CHAPTER FIFTEEN
those who will die

THE MOMENT THEY FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH SAGE AND KAI, THE GROUP COLLAPSED UNDERNEATH A DARK SHADE. The sun glared down at the heaving group, scolding against their visible skin. Eleanor felt a wave of relief engulf her whole after she finally saw Kai and Sage, the nausea finally fading once she realised they had both made it out alive. Though, her nausea was immediately brought back when she saw the blade proding from Sage's shoulder.

Of course, they were vigilant, but Eleanor was paying more attention to the knife piercing Sage's shoulder, immediately rushing over with wide, worry filled eyes. She immediately nodded at Marlene, who understood that Eleanor was now in a position where she was helping Sage and couldn't watch guard. Marlene seemed more focus on the surroundings, allowing Eleanor to be focused on the wound.

Sage winced as Eleanor sat her down. "How did you even manage that?" Eleanor nervously asked, assessing just how bad the cut is. From what she could see, it was best the blade was still lodged into her shoulder. It already looked tender and if they didn't focus on it soon, it would definitely get infected and it was best for Sage not to die from an infection. Especially since Eleanor actually knew how to deal with these sorts of wounds. Thankfully Sage had some sort of knowledge to keep the knife in place, probably managing to grab the handle before the owner took it. "And how did you manage to keep it?"

"Some tribute, I think the pair from 3, attacked me and Kai," Sage groaned as she moved, biting her lip to suppress a cry. "I nicked it right before she could pull it out. It seemed her partner didn't want her hanging around too long." She winced once more as she inhaled, painfully exhaling with a soft moan which was stifled by her biting her lip.

Eleanor closed her eyes momentarily, finally replying, "Good." She breathed out deeply, already wishing she was in the safety of St Magdalene Rossetti so she could at least deal with the wound properly. "At least you won't be the idiot to remove the blade and die from blood loss." She sighed heavily, opening the rucksack and placing it on the soft mossy ground beneath them to see if the bag had anything to offer. She pulled out three bottles of water, a packet of nuts, and, just before she lost faith, she finally found some anti-septic. She sighed in relief. "We better find shelter. I'd rather not be in the open treating a stab wound."

"You act like you've treated them before." Sage pointed out, yelping as she moved ever so slightly.

Eleanor swung the backpack over her shoulder. "Ever wonder why people joke about drunk sailors?" She gave a playful laugh, grabbing Sage's other shoulder and hauling her up carefully. She held back an apology as Sage whimpered, knowing fully well that she had no choice in causing the red head this amount of pain. "Come on, keep the knife in, okay?"

Sage gritted her teeth, letting out a soft moan as she glared at Elara. "Wasn't planning otherwise."

Elara smiled at the girl, completely ignoring her glare. "Good."

Kai following closely besides Eleanor and Marlene, watching timidly. "Ellie's used to this thing," He tried comforting Sage as she winced. "My ma always tells me how she's the best person for any sorta medical issues."

"You got some fascination with death, Eves?" Marlene glanced towards Eleanor, who shook her head quickly.

"I prefer 'a fascination with life'." Eleanor corrected, chuckling lightly.

"Unfortunate you're in the literal death games then." Marlene laughed bitterly, dragging her ax on the floor. She didn't seem to care about it, perhaps even grateful she didn't have to hold it directly in front of her. "So, you're not some stupid career and genuinely care about human life?" Marlene gave a low whistle, rolling her eyes.

Eleanor scowled at the girl. "What's that supposed to mean?" She turned to face Marlene, displeased at the clearly targeted comment. "Is this because I'm from 4?"

"Duh." Marlene replied, finally hauling the ax behind her shoulder and carrying it off the floor. "Unless you've been living in your head for the past sixteen years, then you'll be aware how lucky you are."

Eleanor stopped. "Lucky?" She stressed incredulously, each syllable filled with shock and hate. "You genuinely think I want to be here?"

"Ellie didn't volunteer." Kai defended, also glaring at Marlene. Marlene though didn't seem to care, walking forward. It seemed as though Kai wasn't having any of it and rushed forward, nudging Marlene ever so slightly to back away from Eleanor. "She. Didn't. Volunteer."

