"Hello my old heart, how have you been?

Are you still there inside my chest?

I've been so worried, you've been so still

Barely beating at all.

Oh, don't leave me here alone."

THE OH HELLOS - 'Hello My Old Heart'

.          .          .

The courtroom was packed wall-to-wall with people, and Oliver's skin prickled with every stray glance that tilted his way, eyes brimming with curiosity and outright hostility. Thea, so small and so fragile tucked against his side, barely managed to subdue the wince as bright camera flashes erupted as soon as Moira entered. She looked...normal, dressed in an outfit Oliver recognised from the months he'd been back, her hair brushed and straightened, her eyes lined with makeup, her lips pulled into the type of smile she'd used for all of their media appearances.

Beside him, Thea sucked in a shaking breath as Moira grew near, her hands only just barely shaking as Moira leaned forward to coax her into a soft hug. It was a tentative gesture, stained with the lingering effect of Thea's distrust and Moira's hidden secrets. Oliver kept back, offering only a comforting hand when Moira finally glanced his way; he felt...wrong. Stilted. Like Cali had stripped him out of his skin last night and he hadn't put it back on quite right when he'd left her sleeping in the morning.

Or maybe that feeling had crept in after he'd found out that Laurel had been the force pushing for a life sentence for his mother, that she'd taken up the DA's mantle as some kind of, what? Kindness? Penance? Boon to him and his family? How was he supposed to thank her for saving his mother's life when she was actually just condemning the woman to suffering instead? And to think that his mom had almost agreed to it, just to avoid the court battle and the purging of her secrets. At least if Moira faced the death penalty, she had a chance of winning.

"Oliver," Moira said, squeezing his hand and coaxing him out of his head. He blinked at her, and she gave him a small, careful smile. "Thank you for being here today." She hadn't been sure he would come, he realised with a jolt. He'd made too much of a habit staying away, arriving late, leaving his ill-fitting family for the memories of a different one.

He returned the smile. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else," he promised.

When the judge strode into the room and allowed everyone to sit, Oliver said nothing about Thea leaning her body weight into him, nor did he do anything but adjust his arm when she reached to clutch onto the crook of his elbow.

He wished, suddenly, that Cali was standing on the other side of him, lending her strength and love to him and his sister. But she had been called as a witness for the trial, so she hadn't wanted to see him today until her time on the stand was over and her part in things was done. She'd go first, before Thea; as the last remaining Merlyn, she was the only one left who could speak for Malcolm.

The Judge entered and they sat without a murmur. A camera somewhere off to the back clicked rapidly for a moment before falling silent. Thea's nails dug harshly into the sleeve of his jacket as they both spied Cali's familiar brown hair gleam in the courtroom lighting just across the aisle. She wasn't looking at them and sweat was beading on her brow.

Oliver very much wanted to sweep her into his arms and hold her for a long, long time.

The District Attorney - Adam - stood when he was summoned for his turn at opening remarks, shuffling his papers and clearing his throat before clicking a remote at the TV mounted off to the side. Moments later, the press conference Moira had held to give her warning to the Glades began to play.

Oliver could not bring himself to watch, even as he listened, so instead he let his attention linger on Cali, on the crooked slope of her nose, the softness to her jaw, the furrow between her eyebrows. She was wearing makeup today - soft, shimmery caramels blended into a dark chocolate brown on her eyelids, pulled together but a crisp eyeliner wing. Her lips, pinched and pale, were coated in a thick layer of gloss that Oliver knew had the slight taste of cherries.

She was wearing one of her mom's old summer dresses, tailored down to fit her frame. It was one of about three outfits that had survived Malcolm's rampages and purges of anything to do with his wife, and Cali had wasted no time moving them into the mansion with her as soon as Michael had gone back to Iron Heights.

Seeing her in that pale pink dress now, a child playing dress up with her mother's clothing, Oliver felt inexplicably sad.

"And it worked," Adam said as the video of Moira's press conference ended. He looked appropriately despaired by the whole thing as he addressed the jurors and members of the court. "The Glades were destroyed. Homes and lives were lost. All because of her actions." The slightest narrowing of his eyes. "True, she had second thoughts. Remorse, which compelled her to deliver this statement. But on behalf of the five hundred and three lives that were extinguished that day, I say, Moira Queen, your remorse comes too late."

