In his drunken stupor Max was having great difficulty remembering which Roto-Bus route would take them back to Smelly Pete's Tavern. "I thought it was line 71, but perhaps it was 23. I do tend to get those two numbers confused." 

"Yes, I can certainly see why," Zeke rolled his eyes. "Look, Maxwell, old buddy. Why don't we just ask the bus driver?" 

"Because we can't get to the bus driver. You know, security reasons and all. There's no way into the drivers seat from the bus itself. They have to enter through some secret portal known only to Roto-Bus drivers. Rumor has it it's located deep underground somewhere, but nobody knows for sure. You have to take a vow when you become a driver not to disclose its location to anybody." 

"What happens when a driver quits or retires?" Zeke asked. 

"They wipe their memories clean. They take this business very seriously." 

"I see," Zeke pondered. "Well, what are we going to do?" 

"Let's just get off at the next stop and maybe I can figure out where the hell we are." 

"Sounds good to me," Zeke conceded. 

They stepped off the bus and found themselves near a small park. The grass was a fiery red color and there was a large tree with eyeballs growing on its branches that seemed to follow them around as they walked. Zeke found it a bit creepy.  

A couple of young slugs sat on the park bench and made out with each other messily, accompanied by a nauseating slurping sound. Globs of slime dripped off them and splattered to the ground, leaving shiny puddles. 

"Man, let's get out of here," Zeke held his stomach queasily. 

"Sure thing, old buddy," Max replied. "Just give me a moment to get my bearings." 

"We've really gotta get these handcuffs off, too," Zeke complained. "All the other passengers on the Roto-Bus were staring at me like I was some sort of criminal." 

"And how do I know you're not a criminal, hmm?" Max asked. 

"I thought we established this already, Maxwell. I mean I thought we were buddies." 

"I still think it's possible that you're a vicious criminal element that needs to be locked away." 

Zeke gaped in astonishment. "What?" 

"Nah, I'm just kidding, buddy. You're okay. I'll undo the cuffs as soon as I locate the key. Unfortunately I'm still not sure where I left it. Come to think of it, it might still be sitting on my desk. Just relax. We'll get these things off eventually. In the meantime I've figured out where we are." 

"Really? Where?" 

"Somewhere in Quartzwater City," Max replied confidently. 

"That's just great. You always get my hopes up that you've got everything all figured out and then you just go ahead and state the obvious." 

"Well hey, that's an important distinction to make. For all we know that Roto-Bus could have dropped us off somewhere outside of city limits, but thanks to my keen insight I've narrowed our location down to a park somewhere within the city. That's a good start." 

Zeke glanced at the eyeball tree and let out an involuntary shudder. "Look, this park is giving me the creeps. Let's get out of here. Maybe if we encounter some major road you'll recognize where we are." 

"Very well," Max conceded. "Let's go this way." He pointed to a small path leading off to the left. He paused as they passed the two slugs who were still kissing sloppily on the park bench. "Hey, get a room you two! That's disgusting! Sheesh, the nerve of some people. In public no less." 

"Not to mention in front of that damn tree," Zeke looked at it warily. The eyeballs still seemed to be staring intently at him. 

They stepped off onto the path. It didn't appear to see much use, as it was narrow and beginning to get overgrown by vegetation. 

"Watch out, that's a bloodsucker in front of you," Max indicated a long reed plant with a needle-like tip that jutted out into the middle of the path. They steered to the other side of the path. It still attempted to pounce at them as they made their way past, but it missed by several inches. 

The vegetation continued to get thicker as they went along and soon they were pushing their way through some heavy vines. Zeke was about to suggest they turn around and go back for fear of encountering more bloodsuckers that they wouldn't be able to spot when they suddenly burst through into a clearing.  

A large tiger in a blue Hawaiian Shirt sat on a rock in the middle of the clearing. It stroked its chin with its paw and had a far away look in its eyes. It appeared to be deep in thought. 

