Steam rose from the strands of hair that I ran the straightener through. I sat at my vanity, watching the reflection of a woman that I wasn't all that familiar with now. Sometimes, it felt as though she was leaving me, a hollow replica of a spineless girl being put in her place. I'd once had identity. I'd been passionate, outspoken, in love with the world and the opportunities that it had to offer.

I didn't know that part of me anymore.

The banquet was this evening and Desmond hadn't laid a finger on me all week. I suspected that it had something to do with appearances at this event that I was dreading. The thought of putting on a show and acting as though marriage was paradise. . . it made me nauseous.

I finished straightening my hair and began to put some make up on. I decided on long false lashes, a red lip that looked beautiful against the white dress and of course some highlight. It was nice to accentuate my features. It was nice to feel beautiful.

I heard the front door open and close as I was slipping on a pair of red stilettos. The outfit had come together nicely and I wore a small smile as Desmond came in, dressed in his tuxedo and tie. He'd stepped out an hour or so ago due to a client emergency but he looked impatient and in a rush when he appeared at the threshold.

His cold blue stare swept me over, his mouth turning down. "Is that what you're wearing?"

"Uh," I straightened up and stole a glance in the full length mirror. "Yeah. Is there something wrong with it?"

"I said go and get a nice dress, Arian. Not something from the fucking bargain barn."

"It was one hundred and fifty dollars," I murmured, not feeling quite as beautiful as I did a few minutes ago. I pulled on the fabric at the front, wondering if I was bloated. Perhaps it didn't flatter my hips.

He waved me off and gestured for me to follow him. "It'll do. Whatever."

I followed behind him and swept the clutch up from the foyer table as we passed and walked out the front door. In an instant, I was deflated. How much I wished that he didn't make me feel worthless and disgusting. I didn't want his words to effect me in such a detrimental manner. But it was impossible not to feel insufficient.

We slid into his 2017 Porsche in the underground parking lot and within a few moments, we were on the road, driving through the dark night. Neither of us conversed a lot during the fifteen minute drive. But when we stopped in front of the hotel where the banquet was being held, he turned around and placed a hand on my knee.

"There are some important business associates inside," he explained with a tone that was calmer than his usual warnings. The lines in his forehead became prominent as he raised his brows. "Understand? I don't want to have any tantrums or attention seeking bullshit going on."

"Mhmm," I murmured. It was a blatant warning. So I nodded and gave him a tight smile. "Of course."

He lifted his lips in a smarmy smile and let his hand travel up the inside of my thigh. "Good."

He looked as though he was about to kiss me, but noticed the bright red lipstick and thought better of it. It was a relief when he let go of me and pushed open his car door.

When we got to the third floor where the event room was, Desmond gripped my hand and laced our fingers together as we stepped inside. It was hard. It required a lot of deep breathing and internal pep talks. But I plastered a smitten smile on and did what I could to appear as though I was in love with this man beside me.

The room was elegant. Exquisite chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Golden drapes were tied back from the floor to ceiling windows with thin velvet ropes. Tables were set with white cloths and gold centre pieces. The China was shimmering, glasses were being topped up with thousand dollar bottles of wine and the guests were dressed in immaculate outfits that served to make me feel like a pauper.

"Des," I whispered. "I didn't realise that it was such a high class event."

"I said to get something nice," he scoffed, adjusting his shirt cuffs. He lowered his voice to a mumble. "No fucking ears."

He did tell me that. But he didn't elaborate on how classy the event would be. I took a deep breath and tried not to let it bother me. He led us through the tables, greeting colleagues and friends with brief handshakes and hellos as we went. I watched him with distaste but did what I could not to let it show.

"What's the event for?" I questioned, glancing around as we stopped beside a table which had our name cards in front of two place settings. I didn't recognise the other names though.

Desmond put his hands in his pockets. "It's a charity gala slash auction. To raise funds for MS patients. It's a good image for the firm to host these things."

He seemed so disinterested. And I watched him with a narrow stare while he was occupied with his cellphone. His pale thumbs moved over the screen and I wondered who he was messaging. I was sure that he had affairs all of the time. But I didn't care. How could I care. I didn't love him. But it frustrated me that he wouldn't let me go if he just wanted to screw about.

A small group of men wandered towards us then and Desmond slipped the phone back into his pocket and smiled. He put out his hand and the exchange of handshakes began. There were a few woman that I recognised as wives of these men and I said hello.

"Arian, you remember Don and his wife Rosa. Phil and his wife Lil and this is our newest intern, Cameron and his fiancée Maddie."

Maddie grinned and I couldn't help but feel as though she looked so familiar. Her auburn hair fell in loose curls down her back and she almost seemed excited to see someone in her age demographic. Most of the woman were in their thirties or forties.

