Chapter 30: Daddy
I approached my father the following afternoon. As long as I was being the rebellious kid, I figured I might as well talk to him about Harvard. Nothing like waiting til the last minute, since I was supposed to start in a little over a month.
He was hard at work in his office. I remember when I was little, sometimes I would come in with my dolls or other toys and play quietly on the floor. He used to keep a small stash of children's books on his shelf. And when he would take a break, he would pull me onto his lap and read to me.
“Knock, knock,” I said, poking my head into the office.
Daddy looked up and smiled. “What's up, Baby Cakes?”
I grinned at his silly nickname. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“I always have time for you,” he said, waving me in.
I sat down and shifted back and forth nervously. I didn't exactly know how to start.
“Well?” He asked, giving me a questioning smile.
I paused to think of how I wanted to say it. Finally I just blurted it out. “I don't want to go to Harvard.” As soon as it was out of my mouth, I bit my lip and braced myself for his wrath.
Instead, he just sat back in his chair. He looked at me for a long time, probably trying to figure out what to say, or whether I was even serious.
“Well, sweetie, we've always planned on Harvard. Why didn't you say something sooner?”
“I just didn't want to disappoint you. But since I've already done that, I guess one more disappointment won't hurt.” I looked down at my hands, feeling genuinely sad that I was going to let my father down again.
He was unusually quiet. I felt like I could hear his anger in the silence. I hated this. I hated feeling like I was just a failure in the eyes of my parents. Sure, my mom was brutally controlling, and I was just starting to realize that the main reason I put up with her shit for so long, and played the good little girl, was that I just wanted her to approve of me. With my dad, he was always much more affectionate and accepting, but I knew this had to break his heart. I was getting good at breaking hearts, it seemed.
I wanted to please my father, but not because I was afraid of him, but because I loved him and respected him. It was kind of sickening to me to admit that I could no longer say the same about my mother.
I choked back a sob, not wanting my father to see me cry.
He came around the desk and knelt in front of me. When he pulled me into an embrace, I lost it and started sobbing on his shoulder. “Hey, hey now, you tell me what's really going on. You haven't been yourself this whole summer. The transition to college can be daunting. Is there anything else going on?”
“I just feel like I don't know who I am anymore, or what I want. You and mom have always planned everything for me. I mean, I'm not complaining or...” I stopped, worrying that I was going to get in trouble for talking back.
“It's time for you to start making some of your own decisions, huh? Live your own life a little?” He asked.
I wiped my eyes and looked up at him with surprise. “Yes, yes, that's it exactly.”
“Well, then I guess I can't stand in the way of that because you're an adult now. But how about this? Why don't you move to Boston in the fall with your servants, but you don't have to start college right away. You can just go and get a feel for living on your own, finding your own way, and then you can start second semester. If you really hate Harvard after the first year, then we'll come up with something else. And if you really hate Boston, you can always come home."
“Really, Daddy?” I asked with even more surprise.
“Of course. You get to take Danielle with you, so it will be almost like you have a room-mate. Your mother said that you're becoming friends with her. I think that's nice.”
“Well, that's one of the things I have to talk to you about. Danielle is most likely not going to come with me. She and Veronica are going to start a clothing business together. So, I wonder if maybe...umm, well Preston would come with me, of course. Maybe I can take two of my cars, one for Preston, and one for me, if I want to drive myself somewhere.”
“What?” He said. “You don't know how to drive.”
Ooops.
“Um, yeah, well in case I want to learn. If I drive to classes, Preston and my other servant could use the car for errands or whatever.”
“It's fine if Preston teaches you to drive, but maybe you should start here, before you move. Who else do you want to take with you if Danielle can't go? Addie maybe? Or maybe Marcella?”
“Well, I don't really need a personal servant to do my hair and lay my clothes out for me. But I was thinking of...maybe...I mean he's a good cook, and this job only lasts through the summer, and well, I was wondering....”
