【Ｓ Ｃ Ｈ Ｉ Ｚ Ｏ Ｐ Ｈ Ｒ Ｅ Ｎ Ｉ Ａ】

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24th October 2019

Around 1:30 AM

JK

I looked at her, awfully spellbound into her glinting eyes, sparkling along with the reflection of the gleaming disco lights, so deep and mysterious. Her silent gazes always screamed, but I couldn't decipher the context. She was lost for sure but she wasn't just lost, as if she ended up here with a cluster of intricacies abound.

I couldn't get over the day

Soobin and Aeri, wailing in my arms

Mourning for Eomoni

It was too hard to see them break down

And much harder to control myself from collapsing

I stared at her drunk self, humming to the beat at times and dreamily smiling to herself in between. I sipped my wine slowly, studying her statuesque features as she kept checking me out, sometimes tracing her fingers on my arms as if trying to feel them. She was an open book but written in cryptic language.

Why does she look more than just suspicious?

I remembered the little interaction we had before she gave in to the ecstasy of the wine and chuckled at how obvious she was. She wasn't much of a talker and it was better that way since it eliminated the slight tint of sadness always she carried in her voice, subtle yet discernible.

The more she stared at me, the more she proved my hunches to count right. I anticipated this ahead, for opening my arms to embrace her fears and emotions since the beginning, for carving a mask of pretentious friendship to dig her clandestine deeds. But then, in the end, I was awarded her trust and probably, a genuine friendship at the moment. It wasn't amusing to find her catching feelings for me and having her share all her little fun secrets with me felt nice.

It's like a normal conversation that includes calling her with a half-baked name

Far off from the thoughts that ghost my mind

It's undeniable that she started to get closer to me more than what I intended to have with her and I knew this path would lead us both astray. My mind is hazed and bizarre, causing me goosebumps with every step I take, with every word I speak.

I don't want to ruin her

I don't want her to be a victim

I looked at her twinkling eyes, her skin shimmering gold and her face radiating happiness and comfort with the smile she drew despite having her muscles tweaked a bit. She clung onto me, like a breather from the ruckus of the day and it concerned me a lot if she was becoming dependant on me. 

I don't want to take advantage of her

Her feelings

"Can we dance?" her voice slurred sloppily as she forwarded her hand. I knew she was not in her right mind but I also knew she could get upset if I decline. It was a diverged road, two passages presenting me the choices to aid her infatuation and to push her away with a blank face.

Take it

Accept her

Giving in to the inner voice, I accepted and it made me glad she was delighted at least. I wasn't a help to myself with the inability to hold onto the leash. At least, helping her mood makes me feel less guilty, makes me stride away from the restlessness that occupies my entirety.

I cave into the ease, trying to match her mood and sway myself from the bitterness for some time. Entwining our fingers, I danced along with her, propelling myself to be calm. She was getting intimate and before I could push her, the voices started dominating my senses.

She likes you, use her

Vent it out on her

Break her

I held her closer, intending to protect her but they started to have ascendancy over my move. She was being bold and it wasn't helping me. It could fuel them further and I didn't want to be subjugated to their atrocious desires.

Look at her, so whipped for you

Ruin her

Take the chance, don't be a pussy

RUIN HER

The voices kept resonating in my head and I cried internally for help. I couldn't shout here for help in the crowd and no one else but the members of Armor knew about it. I tightened my grip over her waist, not wanting them to feed over my weakness. 

People dear to me are my weakness

And they play with them, hurt them

RUIN HER WUSS

I wanted to scream, yell out a big NO but they were too strong, their tones getting louder and louder with every passing second. I stared into her, silently crying and begging her to run away, to run away and go to a safer place but she looked so lost in the moment, the alcohol stimulating her confidence and fogging her conscience.

Let me speak, please

Ruin her, idiot

You were ruined, broken, and crumbled into shit

Let people know your pain, they don't deserve to live like that

Shatter her heart, break her heart

With a sudden surge of mixed emotions, I smashed my lips onto hers, taking her soft ones roughly in anger and anxiety. She never knew my pain and she needs to know what it means to be broken. Just her parents' death wasn't that much of pain. She needs to walk on the freezing ice with a staunch smile.

Get out of me, please

Let her go

NO

You are doing right, keep this going

I pushed her harshly to a corner, ravaging her lips ardently, capitulating to the voices in my head though I wanted to push her away with all my strength. My body wasn't in my control and my mind was in a turbulent commotion, gearing up the wild beast inside me.

