Dedication to panemgirl for making me die each week in anticipation

~~~

In my dreams, I'm cold. I am so cold. The cold numbs me, bites at my toes, chills my heart. I seem to be in water, because I'm weightless, floating and I can feel the water around me. I look in the direction that I think is up but all is dark. I swim in that direction, and soon I see a faint blue light. It gets brighter and brighter and hope fills me. Hope that I can get out and warm myself. This cold was chilling. Then that hope vanishes as I realize where the light comes from.

Ice. A thick layer of it.

It cuts me off, trapping me from the outside. A shiver runs through my body. I was getting colder. And I was running out of breath. I banged against the ice as hard as I could, but suddenly it was concrete. And I was in a room. A room filled with icy cold water. And the walls were closing in. And I was panicking. I banged against them, as hard as I could, but all it did was make my hands sore. I was running out of breath. My mind was screaming at me to open my mouth and take a breath, but I knew only cold water would rush in. The cold. I was so cold. So cold. So weak. So trapped. So scared.

My banging grows weaker, even though I put all my effort into it. In a matter of seconds I'm too weak to keep going. I sink to the bottom of the room and lean against the wall, closing my eyes, my heart pounding. I could see stars. They were beautiful. I feel myself giving in to my mind, wanting to open my mouth, but I forced myself not to. I was faint and out of breath. But I still felt the panic. I couldn't do this. And finally, I give in and open my mouth.

I gasp at the air, sucking it in breaths. I open my eyes and see Katniss looking down at me concerned, tears running down her face, and it all rushes back to me. I was in the train, not a concrete small room. I splutter at the air, sucking in each breath as a gasp, savoring it. The cold has left my fingertips and toes, replaced by warmth, but I could still remember it.

"Melanie. You're ok." Katniss whispers, stroking the hair out of my eyes, tears still streaming down her face.

"It.. I was cold and... and water... I couldn't breath... and..." I stutter, still clutching at air. She makes a shhh sound.

"It's ok. It was only a nightmare. But a very realistic one." She brushes a tear from her eye and looks away.

"What's wrong Katniss?" I ask, finally catching my breath.

She sniffs and looks back at me. "You stopped breathing Mel." Her voice cracks as she speaks. "It... It was like Prim all over again." I wrap an arm around her shoulders and look her in the eyes.

"I'm right here." I whisper and she nods.

"So am I."

It takes a while to get back to sleep and when I finally do, I sleep dreamless.

I wake as the sun is barely rising and panic when Katniss isn't beside me. Then I hear her voice outside the door and calm down. Edging towards the door, I lean an ear against it.

"Look, you told me Mel was coming with me and I'm not letting you change that. You aren't allowed to lay a finger on her if you want me to submit to your terms. I will be the good little girl you want be to be but don't pull Melanie into this. You have Peeta and Gale," Her voice cracks at this statement, "and that's enough. Understood?"

"Alright. You can have the girl." Zane says.

"Good. So don't let me catch your guards trying to take her away again."

"Fine." Zane replies. I hear him turning to walk away, but then he pauses. "Oh, and Katniss?"

"What?" She snaps at him.

I can hear his smirk through his voice.

"Transplants this afternoon." Then I hear him walk away.

"Come on Everdeen. Back in the cell." I someone's voice grumble and lie back down, closing my eyes as Katniss comes back in. I sneak a peek through one eye when she's not looking at me and see that she is as pale as a sheet.

Transplants this afternoon.

~~~

Katniss

I sit next to Melanie silently, my knees against my chest, looking out at the rising sun against the landscape. We were traveling, but I have no idea where to and I don't care enough to ask.

This was the last few hours I had alone. Then I had to give up my freedom and be a mockingjay once again. But not the Mockingjay. Their Mockingjay.

I close my eyes and sigh. I didn't want to do this. But I had no choice. They had Gale and Peeta.

I push the thoughts from my mind and focus on the sunrise. The shades of oranges and pink, the way the clods looked golden in the light, how the sun streaming through the sparse trees casts a pattern on the landscape.

"Katniss?" Melanie yawns and I turn and smile.

"Morning." I greet.

"Yeah, morning." She replies, stretching her shoulders.

