know I really used to like you back then." He spoke catching me off guard as I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. "I thought it would be us, not me and her."

Furrowing my eyebrows, I laughed. "You thought it would be us but you picked her, how that work?"

"She spoke up, you knew what it was between us and I was waiting for the words but you never said em."

"You just said I knew what was up between us but so did you." I looked at him blankly. "I didn't hear you saying anything either."

"My actions proved everything, I showed you I wanted to be with you and you handed me to your friend."

"I did not hand you to her but it didn't seem like a problem when you made her your girl. Why would you mess with her anyway?"

"I thought you didn't feel what I felt, I was tired of feeling friend zoned and thought maybe if I'll make her jealous I'll know she got feelings for me back but you never showed emotion."

"What I look like sweating over a nigga? Can't no bitch or nigga make me second guess myself lil baby."

"As we shouldn't." He joked making me playfully roll my eyes.

"What you bring that up for anyway?"

"Cause I was thinking, I've never felt what I felt for you for her. I got love for her but that's all it is."

"You made your choice." I repeated shrugging.

"I'm rethinking that choice." He said looking directly in my eyes. "I should have spoken up."

"Yeah, you should have but-"

"But I'm speaking up now." He cut me off.

"What does that mean?" I asked confused.

"It means I thought my feelings went away but obviously they didn't, I'm-"

"Stop talking." I cut him off.

"That used to be our problem but it's not going to be anymore." And before I could say anything else he grabbed my face placing his lips on mine as my eyes went wide in surprise.

It didn't take me long to kiss back although I knew I shouldn't. How could something so wrong feel like it's right? This kiss was long overdue and we both knew it. I would regret it soon but right now I'm going to bask in the moment.

Snapping in reality my phone rung making me look down at the caller ID to see Janey calling, I shook my head grabbing everything without saying anything leaving him there confused.

"Hello?" I answered as I put the key through the hole.

"So somebody just told me you was out with Saymon, did you do that for me? Is he cheating?"

"He's not cheating." I lied in her face not even two minutes after we just shared the passionate kiss.

"Well I'm going to call him and tell him to come over, I'm going to show him why he shouldn't cheat." She said hanging up dead in my face as I shook my head.

I most definitely have to keep my distance from him now.
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