John froze. He tried to process what had just happened, but his mind was completely blank. "John" echoed through his head, but he didn't know what it meant, he was too confused. Powerful hallucinations. Realistic hallucinations. Too realistic.

The cold hand was still resting on his shoulder. He didn't dare to turn around. "Not real." He whispered, trying to convince himself. He felt the hand on his shoulder tighten.

"I am here John, and I am very real." He said bitterly. John closed his eyes, breathed through his nose. That oh so familiar baritone voice didn't exist anymore. So why did he hear it? Not real. He turned around slowly, eyes still closed. Not real. "Look at me." He didn't want to. "I know you're not real so shut up. Shut up. Stop it." He wiped his tears.

"John-" "SHUT UP!" He fell down to his knees and shook violently. "Please, please, I can't do this anymore." Sherlock's eyes was filled with tears. He had done this to his friend. His John.

"Turn around." John shook his head. "John I'm so sorry." Sherlock had never felt so useless. What would help, what would send him over the edge. "Look at me. Please." John swallowed hard. Just get it over with.

John rose up and turned around.
He stared into the eyes of the only man he'd ever loved. Was he real? He couldn't tell. His cheeks were hollow and his cheekbones were even more defined than usual. He had a tint of purple under his eyes. But when he saw Sherlock's eyes, a forrest entwined with a storm, for the first time in what seemed forever; something clicked. Click.

All Sherlock wanted was to pull his doctor close to him and never let him go. To embrace him like he'd always wanted, but he didn't dare to do anything. He was afraid of how John would react to such contact.

Sherlock expected John to be angry. Even furious. But that he would eventually forgive him so they could finally be together again. And of course he expected sadness,maybe even terror. But he was so calm. Unnaturally calm. That was scarier than any other reaction.

"Well, it's the third time I've seen you this week, so I'm not that surprised." John chuckled. It was a very misplaced laugh. "It's just that you've never touched me before."

What is he talking about? Sherlock thought.

"That's why I have a hard time with the moving," John sighed, looking down at the grown. "I only see you when you're in the flat. And if I try to touch you, you disappear." John frowned.

Sherlock's eyes widened. He's hallucinating because of me? Almost on a daily basis? Fresh tears welled up in he detective's eyes, which caused John to let out a small chuckle again. "God, you look so real. But now I'm positive you're not real, because Sherlock-" he twitched every time he said the name. "-never cries." John took one step closer.

"If I touch you you'll disappear." His smile faded. "As always." He whispered the last part.

His hand reached out to Sherlock's face. Sherlock grabbed his hand mid air and placed it over his heart. John gasped, but didn't pull away. John felt Sherlock's quick and uneven heartbeat under his fingers.

A single tear escaped his eyes. "Damn my head." He whimpered and closed his eyes. "Am I even at he graveyard? I'm probably just dreaming. Or maybe I'm dead?" He shrugged. The thought didn't upset him.

"Neither of us are dead, John." John shook his head and smiled. "How would you know?" Before John could pull away or do anything in protest, Sherlock grabbed John's face and stared into his warm blue eyes. Even after everything he's been trough, that warmth never left his eyes.

"Since you obviously can't determine wether a man is dead by heartbeat or pulse doctor Watson; I'll have to use an... unorthodox method."

"What do you m-" Then he kissed him.

He didn't smash his lips into John's with force, he didn't grasp his shirt collar or pull him closer like he'd always imagined. The kiss was soft and very convincing. He caressed John face and put one hand on his waist. He was relieved he didn't pull away. But at the same time, he didn't respond to the kiss. Sherlock wasn't even sure if he was breathing. The detective pulled away and tried to deduce John's reaction (more like seduce amirite)

He was frowning as before, but his hands were knotted into fist. Sherlock sighed. He's going to punch me.

Sherlock waited for the punch, but it never came. All he got from John was this emotionless frowning. The detective noticed how much weight the already slim figure had lost and the permanent bags under the doctor's eyes. His sand-blonde hair had stripes of grey and worst of all; he didn't wear a jumper.

"Say something." Sherlock pleaded, frightened by John's lack of emotion. John shook his head, slowly. "I don't understand." He gazed into Sherlock eyes, desperately searching for answers. "I'll explain everything. Everything, alright?" John bit his lip. Sherlock held his breath, afraid he'd decline. He was silent for several minutes. It felt like hours. Sherlock dared to ask one last question.

"Can I come home?" He asked slowly. His voice cracked at the last word. The doctor was silent for another minute before he nodded. "It wouldn't help if I said no, would it?"

The detective was so relieved he couldn't help but hug his beloved blogger. They were both very frail at the moment, but that didn't stop Sherlock from pulling John into a bone-breaking hug.

When he pulled away he saw fresh tears on John's cheek. "I'm so sorry." John quickly wiped them away. "It's fine. It's just-" he sniffed, finding it hard to speak. "Don't leave me. Not like the last times."

Sherlock closed his eyes. Times. He embraced him again, gently this time. John's answer made his heart ache with guilt. His beloved doctor should've never had to suffer because of him. I will fix him. Fix us, He vowed.

"I promise."

*~*~*

Heyy I'm so sorry it took forever, it's just that I got really really nervous when so many people read this story o.o I never imagined that. Also; exams. *hiss* Anyway, thank you all for reading, I really appreciate it ^3^ *flies away*