Chapter Twenty-Two
Guilt

"What the fuck is it now?" I groaned getting my gear ready, we were informed by Commander Erwin that Reiner and Bertholdt were close.

"They've been hiding closer and closer to us, it's now or never we have to catch them and if they can't be held prisoners then they'll have to die." Hange replied as she pulled her ponytail tighter.

Once we all geared up and ran out with our squad I saw Armin running out to fight. He's gotten better, he's more confident and I can't help but thank Annie for that. Even if she wasn't my favorite person.

I was assigned farther away from Captain Levi's squad and I was paying attention to the titans coming in from a different side of the wall.

Fuck, there was too many.

"Stay focused!" Hange shouted at me before swooping in with our squad immediately.

I didn't knoe what was completely going on, I assumed Armin was fighting other titans and I hope he was able to protect himself.

I couldn't help but worry about him, everytime we went out into battle like this I could only think about how I would react if he were to be dead.

Let's not find out.

"Come here!" I swooped in and slashed a titan's neck.

"Athena! Help!" I whipped my head to see Eric being crushed in a titan's hand and my heart shattered.

Was I close to my squad? Not so much, we had fun times and joked around with each other but never to the level of me and Hange.

But this, this crushed me.

I've seen many soldiers die in battle, I've seen people come and go and even if you think they can take care of themselves... Many times that confidence gets overruled by the truth of it all.

Titans killed more of us than we killed them.

We can try to kill a large amount of titans but it will never be enough.

"Eric!" I tried to push forward but then I heard another scream.

I saw cassie's body flung across me from right to left, my eyes shot up in horror. Blood splattered my face, her blood was on my face.

Something enraged me, I haven't felt this way since the first expedition I went on.

I was going to kill all of these titans.

I darted to Eric and slashed the titan's neck as it let go of him and he fell out of its grip.

"Stay with me!" I grunted as I flew to him and held him in my arms in pain, he was fucking heavy.

"Was that?" He breathed out, his eyes almost rolling back to his head. "C-Cassie?"

"Don't worry about that right now, come on Eric!" I landed on a house.

"She- She's dead." He cried as he covered his face with his bloody hand. "I couldn't save her."

"Eric, listen to me!" I pinned down his wrist and hovered over him as a tear trickled down my cheek. "Now is not the time! Your bones are crushed, can you walk?"

His eyes stared through mines and he tried getting up but he could barely make it a few steps without my support. Fuck. I cannot carry him throughout everything.

"What the hell happened?" Hange landed behind us.

"His bones are crushed." I turned to her as I let Eric down slowly on the roof. "We can't just leave him here."

"Go with the others," Hange had a stern look on her face as she stared at Eric not even glancing at me.

"What?" I breathed out astonished at her words. "What does that even mean-"

"Athena, follow Levi's squad. I'll take care of this." Hange ordered and then turned to me with furrowed eyebrows.

"What will happen to him? Hange? I don't think even you can carry him to battle?" I felt something in my gut make my stomach turn.

She cannot be serious about leaving him.

"That's an order." Hange reminded me and pointed to the right. "Go now, don't forget I'm still your captain."

"No." I stood my ground letting more tears fall out silently. "He can be saved, if we call—"

Hange places her hand on my collar and brings me close to her face a glare on her face now.

"Are you disobeying me right now?" She spat.

I never seen her talk to me like this, I was nervous and worried. I didn't like the tone in which she was speaking in but I didn't want to leave Eric.

"Fuck you." I glared back before turning to Eric wiping my cheek. "You can still fight, I know you can."

I turned away not wanting to hear what he would say and I leaped off the roof heading to the direction where all the commotion was coming from.

It was not fun.

"In the walls, check the walls!" Armin shouted and I looked at how everyone looked at him like he was crazy.

"Check the damn walls!" I backed him up and began searching.

I was not having it, the thought of having two of my comrades dead at this moment. We were doing so well and I felt my concentration go down.

I don't remember it so well, it all happened too fast.

Sasha.

Reiner.

Connie.

Connie...

Fuck.

Not Connie.

Titans.

"Natalia! Focus!" I shouted as I pushed through and took over.

More blood.

I don't remember it entirely.

But I know that if it weren't for Connie, Sasha would've really took a hit.

But why didn't I feel like Connie wouldn't make it out?

My hope has slowly disappeared.

What the fuck is happening.