He sat down after a long moment, and Oliver caught Lauren shifting uncomfortably in her seat, shooting him furtive looks like she wanted him to know she was sorry.

He ignored her, pretended he hadn't noticed her at all, and settled in for Jean's turn to speak. Much like Adam, she played the press conference recording, but paused it after Moira admitted to operating under the threat of harm to her family. At his side, Oliver could feel Thea's body trembling.

"Why wouldn't those threats scare her?" Jean asked the room at large, rhetorically. "Why wouldn't Moira Queen be terrified? Malcolm Merlyn killed her first husband, abducted her second. Why wouldn't she be in fear for her life? For the lives of her children?"

Cali's face had gone sallow and pale.

"What would you do?" Jean continued, unfaltering. "If it were your children in the crosshairs of a madman's rage?"

Oliver reached for Thea's hand and held on as tightly as he could.

.         .         .

Cali was going to throw up all over Adam Donner's smug, infuriating face and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The break after the opening statements had been a blur, punctuated only by the sudden cold stab of the needle going into her arm in the vaccination van that was making its way around town. She'd been meaning to go at the start of the flu season, but with everything happening she hadn't had a chance, so when she'd fled the stuffy courtroom and made it halfway down the block before stumbling upon it, she took the opportunity.

It was a decision she regretted now as her shoulder burned and throbbed, and her stomach twisted itself into tiny knots as she did her best not to make eye contact with Oliver while she was on the stand.

"Miss Merlyn, you were prosecuted in this court earlier this year after allegations were made that you were involved in your father's plot to destroy the Glades, correct?"

"Objection," Jean said sharply, rising from her seat. "Your Honor, what is the relevance to this line of questioning?"

Adam held his hands up. "Miss Merlyn's prior exposure to this so-called undertaking is a logical stake against her testimony today, Your Honor."

The Judge sighed and waved a tired hand. "Very well. Objection overruled. Please answer the question, Miss Merlyn."

Cali swallowed thickly once, twice, three times before leaning forward and opening her mouth. "I was put before this court for an inquiry into my father's dealings, yes," she answered quietly.

Adam nodded to himself. "And what was the outcome of that inquiry?"

"I was found to be innocent. I had no idea of my father's plan, nor was I involved in any way."

"Innocent," Adam repeated slowly, turning the word over and over in his mouth like it was a piece of candy. "Innocent. That's a strong word to use given everything that's happened." He smiled at her, and Cali's fingers curled into a loose fist in her lap at the oily smugness she saw on his face. If she could get away with it, she would rip all of that out of him right now and leave him with nothing but a debilitating sense of failure. "Miss Merlyn, of the five hundred-and-three people who died in the quake, and the countless others who were injured, how many did you know personally?"

Janet, buried under rubble with Checkers in her arms, begging and screaming to get out but blocked in by the very same people calling Malcolm a murderer-

Martha, wheelchair bound and gaunt but still strong like a wildfire, cared for by Naomi who looked at her with such blame and disappointment-

Brendan, who she hadn't seen since-

Tommy- Tommy- Tommy-

Jean shot up from her seat again. "Objection, Your Honor."

"Sustained," the judge allowed. "Mister Donner, Miss Merlyn is not the one on trial here."

Adam murmured his apology, but his sharkish grin never wavered. "Miss Merlyn, did Moira Queen ever give you any indication that she was being threatened by your father?"

"No." It was barely more than a choked off whisper, Cali's voice held captive by Tommy's memory. "No, she never hinted at anything like that-"

"Did you ever suspect that your father was actively controlling her through any means at all?"

"No, but I-"

"Did you ever suspect that your father was concocting something like the earthquake?"

"No. But my brother-"

"Did you ever visit Moira in the aftermath of the earthquake, either while she was at the police precinct or after she was transferred to Iron Heights?"

"No, I didn't, but-"

"Why is that Miss Merlyn?"

"I don't-"

"Could it be that you blamed her for the death of your brother and your girlfriend?"

"No, I-"

"Were you angry with her? For working with your father?"

Everything was spinning. She was hot - so, so hot. Beads of sweat ran in rivulets down her spine, soaking into the zipper line of her mom's favourite dress. Her mouth was so dry; could she get some water?

She wanted to go home. She never should've agreed to do this when Jean had approached her a week prior and asked her in private if she'd be willing to testify on Moira's behalf. It was supposed to be a show of unity - the child of Malcolm Merlyn publicly taking Moira's side. It was supposed to make things better.

