Chapter Nineteen

Hallie

What was one supposed to wear when out to dinner with an ex-lover? TJ and I promised Sloan we'd try keeping the peace. For Steve, we had all agreed to leave the past in the past. It still hurt knowing that TJ moved on so easily to another life by assuming the worst in me. It wasn't that simple. Just like trying to be friends again wouldn't be.

While the revenge dress was the plan while on vacation, I didn't have it in me to care anymore. TJ wasn't looking at me. I wasn't looking at him. I chose some light-washed jeans, a navy petal-sleeved blouse, and some light-brown leather heels. I left my hair down—loose and wavy. Jewelry was never really my thing, but I changed my nose hoop out for a gold stud with a single clear rhinestone. My plan was to pair it with a golden chained necklace, but I couldn't find it. Usually, this meant that I'd tucked it somewhere when stress-cleaning. And that meant it was in a drawer somewhere.

I pulled open the top drawer of my dresser, usually reserved for my lingerie, and stuck my hand in to explore the bottom. No gold chain, but my fingers clutched an envelope that had me smiling. Pulling it free, I saw my name written in Steve's terrible handwriting. Even though I remembered what it said, I still felt the need to reread it.

Hallie,

First, I need to say that I'm writing to all of you, and I need you to pass Sloan off her envelope when the time is right. She's going to need you, Hal. And I need you to be strong for her when I cannot be. It's going to be rough for a while, but we both know she can do it. She can get through the pain and find her light again. Maybe it's with her cooking, maybe it's with another man—and that's when you'll know it's time for her envelope. He has got to be the one, Hal. When she finds the guy who treats her the way she was always meant to be treated, the one who makes her want a family and encourages her to follow her dreams. She's going to be scared to move on, and I'm going to tell her it's okay.

To you, Hallie, I need you to know that I couldn't have gone this long without you. You have tended to my every need when I never asked you to. Thank you for taking that burden off of Sloan. No one has a heart like yours, and it's something I always wished for. You are all things love, and grace, and good. Any patient of yours in the future is lucky to have you as their nurse. And that's why you need to know that you deserve so much better than the life you've had so far. I understand TJ hurt, and I'm sorry I told Sloan before you. He will always be a part of your life, but he was never your one...

Never settle for a man who wouldn't come to your rescue. One who wouldn't wear his heart on his sleeve for you. One who would want to change you. He needs to embrace every bit of you... the wild Hallie... the loving Hallie... and the one who loves spilling other's secrets while keeping hers close to her heart. He's the guy you can tell those to, and you should.

Love you, Hal.

-Steve

Tears swept down my cheeks. I brushed them away and stood, tucking the letter back in its envelope. It always hurt to read, but something told me Steve needed me to find it tonight. I put the letter back into the drawer, spotting my gold chain as I did. What was it about the top drawer that it always became the hiding spot for things we cherished?

"You look nice." Mikah observed as he entered the room, looking good himself in jeans and a white Faith No More concert tee. "Where are you off to tonight? A date?"

While he played off that question as if he was joking, it felt like he genuinely wanted to know. Dating right now would feel... weird. Was he open to going on dates? We'd set this up as a friends with benefits deal, but lately, it felt like more than that. With Sloan busy starting a family, Mikah had become even more than a best friend. I had feelings in my stomach that wanted to pull him by his tee and put his stupid lips on mine. And if that happened, there would be no going back. I knew it was more than a crush, but if he kissed me the way I ached for him to, that was something more. Something I didn't know if I was ready for again, because of...

"TJ," I said, holding up my necklace as a wordless ask for help in putting it on.

I saw it. The flash on his face that said he didn't want me to date either. There was relief with it, but it also scared me. TJ was the very reason I didn't want to feel like this. TJ made me not want to love again.

"I thought he was married?" Mikah asked, looking at his phone to pretend this dinner wasn't bothering him.

"He is. It's not a date. It's dinner."

"Sounds like a date."

"What do you keep in the top drawer of your dresser?" I asked, changing the subject.

Mikah lifted his head, puzzled. "Uh, boxers?"

"Under those," I specified. "And are you going to help me put this necklace on or not?"

With an eye roll, his phone was tucked into his back pocket. He took the necklace and placed it around my neck as I lifted my hair. He clasped the chain, allowing it to drape over my collarbone. And even though the task was done, his fingertips brushed my skin, following the gold string as he did. My head tilted with his movement at the same time my heart beat in my chest. I wanted to skip dinner and keep his hands on me. But they didn't stay, and with the loss of his touch, I frowned.

"Would you like to see what's under my boxers, Hallie?"

We both laughed as I shook my head yes. I was always up for that—and so was he. Instead of doing what we both wanted, he took my hand in his and led me to his room. The light was turned on and revealed our swing still hanging from the ceiling. We walked around it to stand beside his dresser. The top drawer was pulled open, and he waved for me to look. My hand was released from his hold.

"It's only fair since I got a peek at your closet."

