MAISY

I don't know how long I sit there for, but when the light finally starts to draw back from the foyer, I know I have to get up. I need to pack my bags and prepare to leave town. That's what I should to be doing, focusing on the future, not the past.

But I can't seem to make myself move.

Coming home was the wrong decision. I didn't handle things well. Logan deserved better. But most of all, I hate that this is how we were going to leave things between us. For some reason it feels so much worse than the last time.

My heart clenches and I look down at my hands, remembering what I'm capable of and vowing not to drag him into any of it. But none of that matters because I never planned on intruding in his life again.

I grab onto the door handle and use it to haul myself up off the floor. My muscles are cramped from sitting so long so I move stiffly towards the stairs. The Manila envelope is still clutched in my hand as I head to the second floor, slowly making my way up the steps. I can have my bags packed in a half hour and can be on the road in two.

This time I really plan on leaving the past behind. There will be no coming back. I begin to take the steps two at a time, my resolve growing with each one until I reach my room. My bag is on the floor and I throw it onto my bed. I know how to do this; I'm an expert at making a quick getaway. I've had enough practice over the years.

Eli and I had been together for a little over three years and nothing had changed. I still didn't ask questions and neither did he. We both had our secrets, separate lives that we kept hidden away from each other. But maybe that's just how relationships worked because it felt normal to me; it's what I knew. I'd seen my mother do it and I'd even done with Justin; I always kept him distanced from everything that went on in my home. I wasn't afraid though, and it'd been a long time since I'd felt that way. Eli was always sweet to me when we spent time together, but I got lonely when he wasn't around, and he wasn't around a lot.

So, I continued to throw myself into my school work and started editing papers online for extra cash. Eli might not have wanted me to have a job, but after living with my mother I knew the importance of squirreling some money away. The years started to bleed together, and it didn't take long before I realized I wasn't going anywhere. Eli and I didn't talk about the past, the present, or the future and that started not to feel like enough anymore.

I shove my clothes into my bag, not bothering to fold them. I didn't know where I was going, but I would deal with it when I got there. The Manila envelope sat on my bed. I knew I'd eventually have to sign the damn things and deliver them back to Logan's office, but I refused to think about that right now.

Stuffing the last of my items into my bag, I furiously tug at the zipper until I finally get the stupid thing closed. My body droops in relief. I'm one step closer to getting out of here. I stare at the Manila envelope and hesitate. It's the last obstacle in my way.

As I unseal the envelope, I don't know what I'm expecting- some sort or note, or maybe an apology for last night- but just a stack of legal documents come sliding out. I stand up and march over to my desk, dumping the papers down on top of it. It was ridiculous of me to even think...

I grab a pen and begin to furiously scribble my signature, page after page. I didn't know what last night was all about, but apparently Logan's over it. What else did I expect? It's been eight years. I slam the pen down on the table when I'm finished with the last page and shove the documents back in the envelope with a scowl on my face. All I have to do now is drop them off at Logan's office, and then this will all be behind me. I feel it in my gut though. It won't be that simple. I've learned in life that nothing ever is.

I didn't know how to bring up the future with Eli. There never seemed to be an appropriate time. One night he popped over, unannounced as usual, and headed straight for the kitchen. I was sitting on the sofa in my robe with a towel in my hair, having just gotten out of the shower and was in a foul mood. The fact that he just strolled into the apartment when I was in the shower and nearly gave me a heart attack didn't help matters.

Eli opened the refrigerator and leaned into it. "Don't you have anything to eat?"

I glared at his back. He was unintentionally egging me on. Every word out of his mouth, every move he made, they each just served to aggravate me more. "I didn't know you were coming. It's been two weeks Eli."

He looked over his shoulder at me. He seemed tired, like he already knew where this conversation was headed and wasn't in the mood for it. The truth was I wasn't in the mood for it either, but it had to happen.

Eli hadn't really done anything wrong. He was the same person he'd always been, living his life by the same rules as he was when I first met him. I was the one who wanted out of the game and was unfairly taking my frustration out on him. I needed a change before things got any worse.

"Babe, I was out of town. Why's that a big deal?" He leaned his body against the refrigerator door, a body that I'd curled up against countless of times but could hardly stand to look at anymore with anything but resentment. I stood up and marched into the kitchen.

"The big deal is that you were gone for two weeks and you didn't even call once to let me know where you were!"

"I've never called before! This isn't the first time I've been gone Maisy." He pulled a beer out of the fridge and shut the door with his boot. "I don't know why it's causing all this drama now."

"Because Eli, I'm going crazy living like this!" I braced my hands on the back of a kitchen chair and watched as his face creased up, first in confusion and then in anger.

"You're going crazy?" He raised his voice. I knew Eli had a temper, but there weren't many occasions when he unleashed it on me so I always found his ferocity a little terrifying. It reminded me a bit of my father and I hated that.

"What could possibly be driving you crazy Maisy?" His question dripped with sarcasm. "The fact that you have a nice apartment to live in that you don't have to pay for? Or maybe it's all those college courses that you haven't spent a dime on."

He loved throwing that stuff back in my face. Every time we had an argument he used it as ammunition. It didn't matter that I'd never asked for any of it. It didn't matter that at the time I actually fought against it. All that mattered was that I eventually caved. I took it, and now it was used against me.

"Eli, it's been over three years but I still don't really know anything about you. We haven't evolved--"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? We haven't evolved? Psh." His handsome face darkened as he opened the beer and tossed the cap across the kitchen. Leaning back against the counter behind him, he narrowed his eyes at me as he took a sip.

"I mean that you and I are still the same as we were back then--"

"And that's a bad thing?" His face settled back into the look I knew best on him, one of arousal, as he pushed himself off the counter and stalked towards me. Just as his arms were about to wrap around me, I ducked out of his reach.

"That's not how I meant it and you know that." I backed up as he continued to prowl towards me. This what Eli always did. He made everything about sex. I'd only ever been with Justin before him, and although the last three years have been eye-opening to say the least, this tactic of his has made it almost impossible to ever finish a conversation. 

He backed me into a corner. My ass hit the counter and I had nowhere to go. Eli put both of his arms on either side of me and trapped me in as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against that spot just underneath my ear, the one he knew from experience I had a weakness for.

"What more do you want from me Maisy?" His breath tickled the sensitive spot and I knew it'd only be a matter of minutes before he completely wore me down.

"I want to know what you expect to happen, with us," I murmured, my eyes involuntarily shutting as his lips swept down my neck. He was distracting me and it was working. I brought my hands up to his chest and laid my palms flat against his muscles. "Eli, I can't spend the rest of my life locked away in this apartment waiting for you. I need friends. I want to work. I want a future--"

I stopped myself. I wasn't sure how that just sounded. I didn't want him to think-- I wasn't sure if that future included him.

Eli pulled back. His dark eyes gazed down on me and the corners of his mouth dipped into a frown. "Maisy, I don't know exactly what you expect from me. When I think about my future you're in it, but there are certain things that I can never tell you. I keep them from you for a reason. You've just got to trust that it's for your own good."

"And is it going to be like this forever?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer. I loved Eli, but sometimes I wasn't sure if I was in love with him. The idea of forever with him wasn't something I could envision, but the idea of leaving him wasn't something I was prepared for either. It's not that I didn't think Eli would let me go if I wanted to; I just didn't have anywhere to go to.

He pulled me back against him, holding me to his chest and tightening his arms around my body. I felt safe there; I always did, but maybe just being safe wasn't enough.

"It won't be like this forever Maisy. Soon enough things are going to change. You'll see."

And he was right. Soon everything changed.