Cuts P.O.V

I'm closing in on the end of my first trimester. That's twelve weeks. It doesn't seem like a very long time. It's actually close to three months, give or take a couple weeks.

I've gained maybe five pounds, probably less. I don't look very different. Once I do start to gain weight, it'll show. I'm underweight as it is. While I don't exactly like the thought of gaining weight, it'll probably be better for me.

Horn is at work today, leaving me home by myself. My search for a job has been put on hold. I've been told that I need to keep my stress at a minimum while I'm pregnant. Any job I've ever had has stressed me to the near breaking point. Working in a social environment has never been healthy for me.

It all has to do with my social anxiety. I've worked at fast food restaurants and dealt with rude customers. Those definitely stressed me the most. I've worked retail and stocked shelves. I kept coming home covered in bruises. Horn didn't like that very much and thought that the other employees must have been roughing me up. I've even tried working tech support. That didn't go too well either. Being around and having to interact with people stresses me to the limit.

Even if I wanted to, I know Horn wouldn't let me work right now. He doesn't want me to at all. His income is steady right now. Hopefully, it'll stay that way.

I honestly don't know what career I want. I thought I would have figured it out by now, but I haven't. It just hasn't come to me. I don't want to be a 'stay at home' parent. It makes me feel too dependent on Horn.

Days have gone by and I'm still trying to answer one question. What do I want to do? It isn't as easy as I thought. I should start smaller.

What am I good at? It's subjective because I'm answering about myself, but I'm the only one who really can. Past employers have called me responsible but anxious. I would be good at a job that doesn't require social interaction every day. That would be nice and less stressful than having to work somewhere with lots of people.

I like the thought of working from home. It seems relaxing. It would be like working in my own little bubble. Only certain people are allowed inside. Oh, how relaxing that would be.

Perhaps I could be a writer? I do enjoy writing stories. Sometimes I have some wild ideas that I jot down. Would people actually read anything I wrote? It's possible. I could run the idea by Horn when he gets home. I'm curious as to what his reaction will be.

I may have just figured out what I wish to do with my life. Everyone has a greater purpose in life. Everyone has something that they want to do or accomplish more than anything. For the longest time, I had no clue what that was in my case. Now, however, I think I may have just figured it out.

Writing really does seem ideal to me. I can do it from home. That makes things far easier. Horn and I won't have to worry about babysitters or nannies. I'll be here. That also saves us from additional financial costs.

I would like to write stories. It sounds like a very interesting career. For some, it could mean having many opportunities, such as traveling the world and meeting new people. For me, however, it would mean that I get to use my imagination for a living. That sounds truly wonderful in my opinion.

My mind feels at ease now that I have finally realized what I would like to spend my life doing. The question has been clawing at my brain for quite some time. It's a relief to finally have it sorted out. Now all I can do is hope that I can be successful enough to support my family.

I lay down on the couch and wait for Horn to come home. He won't be home for at least another hour, but I simply don't have anything better to do. The apartment, as charming and cute as it is, gets rather boring. I've been cooped up here for days. While I don't like to leave, I'm beginning to feel a bit stir crazy.

I find myself flipping through the television channels out of boredom. Nothing, in particular, catches my eye. It's mostly news or tabloid trash to get the publics' attention. I've never been one for celebrity drama. I never found myself interested enough to actually care.

After a while, I end up turning off the television. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes before a long sigh escapes my lips. There is simply nothing to do.

My phone seems more interesting than the ceiling so I decide to give that a try. I don't believe in having any form of social media. I don't like to draw attention to myself. All I would ever receive would be hate.

Having social media is an invitation for harassment. It allows total strangers to see into your personal life. That, in my opinion, is disturbing and invading. I don't like the thought of people being able to know what my personal life is like.

I mostly just have pictures and music on my phone. Horn has taken most of the pictures. Sometimes, when I miss him most, I like to look through them. Surprisingly, they don't look that bad.

There are plenty of photos of us around the apartment. There's a few when we go out as well. Horn sometimes even snaps one when I'm not looking and then sends it to my phone. I have several of those. He would make a good photographer.

A soft yawn leaves my mouth as I set my phone down. I've grown rather tired in a short amount of time. I suppose there is nothing better to do than sleep.