She looked gorgeous in a royal blue cocktail dress with lace detailing around the neckline. The material looked so soft and I had the urge to reach out and caress it. She stepped forward a little and waved her hand at me. "That is a gorgeous dress," she praised.

Desmond wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him, his breath stunk of alcohol which meant that he'd been drinking before he drove us here because he hadn't had one since we arrived. His hand rubbed the dip of my waist as he smiled. "Yes, my wife looks beautiful tonight, doesn't she."

The wives and Maddie gave us adoring looks and I felt as though I was struggling to breathe. A waiter passed us with a tray of scotch glasses and Desmond reached out to snatch one, giving me an opening to move out of his embrace. I made sure that it was subtle. But it was hard to hide the fact that I was feeling nauseous.

"So Desmond," one of the overweight men in his penguin suit said. "How's the Timmons case coming along?"

"It's in the bag," he said with confidence.

Maddie sighed and shifted her weight. "Boring! Arian, come to the bar and get a drink with me?"

I glanced to the right and saw Desmond smiling, as though he was amused at Maddie's attitude. It was unlikely though. I nodded with a little hesitation but picked up enthusiasm when Desmond didn't object. "Yeah I could go for a martini."

"Have fun baby," Desmond gave my waist a gentle pinch and if I could have, I would have thrown up on his face.

Maddie left Cameron with the men, even though he looked a little out of place. He was younger and not as experienced. But Maddie mentioned that it was good for him to get in close with the top dogs at the firm. We reached the bar and sat beside each other on the tall stools.

"You're a waitress at Stella Pines, right?" Maddie waved at the bar tender before she set her chin in her palm and watched me with a soft expecting expression.

I nodded. "Yeah, how did you—"

"What can I get you both? The bartender interrupted with a light tap on the surface.

Maddie pushed her long auburn waves behind her shoulder and clacked her tongue in thought. "We'll have two — two apple martini's please," she turned to me and arched a brow. "That cool?"

"Perfect."

The bartender gave us a quick nod and then proceeded to prepare the drinks. Maddie twisted in her seat. "Mmm so I was dining at Stella Pines like a week ago or something. You were the waitress for our table. For a bit."

"Oh," I stared at out the room which was dazzling with women dripping in diamonds, the live band provided classical music and alcohol flowed with out filter. "I'm sorry. I know you look familiar. I just can't—"

"Two apple martini's," the bartender slid our glasses across the frosted glass bar and used his cloth to wipe at the surface before he continued on serving the other guests.

Maddie held up her glass for a toast and I mirrored the action, waiting as she took a deep breath and thought of what to toast. "To our awesome men that work hard and bring us to cute ass parties like this one!"

I laughed and pushed down the objection that wanted to surface as a reflex. "To our men," I cheered and met her glass with a tink before I sipped on the strong beverage.

There was no chance that I would get drunk. Being drunk meant that I was vulnerable and life was hard enough without losing a firm grasp on my surroundings. Of course, sometimes, escaping was a tempting thought.

"So, how long have you and Desmond been married?" Maddie questioned, her golden gaze piercing me with curiousness.

"One year," I answered. "How about you and Cameron?"

"High school sweethearts," she laughed. "I'll be twenty five this year and yeah we've been together since we were fifteen."

"That's amazing," I marvelled with sincere awe. "How have you managed to make it work for so long?"

"I dunno," she answered with a small shrug and a smile. "It's never been hard though. We're like, best friends first I suppose. Our relationship is fun. It always has been. Oh and we do have a triple C policy."

I quirked my brows, curious to hear what she meant. 

"Okay, so Compromise, Communication and Care. Communication is self explanatory," she rolled her eyes as if to say duh. "We've both compromised tons. Like, while I was studying nursing, he worked a full time job to support us. I studied straight after high school and it only took three years. So as soon as I landed a job, he went into College and now he's doing the internship while I work. Neither of us have a lot of support from family so we did what we had to. Ya know?"

She took a deep breath and a sip of her drink but I kept quiet so that she could continue.

"And then caring. It's obvious. Just take interest in the other person. Listen to how their day went. Offer solutions where you can. Just, care. It's pulled us through this far."

"I love that," I said with enthusiasm. "It's so simple. But it makes sense."

"Right? I offer it to anyone that's having relationship problems."

I giggled but felt a definite sadness under the smile. If only it could have been that easy to solve the problems that I faced.

"So how come neither of you have a lot of family support?" I lifted the martini glass as I watched Maddie with question. "If you don't mind me asking."

