"Aye, Standall!" an obnoxious voice cut into my thoughts, sending my fork flying to the ground by my feet. An antagonizing feeling of anger and embarrassment sent warmth spreading out my cheeks.

"What do you want, Bryce?" I muttered, barely glancing in his direction as Dempsey and Justin fell into the vacant seats opposite of me, cocky smirks on their face.

Whatever they were here for couldn't possibly be worth my time. These guys were dicks, they ran the school, ruled it, like it didn't matter. And Foley's stupid ass didn't waste any time trying to hit on Jess after our break-up.

"You, my friend, look like you could use a nice, ice cold glass of Brandy." he winked, the signature Walker smile stretching across his face. I gave him a disinterested shrug and went back to staring down at the mess of what I hoped was real meat on my tray.

"We've got a proposal for you, Standall." Bryce went on. When I glanced up, I found a dark look on Dempsey's face and a grin on Justin's, "Since you've been with Baker and Davis, we want to know your opinions on them."

I opened my mouth, closed it, then opened it again before I gained enough courage to speak.

"Excuse me?"

"We've got a list, bitch boy." Justin shoved a piece of notebook paper in my direction, "Best Ass In Freshman Class. Which does it go to?"

I stared at the crumbled paper, at the names that shot into each column, two lines left blank, clearly for Hannah and Jess.

"Fuck off." I muttered, pushing it back toward Foley without a second glance, "I don't want any part of it."

"Pussy." another voice was inches from my ear. I shot up, face to face with Montgomery.

"Come on, Monty." it was Dempsey, his voice quiet, "Just leave the kid alone."

"Why? Because he didn't get any sort of action from either of the girls?" Montgomery shot back, "Maybe he's just a fag."

I tore the list from Justin's grip and ripped the pen in Dempsey's hand before scribbling down each girls name in each column, my writing completely legible. It was a shock, considering how fast and pissed of I was writing it.

"See, Alex, man!" Bryce clapped a hand on my shoulder, nearly sending me into a coughing fit, "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

As the boys rose from the table, Montgomery, Bryce, and Justin all headed off, nodding in agreement to the name I had set in the Best Ass part of the list. Zach Dempsey held back, his hands gripping the edge of the table.

"You didn't have to do it." he said. I met his dark, welcoming eyes.

"I did."

"Bullshit." He almost looked pissed, "What was it really, Alex? Was it just to get back at Jess? Do you know how much shit that list is going to cause?" his voice was low, despite the anger and bitterness at the end of each word.

"Then why are you helping with it?" I questioned, glaring across the table at him, "If you think it's going to cause so much shit, then why are you helping them?"

He stayed quiet for a moment, his head turned, eyes distant as he stared at the blue and white wall of the cafeteria ahead of him, his palms still digging into the edge of the table.

"Sometimes we do stupid shit to fit in, Alex." He sighed, "Sometimes that shit hurts other people. In the end we're the ones that make the choices and have to face the consequences. I'll see you around."

I watched in silence as Zach shook his head and headed back toward his table across the lunch room, throwing a long disappointed look back at me before sitting down and turning his back to me completely.

*

"Everyone knows Worst Class in the Freshman Class was a lie. You can't even consider it stretching the truth. But I'm sure no one cared why Jessica ended up on that side of your list, Alex. Well, no one except you. . .and me. . .and Jessica makes three."

I rested my chin on my knees as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look like the Alex Standall that had sat in Monet's months ago, staring longingly at the two girls sitting together and laughing. Friends. Something I wasn't really all that familiar with.

Purple marks were below my eyes, against my ashen skin. My lips were bloody and chapped from every time my teeth had grazed them, my eyes stung with tears with every glance.

I wasn't the same Alex. I was a killer.

"Why are you crying, Alex?" for a moment I thought maybe it was Jess' voice in my doorway. But when my eyes fluttered back open, I was greeted by the side of Hannah Baker standing behind me.

Dressed in a white gown, blood staining every inch of her body as she laid one of her cold, bloody hands on my shoulder.