It had been a fitful night to say the least. First Melanie's nightmare, then being waken up at the brink of sunrise to men coming in and trying to take her, then Zane coming along and telling me today was my last day of freedom. Tomorrow I would be their Mockingjay.

Tears threaten to spill down my face, but I once again blink away. I was strong. I would not cry.

Mel looks at me in concern and for a second I could have sworn she was glancing at my ear. Did she know something? But then the moment passes and I shake the thought from my head.

"How did you sleep?" I ask. She shrugs.

"Fine, I guess. You?"

I sigh. "Same old."

But it wasn't the same old. My freedom was being taken away from me and....

No. I have to stop thinking about it. Maybe if I stop thinking about it it will go away, I say to myself, not believing it at all.

I shut them all out. Pushed all the knives away. They would not down these last few hours I have. I wouldn't let them.

Shutting out the negative thoughts I turn to Melanie.

"Lets play a game." I say.

~~~

I try to keep my breathing steady as I walk the clean hall, my hands bound, two guards behind me. I pass a wide window, the scenery zooming past, and a thought occurs to me.

I could do it. I could smack the guards between their eyes and then crash through the glass to freedom. To not being their mockingjay. But one thing stops me. If I did that, what would happen to Mel, what would they do to Peeta and Gale?

So I don't. I stay where I am, being a good little girl and doing exactly what Zane wants me to do.

We reach the medical carriage of the train and I take a deep breath, savoring my last moments of freedom.

One of the guards knocks on the door and a tight female voice calls from inside, "Who is it?"

"We have the girl." I hear an excited squeal and the door opens. Behind it is a short Capitol woman with pinched cheeks and green eyes lashes and eyeshadow. Her green lipstick covered lips are pasted in a wide smile and she looks like a small child who has just had too much candy.

"Miss Everdeen! Please, do come in." She says it as if I have a choice. I cross through to the carriage and immediately I am greeted by the strong smell of sterilizing drugs. I manage to stop myself from crinkling my nose, and look around. The carriage is small, with only two white hospital beds, and some machines and such. At the end of this room is tinted glass that reveals a metal table with straps dangling down the side.

About 5 other nurses and doctors, all dressed in the same light green scrubs and similar Capitol fashions to the girl that opened the girl. One male has slicked back white and black shiny hair, as if it had been colored with paint and a paint brush. Another one of the girls has her hair done in two shiny gold plaits, with wires strung through them and twisted around like a pigs tail, then poking out at the ends like propellers.

They all look the same except for one girl, dressed in the green scrubs but without the weird hairdo or eyelashes. She has a plain look about her, her light-brown-but-not-quite-blonde hair is pulled into a loose plait at the back, and her eyes are a natural shade of green, without crazy long eyelashes. She wears a straight face as she makes one of the beds. In between all the extravagant others, her plain look makes her stand out. Her eyes link with mine for the slightest second and she holds them there, as if conveying a message, before she looks away.

The other nurses all rush up to me, talking in a frenzy of voices, squabbling over my 'dry hair' and 'chipped nails'. But the girl stays where she is, still folding the bed sheets.

"Oh Ms Everdeen, I was such a fan of your games, they were fantastic!" Says one of the girls, a chirpy lady that looks like a fish, with silver eye liner, silver sparkly blush on her thick cheeks. She says the word fantastic with a weird accent, like fantastique.

"Oh Reedit, don't fan girl her, she's about to get an ear transplant!" The male with the paint hair says. My heart flips at the upending doom. He smiles at me. "I'm Junta, this is Karri and Crest, it's Reedit who just swarmed you, and the Mae opened the door for you."

"And I'm Riv." Says the plain girl in the corner, getting up. Junta's smile tightens and he glares at Riv.

"Yes. She's Rivera. And she's supposed to be an avox, but Zane took pity." He says avox like it's poison.

She shrugs Junta's glare off and picks the old sheets from the bed up and carries them over to a cupboard, where she places them on the top shelf.

"Anyway, Katniss-can I call you Katniss?- Well, anyway Katniss, we are all so excited for the transplant! Not only can we talk to you any time, the chip in the com sends messages to a certain part of the brain, and pictures, therefore resulting in us being to show you film or pictures, without us having to do so much as a few little taps of buttons! How cool is that!?"

I nod.

I feel sick. They could show me any film or photo with the click of a button.

"Yeah. Cool." I whisper.