"Oh it's sweet," she made a pssh noise and flicked her wrist. "Well my parents live in Japan and have from the moment that I graduated and didn't have to hold them back anymore," she pressed her lips into a tight line and full disclosure, she was a bit frightening. Beautiful. But frightening. "And Cameron just has a super complicated relationship with his parents. I'm talking drugs, drinking problems. Issues that make the Gallagher's look tame."

"Oh," I nodded with understanding. "Well you must be glad that he's doing well then?"

"So proud," she nodded and tipped back the rest of her drink, beckoning the bar tender for two more the moment that her glass hit the surface. "He could have turned out to be a little delinquent but nope. He doesn't touch alcohol or anything like that. He's got a past, of course. But it's not that bad considering what he grew up with."

"Yeah of course."

"I'm so sorry," she laughed as the bar tender gave us our refills and I hesitantly took the drink. "I've been talking about me so much. What about you. I almost asked what you do, but you're a waitress."

"Yeah, ugh. It sounds pathetic compared to what the two of you are achieving."

"Uh, no," she shook her head. "That is not pathetic. The world needs waitresses. Like, how would a restaurant function without them. Nope, no one can bash on anyone's career choice. Because we need them all. I mean, even our garbage men are important. If we didn't have them, we'd have to put our own garbage — wherever garbage goes. No thanks."

I laughed, hard. This girl had a positive outlook on almost everything. I loved the fact that she had a lot to say as well. Sometimes it was just easier to listen to other people than sit there and feed them lies.

"You're right," I nodded with amusement. "But in all truth, I want to be a chef. I've been to culinary school. I just couldn't manage to find a job when I was searching so I settled. I'll get back into the kitchen. At some point."

The truth was, Desmond didn't want me to get a job that demanded more of my time. He wanted me in a job that I could call in sick for if he beat the hell out of me the night before. Well, that was part of it. The other was just the fact that he didn't want me to have something that I loved. At one point, he'd argued that I didn't need a job at all. But I think that he realised having me out of the house at night was convenient. It allowed him to do whatever or whoever without explanation.

"Well I feel blessed," Maddie held her hands together and glanced up at the tall ceiling. "I now have a friend that can cook. Bless."

I giggled and felt a warmth at the fact that she called us friends. "Any special requests?

"Where to start?!"

______

Sunday was our quietest night of the evening. Most of the tables in the restaurant were unoccupied and I hadn't ended up frazzled with smeared make up and sweat patches all over me. The kitchen was closed for the night and I finished wiping down a table on the concrete outside.

The waves rolled in against the shore on the other side of the road. The moon light reflected on the rippling surface and I watched, immersed in how infinite the water was. I loved the smell of its salt. The beauty of its waves licking at the sand. The sea held power. That's what I loved the most. It was powerful. Strong. Capable of magic as much as destruction.

I inhaled a deep breath of fresh air and appreciated how much more existed outside of my painful reality.

It's not all dark. It's not all bad.

When I wandered back inside, I smiled at the group of friends who were still sat at their table with a drink each and contagious laughter surrounding them. When I peered over at the reception, I had to do a double take, because there was a wallet sitting on the floor.

It wasn't unusual for people to leave things behind. But I dashed over and picked it up with the intention of phoning it's owner and letting them know that it was safe. I leaned against the timber desk and flipped it open, almost dropping it again when I saw that it belonged to Aiden.

His license sat in the clear pocket. His photo was gorgeous of course and there were a number of different credit cards. I bit down on my lip as I read the information.

"Someone lose a wallet?" Hailey's voice startled me and I glanced back at the girl who was scratching her heavily tattooed arm with boredom.

"Mmm," I answered. "But there's an address in here."

"Cool."

"Did Mr Emerson come in tonight?"

Hailey wandered out from behind the desk and stood in front of me. Her pierced tongue lapped out at her lip as she pushed her glasses up her nose. "Yeah he was in here. He grabbed a take out order."

"He didn't like, stay or ask for anyone."

"Uh," she ran her hand across her blonde pulled back hair. "Na. He just grabbed the food and left. Oh he did get like an important call or something. I think. He seemed tense."

That was more attention than she usually paid. So I gave her a tight smile and started towards the staff room.

"Do you not want to leave that here? I can call the owner?"

The fact that she hadn't put two and two together, concerned the hell out me. But I spun around and fixed her with a kind smile as I strutted backwards. "It's alright. The address is close to me. I'll drop it off."

This was definitely not one of my smartest ideas. I was going to just show up at his apartment and hand his wallet back? I could have left it at the reception desk. But admittedly, I was dying to see him again. Not to mention, his home. Which I was sure was perfect.

I had an hour before I had to be home. So if I took a cab, I could cut the time in half. This could go super well. Or it could fail. I was about to find out which one.