My dad burst out laughing and said, “Spit it out already! You want Louis to go with you, don't you?”
“Yeah, if you wouldn't mind keeping him on as an employee. He's very responsible, and he knows how to do a lot of different things. I mean, I don't know how long he'll be able to stay because he's planning to go to med school and-”
My dad laughed again, shaking my shoulders gently. “It's fine, Baby Girl. I can talk to Louis. I know you're good friends with him. Maybe I'd better talk to Preston, too, and have those boys learn some self-defense since I'm going to make sure they take damn good care of you!”
“Thanks, Daddy. I love you.” I kissed him on the cheek and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Love you, too, Baby.”
“Oh, and one more thing," he said as I was leaving. "It's okay if you want Louis to teach you to drive as well.” He gave me a wink and I walked away feeling like I'd just stolen candy from a baby.
I was in a daze as I went to find Louis. I couldn't believe my plan had fallen into place so easily. My father didn't make a big deal out of the fact that I didn't want to go to Harvard. And he said Louis could come with me, without giving it a second thought. He didn't scream or yell, and he certainly didn't slap me. He had never hit me; and I had been quite shocked at the way he'd reacted the other day when my mother slapped me. I thought he knew how brutal she was.
I was slowly realizing that I had an ally in my father. He was still tough, and he still liked things to go his way, but I never thought he would be so understanding about the choices I've made, or at least wanted to make.
I found Louis in the garden, trimming up some hedges. His t-shirt was tucked into his shorts and his torso was glistening with sweat. He had a baseball cap on and some ear buds. He was bopping away to something on his iPod and he didn't even notice that I was there.
I stood and watched for a while. I wouldn't be surprised if there was no music playing, except whatever was inside his head. He was always so creative, so happy, so upbeat. I loved the energy he possessed.
I walked a little closer and he noticed me, so he took the earbuds out. “Hey, there's my girl,” he said. He leaned over and kissed my lips, which I didn't resist, but then I looked around quickly to make sure no one had seen us.
“I was wondering if you'd take me for another drive later. I told Daddy I'd like to take one or two of my cars to Boston with me, and he said I could have Preston teach me to drive, because I had to fib and say I didnt' actually know how yet.”
“Oh, you're only going to take two of your cars,” he remarked in a snooty accent.
I rolled my eyes, but then I played along. “Yes, one for me and one for my $350,000 chihuahua, Mr. Snugglypants.” My comment was met with laughter. “Um...my dad said it would be okay for you to teach me as well....”
“Me? Does he know something?” Louis looked a little worried.
“No,” I told him. “But I asked if he would keep you on after the summer....”
“Why, exactly?” He asked, frowning.
“So that you can come to Boston with me, as one of my servants. At least that's what my parents will think.”
He was obviously taken aback. I couldn't quite tell what he was thinking, but he didn't seem as excited as I thought he would.
“When my dad talks to you, though, just act like you didn't know about it, okay?”
“Sure,” he smiled. “And yeah, I can take you driving later. I'm almost done with this and then I have to grab a shower.”
I went back to my room to freshen up, but Louis' reaction was weighing heavily on my mind. I hoped that he wanted us to be together after the summer was over, and I thought this would be the perfect solution since he hadn't gotten into a med school yet.
But maybe I was way over-thinking us. I knew he cared about me, but maybe he really didn't intend this to be a long-term thing. I guess I'd have to test the waters without being too obvious and asking him something stupid like, “So, do you still want to be my boyfriend when summer's over?”
I shook off my worries and I changed my clothes. My phone buzzed and I caught Richard's name on the caller ID. He was the last person I wanted to talk to. My emotions had been jerked around enough, and now I had to face the guilt over what I'd done to him. Again.
“Hello, Dar...I mean, Ashten.”
“Hello, Richard.”
“I'll be home tomorrow for just a day or two. Can you meet me at my house for dinner?”
“Sure I can. What time?”
