Bdubs isn't dead.

I don't care that there's blood all over him and a gash through his chest. He's not dead. His eyes are closed, so he could be sleeping. Surely he's sleeping. Etho's also sleeping across the room. Definitely sleeping. Maybe Beef didn't see what happened. Maybe the note I'm refusing to read was there anyway. It's not because he's dead, because he's not. He's not dead. He can't be dead.

'Scar...' There's a hand on my shoulder. Grian. 'Oh Scar...'

'He's not dead,' I choke out. 'He's ok. He's sleeping.'

No reply. I keep crying. But Bdubs isn't dead. He's not dead. He can't be dead. He's my brother. He's always here for me. He can't just be dead. My throat hurts from crying. My legs hurt from the run over. Bdubs can't be dead. Blood covers my clothes. Grian keeps a hand on my shoulder. I think he's crying too. I just sob, hugging him closer.

I don't know how long I sit there crying, but at some point by focus turns, through the blur of tears, to the note. I have to read it. I know I have to read it. So, after getting myself to - mostly - stop crying, I reach over with one shaking, bloody hand and take it.

They killed Etho.

If they find me, they'll kill me, or they'll capture and torture me like they tortured Cub.

I can't live without Cleo, Impulse and Etho, so I won't.

Quit the Hawks.

Break contact with Grian

And find the Listeners.

Officer Cub will let you in, and everyone else will listen to him.

Goodbye and good luck.

I'll always be proud of you

Love,

Your brother Bdubs

He killed himself.

Bdubs is dead because he killed himself.

Bdubs killed himself because the Watchers killed Etho.

The Watchers killed Etho because Grian told Elex about the Listener badge and note.

Grian killed Bdubs.

Grian killed my brother.

I crumple the note. Bdubs still lies in my arms. Dead. I start sobbing again. He's dead. There's a knife on the ground nearby. That's what killed him. He's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. A black hole burns in the middle of my chest.

'...Scar?'

I scream. In one motion, I grab the knife, turn, and slash as Grian. He falls back, stumbling away.

'We need to get out of here, there are Watchers outside coming to take the bodies.' I shake my head.

'They're not taking Bdubs. Not my brother. They're not taking him.' I sob, gripping tight to the knife.

'Scar, drop it.'

'You can't tell me what to do.' Tears run down my face. 'You told Elex about Etho and you killed my brother.'

'Scar, drop the knife. You're not thinking rationally.'

'You killed him,' I can barely speak for crying. 'You killed him, Grian. You did. You... you...' I glance over to where Bdubs is still lying, and start sobbing. I keep the knife in one hand, pocketing the note. Break contact with Grian. Break contact with Grian. The words run over and over in my head. Grian takes another step backwards.

'Scar, just drop the knife. If you want, you can come back to my place, me and Mumbo will look after you while you... recover...'

Break contact with Grian.

I don't move.

'S... Scar? Come on, buddy. You're scaring me.' He steps closer again. And again. 'Just drop the knife, we can get out of here before we look suspicious.' I hold it closer, still sobbing, Bdubs words repeating over and over in my mind. Quit the Hawks, break contact with Grian. 'Drop the knife, Scar.'

'Grian's not too bad, Elex won't know it's yours.'

'No. He'll think it's Etho's.'

'Scar, come on!' Grian grabs my arm.

'GET AWAY FROM ME!' I slash again. And this time I hit. Grian stumbles away, trips, and crashes fo the ground. Blood runs from a cut on his shoulder. I stand, shaking, sobbing.

'Scar, drop the knife.'

'No.'

'Scar, drop it. Please. Don't hurt me. Or yourself. Please. Just drop it and everything'll be ok.'

'Y... you killed Bdubs.'

'There are Watchers outside the house. So, we need to get out of here, and you need to drop that knife...'

A bang on the door. I step backwards, into Bdubs.

'I don't want to abandon you here, Scar.' Grian glances towards the door again.

Another bang. I don't move. I can't. If I leave, I let them take Bdubs. If I let them take Bdubs, I admit that he's gone. But I can't. He can't be gone. He just can't be gone.

'Scar...'

'Why won't you leave?!' I snarl. 'Just get out!'

'I'm worried for you! You're my friend, Scar. I'm not letting you be taken for questioning, or killed, or...'

A third bang, and then a crash as the door gives in.

'I'm sorry,' is all Grian manages to say. I hear his footsteps as I slowly turn back to Bdubs.

'Bdubs, I'm so sorry...' I mutter. 'Bdubs... I- I'll make things better...' But I can't abandon the Hawks. I can't join the Listeners. I can't. The Hawks can't be bad. Jimmy and Joel are nice. Grian's nice... 'I want to make things better, but I'm so scared, Bdubs. I can't- I can't do this without you... Wake up, Bdubs...'

A tug from behind.

Someone drags me to my feet, and doesn't let go. I struggle, trying to break free. Others, completely covered by white clothes, step past, crouching next to Bdubs. One carries a large human-sized bag.

'No- no don't take him away! Don't take him! DON'T HURT HIM!' I fight even more. The knife, the thing that killed my brother, is torn from my hands and thrown aside. The Watcher holding me only tightens their grip. 'BDUBS- BDUBS PLEASE- NO- NO DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME!'

'Are you Scar Goodtimes, Hawk Fighter SG_188.'

'He's my brother. Don't- Don't hurt him...'

'Your brother is a traitor to the state. And he is dead. We will handle his body and escort you back to your home.'

'No- he's the bravest, kindest, smartest guy I've ever met. He's not dead. He's not- NO LET GO OF HIM! LET GO PLEASE... Please...' I struggle and sob, watching as Bdubs's body is dumped in the bag and it's zipped up. My words turn to incoherent screams and sobs. Bdubs is gone. My brother is gone. He's dead. He's gone. They take Etho too. They're dead.

'We will escort you back home.' Another of the Watchers tries to grab my wrist. I watch as Bdubs and Etho are taken from the room.

'No-no...'

'We will escort you home, or find easier ways to get you back.'

'No... Bdubs...'

'Do it.' Another one of the masked Watchers mutters. I keep struggling, keep crying, until I feel the stab of a needle in my neck, and fall unconscious.

:)