I moved my hands along her back, my actions provocative enough to have her let out a moan for me. It was hot, steamy as we were in the sweaty and clamorous crowd and alcohol shading the atmosphere but it was nowhere near romantic. I just need to stretch this so long and leave it at once, like a tempestuous wave slapping her so hard, so bad.

No, don't

Leave Hana out of this

Get out of my mind, please

FUCK HER

I pushed into her deeper, her hands gripping my neck tighter to keep intact with my level. Her eyes widened with the sudden force and tempo but then, she didn't back off. I delved into her mouth deeper and deeper and could hear her grunt, her movements weakening as she struggled to take in oxygen. I held her hair aggressively, kissing her breathlessly and biting her lips to enjoy her struggling with the slight sting.

"Jungkook," she breathed, trying to push me away but I held her, continuing to suck onto her lips. 

"Jungkook, I need... I need to breathe," she requested, feeling dizzy and running out of breath but I turned a deaf ear. I wanted her to know how it feels like to live with suffocation, how it feels like to die in pain every second. She doesn't deserve to live like this, all smiling and happy. No one deserves to live like that.

You deserve to live happily, Jungkook

But you couldn't

So no one else deserves

"Jungkook, please," Hana tried to get out of my grip and I chuckled at how foolish she could be. Does she think she could defeat my strength? She walked into my circle, she wanted to spend time with me, she caught feelings for me and she dug her own grave.

Suffer for me, darling

"WHAT THE HELL"

"Jungkook, leave her before I break your bones," Sharp, loud voices coursed through my ears and suddenly, the room became silent, followed by low whispers. I couldn't care less about the people and continued forcing her into my actions but stopped when someone smacked me down to the ground.

I winced as my head hit the floor and yelped out loud when my arm was twisted behind my back. I gritted my teeth and turned to see V glaring at me and Jimin holding Hana who wasn't stable on her feet. 

I wiggled to pull out of his hold, muttering curses, and serious warnings but he didn't even flinch. Footsteps reverberated in my ears as I realized people were dispersing from the area. These idiots use power for nothing.

Don't give up

They always control you

Stay strong, use your muscles

Gaining strength, I flipped my body suddenly causing V to fling away. I smirked, looking at the two men astonished. If they think they can outdo me by playing from behind, they were gravely mistaken. I launched myself at Jimin but V stood in front, obstructing my fist from thwacking that weakling's face.

"Jungkook, this is not you. Don't let them take control of you. You are a better person," Jimin spoke and I laughed at him, mocking his method to destroy the stronger one, to bring out the fragile one again and make him suffer with love and affection.

"Try something new," I snarled and threw my fist towards V's jaw, causing him to land on the floor with a jolt. I was about to give him another taste of a deadly punch but halted when two arms held me from behind. 

"Jungkook ah, come to your senses. Don't let them control you. You are stronger, you are better. Don't let them affect you," Jin hyung started speaking and I squirmed, shaking my head vigorously as I realized I wasn't being myself. Am I hurting my hyungs? No, no this can't be. They are my family. Perching onto Jimin hyung's hands, I yelped out loud to annihilate the clamorous voices in my head.

They are turning you into a coward

Don't be a dunce

"Hyung," Soobin's voice jerked me in blue. He looked pale, his eyes glistening with tears and his hands forwarded, gesturing me to stop whatever I do.

Soobin

What is he doing here?

"Will you hurt Soobin now? Come to your senses, Jungkook ah. You are not this person. They are playing with your mind," Jin hyung spoke, cupping my face and I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to let the other side take over and beat the shit out of him.

No, this is not me

I can't hurt Soobin

I can't hurt Jin hyung

They are manipulating you, don't give in

"Hyung, we love you. Please don't give up," Soobin pleaded earnestly, sauntering towards me and I struggled to get a grip over myself. I should not surrender to the demons inside me, I should not. I prayed and held Jimin hyung's arm who kept nodding at me, muttering to take it slow and think about Aeri and Soobin.

"Jungkook ah, we are here for you, always. Please remember that. You always have our back, your hyungs will always cook your favorite food, your hyungs will play games with you, your hyungs will take care of you,  your hyungs love you, always. You are strong, Jungkook ah. You are stronger than the demons inside you. Think about hyungs, Soobin, Aeri," Jin hyung blubbered and I broke down, slumping against the floor in deep torment, wrestling against the demons inside my head.

