The lair was empty, the only signs of life an abandoned pizza box and the candles glowing faintly in Splinter's sanctuary behind the dojo. Without the rumble of the highway beneath my feet, I felt off-balance, askew, unnatural. Almost a year on the road had made the adjustment to normal, non-nomadic life long.

We'd shown up two days ago, introducing Felix and Ice Cream Kitty to one another and rejoicing when the two seemed to bond. A quick visit to Raph and R/G's hotel let us see just how successful Mikey's brother and his girlfriend were turning out to be. A small hello to R/G's mother, and a shared tear over the unknown whereabouts of D/G's father, and then it was off to Donnie's. Where the counters weren't piled high with notes, binders, and textbooks, there were increasingly large stacks of onesies, infant shoes, and swaddling blankets. D/G looked no different when she'd left, apart from the glow of pregnancy - frazzled, exhausted, and just as immensely happy as her lover.

From there, it was over to Leonardo's place, with a bowl of fresh-made soup. The chemo was having rough effects on L/G, and most of the day was spent swaddling her in blankets, rubbing her back, and fetching the trash can when another bout of nausea racked her. Leo was depressed, his eyes downcast, and his katanas were collecting dust in their hall closet.

It seemed that with Mikey's recent absence, Donnie's approaching fatherhood, and Leo's nursing of L/G, Raph was the only one getting out to patrol the city regularly.

The reuniting with his family had put Mikey into deep thought, particularly over the topic of moving from steady relationship to the end zone. The talk of the new addition to the Hamato family wasn't helping my case - I knew Mikey loved kids, and having one of his own would be a dream come true for him. Though, again, I could never imagine myself being a wife or mother in the future.

Nor could I imagine Michelangelo changing diapers or standing at the altar in a tux.

I stirred the tea in my mug, sleep evading me for the second night. My name had gone higher on the list of consideration at Juliard, and now that I was back in the city, I was applying for jobs as a dance teacher. The thought of schooling on top of marriage and children only made the future more daunting for me.

"Hey, you're still up?" I heard Mikey's voice call to me, still ragged from the sleep that hadn't yet worn off of him.

I hummed in affirmation, keeping my gaze focused on the herbs and honey floating about in the lukewarm water. "I'll be back in a sec," I assured, "Go back to sleep."

"Nah, I'm not all that tired, anyways," he lied, yawning as he plopped onto the couch beside me, reaching over to twirl some strands of my hair around his fingers. "What's skakin', bacon?"

I laughed halfheartedly, glancing up at his baby blues, wondering if I could devote myself to him forever, like he wanted. "Not a ton, Cinnabon."

"Liar," he accused, pulling me close and nuzzling into my neck, breathing in my smell. "You're still upset about what I said."

He didn't need to mention specifics. He knew me too well. 

"I'm not upset."

He kissed my shoulder, smirking in the slightest while he brought my mug to his lips and stole a sip of my tea. Our shared laugh echoed through the living room, falling back to dreary quietness while we contemplated where we were. 

"I can't see myself holding a baby," he admitted, reading my thoughts. "I don't think I'd be a #1 Dad. Or a #1 Husband."

"That's not true," I tried to console, "You're not the reason I don't want... that."

"It's true though." He let out an amused chuckle. "Could you imagine me doing what Don's doing? Putting together cribs, reading baby books, freaking out over preschools?"

"You're right, because you'd never be as panicked as Don."

He sighed, leaning against me and staring at the blank TV. "Can you see me providing? Like... making money, putting together a house for us? I know Raph and R/G aren't married, but they're practically that way, the way they act. He runs the hotel, protects the city, comes home to her with a big smile..."

"He's your brother, not you."

His voice had turned to a whisper. "If things went wrong, if our kid got sick... or something happened to you. I couldn't do what Leo's been doing. I couldn't help you, or our kid, or..."

"I'm in love with you, not Leo." I pried his head toward me, pressing my lips to mine chastely. "We're not our family. We're us -- Mikey and Y /N. And I don't want a relationship like Raph's got, or love like Leo has, or a kid like Donnie will have... I want you. Just you. That will always be enough for me."

"God, what did I do to get you?" He tightened his hold on me, hiding his tears with the kisses he sprinkled on my cheeks.

"Nothing. You did nothing," I stated, "You just were. You were you, and I was me, and we just... fit. Without any rings or babies. Our love isn't normal, and that's just the way I like it."