"Heard you the first time, Pipsqueak." Marlene snarked, finally turning to face Eleanor. "Fish sticks, how many times was your name in the Reaping bowl?"

Eleanor paused, her face going blank for a moment. "Four times."

"Mine was in there twenty nine times." Marlene instantly replied. "I know for a fact Sage also put her name in multiple times and from the looks of Pipsqueak," She cocked her head to the side. "He put his name in more than you."

"You think I wanted this?" Eleanor scoffed, her face red from embarrassment and shock. Of course, Eleanor understood the remark. She had privilege none of them had. Kai had grown up in The Cove, Marlene clearly had to take the burden of taking out tesserae, and from the looks of Sage, she also had to take that same burden. Though, she remained adamant on what she knew was true. "I never wanted to be apart of this."

The blonde didn't care. She continued, "You were the least likely of us all. Be grateful you didn't need the grain and shit to survive and actually had the chance to prepare." She continued her rant. "I bet you never had to watch your own niece nearly starve to death in the freezing cold."

Eleanor said nothing because she never witnessed anyone close to her starve to death. Sure, she helped treat people suffering from malnutrition, but she was never helpless. For years she had the solution in medicines and foods, not tesserae and extra slips of paper. It was here that Eleanor truly did realise her luck and fortune, something so many kids didn't have.

How could she live with herself if she survived and they didn't?

"Oh right, you didn't." Marlene's voice faded away, the girl moving ahead to go scour the area for any body of water and shelter. That simply left Sage, Eleanor, and Kai behind.

Sage grimaced, breathing out heavily. "Don't listen to Marls, El." The girl tried comforting, squeaking from pain as they moved forward. She continued. "She's just upset."

"She has a funny way of showing it." Kai snarked, clearly disliking the way the comments hurt Eleanor.

Eleanor shook her head. "She's right though," her voice was quieter than usual. "I was purely reaped by chance. You all had larger odds of being reaped."

Sage laughed darkly, shaking her head slightly. "Well, the odds are never in our favour." They turned a corner and Eleanor felt someone collide into her, knocking her to the ground. Marlene reacted the quickest, immediately pulling whoever had collided into Eleanor off her. The blonde was not hesitant whatsoever in pinning the tribute to the ground.

He yelped and Marlene's hand snaked up to cover his mouth, preventing the kid from screaming. He struggled under her grip.

"Wait!" Kai seemed to react immediately the moment they all caught a glimpse of small Jaime Ashers and his terrified white face. He shoved Marlene to the side with newfound strength and stood in front of Jaime with open arms, shielding him. "Please! He's my friend!"

Marlene groaned. "Come on, one kid is enough." She gestured to Kai, turning to Eleanor with a frown. Eleanor got off the ground and dusted the dirt off her knees, hesitantly looking at the horrified face that belonged to Jaime.

"You can't expect anyone to willingly murder him, Marl." Eleanor ignored Marlene's exhale of frustration, moving to extent a hand to Jaime. "Allies?"

"You won't kill me right?" His voice was small and hesitant, though his bright blue eyes shone with hope. He stared at Eleanor with his entire being, only relaxing when he saw her softness shine clearly. It was as though everything about Eleanor soothed Jaime, who now comforted him with a soft, gentle, smile.

She gave a small laugh, her lips still curved upwards as she extended her hand to him. She held it out firmly, waiting with patience for him to trust her. "Promise."

He took her hand without any hesitation.

It hadn't taken long for them to find shelter under a large oak tree. When night fell, Eleanor and Marlene decided to stand guard. Kai was sprawled on Eleanor's lap, fast asleep, while the girls had make shifted Sage a more comfortable resting spot. Eleanor could tell the girl wasn't comfortable - her face was scrunched up and her eyebrows were knitted together - so Eleanor knew none of this was the best. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than sleeping on her wound. Eleanor had torn off a part of her suit, from the leg, and wrapped it around the wound after she had finished cleaning it.

Jaime was sat at the furthest edge, shivering in his sleep. It pained Eleanor to ally herself with yet another twelve year old, knowing she'd soon grow a fond attachment to the kid. She didn't want to imagine being forced between Kai and Jaime, because as selfish as it sounds, Eleanor knew she would choose Kai.