That was very true and made this feel less invasive. After he gave me another assured nod, I pushed his boxers to one side, finding very few items. It was mostly pictures. I picked up the stack, looking through them one by one. Pictures from when he, Ollie and Kit were kids. Pictures of his parents—I was seeing his dad for the first time. I especially loved the pictures of him when he was younger and dorkier. There were a few guitar picks from concerts he'd attended. It was when I shifted the boxers to the other side I found something that made me wish I'd never asked. And Mikah took a heavy breath after seeing it himself.

"It's pretty." I eyed the gorgeous diamond set on a white gold hoop. "Do you and Shelby still talk?"

His head shook. "Not really."

That was a relief. I closed the drawer, not wanting to see it. It was the first time I felt jealous of another girl with Mikah. The thought of them together with that ring on her finger made me nauseous, and the thought of him storing it in his top drawer had me in a sweat.

"I'm going to be late for dinner," I said, wanting out of the room. "TJ is probably wondering where I am."

My arm was grabbed before I could get to the door, and I was pulled back to Mikah. "Let him wonder a few more minutes."

I wanted him. His breathing told me he wanted me just as badly. "Mikah, I was supposed to be downstairs ten minutes ago."

"We don't have time to play," he agreed. "But I have something in mind."

He walked me backwards until my legs hit the bed. With a small push, he had me on my back. A sexy grin appeared as he unbuttoned my jeans and shimmied them and my thong off until they were bunched at my knees. He pushed my knees until they were at my chest and then moved his hands to the back of my thighs to hold them in place. My pussy was fully exposed and already wet. When his tongue took me, I gripped his hair in my fist and the same way I always did when I wanted to keep him there, but his head shook no as his eyes teased me from between my legs.

"I had to make sure you were wet enough."

"For?" I asked, breathy.

Mikah moved to the bedside table, muttering about how I'd chosen the wrong drawer to investigate. A box was pulled from it and the drawer was shut again. When Mikah ripped the box open, a string of silicone balls fell into his awaiting hand.

"We are going to make sure your mind is elsewhere tonight, Tipsy."

I'd tried ben-wah balls before after the hype of "Fifty Shades of Gray". They did little for me. But there was a different excitement this time as Mikah put each ball into his mouth to wet them before using them to tease my entrance. He rolled them along my slit. I moaned with each of the three balls being pushed deeper into my pussy. When he had them where he wanted them, he flicked my clit a few more times with his tongue while tugging at the string. The tease was working me up. I wanted to say fuck the dinner and let him keep doing this, but his mouth left me so he could stand.

His dimples caved at the sight of me. "Enjoy dinner with TJ."

This was going to be the longest meal of my life.

***

TJ ordered my Washington Apple and had it ready at the table when I arrived. It only took ten minutes of awkward conversation for it to disappear. Both of us were eager for another drink while trying to decide what to eat.

"You obviously eat here more than I do." TJ surveyed the menu. "What is good?"

"Well, Sloan is making it..."

"Fair point." TJ shut the menu, knowing like me that anything Sloan made was delicious.

TJ chose a bourbon and rosemary glazed chop while I opted for my favorite lobster mac. Dinner was on the chef tonight, and I was really hoping that included the bar tab. If the server didn't come back soon for the next drink order, I was going to take matters into my own hands and flag Tyler down. And when I peered at the bar to do exactly that, it wasn't Tyler I found.

Mikah was working the bar on his night off?

He looked me directly in the eyes as he filled drinks for the patrons sitting in front of him. His wink made me weak. He'd painted my cheeks pink with just a look. The room felt like a sauna.

TJ looked over his shoulder and back at me. "How long have you two been dating?"

I picked an ice cube out of my glass and slumped in my chair. "We aren't."

He laughed. "Hallie... I know you better than that. Give me a little credit."

"We aren't dating."

"Ah." TJ picked up his drink and looked over his shoulder again. "Well, he's jealous right now. So, it's more than what you're insinuating."

"Can we not..." I put my head in my hands and rubbed at my temples. "Not talk about my sex life, please?"

"It's fine, Hal. You know mine."

"How could I forget?" I picked a new piece of ice to crunch between my teeth. With Mikah's eyes on me, and the infuriation that TJ's wife brought out of me, I was in a sweat.

I was thankful when the server arrived with two drinks that we hadn't even ordered yet. When the server mentioned mine was now a double, I knew they were from Mikah. I mentally thanked him when taking multiple sips of the sweet drink.

"Hallie, I don't want either of us to dwell on all the crap we've already gone through. We are past the sorries. It has been years. I know us, and we are better than this. We can be civil. I realize it won't be the friendship we had before, and that's a bummer, because if you miss it half as bad as I do, it's a hell of a lot. Especially when missing Steve."

It was crazy how much older TJ looked. How much older I felt. Clearly, we were more mature now than we were then. He was right to admit we will never have a friendship like we did before. It was long gone. But we could try to have one as adults. It was me who made the first mistake with him, and while I wanted to explain that to him, there would never be a time when I felt ready for that. Telling Mikah had nearly broken me the other night.

"I think we can find a friendship that works for us," I said, picking up my glass and hovering it over the table. "For Sloan?"