Cali never should've said yes.

"Miss Merlyn, if you could answer my question, please," Adam said. "Were you angry with Moira Queen for working with your father?"

"Not angry," Cali managed to force out through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to clutch at her chest as her heart hammered away at her ribcage and her breathing tore through her lungs rapidly. "I wasn't angry with Moira. I was grieving for my brother and Janet. I was in the hospital for a long time."

"You were released months ago - why didn't you visit her?"

Cali blinked, hard, trying to clear the fog creeping into her vision. Adam's silhouette was multiplying and blurring in front of her, like he was swaying around in some kind of strange dance. The audience was little more than a wash of colour, pocked with black spots and bright patches.

This wasn't right. She should be able to make out Oliver's face, or Thea's hair. She should-She should be able to see the woman she was defending so valiantly. She should be able to hear herself responding; she was talking, wasn't she? She was answering his question.

She wasn't angry at Moira. She wasn't. She didn't blame the woman for Tommy's death, not after everything Cali had suffered at the hands of her own father.

Cali knew what it was like to be afraid of that man. If she'd been in Moira's position, she might've done the same thing.

Her throat wasn't working anymore. Fire licked up her face and set her eye sockets blazing, like lava-hot blood was pooling there. Her fingertips had gone numb. When did that happen? Why were her legs tingling? She was sweating but it was-it was so cold in the courtroom.

Then she was tipping - forwards and backwards and side to side - and then the world dissolved into a stream of nothingness before darkness consumed her.

.          .          .

Oliver watched Cali fall from her seat in slow motion.

He wasn't the first to move for her; one of the Jury members was already standing and reaching for Cali's unconscious body as it crashed to the floor. Adam staggered back to his seat, cheeks flushed white and chest heaving, and Oliver spared only a second to take note of how Laurel laid a hand on the attorney's shoulder before he was running for Cali and the woman who was holding her.

"Someone call 911," he barked to the room at large, not pausing to see who obeyed before he was dropping to his knees and touching trembling hands to Cali's lax face. Her skin was damp with sweat, her hair plastered tight to her forehead.

"She's burning up," said the woman from the Jury, her grey eyes blown wide with shock and panic. "God, it feels like she's melting from the inside out."

"Pass her to me," Oliver told her, already straining to gather Cali in his arms. "Tell whoever called the ambulance that I'll meet them in the foyer."

"You can't carry her!" The woman protested.

Oliver shot her a fierce glare, tucking Cali tight against his chest and holding fast, as though the woman might try and take her back. "Try and stop me."

He eased himself to his feet, adjusting his grip to shield as much of Cali as he could as he moved out onto the floor, trusting the cops present to keep the curious crowds and throngs of bloodthirsty reports at bay. Inevitably, this would wind up on the news one way or another, but if he could minimise the damage to Cali's image...

Well. He'd been too late to protect her before. Now was his chance to make up for it.

His phone erupted to life in his pocket and he cursed, even as he ignored it and swept out into the corridor, hurrying for the stairs down to the lobby. The security detail had moved fast, clearing any excess people away and setting aside one of the couches near the concierge desk for Oliver to gently lay Cali on.

As soon as he had her down safely, another cry went up from the courtroom upstairs, and a body came thundering down towards him shortly after.

It was Thea, puffing and wild with stress. "The D.A. just collapsed," she panted. "They're getting another ambulance here. Ollie, what the fuck is going on?"

Oliver smoothed Cali's wild hair back, digging in his suit pocket with his other hand to grab his phone and shut off the incessant ringing. He only caught the briefest flicker of Felicity's name before he flicked his attention over to his sister.

Frazzled didn't even begin to describe her; Oliver couldn't swallow back the small huff of despair at the state of her. Her hair was coming unbound in a mess of brown curls, her mascara smeared under eyes, her suit jacket crumpled and upset in evidence of her anxious hands tugging at it. Even in those first weeks after they'd taken him off the island, when she was still doing drugs in her self-destructive spiral, he hadn't seen her quite like this.

The first time he'd seen her in this kind of disarray was after the crash that put Cali in the hospital.

"Hey, Speedy," he said as gently as he could in the moment. "Hey, come here. It's ok."

Thea settled at his side and grasped onto one of Cali's clammy hands as though to steady herself. "Ambulance is a few minutes out," she said shakily. "They're talking about loading Adam onto the first one before Cali. When I protested, they kicked me out of the courtroom. I-I didn't know what-" She broke off with a sharp inhale.

