How can I release

The swirling memories

And thoughts

That fill me with regret

And longing for the past

Because of waves of flashbacks

Days of happier things

When I didn't starve

When I wasn't just a puppet

On strings

Crying

Head in my pillow

Head bent over the toilet

Guilt and fears

Control and sadness

I hate myself

For who I've become

Not for who I was