"Our Jungkookie is so strong. Isn't it?"

"You will protect me and all of us, right? I knew it, I got the best one in this world"

"You are the reason they are dead"

"You killed them"

"Kookie loves Cookie. If I bring Kookie a Cookie ice cream, he will play with me"

"I love Kookie so much"

"If not for you, nothing would have happened"

"All of them would have been alive"

"I will let you play with me if you smile for me"

"I will share my toys and chocolates as well"

"AAH," I shrieked, holding onto my lungs, feeling the intense pain in my empty heart. Someone was stabbing me so sharp and twisting my knife into the flesh, it was paining more than that. I feel like bleeding, bleeding grief, regret, and melancholy.

The melancholy, it's a cloak that I couldn't let it fall on the ground, and though I hold it tight, seeking warmth, nothing but the thorns of pain feed on my joy. It clings like the second skin but covers my whole in monochrome, extinguishing the pathway to rainbow showers.

"Hyung, I am so sorry. I am so sorry," I sobbed, hugging Jin hyung who heaved out a sigh and pulled me into a tighter hug. I whimpered, breaking down in his embrace, the safest place that I always vouched for. 

I glanced at V hyung who was sitting on the floor, watching us with a small smile. I sobbed more into Jin hyung's chest, noticing V hyung's bruises that were apparently caused by me. Hyung kept rubbing my back and patting my head, muttering 'it's okay' every few seconds.

I hurt them all

I feel so sorry for them

They always carry the burden of my acts

"I am so sorry, Jungkook ah. I should have been there for you. I should have helped but hyung was late. I am so sorry, hyung is so sorry for not being right on time," Jin hyung sniveled, and I wept more, remorse swarming my soul for bothering them in my hassle.

"I am so sorry, hyung. I am so sorry for pulling you all into my mess. I am so sorry," I snuggled into his arms, ashamed for being susceptible to the negativity, the addiction to dysfunction, and for being paralyzed in the vicious cycle of spite and evil.

"It's not your fault, Jungkook ah. It was never yours and we promised to protect you always. We are your family, aren't we?" V hyung asked, stroking my hair from behind and I nodded, still shedding tears on Jin hyung's chest, probably soaking his favorite pajamas.

"We are so proud of you, so proud, Jungkook ah," Hobi hyung muttered and I looked at him painfully as he was ruffling my hair. Seeing them smile amidst the turmoil spawned by my disordered personality tortures my heart.

"I am so sorry. I don't know what I would do without you," I mumbled, bawling my eyes out as I found Soobin hugging Yeonjun. Just the thought of harming Soobin and the others with my unstable mind dreads me every second since the past few days. 

I pulled out of the hug, my heart shattering on seeing Jin hyung's dark brown lashes moistened, his gaze pronouncing repentance, hampering the fright of my utter desolation. The ache inside my heart felt sharper than being stung by thousand fangs at the same spot. 

As I scanned the surroundings, it struck me like a bolt of lightning that Hannah wasn't there around. She was the main victim because of my malady and I looked at Jimin hyung and V hyung, remembering the faint scenes of them trying to help us.

"Where is Hannah?" I asked and Jin hyung smiled.

"She is safe. Since she is too drunk, she couldn't decipher anything out here so Namjoon and Yoongi took her to the mansion in silence. Don't worry, Beomgyu and Taehyun are wise enough to handle a drunk woman, unlike your hyungs," Jin hyung jested and I smiled, nodding but deep inside, I was struck by another thunder of utmost regret.

I hurt her as well

"Now that it had been a long night, shall we all go and rest?" Hobi hyung piped in and the others chimed along. We boarded the cars that were parked outside the club after thanking the receptionist who notified V hyung and detailing the club manager to carefully clean off the mess caused by me.

"It's fine, hyung. Don't feel guilty, we all have our bad times, remember?" Soobin placed his hand on mine, squeezing my trembling ones and Yeonjun nodded along with him. They must have sped off from wherever they were on knowing the situation.

Poor them

Always had to go through things because of me

"Was Aeri asleep?" I asked him and he bobbed his head.

"Yeah, and I put Max on guard. You don't have to worry a bit, Max holds the power to give the strongest bite," Soobin winked and Jin hyung chuckled, remembering the time when Soobin whined and grouched over Max feeding over his flesh when he tried to befriend him. Surprisingly, they bonded too well for holding the recognition of a pair who couldn't stand each others' faces.

