Virgine

"Look who it is, the only virgin in the entire school!" Said a guy I didn't even know, while his whole group of friends giggled.

"She's innocent, maybe she still thinks babies come from storks." His friend added.

Different day, same shit. Even after moving from New York to Miami, things are still the same. Do I really give off the saint vibe? I'm sure the answer is not far from a "yes" but even if it was, my name is Virgine fucking Pure. What the hell were my parents thinking? I'm sure they wanted me to drag this virginity burden for as long as I could, and they made sure it was really obvious.

Well, I'm talking as if being a virgin was my biggest worry... the issue goes way beyond that. I've never kissed a boy, not even rubbed my lips against anyone's! To be honest, I believe I have never even gone on a date with a boy. Now that I think about it, it's not like I have male friends either... yup. My experience with boys is truly limited to the stories I create in my mind. Ok, now I understand how it spread so fast across the school. Sigh.

I headed to my locker to pick up my study books and go home. My classes were done for the day, and the more I could avoid being at school, the better.

"Hi Virgine". My friend Skyler approached me.

"Jeez, Skyler, don't call me that." Said while picking up my books.

"What do you want me to call you? Pure? I think that's a little worse". She laughed.

"Come on, don't mock me! It's bad enough having the whole class laughing when the professors call my name." I closed the locker and started walking down the hall.

"Well, if you had it that much, let's just find you a nickname." She suggested. "And in the meantime, you really should get it over with, if it bothers you that much."

"What do you mean?!"

"You know... your virginity. People have been making fun of you about it since forever, and I can see how it hurts you. It's not that big of a deal, to be honest. Mine with Carter was kinda awkward. He struggled to put the condom on, and it hurt me at the start. We only enjoyed it on the second try."

"But Skyler, Carter is your boyfriend. I cannot just walk around asking random guys if they want take my virginity away."

"Well, I'm sure some would say yes." She gave me a funny look.

I giggled; it was a funny scenario to imagine. "Plus, I don't want to get intimate with a total stranger. I wanted someone I could trust. Someone a tiny bit interesting, not to ask for too much. Not any of these assholes that attend this school."

"I'm just saying it could bring you some peace of mind. Think about it, I can help you find someone."

"I think I'll pass." I've stopped walking when I reached the main door to the exterior of the building. "I'm done with my classes. Are you still staying? Where is Cecilia, by the way? Haven't seen her today."

"I'm still staying, I have intro to macroeconomics now. I think Cecilia has a group project meeting. I saw her in the morning but didn't talk much."

"Alright, I'll get going then. The sooner I arrive home, the better."

"See you tomorrow, sweet Virgine." She mocks me a bit more and walks away laughing.

I laughed too and headed outside. It's a good day for walking, and plus, I always avoid the bus. It was, naturally, full of people from school, and I'm not a masochist to put myself through that.

Skyler and Cecilia were the two kind souls who made my college experience bearable. We met during the welcoming week, and he hit it off pretty naturally. Although they were not as innocent as I was, they were also not into the whole hook-up and getting-wasted culture. I guess we ended up relating to each other. But of course, the only virgin of the group c'est moi. Skyler is currently dating Carter, to whom she has lost her virginity to; and even though Cecilia is single at the moment, she has experimented with a couple of things during her 2 previous relationships. And here I am, the only sweet innocent girl. Ugh.

I placed my headphones and kept walking. There was no point in complaining, really. I just need to accept it.

{...}

"Hello darling." Jamie said in his deep British accent as soon as I arrived home.

"Oh hi Jamie, you're home." I headed to the kitchen, where he was cooking lunch.

Jamie was my cousin Hollie's husband. The fact that they are married is quite weird, since they are both only 24 years old. Hollie's dad was from England, and it appears that his parents, Hollie's grandparents, belonged to some weird religion that still arranges marriages to maintain good external relations or whatever. My side of the family was not happy when they heard the news that Hollie was engaged to a British man she barely knew; but since her grandfather was close to passing out, things ended up happening to fulfill his wish.

I don't know much about Jamie. Honestly, I don't think we've ever had more than the regular small talk 2 people engage in when they co-live together (again, me and my lack of skill in talking to men). I have to say I find it a bit odd that Jamie agreed to the whole marriage arrangement: he is definitely not religious, and his interactions with Hollie are nothing more than polite. No sudden touches, no inside jokes, no intimacy. In fact, they even sleep in separate bedrooms! And Hollie spends most of her time outside working as a journalist. He probably accepted for the same reason she did: not disappointing the family.

Although I have to say, I think I would be at least a little happy to be married to Jamie. He has recently quit his job to pursue a master's degree in law, which means he is for sure knowledgeable and ambitious. Plus, he has been nothing but kind and respectful towards my stay here. He had no reason to want me in their house, yet he has been rather welcoming. And, well... not that I'm looking at my cousin's husband like that, but he is... he is attractive. Tall, slim, long blonde hair up to the neck, blue eyes, and pale skin. He has a very interesting look for someone who will visit the courtroom often: darker clothing, leather boots, silver jewelry, and I believe I've seen a couple of tattoos on his arms when he wears a t-shirt. He has this rough energy to him, while at the same time also having this kind aura to him. Makes me wonder...

