Lilly:

"Morning babe," I open my eyes slowly to find Yoongi looming over me. I smile sadly.

"How long have you been up?" I mumble sleepily, knowing what his answer is going to be.

"I haven't slept yet,"

I sigh. He has been saying that almost every day for the past three weeks. He hasn't been sleeping well since the incident with that man. The eye bags under his eyes are deep, standing out harshly against his pale skin.

I recall the article that came out a week ago:

Mr L pleads guilty to attacking BTS SUGA in a home raid last week.

The man who attacked Min Yoongi and his fiancé, Min Lilly, at her home last week has pleaded guilty to attempted murder and physical assault.

Bighit has refused to release details about the alleged incident. However, some information has been leaked as the case was investigated.

Mr L, who will remain anonymous at Bighit's request, entered Min Lilly's residence late last Wednesday night and attacked her and Min Yoongi, who was staying over.

Many are unsure whether it was an anti-fan attack, random, or a fan upset over the sudden marriage. Bighit has not released a statement and refuses to answer any questions on the subject. BTS and Min Yoongi have also refused to answer any questions related to the assailant or the case.

BTS has stayed out of the spotlight since the incident due to Yoongi needing to heal the injuries he sustained during the attack.

Just yesterday, Kim Namjoon (RM) told the media the following:

"We are sorry for making the fans worry. Suga is currently healing and BTS will take a short hiatus, about a month, to deal with the situation,"

This is the only statement released by anyone close to the case.

Pictures have appeared, taken from fans as they left the hospital a few days after the assault, of Min Lilly with cuts over her arms and Suga with a severely bruised jaw. They appear shaken and exhausted.

Fans have come together to show support for Suga and Lilly, holding support rallies out the front of Bighit, and creating support videos online.

Hopefully, Bighit will come forward and confirm the reason for the attack.

. . . . . 

"Are you ready for breakfast?" Yoongi asks, sitting up. I sit up slowly, watching him as I become increasingly worried.

"Why don't you take the sleeping medicine?" I ask. Yoongi looks away, remaining silent.

"The medicine doesn't stop the nightmares," He says blankly. I reach out to touch him, but he stands before I can.

He looks down at me, opening his mouth to say something, before closing it again. He smiles weakly.

"Let's eat," He holds out his hand for me to take. I take it hesitantly, allowing him to change the subject.

Yoongi is not taking the incident well. A few days after we were released from the hospital he returned to get sleeping pills. He doesn't sleep, he just stays up, working. He only falls asleep when he's so exhausted that dreams don't come.

Are his nightmares so bad he must avoid sleeping like this?

He's even pushing his members away. The other day I overheard his phone conversation with Jimin in his bedroom. He left it on speaker, laying on his bed staring at the ceiling.

FLASHBACK:

"I can't come back," Yoongi mumbled.

"We can help you, Yoongi," Jimin replied warily.

"I don't need help. I'm fine,"

"When we saw you yesterday I couldn't believe my eyes," Jimin sighed, "You look pale and exhausted. Let us help you,"

"I've got to go," Yoongi sighed, "I'll call you later,"

"Yoongi..."

"Bye,"

All the members keep messaging me. Every day at least one of them asks me how he's doing, and I always reply the same way: Not good.

They tell me to force him to take the medicine, but he refuses. Is he losing himself? Has the incident unhinged him? Should I be more worried?

I watch him warily as he begins making breakfast. He is paler than usual, but he's gained some weight in the past week. When we first left the hospital he was just getting skinnier and skinnier.

Maybe he just needs some time.

I bite my lip, staring at his huge eye bags filled with worry.

What can I do to make this better?

I try to think of the best way to make him feel better. But I need to know what's making this process so difficult for him. Is he worried the man will come back? Is he scared about being a singer? Has he developed a fear of losing me? Or is all this just the after-effects of watching your life flash before your eyes?

I need to know. I need to ask him.

"Yoongi," I start cutely. He looks up, smirking a little.

"Yeah?"

"I want to have a talk about how we're feeling right now," I mumble quickly. The smile slips from his face. He stares at me for a moment, his eyes shining with an emotion I'm not familiar with, but the rest of his face remains blank.

"I don't want to talk about my feelings right now," He turns back to the food, picking up our plates and bringing them to the table.

"Please, we need to deal with this healthily," I persist. He ignores me, picking up his utensils and starting his meal.

I wait for him to speak, but he doesn't.