She could only hope that she would not have to make that decision and that whatever happened to Jaime was as gentle as it possibly could be.

The brunette breathed out shakily, jumping as Panem's anthem rang out in the clearing. Simultaneously, Eleanor and Marlene both watched nervously as the faces of fellow tributes appeared in the skyline, lighting it up with their youth. Eleanor tried to put a name to each face she saw, but the names became blurry and all she could think about was the dead bodies that littered the Cornucopia. She felt awful, as though an everlasting migraine would forever plague her. But she couldn't look away, because if she looked away then she'd forget what happened. She watched every face shine like those stars she used to watch when she was younger, her eyes saddened as the face of District 12's female tribute ended the nightly recap. Eleanor finally focused on Marlene Woods, who rested her head on her knees sadly, her eyes dimmed as she undoubtably thought about the district partner she had killed.

"I'm sorry," Eleanor broke the silence, not moving to comfort Marlene. She didn't know if the girl wanted to be held or comforted, but she hoped her words would be okay. "You were right about earlier. Back home in 4, I do have it easy."

Marlene shook her head. "No, no," she sighed heavily, her head tilting forward so that her blonde hair covered her face. Her eyebrows crossed together slightly in thought as she continued, her voice so soft and so wispy that Eleanor had nearly missed it. "I was just angry at myself... I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"You weren't wrong with what you said though." Eleanor assured her, frowning ever so slightly. Her eyes were downturned with newfound shame at all the privilege she had blatantly looked past for so long. At all the meals she had wasted because she didn't like the food, at all the nights she had taken granted simply because she had the privilege of a warm belly and bed. She could feel Marlene's eyes on her in the darkness of the night. "Back in 4, starvation isn't that bad. I've seen people come in to the clinic in need of food, but never on the point of starving to death usually. I have it good there, warm belly every night. I'm sorry life isn't good for you."

"The clinic?" Marlene gave a bewildered look to Eleanor, prompting the girl to explain further. It seemed as though she could only focus on the only alien concept Eleanor had mentioned, not the admittance of privilege that the District 4 girl had always looked past.

She smiled lightly, breathing out heavily in a soft exhale. "It's like a doctor office... just a lot more informal and with minimal resources sometimes." Marlene nodded in understanding, though Eleanor could tell that she didn't have anything similar to St Magdalene Rossetti. She continued explaining. "Honestly, I will admit you are right when you say I'm privileged. I am. The worse cases are always from where Kai's from and I'm from the richer area anyways. I didn't have to take out tesserae, but a lot of people I know did." She thought of both Annie and Finnick, who both had to enter their names in for extra tesserae. That extra tesserae was the exact reason Finnick had been reaped just two years prior, so all Eleanor could hope was

"But, you help them, right?" Marlene turned to face Eleanor, her hazel eyes wide with something Eleanor didn't recognise. "Those people who come to the clinic?"

Eleanor nodded, swallowing. "I try." She softly brushed Kai's curls away from his face. He looked truly peaceful as he slept, his face truly relaxed. It was mortifying how childlike he looked in his sleep. "I like to think I'm good at helping people. Maybe it's the only thing I will ever be able to accomplish"

"You are." Marlene confirmed, gesturing to Sage with her right hand. Eleanor watched as the red haired girl slept soundly, only in slight discomfort at the wound that had been inflicted just hours before. Marlene gave Eleanor a faint smile, inching closer to wrap her arms around Eleanor reassuringly. "Her wound isn't getting bad. If you hadn't got that bag, known what to do, she'd probably be dead right now."

Eleanor shook her head. "Sage's smart enough, she would've found some plant to help herself." She turned to look over at the girl's soundly asleep body, her shoulder looking considerably good despite the fact she endured a stab wound just hours prior. She paused for a moment, finally turning to face Marlene once more. "You get some sleep. I'll wake you in three hours and we can take it in turns taking guard?" Marlene relucted, but eventually sleep claimed her like it had the rest of them.

gotta love marlene and eleanor's friendship and bond <3

they're my babies if u cannot tell already

**sigh**

hurting them is gonna traumatise me

well i did this to myself