48
**Trigger Warning**
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It didn't hurt anymore. Everything stopped. Everything was quiet, let had a certain quality of volume to it. The silence was loud, deafening. Alone. That's what this was, loneliness. But it was over, it would all end, or it had already ended. There was an element of peace in that.
This was death then? This emptiness...this loneliness... Would have thought there would at least be someone familiar, like his mother. Someone had said she was dead too hadn't they? But the memory of anyone saying that was gone all except for the thought of the words.
"She told me to."
What was that? Who was saying that? The voice echoed around the blank space. The breaking of the silence almost felt good. Like coming out of a dark, seemingly endless tunnel.
"I needed the money, he'll say the same. I don't know why he did, but I was going to starve, I had to."
The voice echoed hollowly, like a ghost, maybe it was a ghost, just a wandering spirit. But the voice felt very real in a way.
"It was all about the money. I did whatever she asked. If I didn't, she'd call the police, and I would be on the street anyway. She held my life on a tether."
Who was this? There shouldn't be anything, should there? Should there? This place was too empty to have anyone actually here.
"She knew how he was, she knew how to make him act. He could never watch anyone get hurt, he had more of a sense of...humanity then we all did. He would step in, and for that, he would be punished, Park only needed an excuse. I didn't know that was why at the time, all I cared about was myself, I didn't see the harm, I thought it was just to bully him, because I thought she was hurt about her father's death."
Park? What was their names? It was Park, right? Mrs. Park, Dr. Park... Park Jimin. What about Park Jimin? Wasn't there someone named Park Jimin? Didn't I know someone named Park Jimin? What does that mean? 'I' don't exist anymore.
"I don't think she did. After all this bullsh*t, I think it was a front, and I'm Sure Dr. Park must have known, why would he do this otherwise? He killed the biggest piece of evidence, he killed the one person that could point it out, he made sure he couldn't talk, that he would never talk, and if that doesn't sell my damn point, you're all thick and stupid. You watched him die, you all did, if you want to believe somehow Taehyung did that to himself, I've lost faith in humanity."
Taehyung? Taehyung... I know that name too. I know that voice too. Min Yoongi. The court, I remember the court, dying on the floor, Jimin yelling at me, crying. Everyone was crying. Jimin, Jungkook, Kyung-mi, Mrs. Park, Hana, Seokjin...
The silence around was filled with a rhythmic sound that seemed much like a bass drum, over and over, two at a time, it sounded like a heartbeat. It was loud, like it was right in his ear.
Heartbeat? Is that my heartbeat? Am I alive? How could I be alive? I thought... I thought... That can't be...I couldn't have survived that, that's near impossible...I couldn't ever be that lucky, I've never been that lucky.
Then the pain came back, all the pain he'd stopped feeling when he'd closed his eyes came back and hit him like a freight train. I have to be alive then, nothing could hurt like this except living. But I like the pain. If it means living, I'd rather feel pain.
"He's responding! Keep going!"
If he wasn't dead, then maybe... Maybe it didn't have to be like this, maybe no one had to cry either. Maybe I won't--. Maybe everyone can be happy... Maybe this won't be good-bye, I could see them again, be with all of them again. If they can smile, if it'll fix it, than I want to live, I don't want to die, I'm scared of dying, I don't like this loneliness, It's worse than the hospital, it's worse than the white room.
Wake up, Taehyung! Damn it, Taehyung, wake up!
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"The empty gray streets, it's so empty. Feeling blue, I opened the glass window. Rain drops fall into my hands..."
~Rain-Taeyeon
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Taehyung opened his eyes, slowly, not sure what he was going to see. Somehow he expected to see nothing at all. But he saw a ceiling, a big crack running in the paint that looked kind of like a cupcake or a muffin.
He felt incredibly weak, everything hurt, he barely managed to turn his head, but decided he had to when he heard sniffling and shaky breaths to his left. Someone's crying, maybe two people, the way it sounds.
He was right, looking over, he could see Jimin and Jungkook sitting in chairs by the couch Taehyung was lying on. Jimin had a hand over his eyes, his body shaking, bottom lip quivering and tears running down his face. Jungkook had his face angled up toward the ceiling, both hands over his face, his crying quiet except for an occasional sob and the amount his body was heaving.
Taehyung licked his lips. What was I thinking? How could I do this to them? How could I think this would be okay as long as Dr. Park couldn't get away with it? He'd forgotten, somehow, about how Jimin would feel, how Jungkook would feel-- how everyone would feel with him dead. No one won.
"J--" Taehyung started, his voice hoarse and weak. Then he broke into a coughing fit.
He watched as both of them looked, for a split second with wide, red eyes and eyes still glossy with tears, then they both came at him and hugged him tight.
