"We have to do it now or never. If we wait any longer, we'll miss our chance," Rab said, setting his cup of tea on the table so firmly he almost spilled it. 

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, looking around at the group warily. "But I don't know if I'm ready. I hardly know how to defend myself. I can't fight someone," I said.

Rab looked at me calmly like he wasn't asking me to fight a queen head on. "I know you're nervous, but you can do this. You're not going in alone. We'll back you up the whole way," he said.

There was a murmur of disagreement from a few of the others at the table. "Rab, maybe he's right. It's too soon," Chesh said, fighting the urge to grab my hand.

"We can't put it off anymore. He has to be ready now," Rab said.

Hatter nudged Rab, also feeling that this was a bad decision. "Don't be so rough. He's just a kid," he said.

"Kid or not, we're moving out tomorrow," Rab said curtly. He ignored the way everyone else set their tea and biscuits down uncomfortably. "If we don't do this, the queen will storm the forest and we'll never beat her. Our best chance is at the castle after she's sent all of her soldiers out."

The twins tried to offer an opinion that was shot down, Mouse starting into a stuttering rant, and it all got to be too much and I stood up. "I need some air," I said. Chesh glared at Rab for upsetting me as I stepped out the door. He was probably going to yell at Rab as soon as I was gone, but I was too distracted to stop him.

As the outside air hit me, I took a deep breath and sighed. The air in the house had felt as thick as smoke. I decided to take a walk and entered the woods, purposely going off path to prevent anyone from following too closely. I pushed through the branches, going up a familiar hill. When I reached the top, I climbed the tall tree Cheshire had shown me until I made it to the soft, flat treetop canopy at the top. I crawled to the edge so I could see down the hill and I could just barely see the cave where Cheshire's house was hidden. Deciding I was well away from the stress of Rab's emergency meeting, I turned to face away. Directly opposite of Cheshire's home, I could see the tall towers of the castle looming up in the distance. I never asked for this, I thought. I didn't want to fight the queen. I just wanted to go home and hug my mom again.

I was getting emotional and I rubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes, looking away from the castle. I didn't need to be crying right now. It wouldn't help me in any way. I just had to pretend not to feel, I told myself. I took several calming breaths and closed my eyes. However, despite my fight, tears still slipped down my face and before I knew it I was quietly shaking with sobs. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. The tears just kept coming and I tugged on my hair to distract myself, 

When this still didn't work, I took a shaky breath and pushed my hair out of my face. "Calm down, Alice. This won't do you any good," I said aloud, stuttering only slightly.

My head started to hurt from my crying and I flopped onto my back, covering my face with my hands. It took me a good while to relax again, but crying did make me feel better overall and I eventually dropped my arms to my sides. As I stared up at the darkening sky, I started noticing new things. The sun wasn't a bright yellow like back home. It was more of a pinkish color, and the rising moons were also different. They were blacker than the night sky, but somehow, still gave off a shiny light to illuminate the surrounding trees below. It was really strange to see. Nothing like back at home. It was... nice.

Deciding to take this small moment of solitude as a break from Wonderland's screwed up reality, I put my hands behind my head and relaxed. I must have fallen asleep because I woke to someone shaking me gently and calling my name. When I opened my eyes, I looked up at Cheshire's face, concerned and anxious. "I was starting to get worried when you didn't come home," he said.

"Oh... Sorry," I mumbled. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up.

Cheshire took my face in his hands and frowned. "You've been crying. Are you worried about tomorrow?" he asked.

I brushed his hands off and turned away. "I wasn't crying," I said.

He smiled softly and hugged me from behind tenderly. "You can't lie to me," he said. He took a deep inhale. "I can smell the salt from your tears. It's all over you," he murmured. He lifted my hand and kissed it. "Your fingers... Your cheeks." He kissed my cheek and I leaned into his arms. He turned me around and brushed his lips on mine. "Your lips."

I blushed and put my face in his shoulder. "Cut it out... I can hardly breath when I'm with you..." I muttered.

He chuckled and I felt his hands slip down my back and rest on my hips. He leaned down to my ear. "Can I?" he asked. The moment shattered in one fell swoop and I pulled away at once, beginning to get down from the tree. Chesh frowned for a moment before he reached out and grabbed my arm to make me wait. "Why not? We might not get another chance. I..." He blushed. "I want to mark my territory."

"There's more to that than what you're thinking," I said. I knew he didn't get it, so I just shook my head, pulling my arm away and slipping out of the tree. I walked home quickly, ignoring Cheshire who was following close on my heels the whole way.

"Alice, please. I really want to do this," he said as we entered the house. I barely glanced at him as I went into my room and walked towards the bathroom. Just before I got there, he took my hand, turning my towards him. "Why won't you even talk to me about this? I'm serious about you, you know?"

I wouldn't look him in the eyes. "I'm just not ready..." I said.

"What's that supposed to mean? You love me, don't you? Why is it such a problem?" he asked.

I yanked my hand away, angry and hurt. "It's hard! Okay? It's just hard. I'm scared. Can't you understand that?" I asked. "I'm-... I'm scared..."

Cheshire looked shocked, guilt written across his face. "Alice..." he said.

I forced myself to remain in control, but it was a struggle. "I want to be with you too, but I'm afraid that if I do this I might not be able to go back, that I'll never see my mom again." I choked on those words, terrified. "It's bad enough I have to fight a queen, I can't deal with this too. It's just too much. I don't want that."

Chesh cupped my face in his hands, kissing my forehead. "I understand..." he said. "I'm sorry for pushing  you."

I place a hand over his and closed my eyes for a moment, grounding myself. "If the situation was different," I said.

He nodded, still pressing his lips to my forehead. "I know."

*******

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