Rage flickered to life in Oliver's sternum, that monster he tried so hard to keep subdued stretching to life somewhere in the shadows. It was almost as though liquid metal was poured into his bloodstream and everything went a little quieter, a little stiller, a little colder.

They were going to let Cali stay there, stay like that on that couch, so they could get Adam Donner to the hospital earlier.

Something dark, something angry, something that sounded a lot like Slade Wilson, whispered in his ear, "Make them pay for it. Make them see. They can't keep doing this to everyone you love."

Maybe he might've, once. A long, long time ago when he was so badly mutilated inside that all he wanted to do was watch the world burn.

But not now. Not when Cali's eyelashes were fluttering and she was grasping weakly at Thea, tiny whimpers getting trapped in her throat as she fought whatever illness had her in its clutches.

So Oliver swallowed down all of that darkness, all of that righteous fury, and reached for that glimmering tendril of love that shone through the gloom.

"C'mon guppy," he murmured, cupping her cheek as softly as he knew how to. "C'mon, wake up."

At his touch, Cali stirred, each raspy breath rattling around her throat and making Olive wince. Her grip was tenuous on Thea, fingers flexing and trembling as she peeled her eyes open and peered at Oliver through the haze.

"Cali, hey," Thea greeted quietly, breath catching in her throat as relief swamped her. "Hey. You're okay. It's alright. You're sick."

Cali swallowed thickly, head lolling as she tried to look at her friend. "Hurts," she managed, brows furrowing. And then, "Trial?"

Oliver brushed his fingers over her flushed cheeks, frowning at the heat emanating from her skin. "It's okay," he soothed. "The trial is on hold for now. You and Adam are sick. They've called an ambulance for you."

She wheezed, body twitching, gripping at Thea desperately. "No," she moaned. "No ambulance. No hospital."

Thea glanced at Oliver incredulously, and then squeezed Cali's hand. "Uh, yes. Cali, you passed out in court. You're running a fever. Something's wrong with you."

But Cali wasn't listening anymore, arms working weakly as she tried to push herself up from the couch, expression twisted with strain and sickness and desperation alike. Thea protested loudly, trying to pull her back down, but Cali shied away from her touch, clinging to Oliver and using him to support her shaky body as she tried to stand up.

"Not sick," she whispered to Oliver when she got close enough, pushing Thea away long enough to buy them a moment of time together. "The serum is fighting something. Ollie-" She bit off the sentence, cringing away from a flash of pain.

Oliver steadied her with calloused hands, letting her slump against his chest as he met Thea's terrified gaze over Cali's head. They were shit out of options - he could hear sirens in the distance, signalling the arrival of the ambulances, but if Malcolm's serum really was working against something inside her body, Cali would be better off away from a team of medical professionals.

He needed to get her back to the mansion, to where Felicity could be with her and run all the tests the doctors would run. Somewhere that Oliver's enemies couldn't get to her until he figured out what the hell was going on.

"Fine," he said reluctantly, cutting off Thea as she opened her mouth to argue. "I'll call Parker and Felicity. We'll get you back to the mansion. They can look after you until Thea and I are done with the trial."

"Oliver!" Thea snapped, face twisted with horror. "We can't do that! To hell with the trial - Cali needs to be in hospital-"

"I'll get a specialist out to the mansion," he told her, holding Cali against him with one hand as he used the other to dig his phone out of his pocket. "It's not safe for her to be in the hospital, and the trial won't stop for long. As soon as they take Donner away, the District Attorney will step in and pick things right back up. This is the only way I can think of to protect all of us right now."

He clicked his phone back on, wincing at the flood of notifications from Felicity. Dozens of missed calls and a mess of almost unreadable texts lit up the screen, and his heartbeat snagged as he read back through a few of them.

He was pressing on her contact name immediately, adjusting his hold on Cali as he shifted away from Thea just enough to get out of earshot.

Felicity answered within two rings. "Finally!" She yelped. "What the hell took you so long?! I've been-been calling and texting and-"

"Felicity," he interrupted, voice jagged and guttural. "What happened to Diggle?"

She sucked in a sharp breath, the sound crackling over the line. "He's been poisoned. Um, spiked, with Vertigo. He-He passed out on me, and he's shaking, and-"

"And what?"