"Hey there, my good sir," Max called out. "Might you be so kind as to tell us where we are?" 

The tiger gave a little jump and looked up, clearly startled. "Oh, hello there. Sorry I didn't see you. I was pondering something that I find somewhat troubling." 

"Oh yeah?" Zeke asked. "What are you pondering? Perhaps we could be of some assistance." 

"Well, you see I'm a geometrical constructionist." 

"What's that?" Zeke asked. 

"I make two-dimensional shapes and sell them to people. It's really quite a good living." 

"So what's troubling you, my good man?" Max asked. 

"Well, I wanted to start out simple so I made a circle. It only has one side, so it's fairly easy to make. I got pretty good at making circles so I focused in on that and turned a tidy profit. Well after awhile, it started getting boring so I thought I should challenge myself. I started making triangles and squares and pentagons and the like. Every time I mastered a new shape I'd add another side into the mix. I got up to thirty, forty, fifty-sided shapes and I started thinking about the logical extensions of this pursuit. Now I'm completely obsessed with the idea of making an infinitely-sided shape. I'm finding it rather unfathomable." 

"Thus is the nature of infinity," Max mused.  

"Do you have any of your shapes with you?" Zeke asked. 

"Sure," the tiger replied. "This is a sixty-two sided shape." It held up a large bright green polygon constructed out of some sort of sticks. They formed the outline of the shape while the center was empty space. "This here's a seventy-four sided shape," it held up another. "And this big guy I just finished is a ninety-one sided shape." 

"Hmm," Zeke pondered. "I may be crazy, but it seems like those shapes keep looking more and more like a circle as you add more sides." 

"What are you saying?" the tiger scoffed. "That if I get to infinity it's going to be a circle again? That's completely ridiculous. A circle has one side! How can it also have infinity?" 

"I don't know," Zeke shrugged. "I stopped taking math somewhere around college algebra. I'm just calling it like I see it." 

"It's like a wise man once said," Max chimed in. "Everything is one." 

The tiger pulled out one of its circles and compared it to the other shapes. "Hmm, you just might be onto something here. Thanks guys. Maybe now I'll start working on three-dimensional shapes. Speaking of dimensions..." 

"What about dementia?" Max sputtered indignantly. "Who said anything about that? I'll have you know my psychiatrist gave me a clean bill of health as long as I stay away from roosters!" 

"No, no," the tiger replied. "Dimensions. I thought I heard you inquiring as to your whereabouts earlier." 

"Oh. Yes. Yes we were," Max straightened his shirt collar and darted his eyes around. 

"Well, the Museum of Interdimensional Oddities is located on the other side of those bushes over there." 

"Yeah?" Max perked up. "I hear they've got a new exhibit that's supposed to magnify the intensity of your orgasms up to thirty times! I'd sure like to test that puppy out! What do you say, Zeke? Let's go!" 

"Shouldn't we be trying to figure out a way back to Smelly Pete's Tavern so we can meet up with Sarah?" 

"Yeah, yeah, but we can do that after we check the museum out. You ever been there? It's really cool!" 

"But Sarah's waiting for us..." 

"So? She can wait a little longer. Come on. It'll be fun! I promise!" 

"Well, okay, I guess." 

"That's the spirit!" Max said as he gave him a playful punch on the arm. 

They waved goodbye to the tiger and headed over towards the large bushes it had indicated. 

"You know," Zeke said. "Talking to that guy was pretty interesting. We probably just deduced something I'm sure actual mathematicians probably figured out hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago." 

"Either that or we're totally wrong and we just led the poor boy completely astray," Max replied. 

"Yeah, but what can you do?" Zeke shrugged.  

They pushed through the bushes and found themselves standing in front of a very strange looking building.

* * *

Dr. Jonas Wentworth rubbed his weary eyes and then ran a hand through his disheveled hair. He was on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion, but nonetheless a large grin of triumph spread across his face.  