"Bub," I sigh, "We need to talk,"

I jump as Yoongi slams his utensils down, glaring up at me.

"Talking won't change what happened,"

I frown. This isn't fair. How can he get better if he won't talk to me? I snap, my emotions already tightly twisted around my chest.

"Listen," I fold my arms, "You can either talk to me about what's keeping you up at night or I'll call your friends and they can come and get you,"

Yoongi's eyes go wide, completely taken aback by my sudden anger.

"There is nothing you can do to solve my nightmares,"

"You don't know that!" I stand up, glaring down at him, "If you're scared he'll come back, we'll go to the courthouse and watch him get put away. If you're scared about my safety, I'll add new locks to the doors and all the windows. If you don't want to be in the spotlight anymore, I'll remind you why you became a singer in the first place. I might not be able to change the past or erase your memory, but I can make it easier for you to heal. We can figure this out together!"

Yoongi crosses his arms, frowning down at his food. I'm not sure if he's considering my proposition or if he's continuing to ignore me, but I can't wait to find out which.

"Fine, just ignore me. I'll just heal myself, without the love from the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. We'll just watch each other fall apart as we try to use the wrong bandages for the wrong wounds!"

"Lilly..." Yoongi stands.

"No! If you think I'll heal better watching you fall apart, you are not as selfless as I thought you were," I spin around and head to my room, slamming the door behind me. I lean against it, controlling my breathing.

It's okay.

I take a deep breath.

We're not going to break up.

Tears fall hot and fast down my cheeks.

We'll be fine.

A sob escapes me. I clamp my hand over my mouth and slide to the floor.

He won't leave me.

I feel a faint knock on the door behind me.

"Lilly," I hear him whisper.

"Go away!" I snap, taking a shuddering breath and crying harder. The doorknob twists and opens a little, pushing on my back. I force it closed.

"Lilly, please. I didn't want to talk because I thought you were getting better. I didn't want to put my problems on you,"

"Well!" I take another shuddering breath before continuing, "If you think I haven't noticed you spiralling, and if you think I don't care, then you don't know me well at all!"

"Lilly..."

"You seem to keep forgetting we went through the same thing!" I shove my face into my hands, letting all the emotions out. I cry harder and harder, pushing on the door every time Yoongi tries to open it again.

"Min Lilly! Let me in!" He hammers on the door. My chest tightens as I try to ignore the fear that builds inside me.

"Leave me alone! We're dealing with this on our own, remember?" I snap sarcastically. Yoongi shoves the door so hard, I fall forward onto my knees. I spin around onto my butt, hiccupping as I look up at him.

He is crying, breathing heavily as he glares down at me.

"I'm sorry, okay?!" He yells, clutching his chest, "I didn't want to be a burden on you! I already put you through so much!"

"Yoongi," I try to cut in, trying to get him to calm down. But he talks over me again. I try to ignore the fear building in my chest. When did I become this weak?

"Yes, all of it's true! I'm scared they'll let him go, I'm scared for your life, I'm scared to continue singing because I don't want to see you hurt again!" He hits his chest, "Every night I watch you die. Over and over again. I see your lifeless body on the floor. How can I tell you these thoughts are in my fucked-up head?!" His red eyes widen a little, making him look scared and demented.
"Yoongi, please stop," I beg, shuffling away.

All of a sudden, he falls to his knees, gasping and sobbing.

"I don't want to lose you," He cries, clutching his hair. I crawl forward so I'm in front of him again. He peeks up at me his red eyes full of desperation.

"I won't go anywhere," I smile sadly, lifting my hand up to wipe away his tears. He grimaces, clutching my hand to his face. I gasp as he pulls me into him, folding his legs and placing me on top of them, my side facing him. He wraps his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder.

I let him cry, let out all the emotions he's built up over the past few weeks.

We sit there for a long time, me stroking his arm and him breathing deeply into my neck.

"I love you, Lilly," He whispers. I smile turning to look at him. He lifts his head, so we are making eye contact.

"I love you more," I whisper, wiping his wet face. He grins, leaning in and kissing me deeply. Each and every situation has a different kiss. A passionate kiss, a sweet kiss of embarrassment, a lustful kiss, an angry kiss. This one is a unique kiss. It's a kiss that holds much more meaning than the daily peck on the lips. It holds promise and love. A kiss that signifies our bond. A kiss that says: We'll get through this. No matter what, we'll make it together.

When we part, we grin at each other.