"The Count is out of Iron Heights. He's back, Oliver."

Oliver grit his teeth, frustration bubbling to life in his chest and a dark, poisonous kind of rage clawing at the back of his mind. Guilt saturated his stomach, made it turn and burn with stomach acid and bile. He should've put an end to the Count when he could, to hell with the consequences. Even if he'd promised Tommy, even if-

It didn't matter.

Oliver had done this. He'd caused more pain to Cali, to Diggle. People who were supposed to be able to rely on him. People he was supposed to be able to keep safe. People he cared about, once again at the hands of a psychopath that he couldn't stop.

"He got out the same way the Doll Maker did?" He managed, closing his eyes and trying to bite back the monster lurking just underneath his skin. He couldn't afford to slip. Not here, with Thea and the general public lingering just out of reach. Not with Cali, limp and shaky, tucked up against him as she fought off the same thing that had brought Diggle to his knees.

Felicity's response was subdued. "And just like with the Doll Maker, prison officials worked overtime to keep the lid on the escape."

He growled, low in his throat, and Cali responded in kind, pressing further into him with a quiet squeak. Her forehead was scorching where it was pressed into his collarbone, and she was still letting out those tiny noises with each puff of air.

He needed to get her out of here. Needed to get her to Felicity, so that Felicity could whip up the antidote for her and Diggle. If he could make sure they were safe, he could bring his attention back to this trial and everything it meant for his family and their future.

"I know what you're thinking," Felicity ventured after the silence stretched on.

Oliver sighed. "No, you don't," he said, relinquishing some of his festering anger and reaching instead for that forced veneer of calm he always fell back on. "I made a choice not to put an arrow in this guy, and it was the right choice. There's no more killing."

"Oliver-"

"I worked up something to counteract the effects of Vertigo." Oliver glanced at Thea, relieved to see her keeping her distance and chewing on her nail and she watched the paramedics run in with a stretcher for Donner. "I need you to make up a few doses and then give it to Diggle. I'm sending Cali to you - she's sick too-"

"Is she okay?" Felicity demanded, tone changing instantly. "Oh god, did she get drugged too? What about the trial?"

Oliver's eye twitched as the volume upstairs increased dramatically, clearly in response to the medical team. His window was closing. He needed to get Cali out of here before attention returned to her. "Felicity," he said tightly. "She's fine. Just... She needs the same thing as Diggle does. And then I need you to watch them while I finish up here. We can deal with the Count later. Okay?"

A moment of hesitation before, "Okay. I'll work on it. Just... Look after yourself, okay?"

Oliver allowed himself a smile. "Okay," he agreed. "Thank you."

He was dialling Parker within moments of hanging up, the call connecting swiftly enough that he didn't have time to get impatient. "Mister Queen," Parker greeted neutrally.

"I need you to come get Cali and take her to Verdant. Right now."

His respect for Parker only strengthened when the driver asked no follow questions, offered no protest at Oliver's brusque approach to the situation. "Miss Merlyn rarely goes somewhere without myself or Cassidy following," he said. In the background, Oliver heard the sound of a car engine turning over. "I am one block away. Meet me out the front and I will take her before the paparazzi have a chance to swarm."

Oliver hung up without answering, tucking the phone back into his pocket and catching Thea's eye, summoning her over to him with a quick jerk of his chin. The second she was by her side, Oliver was scooping Cali up again, trying to ignore the way his heart lurched at the small sound of pain that escaped her at the motion.

Thea kept pace at his side as they hustled out the front door, just in time to avoid the mass commotion as the ambulance team exploded out of the courtroom and began to ease the stretcher back down the stairs, Adam Donner strapped down atop it. It was noise that chased them down the front steps, across the concrete courtyard, and down to the side street, where a familiar black cruiser was just pulling up along the curb.

Thea opened the back door before Oliver had a chance to figure out how to juggle Cali's dead weight, reaching out to help him ease Cali down into the car. Oliver pressed a quick kiss to the side of Cali's head, lingering long enough to gather himself and holding the smell of her shampoo in his lungs, before he was pulling back to let Thea strap her in.

Oliver strode back to the driver's window, ducking low so that Parker could hear him. "She's not well," he said quietly. "Don't take her to the hospital. It's not safe. Felicity knows what to do. She's expecting you. I need you to call Cassidy once you've dropped Cali off. The two of you should keep watch at Verdant until I can get there."