"At last!" he exclaimed. "I've spent countless sleepless hours tinkering around, but now my monster is surely complete! There will be no more mishaps this time! That miserable wretch Octavius from down the street will fall to his knees and beg for mercy before the sheer evil and horror of my twisted creation!" He thrust his fists into the air and bellowed with evil laughter. 

"Sir?" Maurice tugged at his lab coat. 

"Yes, yes, what is it? I'm very busy gloating over my sheer evil genius." 

"I was just wondering what exactly you fixed in the monster?" 

"Ah yes," Dr. Wentworth patted Maurice on the back. "You have an inquisitive mind. That shows the makings of a true mad scientist. Someday, my son, if you study very, very hard you may, perhaps, come close to matching my extraordinary intellectual prowess. In the meantime I will teach you the ways of the master." 

"That's wonderful, sir, but could you please tell me what was wrong with the monster?" 

"Yes, yes of course, of course. It was quite a complicated operation. Lots of gears to turn and neural transmissions to fine tune. In the end, however, it turned out his sissy-meter was simply cranked too high. I went ahead and made the necessary adjustments and now the day of reckoning has arrived for a certain Oscar Octavius!" He burst out in another fit of evil laughter. 

"Hee hee," Maurice attempted to join in feebly. 

Dr. Wentworth stopped laughing abruptly and ran over to the lever on the wall. "Maurice! Put your goggles on and assume your position immediately! It is time to reactivate the monster! It's quite fortuitous that another storm is passing directly overhead at this very moment!" 

He counted slowly to three and then pulled the lever. Another bolt of lightning shot down and lit up the operating table where the monster lay. After a moment, it began to stir and slowly sat up. 

"That's it! Rise, my monster! Rise up and spread your savage horror upon all those fools who dare ridicule me!" 

The monster carefully raised itself to its feet. It examined its hands and paid particular attention to the long pointy claws extending from its fingers. It let out a vicious growl and then pawed at the air. 

"Excellent!" Dr. Wentworth shouted. "Display your unspeakable fury! Soon you will taste human flesh! And that despicable Octavius will curse the day he ever set foot in a laboratory!" 

The monster growled again and then settled into a soft purr. 

"No, what are you doing?" Dr. Wentworth clenched his hands in a flustered manner. "Less purring, more of that growling thing you were doing before. Remember? Growl growl?" 

The monster began humming a tune. Then it crossed its legs, stood on its tippy toes, raised its arms over its head in an arch, and executed a pirouette.  

"What the?" Dr. Wentworth sputtered. "What in Galileo's name is that?" 

"It looks like ballet," Maurice replied. "Swan Lake, if I'm not mistaken." 

The monster sidled gracefully across the room and then proceeded to balance on one leg while extending the other leg straight behind it. 

"Perhaps you turned the sissy-meter the wrong way," Maurice offered helpfully. 

Dr. Wentworth smacked his forehead and sighed loudly. "All those hours I could have been sleeping..." He made his way back to the drawing board, rested his head on top of it and immediately passed out.

* * *

Sarah tapped her toe impatiently and frowned angrily. "What the hell is taking them so long? Maybe they're passed out in the street. Stupid drunkards." 

She decided to go outside and investigate. She wandered clockwise around to the back of the building and almost stepped on the very same flower that Zeke had "watered" earlier. 

"Hey, watch it!" the flower shouted. 

Sarah looked down in surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you down there." 

The flower sighed audibly. "What's the big deal? Just because I'm short I'm not worthy of respect?" 

"I'm sorry," Sarah repeated. "Of course you're worthy of respect, sweetie. I'm just not used to looking down." 

"For the love of-" the flower groaned. "This is what I get for sprouting up next to a bar. I meet nothing but assholes. Like that guy who pissed all over me a little while ago, and that stupid frog he was with. I may be mistaken, but I think there's some sort of sexual tension between those two."  