TJ tapped his drink against mine before we both pressed the glasses to our lips. The drink never made it to my mouth. Whiskey covered my hand and the tablecloth as I forced myself to bite my tongue and not moan. The ben-wah balls... they were... vibrating.

"Are you okay?" TJ asked.

No! I was anything but okay. I was saying yes and feeling swirls of pleasure between my legs at the same time. Mikah's smirk from the bar as he held his phone was a proud one. The balls buzzed slowly within me and would steadily increase in vibration. He had control of them... and me.

I picked up my drink again and downed it. Then I reached for my water to steal more of its ice. Mikah continued toying with me, lowering and increasing the vibration at random times, making them jolt inside of me. After a minute of listening to TJ talk about how busy his store had been this week, and him asking me about school, I thought I had the strength to tolerate the vibration. That was until one ball found its way to another. The combination of them clanking against each other was too much.

I stood from the table. "I have to use the restroom," I said, tossing the napkin from my lap to my open chair. "Be right back."

My head shook at Mikah as I made a beeline for his bar. I saw his thumb swirling on his screen as I rushed past him and pushed my way through the swinging door. Multiple staff stopped what they were doing to stare in my direction. Including Sloan.

"What are you doing?" she asked, stepping away from whatever she was plating. "Hal, are you okay? Everything good with TJ?"

"Yeah." My head bobbed. "I just need to use your freezer real quick."

I didn't wait for her answer. I opened the door to it and stepped inside, finding myself in a chilled room with shelves of unprepared food. I paced as the balls continued their dance, trying breathing techniques that made me sound like I was in labor.

"What you do to piss her off now?" Sloan asked from outside the door.

"Nothing. I've got her." I heard Mikah's voice, and it was the one fucking name I wanted to cry out right now.

He sure as hell did. He entered the room with his phone still in hand. We locked eyes, and I came hard and fast, damn near dropping to my knees as I did. I clutched the first shelf I could and cried out. The balls kept vibrating through the orgasm and already had me set for another. I was sensitive as hell and had no way of stopping it.

Mikah grabbed my hand for the second time tonight and pulled me up and out of the freezer, back through the hectic kitchen, past one very confused Sloan who was going to have a lot of questions for me tomorrow, and through another door. We were in the linens room. Shelves of black table clothes and napkins, and towels for the kitchen and bar were neatly folded on shelves around us and above a washer and dryer.

"Mikah, turn them off." I huffed, beginning my pacing again. "I'm too sensitive."

Remaining playful, his head shook no. He directed me by my hips until my back was against the door. His hands started wandering their way up my body until his hand was around my throat, the same spot where his mouth latched.

"I'm going to come," I warned him, feeling his hand tighten. The sensation made even wetter.

His head shook against my jaw. "Not yet," he whispered.

He let go of my neck, dropping his hand back to my stomach. I tried to hold back the orgasm like he wanted, knowing I was failing. He had all the control, and I was weak. His hand drifted to my jeans, where he rubbed me through them.

"I feel how wet you are, Tipsy. Is it for me or him?"

I whimpered, wanting him right where he was touching. I was soaking my damn jeans for him, and he was very much aware. His cock was stiff and pressed against my leg. He applied more pressure, pushing the denim further into my slit.

"Hallie?" he asked again, this time in a firmer tone that demanded an answer to his question.

"You."

"Me what?"

I could barely talk. All I could do was focus on his fingers. "I'm soaked for you."

He smiled against my neck. "Tell me what you want, Hallie."

"You," I said again, practically begging. I took his cock in my hand through his pants and squeezed it until he hissed. "I want this."

It happened so fast. Mikah dropped to his knees to unbutton my pants and drop them to my feet. I kicked them away as he started on his own, unfastening his belt with one hand, and using the other to play with my pussy. That's when he found the string to the balls and yanked them free.

Another orgasm hit me. I had to bite Mikah's shoulder to stop my scream from being heard by everyone in a kitchen that was filled with noise already. The toy was tossed to the ground. Mikah placed a hand behind each of my thighs, lifting me up in the air and putting my back on the door again. His cock was swift to take me, and I was still pulsing from the last orgasm.

"Mikah..." I moaned into his neck. I had my arms wrapped around his shoulders as he lifted and dropped me at the same time he was thrusting his hips into me.

"Come, Hallie. I want you to come."

I pressed my forehead to his, locking eyes with him for the umpteenth time tonight. He was close enough to kiss, and fuck, I wanted to. But I knew better. Instead, I pressed my lips to his jaw, feeling it flex as I rode him. When Mikah cried out from his orgasm, that's when I lost all control. My body shook in his hold. My scream was muffled by his hand. Wave after wave of warmth surged through me.

"Jesus," he whispered, allowing me to drop back to my feet.

I could not have said that better myself. It was the best sex we'd had yet, and I didn't think that was possible. My knees continued to shake and threaten to give out from under me, causing Mikah to hold me by elbows to keep me upright. When I gazed up at him to thank him, he smiled in a way that made my heart want to jump out of my damn chest.

"How's that date going, Tipsy?"

How could he be so hot, charming, and annoying at the same time?

And why did I have to like it this much?