"So, what can I do to reassure you?" I ask as we help each other stand. Yoongi considers this question for a moment before replying.

"Self-defence." He says simply, "And getting some more locks on this place is a good idea,"

"Alright," I grin, "You promise to talk to me about your thoughts, and I'll take self-defence and organize more locks to be put in. Sounds fair?" He grins, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Fair," He takes my hand, "Come on, let's do something fun,"

. . . . . 

In the weeks that follow, Yoongi starts sleeping more. He says he has to sleep in my bed to feel better, but sometimes I wonder if he's just saying that to be able to sleep next to me.

A week after our emotional breakdown, we finally visit the other BTS members to confirm we haven't gone into hiding and Yoongi doesn't want to leave BTS.

Once we arrive, Yoongi holds my hand nervously.

"It'll be fine," I smirk at him, knocking on the door. Almost immediately, Taehyung answers, looking a mess.

"YAH!" He yells impolitely, pulling Yoongi from my side into his arms, "Why didn't you answer any of our calls?"

"I'll go back if you say 'Yah' again," Yoongi smirks. The other members appear, dragging us inside.

"Are you okay?"

"Why haven't you been responding to my texts!"

"You're not leaving, right?"

"Have you been taking your medicine?"

"Are you feeling okay?"

"What have you been doing?"

"How's your jaw?"

The members bombard him with question after question, not giving him enough time to answer. All he can do is say 'I'm fine' over and over again until Seokjin decides to calm them down, leading them to the lounge. I stay standing near the kitchen, a few metres away from them, sitting on a stool.

I feel a little worried. I hope they don't ask me any questions.

"Firstly," Namjoon turns to me, "How are you, Min Lilly?"

I bite my lip, looking down at my hands. I am feeling a lot better after helping Yoongi out of the hole he dug himself into, but I'm not ready to talk about it with others yet.

I just nod, smiling awkwardly.

Yoongi seems to sense my hesitation.

"She's been busy helping me get better," Yoongi smiles, "She's not ready to talk about it. Maybe after the deeper scars heal,"

There are 2 scars left on my arms. My ribs have healed, and my face feels normal again, but every time I see those scars my chest tightens.

I will be able to get over it after the scars are almost non-existent, but right now I need time.

"All right," Jimin turns to Yoongi, "Are you really leaving us?"

"When has the news ever been right?" Yoongi rolls his eyes. An article was published a few days ago, saying Yoongi might be leaving BTS.

"That's good," Seokjin nods. They must have been really worried about that part.

"Have you been sleeping well? Eating well?" Hoseok asks. Yoongi replies, answering all the member's urgent questions.

As they speak, Jungkook stands and walks over to me, taking the seat beside me.

"Are you okay?" He asks, frowning slightly.

"I'm getting there," I smile, "It was a scary experience, but we'll get through it," Jungkook sighs, looking very relieved.

"That's good," He looks over to Yoongi, "How did you get him to take his medicine?"

"It wasn't really the medicine that helped," I chuckle, "We yelled at each other,"

Jungkook turns to look at me, his eyes wide.

"You yelled at each other? Why?"

"Well, it was the only way he would listen to me and tell me what was going on in his head," I frown at Yoongi, "He hides a lot from me,"

Jungkook nods, looking at Yoongi as well.

"I just want to say..." we look back at each other, "You two are good together,"

I smile knowing exactly how much saying that means to him.

"Thank you," I grin. He smirks, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"But if he hurts you, I'm sweeping in and snatching you away,"

"Yah!" I say loudly, smacking him on the shoulder. The other members turn to look at us, curious expressions on their faces. Yoongi just glares between the two of us. I roll my eyes turning to whisper into Jungkook's ear.

"Don't wait for me. Love someone who deserves you,"

"Yah!" Yoongi stands up and rushes over before Jungkook can reply. He looks a little hurt, but he smiles kindly, nodding, "What did she whisper? What did you whisper? What are you guys talking about?"

We all laugh at Yoongi's sudden jealousy. I suppose I should get used to it now after all that's happened.

We spend the day there, laughing and chatting, talking about everything and nothing. Yoongi promises them that he'll be back at work next week and that he'll make a statement for the fans.

As the day goes by, I finally realize where I belong and why I am here. I belong in the music scene, beside Yoongi. I love him with all my heart, and I will support him at every turn and every moment. And he'll love me as we make a life for ourselves. We won't make decisions based on each other, we'll just stand side by side, moving through this life as a partnership.

That's all I want.