"Did they say where they were going?" Sarah asked. 

"What the hell do I care?" the flower replied angrily. 

"Aw, come on. I'll make it up to you," Sarah said. "What do flowers like? Plant food?" 

"Personally I'm into cheese poofs," the flower sniffed. 

"All right, I'll try to find some for you. Now where did those two jackasses say they were going? 

"I don't know. Something about a date with destiny and then they took off down the street towards the Roto-Bus stop." 

"Those jerks!" Sarah fumed. "I can't believe they left without me! Well, no matter. I'll find this 'Skip' person myself if I have to. But I swear to god, the next time I see those guys I'm going to smack them silly." 

"Punch 'em both in the stomach once for me, will ya?" the flower asked.

* * *

Zeke's jaw fell open in spite of himself. What had initially appeared to be a small, box-like gray building began slowly increasing in size in front of his very eyes. Two massive stone pillars sprung up from the ground and began sprawling towards the sky. The building itself began elongating, stretching upwards, revealing a shiny glass façade. This too began moving upwards replaced by a patchwork design of wood, metal, and various open spaces. Before too long the top of the building had disappeared from view, up in the clouds somewhere and yet the structure continued to sprout upwards. Eventually a gargantuan face carved out of stone emerged from the ground and the growth came to an abrupt stop. An audible clunking noise filled the air as the carving's mouth slowly opened, revealing an entranceway. 

"What the hell is that?" Zeke finally had the presence of mind to speak. 

"The Museum of Interdimensional Oddities," Max replied. "Pretty neat, huh? Shall we go inside?" 

"Uh, sure," Zeke said. 

They paid the two strands of floss entrance fee and made their way inside. They were greeted by the sight of a warehouse sized room full of exhibits, most of which appeared to be interactive. 

They wandered up to a large metal box with a long focusing lens attached to it and a big red button. It had a sign that said "Space Reverser." 

"What's a space reverser?" Zeke asked. 

As if on cue, a small hamster with bat wings and a purple Hawaiian shirt came flapping up to them. "Hello, friends. Welcome to the Museum of Interdimensional Oddities. We feature strange and unusual artifacts from over three hundred dimensions. My name is Gustavus and I'm the curator here. Were you interested in checking out the space reverser today?" 

"What is it?" Zeke asked. 

"Well, if you push the red button and stand beneath the focusing lens it'll cause you to completely exchange your perceptions of empty space and solid matter. That is to say, everything around you that's solid, such as this building or the ground beneath your feet will convert to empty space while everything in the building that's not occupied by solid matter will itself become solid." 

"Hmm," Zeke pondered. "So it isn't deadly or anything when the very air around you turns solid?" 

"You forget your body will convert to space, allowing solid objects to pass harmlessly through you," Gustavus replied. 

"That's pretty interesting," Zeke said. "What else you got around here?" 

"Perhaps you might be interested in the Iota-Beast Simulator," Gustavus said, leading them to another exhibit. This one appeared to be some sort of circular device apparently meant to be worn over the head. 

"And what's this?" Zeke asked. 

"Why don't you put it on and find out," Gustavus suggested. 

"Well, okay," Zeke said as he slipped it over his head. It fit snugly and surrounded his field of vision completely. 

At first nothing happened but then Zeke found himself standing in the middle of a large gushing river. He looked down to see that his body was completely covered in thick red fur and he was much larger than he remembered, standing approximately eight feet tall. Without realizing what he was doing, he swatted at the water with a massive paw and emerged holding a slimy gray organism with numerous tentacles. Again somehow out of his conscious control, he shoved the still-twitching creature into his mouth and began to chew on it. It tasted disgusting. He tried his best to spit it out to no avail and was forced to endure every excruciating moment as he slowly chewed it up and swallowed it. 

"What the hell is going on here?" he thought to himself, unable to vocalize the words. 