Parker nodded once, sharp and alert. "Yes sir."

"Keep her safe for me."

Turning away from the car was hard - harder than he expected it to be. Cali was barely visible through the tinted glass, curled to one side. Oliver watched her for as long as he could, lingering until Parker turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

At his side, Thea inhaled shakily and wrapped her small, thin hand in his. "Ollie," she murmured, sounding frightfully young. "I'm scared."

He blinked once, twice, and then tilted to peer down at her, offering her a wobbly smile. "It's okay," he promised lowly. "I'm gonna figure it out."

She echoed his expression and pressed closer to his side, and did not let go of his hand.

Oliver let her without complaint, and wondered just how much longer he could keep failing everyone he cared about before he started losing them once and for all.

.          .          .

Cali was hot. So, so hot. The sun was trapped underneath her skin, boiling her from the inside out, cooking her flesh until it was burnt and useless. The pain was lesser in comparison, a tickle at the edge of her awareness as she writhed and cried, waiting for it to get too much and just kill her.

She had a blurry memory of someone talking to her, cool lips pressing against her face and smooth hands clutching hers. She'd been at the trial, hadn't she? She'd been on the stand, and Donner had been asking her those questions, and she'd....

She'd panicked, hadn't she? Bombed her testimony. Ruined Moira's chances of a decent verdict. Let Oliver and Thea down, all because she couldn't handle her own emotions when things got tough.

She groaned, another set of shivers wracking her frame as the inferno raged on inside her. She was laying on something soft, low to the floor. There were people around her - she could hear the murmur of voices over the roar of her heartbeat. There was something draped over the top of her, cloying and smothering, and she tried weakly to get it off, whining when it clung to her hands and her limbs, choking her.

"Hey," someone hushed her, suddenly close enough that she winced away. "You're okay. It's Felicity. Can you hear me?"

Cali shifted, pawing at the blanket. "Hot," she whimpered pathetically. "Get it off."

Felicity gasped. "Oh! Sorry. I thought- Well-" She cut herself off with a small grunt, and then familiar fingers were peeling away the blanket and exposing Cali to the cooler air. "Is that better? I gave you the treatment that Oliver worked up, but it's taking longer than we thought to kick in."

Cali hummed, settling slightly now that she was free of the itchy fabric. She could feel the sickness inside her like a living force, wriggling through her blood like an infection. There was something else coupled with the inescapable heat, a kind of soothing numbness that ebbed and flowed with every stab of discomfort and agony.

The serum. Her dad's serum.

Fighting against whatever she'd been dosed with.

"Flick," she slurred, twisting her head to try and find the blonde without opening her eyes. "Where... How... Oliver."

"He's fine," Felicity answered from somewhere beside her, settling in closer. "He's with Thea and his mom. They're still at the courthouse. You're here with me and Diggle, at Verdant. You've been injected with a supercharged strain of Vertigo. We're trying to fix up an antidote, but it's not working as well as we hoped."

"Oh," Cali exhaled, and then lost the fight with consciousness and slipped back under again.

.          .          .

She woke up again to her head in someone's lap, familiar fingertips twisting through her hair as a low, achingly familiar voice hummed a tune she hadn't heard since she was a little girl. Every now and then, the voice would stutter, crack, and then the person would clear their throat and the song would start again.

Cali stirred, but didn't open her eyes. "Tommy?" She murmured sluggishly.

The song came to a gentle halt, and a hand came to rest on top of her head. "Hey bub," her brother whispered warmly, his breath ghosting over her face. "It's about time you woke up again."

She wriggled in place, settling with a sigh only when her cheek was pressed against his thigh. Everywhere they were touching was free from fire, from pain, from fear. For the first time in a very long time, she felt...settled. Almost whole. Some of that quiet that had made a home inside her head was gone.

"You're here," she said, wondering, and tried to open her eyes.

Tommy gripped her shoulders, gentle but firm. "Hey, don't push yourself. Your body's been fighting hard to get over the Vertigo, and it's tired. Just take it easy for now, okay? I've got you."

She stopped struggling, softening under his familiar touch. He smelled the same as he always did, a soft spicy scent that always seemed to linger no matter what kind of cologne he chose for the day. Even the tenor of his voice was exactly as she remembered it, soft and comforting. The same as when he'd chased away her nightmares.

