Sorry i haven't posted anything in a really long time (rant wise) I've been trying to think of something i could talk about and actually keep on about it like i usually do but i never could. And today i started thinking of it..

So i decided to give you guys/girls an update on J. Have things gotten better between you two? It's gotten worse. Is there anything you can do about it? Not a damn thing... So last week i realized why me and J haven't "hung out" in so long... He's been avoiding me. Remember Ash? If you don't then go back and read my other books that were before this one. They've been hanging out a lot lately. Like at lunch and during Chemistry they started sitting together and all that shit. So i tested him the other morning. They usually hang out there too. I went and started talking to Ash. We talked the entire time and i could see J out of the corner of my eye and he kept looking over at us. But he never came. So tested it again today at lunch. And it was me and Ash and we were talking just like last time... but today he came up and he started talking to Ash and am I would say something you would just ignore me kind of like he does in class like whenever I ask a question to him or to anybody he has this habit of ignoring me completely. And really if someone wants to ask me how I felt about him now I wouldn't know what to say. He was my best friend for a straight 5 years and I don't want to say that I forgot about him and then I'm done with him because if he did come up to me and talk to me about what's going on and we fixed it then I might take him back as a best friend again. but as of right now I don't think I'm going to do anything about it because Aldi's months have passed by and I've tried so hard just to get over him and I was so nervous when school started because I didn't know if I could deal with the fact that I had to see him everyday but now that it's been 2 months already have school it's gotten so much easier and it still hurts butt every day that he ignores me it kind of gets better because now I don't have to worry about if we're ever going to be friends again I don't have to worry about if what I'm doing is making him mad I'm not dependent on him I'm turning into my own person and I like that. And the ironic part about that is I never thought there was any way in hell that I would be able to go without him I always thought that I would always need him by my side and I always thought he would always be there is he told me that but everything happens for a reason and hopefully this is just a phase hopefully I can move on from this and learn from it and what I've learned the most is not everyone's going to be around yeah you might go through 5 years of shit with one person just to have it all crash down and burn but in the end...it's almost worth it. It's worth going through all that with one person for all these years instead of being alone it's worth the sleepless nights the worrying it's worth it. And like I said everything happens for a reason and if it wasn't for everything that I've been through with this person and if it wasn't for me having this heartbreak that I've had for so long about him I wouldn't be able to help the others that are struggling or that have struggled through the same thing that I have or that I am I wouldn't be who I am today. Yeah I want to know why he stopped talking to me I want to know why he just walked away without saying a damn word butt I'm glad he's gone and if he came back I would know how to not push him away but keep him at arm's distance to where I still depend on myself instead putting everything around him. So in conclusion of this update about him I'm doing a lot better than what I used to be doing and I guess you can say that I'm kind of sort of evolving into my own person and I'm learning to depend on myself and get myself through stuff. are the people who actually took the time to read all this I want to thank you for staying for so long and reading it I know this is a lot and I've just had a lot on my mind here lately. I also hope this helps you in some sort of way or reassures you that's in the end everything's going to be okay. it might not seem like it now but eventually I promise it will.

Till Next Time...
-R

I didn't type any of this all this was spoken hand the Google app wrote it for me so if there's any grammar problems or a part of the Masons just trying to make the best of it and hopefully I can find all the mistakes and fix them and again thank you for reading