"We believe you're inhabiting the body of an actual Iota-beast that lives in another dimension," he heard the museum curator's disembodied voice crackling in his ear. "This device allows you to go along for the ride, so to speak, as it goes about its daily activities. The specimen you're currently inhabiting is an adult female we've nicknamed 'Bessie.' Just relax and take in the spectacle." 

"Well, all right," Zeke thought uncertainly. 

Apparently Bessie had had her fill of food for the day as Zeke felt himself begin to lumber slowly towards the shore. Once there he shook himself dry and proceeded to curl up under a tree for a nap. 

"Well, this isn't too interesting," Zeke thought. 

Suddenly he heard a rustling off to the right accompanied by a loud growl. He felt himself perk up and wander over to investigate the noise.  

He saw another large beast covered in red fur with yellow spots on it. This one was even larger than he was, probably ten feet tall or so, and it had two massive horns growing out of the side of its head. It turned towards Zeke and eyed him with a somewhat threatening look. 

"What's going on now?" Zeke wondered. 

"Ah," he heard Gustavus buzz in his ear. "You've just encountered a male Iota-Beast. We've named this one 'Rocky.' Oh, by the way, I should probably warn you, it's mating season in their world right now." 

"What?" Zeke asked incredulously as he felt the large male beast grab hold of him roughly, toss him to the ground and begin to mount him. "Turn this thing off! Hurry up! For the love of god!" 

"Okay, just hold tight." He heard a crackling sound and then the scenery around him changed to complete blackness. He felt the device lifted from his head and found himself back in the museum. 

"Welcome back, Zeke old pal," Max greeted him with a smile. "We were watching the whole thing on this little screen here. Damn, buddy, you bolted right when you were about to get some action." 

"Yeah, well considering how visceral the whole eating phenomenon was, I don't think I really needed to experience savage alien sex." Zeke felt rather sobered up after that whole experience. "What else you got around this place anyway?" 

"Well, over here we have some strange artifacts that we can't really determine what they're used for. Obviously the products of an extremely primitive society." He indicated a glass case filled with what appeared to be numerous postage stamps from the good old United States of America. 

"Uh, I think those are from my home world," Zeke said. 

"Really?" Gustavus asked excitedly. "This is astonishing! Do you know what they do?" 

"Yeah, you have to use those things to send mail." Seeing the blank looks on Gustavus and Max's faces he attempted to elaborate. "You know, transport stuff from one place to another." 

"Fascinating," Gustavus whistled. "And how precisely do these transport males around? Do you have a different device for females?" 

"Not males," Zeke corrected. "Mail. You know, like written communication and stuff? Well, mostly it's all junk and bills, but you know what I mean. Don't you have mail?" 

"No, we mostly prefer to talk in person. But I'm still confused as to how these things manage to transport 'mail' around. Do they disassemble the particles and reassemble them at the desired destination?" 

"Uh, not really," Zeke said. "Actually somebody physically transports it from one location to another. You just stick these things on to show that you've paid for the service." 

"Why don't you just pay the guy directly to take them over?"  

"Look, it's very complicated," Zeke replied defensively. "You don't even see him half the time, you just leave it in a box and he comes and collects it." 

"What's to keep other people from collecting it instead? For that matter why don't you just carry it yourselves? It seems like there's a whole unnecessary middleman here. You must all be very rich to afford such a silly extravagance." 

"I don't really want to get into this," Zeke sighed. "Can we look at something else?" 

"Hey Zeke, I think I might have figured out the answer to our handcuffs problem," Max called out as he picked up a small laser-like device from a nearby table.  

He pointed it at Zeke and a large beam of light washed all over him. Both of Zeke's arms dropped off his body and fell to the floor, one of them still clinging to Max via the handcuffs. Then his legs detached themselves, causing Zeke's torso to collapse to a heap on the ground surrounded by his separated limbs. He let out a scream of sheer horror and passed out.