Unbidden, tears swelled under her eyelids and spilled down her cheeks. "I miss you," she confessed under her breath, tucking her face further into his leg as he held her. "I miss you so much. I can't- Everything's such a mess now, Tommy."

He ran a thumb over her face, collecting her tears and wiping them away tenderly. "I miss you too," he said. "I'm sorry that I left you. I didn't want to."

"I've been so scared." She hated the way her voice broke, hated the way her body was still weak and tired and trembling, but not from the drug anymore. "I don't know how to do this without you. I've been failing at every turn." Her breathing hitched as more tears fell. "I need you back."

The ache was buried so deeply that she wouldn't ever be able to reach it, wouldn't ever be able to smooth it away and forget about it. Her brother's absence was like a missing limb; she felt it every second of every day, a literal wound that would never heal.

And Malcolm had been the one to take him from her. Laurel had been the one to help him do it. They'd ripped him away from Cali, had stolen him away from her and sent him somewhere she would never be able to find her.

She'd never forgive them for that.

She'd never forgive herself either for letting him go.

"Will you go away when I'm better?" she asked the darkness.

Tommy's causal affection didn't falter, didn't stop. He just kept brushing through her hair, letting her lay on him like she used to when she was young. "Yeah, bub, I will. But you'll be okay."

She let out a wounded noise and he shushed her, pressing warm kisses against her face, his lips disturbing the tears that still fell. "I can't," she cried quietly. "I can't do this without you. I don't want to. I'm not strong enough."

Something inside her had died that night, with Tommy. Had crippled her for the rest of her life.

She'd tried living with it. Tried dealing with it any way she knew how. And yet...

"Please don't go," she begged, barely above a whisper, voice splintering. "Please don't leave me again."

It would ruin her, to have him so close only to lose him again. She wasn't strong enough.

Tommy dropped another kiss to her temple, so heartbreakingly familiar. She bit back another sob. "Oh, bub," Tommy sighed, tone regretful and sad. "We both know I can't stay."

"Please."

"I love you," Tommy said, sounding fainter now. His hands left her face, her hair. Her head wasn't on his leg anymore. "I love you so much, bub, but it's time for you to open your eyes now."

She squeezed her eyes shut, mouth pinching as she fought to stay in the cool darkness. "No. No, I'm staying here. With you." He couldn't make her go back, couldn't force her to give him up. Couldn't abandon her to a world without him, where she had to fight tooth and nail just to hold on to the few people she had left. "Please, Tommy."

He was drifting further away, though, lingering just out of reach no matter how much she stretched. She couldn't smell him anymore. His voice was barely a murmur on the breeze. "I love you, bub." A phantom trail of fingertips along her cheek before even that vanished. "It's time to wake up now."

She tried to protest again, tried to clutch onto him, to force him to stay, but he was like smoke in the wind, and her desperate attempts at grabbing onto him failed. Unbidden, her eyes began to open, slivers of light spearing through the darkness until she could make out blurry shapes and bright colours around her.

Tommy was nowhere to be seen.

Cali began to cry in earnest, something inside her falling flat and quiet as the truth of it began to settle over her.

Her brother had never been here. He was dead. Killed by their father. Her brain had simply conjured something meant to bring comfort while she recovered from the Vertigo.

All she'd done was try to soothe herself.

Weak. Pathetic. Selfish.

Lonely.

Arms encircled her as she cried to herself, and a small body drew in close to her and began to rock side to side, sweetly earnest. Cali clung to Felicity, burying her face in her shoulder as she tried desperately to stuff that grief back down, attempting to stuff the cork back in the bottle. But she couldn't. It was spilling out inside her, endless and painful.

"It's okay," Felicity told her, over and over again, sounding all too panicked and uncertain. "Oh, Cali, it's okay. I think I know how to find the Count. I'm gonna go do some recon and then tell Oliver, and he's going to make sure this doesn't happen again, okay?"

Cali let her words wash over her, and didn't bother trying to correct Felicity's assumptions about what exactly had made her upset.

After all, there was only so much grief other people would tolerate before it began to grate on their nerves. Cali had already used up her share of Felicity's empathy, her patience, her caring.

All that was left now was just to live with it.

Even though it hurt worse than anything else she'd ever felt.

"It's okay," Felicity said again, innocent and pure and loving. Everything Cali didn't deserve. "Oliver will be back soon. He'll fix it. It's okay. I've got you."

Cali cried, and cried, and cried.

She did not hear Tommy's voice again.