Jimin seemed to be beyond words, just hugging as tight as he could, which didn't help Taehyung's coughing, but hearing Jimin still hiccuping and sobbing, Taehyung didn't mind.
Jungkook didn't squeeze as tight, but he was gripping Taehyung's shirt probably as tight as he could, his hands and his whole body shaking.
"T-Taehyung, I th-thought... We all Th-thought... Taehyung, I thought you'd never wake u-up," Jimin choked out, not letting go as if he was scared Taehyung wouldn't stay if he let go. "I-I thought you were dead, I th-thought I was going to l-lose my brother, I thought e-everyday was going to f-feel empty, I thought...I thought there w-would be a funeral, th-that everything would be a m-memory..."
"Jimin-ah..." Taehyung started, even though he'd stopped coughing, his throat was now constricted with tears, it was hard to talk, and even from his voice, the way it dipped down an octave, anyone could tell he was trying hard not to cry, but it wasn't really working, a few tears spilling down his face despite that. "It's alright...It would have been okay..."
"No, it f*cking wouldn't!" Jimin said, letting him out of the hug, and Jungkook let go of him too. Jimin seemed suddenly angry by his tone of voice, but still crying. "You're family, Taehyung! I hated myself so f*cking much for just letting them take you, I hated that I was related to that bastard that took you, I hated what I heard he did to you." Jimin grabbed Taehyung's arm just holding it out so Taehyung could see. "Don't you see what he did to you? You're going to tell me it would have been okay? Look at all your damn bruises, Taehyung! Look how thin you are, look at your hands and how stained red they are! Damn it, Taehyung, do you know how much it hurt to see you like this? To see you having a spasm on the floor? To see blood pouring out of your mouth? To watch someone carry your still body out while they tell everyone you had a less than 3% chance of living? Do you know how much that hurt? And you say it was going to be okay...?" Jimin had started yelling, but ended in a whisper, the tears coming back already.
Taehyung couldn't remember a spasm, or any blood beyond a trickle, that must have happened after he blacked out. He looked at his arms, seeing exactly what Jimin was talking about, bruises--probably from all that fighting back he'd done at the hospital, or how pushy they were with him, just shoving him wherever and whenever, usually into things, or their rough grips when they held him down to take pills. He could see exactly how thin he was too, he'd refused to eat there, but they hadn't fed him either today or yesterday.
"I-I'm sorry...." Taehyung started, tears flooding his vision.
"Taehyung, don't apologize." Jimin said, wiping tears off his face. "I'm sorry. We're all sorry we couldn't do anything to prevent this, you can't be sorry too." Jimin smiled a little.
The room was silent for a second--or at least nobody in it was talking, but behind him, he could hear voices still. Sounded like Mr. Lee's voice, and Yoongi's, and that other lawyer, Mr. Kwon.
Looking behind himself he saw a TV, showing a fairly good quality image of the courtroom from a corner in the very back. It isn't over, they're still--.
"Mrs. Park wanted to finish this either way." Jungkook said, his voice small and quiet. "She wanted to prove you weren't crazy and that you were innocent anyway, it turned into a case about proving Dr. Park's guilt..."
Taehyung watched the screen, seeing Min Yoongi sitting at the stand he'd nearly died in. Mr. Kwon grilling him on several points, seeming to try to get a reaction out of Yoongi, but Yoongi just looked disgusted.
"That's a whole load of bullsh*t, and you know it. He's locked in a room 24 hours a day, he couldn't have overdosed by himself, moron." Yoongi was saying, not even bothering to speak formally, and with satoori anyway.
Mr. Kwon cleared his throat, "He could have saved up the pills they gave h--."
"And that erases that he wasn't being given medication but a deadly drug, than? All the under the table money? Wow, you're so smart." Yoongi said fake applauding.
Taehyung stopped looking at Yoongi and Mr. Kwon and drew his attention to the prosecution side, where everyone he knew was. They all looked empty, sad, just there and dealing with being there. None of them know I'm alive...
Jimin exclaimed suddenly, making Taehyung turn away from the screen. "We've got to tell them, they all still think you're dead!" Jimin turned and ran out of the room before either Jungkook or Taehyung could have anything to say about it, being too excited to be stopped.
That left Jungkook and Taehyung in the room by themselves.
Jungkook smiled a little at how excited Jimin was, then sat back in the seat by the couch Taehyung was on, biting his lip before making eye contact with Taehyung, though Taehyung had been looking the whole time. Then, the room was filled with an awkward silence, the two of them just staring. I don't know what to say, should I say anything?
Jungkook opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but right around then, the door opened and Jimin was standing in the doorway, looking behind himself and talking to someone.After a moment of quiet convincing, a face peeked out from behind Jimin, and next moment, they were charging at Taehyung to give him a hug. A unbelievably tight hug that felt warm and cozy.