"All of this is your fault. It wouldn't have happened if you never wrote our names on that list, Alex." her voice was haunting, like a wind rustling a dead tree. Her dark, once lively and beautiful eyes, dilating as she fell to her knees and started crying.

"All I wanted was a friend. A real one. I never had a real friend, Alex. You didn't either. Why couldn't we have each other?" a lump crawled up my throat as I dropped the Walkman back into the shoe box, my hand reaching for the girl on the ground in front of me.

"I know. I'm sorry, Hannah. I'm so sorry." she shook her head, the tears vanishing from her eyes, replaced with a wormhole of bitterness.

"You're not sorry!" She was shouting now, "You killed me, Alex! You killed me! Don't you understand? I'm dead because you wrote that list." I felt tears starting to escape my eyes as I buried my hands in my short hair, tears surfacing in my eyes and spilling over as I rocked back and forth on my bed.

"I'm sorry, Hannah! I'm sorry!" I cried, gasping for air as her bloody figure moved closer to me, the anger dissipation again. The blood along with it.

She changed then. Her short hair falling back down her shoulders in waves, her brown eyes wide and innocent against her pale complexion. Her lips were bright red, a color that had always washed her out but she never seemed to want to not wear. Her hand was outstretched, her blue finger nails glistening under the dim light hanging above us.

This was Hannah. My Hannah. Justin's Hannah. Jess' Hannah. Clay's Hannah. This was the girl we had all fallen in love with, had wished the world for. This was the girl before she had been corrupted by this shitty world and its even shittier inhabitants.

"Come with me, Alex. I'll forgive you when you join me." she smiled then, a light flickering in her eyes. I could feel my chest tightening, a tortured cry escaping me as I tried to reach for her hand. It fell through the air, her figure dissipating, breaking into the air around me, as if it had never been there in the first place.

*

I stood behind Tyler Down's house, the shoe box clenched tightly in my hands as I made my way toward his window, ready to bang on it repeatedly. I wanted him to take the tapes and shove them down his throat, to live and breath the torture that Hannah had gone through. He deserved it as much as I did.

"Alex?" I jumped back, whirling around to find a figure hunched in the bushes behind me.

"Jess?" I thought, for a fraction of a second, that Tony would come running out and waving his hands, appearing out of no where as he always did.

"You listened to them." It wasn't a question. I nodded, gesturing toward the box in my hands.

"I'm so sorry." She rose, then darted toward me, throwing her arms around my neck and burying her face against my chest. I held her there for a second, taking in her familiar scent and feeling of her in my arms. I tore myself away a second later, heading back over to Tyler's window and setting the box of tapes on his window sill. I grabbed a rock once I was by Jess again, throwing it at Tyler's window as hard as I possibly could. I took Jess' hand and brought her down behind the bush with me.

We both watched in silence as Tyler opened his window, clearly shocked by the second spot on his window shattered by a rock, eyes widening when he saw the shoe box wrapped in old Christmas wrapping paper before him. He looked around for a moment, making sure whoever left it wasn't standing around, and scooped it into his arms. Jess and I waited until he had closed his window to stand up and look at each other.

She looked better than I did. She still held the same confidence, the same small, forced smile on her face. But it was her eyes, tortured, vacant, that were a sure sign to me that she had listened to the tapes. I had seen the same look in Justin's.

"I'm sorry." she said, shaking her head, as if the entire thing was her fault.

"I'm sorry too." I replied, taking her hand and moving back toward the street. I had brought my brother's old bike since he had taken the car, but it was gone, Tony's Mustang in the place it had been. He was leaning against the car, a small, sad smile on his face as he bowed his head, making a gesture with his hand for us to approach.

With one last glance over my shoulder and an emptiness inside, I led Jess back over to Tony, waiting until she was safely beside him to give them a quick nod and head off in the other direction. Not knowing where I was going, and for the first time in my life, I didn't care. 

***AN***

Hope you guys enjoyed! 

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~ChasingMadness24