"Yes, my classes are mainly during the morning, so I'll have the afternoons for researching, projects, and also relaxing. I finally don't need to rush cooking lunch, which I very much appreciate." He said, saving me from my own thoughts. "How was school?"

"You know, the usual." I sat down in one of the kitchen counter chairs, facing him. I felt quite frustrated today, more than usual anyway. "How good can school be, am I right?"

"Understandable point. However," He started serving 2 plates of what looked like a homemade Asian dish. "I'm gonna be a bit nerdy here and say school can be quite fun."

"Well, certainly not for me for sure." I bumbled, almost inconsciously. Oh, this will for sure start a conversation beyond small talk.

"Why do you say that? Are you having any trouble there? Difficulties learning?" He placed my plate of food in front of me and sat down facing me, with his own plate.

"Thank you." Said regarding the food. "No, no study-wise all is going good, it's just that..."

I stopped myself from speaking to think for a few seconds. Was I really going to start a conversation with Jamie about being bullied for being a virgin? That's something oddly personal for someone I don't really have a relationship with.

"Virgine, I know we haven't really bonded much, but I hoped I'm at least creating a safe space for you to share any worries you might have. And also, you'll be seeing me much more around the house now. Maybe it's the perfect opportunity for us to become... closer."

Safety, bonding, becoming closer... I remembered my thoughts this morning. I was complaining how my experience with men was nonexistent, right? Well, Jamie is a man. Maybe, if I want to improve my situation at school, I could start by opening up more to men. Maybe Jamie will understand me, and can even give me some tips. After all, he is older; maybe I can learn from him. And I feel so frustrated today; I think I'll actually explode if I keep this to myself.

"I appreciate that, Jamie. It would actually be nice to get to know you more. We're roommates after all." I took a bit of the food. "Oh, this is great, by the way. I'm already happy to have you spend more time at home."

He giggled, but I could see he wasn't ready to change topics. "So, tell me what's upsetting you."

"Well, this might be a bit too intimate for our first bonding moment..." I said, still reluctant.

"Bonding is exactly about the intimate stuff." He stopped for a second. "And I'm very curious to understand better what goes on in your mind."

He sounded like this was not the first time he was thinking about this. Hum.

"You can tell me, Virgine." He said in his deep voice.

"Alright. It's kinda obvious to be honest. You know... It's about my name."

"What about it?"

I knew he knew. He was too smart - and most likely experienced - not to know.

"That's ok, Jamie. I know it's obvious. You know. My name is Virgine."

"Yes, I am aware. I still don't know what the problem is."

He was either fishing for my words or he was trying to be polite. Either way, it made me feel like it was a normal name for the first time in years.

"Virgine as in... virgin."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

There was a few seconds of silence. I felt so vulnerable. I mean, I just explicitly told my cousin's husband about my dry sex life. Silence was definitely not the response I was hoping for. So much about bonding...

"Do people mock about it?" He asked.

See, I knew he knew.

"Yes, since forever basically. I thought the moving would help, but people just pick it up so easily. No matter what I do, I cannot make it stop. I'll always be Virgine Pure. It's so ridiculous it almost feels like a made-up name!" My frustration started to show.

"Fuck them, though. It's not like they know if it's actually true. That only concerns you."

"Yeah, but let's be honest, it's not like I give off the vibe that people are wrong about their assumptions."

"Hum. So it's not so much about them, but about you."

"Hum?"

"It bothers you that you're a virgin." He stopped eating and fixated his eyes on mine.

I swallowed hard. Am I nervous?

"Humm... well... I mean..." I mumbled.

"It's ok to say it, we're adults here. It's normal."

"Ugh. It's not only that I'm a virgin. I have no experience with boys."

"What do you mean by no experience? I'm sure you've kissed someone before."

I didn't even need to say anything. I just looked at him, straight in the eyes.

"Oh. So no experience really means no experience."

"Yup."

"And you're 20 years old."

Ah, here it is, the judgment. How could I even think about speaking to him, a man, about this?

"Yeah, I don't know why I thought you wouldn't judge me."

I stood up, ready to leave the table. I felt so stupid. At least before, he didn't know this piece of information about me. Now I have to co-live with someone who thinks I'm a poor, innocent girl.

"Wait, Virgine. I didn't mean it like that."

He grabbed my hand, stopping me from walking away. His pulse was firm but still soft. Did I feel a chill down my spine? Virgine, what the fuck.

"I hear you. I can see you're frustrated, and I apologise for sounding insensitive. I'm just trying to understand where your mind is at."

I took a deep breath and sat down. He let go of my hand carefully.

"Ok, maybe I jumped to a conclusion here. I'm just so tired. I'm sure you mean well."

"I'm just a little surprised here. I mean, I know you're more reserved, but I've always expected men to approach you."