“Why don't you come over around 7:00?” He said politely.
I ended the call and I really hoped that his parents wouldn't be around because we weren't exactly on the best terms yet.
I met Louis in the garage and found the keys to my Lexus. “Let's take this one,” I said. I got into the driver's seat and he hopped in beside me.
“This is insured, right?” He asked.
“Oh, stop. Of course it's insured. But I haven't had an accident yet, have I?”
“No, but you've only drive a handful of times.”
“But I'm a good driver, right?”
“Whatever you say,” he replied with a cheeky grin.
I was determined to prove that I was right. However, when I put the car into gear, it wouldn't move forward, not even an inch.
“What am I doing wrong?” I asked, getting upset much too quickly.
“Are you pressing the gas?” He asked, sucking on his lip to keep from laughing.
“Of course I am, you-” I caught myself almost calling him an idiot because I was getting frustrated. “You...wonderful man, you!” I said with a silly grin.
“The parking brake is on,” he said calmly, and then he showed me how to disengage it.
We drove for a long time, with Louis directing me to different areas, on and off the highway, and he even wanted me to try parallel parking, but I didn't want to try it just yet.
After at least an hour, he instructed me, “Pull into that parking lot. Park all the way in back.”
I did as he told me.
“Now put the parking brake back on.”
I followed his instructions again.
“Now, kiss me.”
“Is that an official part of learning to drive a car?” I said, smirking.
His reply was sweet. “No, I just haven't been able to kiss you for far too long.”
I leaned towards him, but he took the initiative to place his hands on my face and pull me firmly to himself, kissing me with raw passion. He raked his fingers through my hair, while I ran my hands up and down his back. The kiss was so intense and somehow it kept getting stronger. He carefully slipped one hand out of my hair and down to my shoulder, caressing my neck with his thumb. I squirmed in my seat a little bit, finding it awkward to be sitting sideways, but I had no intention of breaking our heated kiss. Time stood still while expressed our affection to each other.
“Wow,” I whispered after we backed away. “Every time we kiss, I think it's the best kiss yet, but you prove me wrong with the next one.”
He smiled at the compliment, his eyes crinkling at the sides.
He kissed me again, and this time, he moved his hand from my shoulder, downward, slowly and gently to my breast. I wasn't expecting that at all, but I allowed him to go on. I hummed a little as he explored gently, first one and then the other. He didn't linger for long; he slid his hand back into my hair and pulled away from the kiss, both us gasping for breath.
We sat there, close, quiet and happy, just for a bit. I glanced at the time and decided we should head back. But before I started driving again, I told Louis, “Richard is coming home tomorrow. He wants me to come over to his house for dinner so we can talk.”
Louis looked a little mad. “Dinner sounds more like a date than just talking.”
“You can trust me, Lou. You know I love you.”
“Yeah, but can you trust him?”
“I don't have any reason not to,” I shrugged. “Besides, Preston will be driving me, so I'll just leave if it gets too uncomfortable. But I think he deserves to have some closure in person.”
Louis reluctantly agreed.
I had one more question before we drove home. “Do you not want to come to Boston with me?”
He sat back a little farther and pondered, looking like he was seeking an answer somewhere inside of himself. Finally, he said, “I was just surprised, that's all. I guess I hadn't thought much about the fall yet; well, at least not in terms of you and me. Everything between us has happened too fast for me to think about what was going to happen next. For now, I spend every moment thinking about when I'll see you next, but I guess we need to figure things out, don't we?"
“Yeah.”
“I don't want to sound selfish, or make you think that my heart isn't in this, but I have to think about my future, too. I don't want to waste time getting started on med school, although it's already too late to start this fall. I just really have to think it through.”
“I understand,” I said. But inside, I felt like the thrill was wearing off a little too soon.
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I LOVE the picture of Louis in the gif on the side! He is so stunning - how did I overlook him all this time!? And then, of course, there's Ashten, and Bruce Willis as her father.
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