MAISY

I don't sleep well. I end up spending most of the night staring at my closed bedroom door and thinking about Logan downstairs curled up on the sofa. It was stupid of me to let him stay here. I should've left him on the front porch. It would've served him right.

When I finally do fall asleep it's around 2 AM and it ends up being anything but restful. I dream that I'm on the street outside my house running to the playground. My father's voice calls out after me as my bare feet slap against the slick sidewalk. No matter how hard I push myself, I can't seem to get anywhere. The sidewalk just continues and continues, and I grow more and more frantic.

I don't see Logan in the dream, but I sense him all around me. For some reason I know he's waiting for me and the urgency to get to him intensifies like my life depends on it. But the sidewalk never ends and my father's voice creeps closer.

A roll of thunder echoes through the sky and I tilt my head up just as the heavens pour down on me. It's so realistic that I can almost feel the rain peppering my skin. Lightning strikes and the street ahead of me lights in a flash. I think I see a shadowy silhouette standing out in the distance but the streets darken just as quickly. 

Even though I'm afraid, I know I can't go back, so I keep running. My clothes are plastered to my body and each step seems like it's getting harder and harder to take. The sky lights up again and I see the playground ahead of me and Logan on top of the jungle gym. He's sitting there, oblivious to the rain and staring up at the sky. I shout his name but he doesn't respond; it's as if he doesn't hear me at all. Everything goes dark and the world spins underneath my feet.

My father's voice slithers into my ear. "You're not worth it. You've never been worth it."

My body tenses and the hairs on the back of my neck rise. I can feel him behind me but don't turn around. My skin prickles, alert by his very presence, and I know I don't have long before the past catches up with me. Another bolt of lightning strikes and all I see before I jerk awake with a gasp is the image of my father's face burned into my mind.

I throw my legs over the side of the bed and try to get my bearings. I can't seem to shake the dream and it clings to me as I groggily rub my eyes. It's not unusual for me to have nightmares about my father, but I hadn't dreamt of Logan in a long time and this unsettles me.

Shit! Logan!

I spring off the bed and my eyes dart over to my closed bedroom door. He's still down there! I'd almost forgotten.

I throw off the shirt I put on last night and rush over to my suitcase in a mad dash to find something decent to wear. Tossing wrinkled tops and shorts over my shoulder, I finally give up, sitting back on my heels and scowling at the now empty bag. Left with few options, I grab the jeans I wore last night up off the floor and shimmy them back over my hips. I spin around and find an old T-shirt at the foot of my bed and slip it on. My heart thunders unsteadily. All I can think about is what's going to happen when I walk down those stairs.

Brushing my fingers back through my hair, I attempt to tame it as I stare at myself in the mirror and let out a small sigh of frustration. Eventually I give up and just yank it back in a ponytail. It'll have to do. As I walk over to my door, I square my shoulders and take a deep breath.

It's now or never.

Gently, I ease open the door open, straining my ears and listening for any signs of life, but don't hear any. I tip-toe down the hall, my footsteps noiseless thanks to the thick Persian rug beneath me. As I lean over the bannister and peek down the stairs, I swallow down what little pride I have left and force myself to take that first step.

I have no idea what I'm  going to say to him, or if Logan is going to be embarrassed by the whole thing and just sweep it under the rug, but I wasn't looking forward to finding out. I take my time going downstairs, letting my nerves get the better of me with each step I take. When I reach the bottom, I curve my body around the wall and look into the living room and my eyes grow in surprise.

The sofa is empty and the blanket I draped over Logan last night is folded up on one end. I scrunch up my face and turn towards the kitchen, but it's empty too. The spot on the coffe table where I left Logan's keys is now bare. He's gone.

The realization sinks in and a mixture of relief and disappointment burns through me as I stand there for a minute not knowing what to make of it. I guess I'm not really surprised that he left. If it was me, I would've left too. Besides, if Logan had stayed all he would've done was ask more questions, and that's the last thing I wanted to deal with right now.

I walk over to the couch and drop down on it, yanking the blanket from the other side of the sofa into my lap. His smell is folded in the fabric and I close my eyes, inhaling it in and finding it all too easy to picture him. I blink my eyes open and stare over at the front door, hating myself for being so pathetic.

I'd only been in the apartment Eli set me up in for about a year and I already found myself slipping into bad habits. Eli didn't want me working at Eddie's anymore and even though I hated the place, I needed the money. I couldn't allow myself to depend on Eli for everything, but he wouldn't hear of it. We got into one of the biggest fights we ever had that evening. I called him a controlling, two-bit criminal and he called me a cold, secretive bitch. When Eli threatened to call Eddie and have him haul me out of the place if I showed up for my next shift, I knew he was serious.

He made me a proposition. He offered to pay for me to take some college courses online, but I had to promise I wouldn't step foot into Eddie's again. I hated that I even considered it, but was smart enough to know that I couldn't say no to the opportunity he was offering. Everyone I'd grown up with was close to finishing college; I hadn't even saved up enough to start. It may not have been an ideal situation, but I accepted it.

After that I sort of became a kept woman. I never knew when Eli was going to show up, but I always seemed to be there waiting. It wasn't like I planned it or anything. I just didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't have any friends and since I didn't have a job, I spent most of my time studying or doing my coursework. I was always available for Eli, there if he needed someone on his arm, a quick fuck, or a hot meal. It happened so gradually that I didn't even recognize it. I ran away from one prison only to end up in another.

I lean back against the sofa and stare up at the ceiling, listening to the silence around me. I remember a time when I used to wish that my house was peaceful like this, but now...now I just find it uncomfortable. The doorbell rings and I startle. I can't help wonder if it's Logan, if maybe he's come back. As I stand up, I try to control my expectations but they seem to get the better of me. I nervously fidget with the hem of my shirt reminding myself that it could be anyone.

But no logic in the world can keep me from imagining him on the other side of that door. I walk into to the foyer and lift my hands, willing them not to tremble as I pull back the door. My entire body slumps inward when I see the brown uniformed delivery man standing on my porch. The adrenaline that was pumping so freely a minute ago comes to a grinding halt.

"Ms. Clarke?" He's entirely too chipper for the mood I find myself in and I barely nod my head in response. I take the pen from him and sign for the package, my heart sinking through the whole process.

He hands over a Manila envelope and gives me a smile. "Have a good day ma'am."

I hardly pay any attention as I shut the door behind me and study the package in my hands. There's no label on it, but I already have an idea who it may be from. The skin on the back of my neck prickles. Logan promised me the papers and he delivered.

He was officially letting me go and that hurt more than I imagined it would. I sink to my knees in the same spot I sat in eight years ago after spending a good chunk of the night wrapped in his arms. Hugging the envelope to my chest, I realize that that was it. That was my chance to make things right with Logan Stanfield and I blew it.