I couldn't stop myself from laughing. "Me? Have you actually looked at me?"

"I actually have."

I can see him slowly lowering his gaze from my eyes to my lips. He unconsciously bites his lower lip and slightly tilts his head. I cannot help but fixate on his lips, his full, rosy lips.

"What did you see then?" I asked, nervously.

His gaze keeps moving, towards my shoulders, and then my breasts. It's almost like he is stripping me, and I feel completely naked in front of him. But not in a creepy way. In a very, very sexy way.

"I saw an intelligent, determined, and brave woman that most men would be lucky just for hanging out with." He stood up and rounded the counter, coming towards me. "I also saw your brown eyes, your long chocolate hair..." He stopped very close to me and stroked my cheek with the most careful touch. "And your smooth pale skin."

"Jamie..." All I could do was mumble his name. I felt my whole body shiver just with that touch.

"Virgine, before you say anything, I believe I can help you."

"Help me? How?" I looked up to him and noticed his incredibly defined jawline.

He moved his hand down and ran his fingertips through my neck. I could swear it felt like I was running out of breath.

"I believe I can teach you what you are in need of learning." He continued to the collarbone. "I'll help you experience everything that you're curious about knowing." To the shoulds."And I promise I'll make you feel really good, Virgine." He stopped a little above my breasts, but didn't take out his hand.

"Jamie, you're my cousin's husband!" I mumbled the first thing that came to my mind, still trying to catch my breath.

"Oh I can see your innocence now." He said while lowering his hand again, toward my breasts. "You know it was an arranged marriage. There's nothing between us; we don't even share the same bed. We have a green pass to be with other people. This is purely to keep up appearances."

"But in her house... this is still wrong."

"Not if she doesn't know about it." His index finger made its way towards my nipple, hovering over my aureola. "This will be our little secret." He whispered in my ear.

I felt something inside me twitch. What feeling is this? Unconsciously, I pressed my tights against one another and started feeling a little ache, right in between them.

"You're so responsive, Virgine. I haven't barely touched you." He took his hand off me and moved away. "And you're blushed. I can feel you want to say yes, even though you cannot even begin to imagine all the things we will do together."

God, he was right. I really wanted to say yes, to whatever this is. I don't know if it's the tension, the frustration or just the fact that this extremely handsome man is talking me out of my senses, but I really couldn't think about how wrong this was. Every little bone, organ, muscle and nerve in my body were awake for what I think is probably the first time in forever, and it felt like... it felt just right.

"How would this work?" I asked.

He smirked, knowing I was giving in. "Think about this as lessons. I'll be your teacher, and you'll be my student. I'll teach you everything you need to know and experience to solve your little problem."

"You'll take my virginity?"

"That's just one of the things we can do. But I have a long list of things you need to learn before you think about sex, darling."

My life would change so much at school if I could prove I had just a little more experience with boys...

"Let me help you." He got closer and leaned toward me again. "Say yes."

I nodded.

"I need to hear you say it, Virgine. Say you want my help."

He was so close to me that I could feel his breath on my cheek. How was he breathing so well, while I was here barely catching enough air to survive?

"I...I..." I mumbled. If my flesh were not muffling the sound of my heartbeat, you could hear it in the whole house.

"Say you want me to show you how good I can make you feel."

"God, yes." I managed to say, giving away how bad I really wanted it. "Yes, I want your help, Jamie."

"Good, good. Just one more thing." We went back and took the seat in front of mine again. "Again, I know we don't know each other that well, but for this to work, you need to trust me. I'll hand over your control to me, and I'll take care of you."

"What if it's too much for me?"

"No need to worry, darling. I'll take my time understanding you, your boundaries and see how much you can take. Plus, we can stop anytime you want. Just say stop, and we stop. Communication is very important. A good student always communicates her wants and needs to her teacher. Tell me you understand."

"Yes, I understand."

"Now say you trust me, and you want me to take control."

Although my breath was still accelerated, I verbalised that sentence with complete ease, like those words were dying to come out. "I trust you and want you to take control."

"Good girl. We begin tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?!" I didn't know if I was shocked to be so soon or disappointed that I wouldn't feel his touch again today.

"I have a terrible school paper to finish today, so I can give you my undivided attention tomorrow." He stood up and took our empty plates to the sink. "Now, if you excuse me, I'll go to my desk." He came closer to me again and whispered in my ear. "Ah, and don't forget to breathe. I need you well tomorrow." He talked away and went upstairs.

What the hell just happened? I wasn't even able to process how things escalated this quickly. I took a deep breath and tried to focus, but all I could think about was his touch on my skin. What the fuck am I getting into? 

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Hi loves! 

So happy to be back to bring you such an important piece of me. I wanted to adapt and translate my most famous book for so long, cause I wanted to make it more accessible to more people. 

And let me tell you, editing something that I've written more then 10 years ago is so interesting, cause I still love this story to death. But now I have way more complex and fresher ideas to put in paper, so you might want to read this, even if you read the original Portuguese version. 

Lots of love, Perftho