Book_Monster_Rawr- Unleashed

Unleashed

Title - 4/5

It's a short, catchy title, and it definitely seems like a werewolf title. However, it isn't very original.

Description/Blurb - 4/10

The purpose of a description is to describe what the story is about, otherwise known as the plot. The tricky part of a description is to make sure you're not giving anything away, and you aren't. However, I have no idea what your book is about. You have a hook, but you don't have a real description.

You need to actually describe the plot, and I'd also recommend getting rid of the "Well, this is about how..." section because it seems very unprofessional. I understand your intention, but books written like that are typically written for younger audiences.

Your description should always be in present tense and you change tenses a few times.

Cover - 4.5/5

I love your cover! It's very dark and draws readers in. In the future, I suggest making the title pop out more by making it brighter or bigger, but it's a very good cover besides that.

Quick tip: while stickers are made for covers, they typically take away from them. I suggest making a chapter at the beginning of the book and putting your stickers in there instead.

Plot - 12/20

I applaud your effort, but some improvements are definitely needed. Generally, when writing short chapters (like the first four), you can't focus on small details, just the actual plot and characters. However, you focused on the small details, which meant that the majority of the first five chapters are just filler chapters with no importance to the plot. Considering those are the chapters that are supposed to set up the plot, you need to add more plot information in them. The only one that actually seemed important was the fifth chapter.

There were a few very minor plot holes, like how the sun was setting when she'd just left school and gone to the library, how her dad crinkled a bottle of beer. All you need to do is say the time for the first instance and change it from crinkled to smashed in the second instance. I'm also confused by the amount of money she owns. She's okay with spending $75 a day with a bartender for a stepmom and a drunk dad, not to mention her tall fence. While I'm sure she has a job of some sort, there's no way she's okay with spending $75 in one day, and most fences aren't that tall. If she's poor, which is what I'm guessing, she probably has a chain link fence, which she can climb over easily. There were a few other very minor things that you can fix through editing.

The first five chapters took over the course of the same day, making your plot progression very slow. My suggestion to you when editing: don't sweat the small details, only focus on the plot and let the rest come to you. While the first four chapters set up the big events that happened in the fifth chapter, the first four chapters could all be combined into one chapter. Nothing important happened in any of them, and there's no reason to keep them by themselves.

You need to work on your chapter endings. The endings didn't really feel natural, like you were just stopping in the middle of a scene. You can't just leave an abrupt ending, either leave at a cliffhanger or when you've just finished a scene. For example, it'd be so much better if you ended the fifth chapter like this: "I gasped in horror as I looked up. Mr. Pale looked up at me with his sinister yet attractive eyes, and I knew that I was in trouble." It sounds much better than leaving it at the fang thought.

Characterization - 8/20

Your characterization needs major work. Is the MC's name Cat? She was called Pet and Pat in the first chapter, so I'm not sure what her name is. You need to clarify that her name is Cat in the beginning.

You described Cat and the pale guy, but no one else was described. I expected her best friends to have been described by the fifth chapter, but they weren't. You need to go in and add descriptions for them.

While I felt connected to Cat because of her internal thoughts, I didn't feel connected to anyone else. I wish you'd included more conversations with her friends to show their personalities more. For example, we learned that Penelope is very determined, but nothing about the other two.

All in all, I will say that you have a natural ability to keep your readers connected to the MC. Not everyone has that talent, and it's a good talent for a writer to have.

Creativity/Originality - 6/10

The scene in the woods wasn't the same as Teen Wolf, but it gave me Teen Wolf vibes. I don't read this genre much, so I have a feeling that this is a pretty cliched idea. I'm sure there are other more creative ways to have her get bitten. I wish I could help you more, but this isn't really my expertise.

I'd say that your story is very original, but I don't know what the plot is. I should have a clear idea of it, but I don't.

Spelling & Grammar - 13/15

I noticed some errors, mainly with punctuation in quotes. It'd be nice if you focused more on longer sentences that flow together because the short and choppy sentences get annoying at times. I don't think it's your intention to keep them short and choppy, so I suggest using more semicolons and coordinating conjunctions (FANBOYS).

Enjoyability - 2/5

I enjoyed the fifth chapter, but the rest of the chapters were boring because nothing was happening. All that happened in the third chapter was Cat trying to sneak out of her house, which she didn't even do by the end of the chapter. If you're going to have shorter chapters, more things need to happen in each chapter.

Literary Devices - 1/5

There weren't any similes or metaphors used at all. When describing people and places, adding these literary devices will help readers connect more, so you need to use them more often.

Descriptions - 2/5

You described Cat and Mr. Pale fairly well, but I would've liked more descriptions of essentially everyone else and their surroundings. You described her house, but you need to go back and describe the school and the Corner Market. It'd help people be more immersed in the story.

Total - 56.5/100