(told you this was random, it's in the title.)

I had a band concert today. Found out that my mum knows what my ex-crush looks like. My life is a complete mess. I missed the bus this morning. This has not been a good month for me. I already know this is gonna be the worst year of my life. Who knows maybe one of the bad things to happen will be me dying. Although I suppose for me it wouldn't be bad. My suffering would end. So many bad things have happened to me. Have you ever ( planned to motor west ( only my friends in choir will understand this) travel my way take the highway that's the best) just laid on your floor staring at the carpet thinking about why you're alive than sit on your bed three hours later rocking back and forth saying " I want to be dead" over and over again for about an hour. I have. Sometimes I think about the many different ways to die. Honestly I was scared of death before but I realized that I will die eventually. Whether it be natural causes, murdered or suicide. We all die so what is the point of fearing it. This probably is dark sounding. My life is complete and utter crap. Right now I fear myself more than anything. I might be losing it. I'm going crazy. I can feel my sanity slip away more everyday. I do this to get it off my mind. I sometimes find my self wondering if anyone ​would miss me if I died. Some people might miss me while others are saying " thank god she's gone. She was such a freak." So what, I'm unique. Just because I'm different than you doesn't mean that after I die you can continue bullying me. Spreading rumors about me that aren't true. Doesn't mean you can bully my friends because I will open the gates of hell and escort your arse right on in and I will do it with a smile on my face. I don't smile or laugh much. If I were to die, I would haunt the people who have hurt me and my friends and family. If I were to die, those who know me would you miss me. I have a quote on my phone. It says, " I don't want to break your heart.".  The response was, " I don't have one." . I probably don't have one, we'll never know. Sometimes I go absolutely emotionless. I'll be happy one minute and the next minute I'm staring off into nothing mind blank with no emotion. It scares my friend when I do that​. Probably because most of the time when I do that I'm in the middle of a sentence or word. I'm sorry. For everything.

Till the next time,

KittenCrazyLOL
3/14/17