"Hana..." Taehyung started, stroking her hair softly as she continued to squeeze him, her body starting to shake with tears. "Hana, it's alright, Jagiya, it's alright." She couldn't hear him, and she wasn't looking, but for a moment he forgot she was deaf. He kissed the top of her head and just held her for a while, closing his eyes as he smelled her sweet strawberry scented shampoo in her hair.
I missed you so much. Everything about you, your eyes, your scent, your nose, your giggle, your lips, your touch...My angel. My precious angel. He didn't want to let go, he just wanted to hug her.
But eventually, Hana pulled back, and Taehyung opened his eyes to find her staring at him with tears running down her face, so he cupped her face and wiped a few tears with his thumb. Don't cry, Hana. Don't cry...
"I was so scared." Hana was mouthing. "All the blood, I thought..." Hana started sobbing, so much so she was hardly breathing, hiccuping and shaking as she squeezed a small stuffed animal Taehyung hadn't realized she had. A lion. That lion the little girl had given to him, the one from those first few days with the Park family, the one Kyung-mi had ripped the stuffing out of--someone had fixed it.
Taehyung licked his lips. They all care. How could I think they never did? How could I think this was a lie? He leaned forward and kissed Hana's lips, gently pulling her toward him.
Jimin cleared his throat and Taehyung stopped, his face feeling hot, probably from blushing. "Damn, Taehyung, we're still in the room, you know, this is not the time to start making babies." Jimin said, a grin on his face. Though Taehyung was blushing so hard it felt like his whole face was taking on a shade of pink, Jimin continued like he'd said nothing like that at all. "I told Mom and Hana's family you were Alive, I didn't tell anyone else, Mom said not to."
Both Taehyung and Jungkook frowned. "Why? Shouldn't everyone know? They think he's dead." Jungkook said, "You're going to let them keep thinking that? Keep hurting like that?"
How much I hurt them by not just saying it, for trying to pretend I was fine until the end.
Jimin nodded slowly. "She says we could catch the Head Doctor off guard, she wasn't sure if he'd pull something if he knew Taehyung had survived the overdose... We need you to testify, Taehyung..."
He bit his lip. Testify? That's what I've needed to do since the beginning... Just tell someone what happened, that I had a reason for stabbing Appa, that I hadn't meant it. Taehyung closed his eyes. But then what? That made him just as guilty, it didn't change anything. I've always been guilty, I can't run from it anymore.
"Testify about...what?" Taehyung asked quietly, his voice dipping a tone lower by accident. He knew what Jimin was going to say, but he wanted to make sure.
"The day you killed Jae-hwa's father, what happened at the hospital, when and how the Doctor had made you overdose, anything else you might--."
Taehyung was already shaking his head, "No, I'm not going back there." As much as he wished he could give some other answer, he couldn't bring himself to do it anymore. And it wasn't the fact that Dr. Park was there, it wasn't that he'd almost died, it was... something more basic than that. Something he'd been avoiding from the start.
Everyone stared at him, and Jimin looked the most confused. "Taehyu--"
"No!" Taehyung looked down at his hands, he'd never yelled at Jimin before. "...I can't...I'm scared, I don't want to go back in there...If I say what I did...they're not going to listen, no one ever listens after hearing what I did..."
"Taehyung, they have to, it won't hurt anything to tell everyone what happened." Jungkook said, sounding like he was coming closer to Taehyung, and the squeaking of old springs in the couch confirmed that Jungkook had sat on the edge of it, putting a hand on Taehyung's shoulder. "We think we know why you did it--."
Taehyung was back to shaking his head. "I don't even know why I did it... I don't know...I can't..." He coughed, his throat dry from all this sudden talking. "I didn't mean it... but I don't know why I did it, I..." I just did it, I don't know what I was thinking, I barely remember it clear enough. I'm guilty. I'm guilty. I'm a murderer... There's nothing I can say to change it.
"Say it anyway, Taehyung, if you don't, we can't prove any of this was the set up that it was...they'll take you away again..." Jimin said, voice calm and tone even, but an underlying fear apparent nonetheless.
This is the only way out.
"Tae, you can do this. You know something you're not even aware that you know, trust me." Jimin said, there wasn't a single shred of doubt in his voice, in his eyes, anywhere.
What could I possibly know?
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I glanced over this and deduced it was English, please tell me about any grammar/spelling mistakes and such :3
A/N:
Sooo, It's still not over :3 Nearing the end, but not over ^^" Chapter would have been super long, like 6000 words if i tried to finish it here xD
I apologize, I'm a little late, I hurt myself the day I wanted to update >O<)/ ouchieeeeee ;-; I'm better now though~ (~^-^)~
~Accident-Prone Neri~
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