"Thank God! You guys are here. Jungkook ah, you did great," Namjoon hyung hugged me as soon as I got out of the car and I smiled, feeling good in his warmth. Yoongi hyung just tousled my hair and popped out a smile, displaying his gums and teeth.

"Namjoon hyung tucked her to bed and we took care of the rest. Rose noona helped her change her clothes. Fortunately, she didn't puke. She still keeps mumbling and wiggling on her bed though," Taehyun reported and Jin hyung chuckled. 

"I will go and check on her," V hyung declared

"You don't have to. Rose will be there and I trust her," Jimin hyung disagreed and Jin hyung scuttled to stand between them before they could cross their swords.

"Stop squabbling like chimpanzees, both of you. Taehyung, go and check on Hannah. Jimin, don't try things that don't fit in your dictionary, go and deal with Rose," Jin hyung spoke in a monotonous tone and they both nodded, hurling their steps in the respective directions.

"I will go to the Left Wing along with Hobi and Namjoon," Yoongi hyung informed and Taehyun tagged along with them. Beomgyu paced in the steps of Jimin hyung and Yeonjun took Soobin to his room for him to rest. The poor guy already had a tough day and I just stoked up his distress further.

"Hyung," I called Jin hyung as we were walking towards my room.

"I want to go to therapy from tomorrow," I told him and he turned to me, patting my shoulders.

"I am glad to hear that, Jungkook ah. Lately, you have seen worse and I understand the negativity around you started to affect your health again. You stood against them before and you will do it again. I believe you," Jin hyung encouraged and I nodded.

"Your condition is dangerous, I am not gonna lie. But I believe our Jungkookie is stronger than the demons inside him. What did he build up that body for?" Jin hyung chortled, and I smiled along. Trauma had always been chained to me since childhood and it ended me in the cradle of prickles and stones. 

I can fight this

I can be the Jungkook I can control

"I will stay in my room and if you feel alone, don't even hesitate and barge into my room. We can cuddle and sleep like the good old days or if you don't want to sleep, we can order pizza and play video games all night," Jin hyung professed and I nodded, serious about his offer. I was given the room between Jin hyung's and Namjoon hyung's since they were the ones who could curb my panicking and unstable self.

"I will. Good night, hyung"

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Why did Jimin hyung leave his phone in the kitchen?" I wondered, picking his phone from the kitchen cabinet. I was feeling hungry and decided to snack on the last pack of Pringles that the shitheads managed to leave. I noticed several missed calls from noona which made me edgy and before I could dial her with my mobile, hyung's phone started vibrating.

"Jimin, Thank God! You answered," Noona was panting on the other side, making me fret if she was struck in another possible danger.

"Noona, this is Jungkook. Are you alright?" I asked, marching towards Jimin hyung's office in the Left Wing.

"No, Jungkook. I am hiding in a garbage can at the moment but I don't think I can stay under wraps for more time.  They are hunting me like wolves," Noona exclaimed and quickly lowered her voice to mere whispers which turned unclear and bizarre though I turned on the speaker.

"Jungkook ah, why are you- What are you doing with my phone?" Jimin hyung asked as he was just outside his cabin, Rose following him with a bundle of files in her hands.

"Hyung, noona is in danger. She must have picked a fight with some politician again," I sputtered and hyung grabbed the phone briskly from my hand, gesturing Rose to track Noona's location.

"Are you crazy? How many times should I tell you not to be alone after your interviews with Politicians? Mi ah, where are you?" Hyung growled, pacing towards the mansion's exit and I trailed behind. It would be ridiculous to let hyung deal with the shit alone since he sucks at physical fights.

"How do you expect me to tell you where I am? All I know is I am inside a garbage bin, probably reeking of fish scales, so awful that you might puke even if you stand six feet away from me," Noona whined on the phone and Jimin hyung let out an exasperated grunt, unlocking his car while I took the driver seat.

"Stop joking, Mi ah. Don't you know how many times you walk into danger? Is it some sushi restaurant?" Jimin hyung yelled and there was a moment of silence on the other side. Jimin hyung operated the infotainment system, setting the location received from Rose and I steered to the destined location.

"Mi ah, are you there? Why aren't you speaking something?" Jimin hyung got worked up at the grim silence as sweat trickled down his head. 

"Noona, this is Jungkook. Please speak something if you are angry at hyung. It's not the right time to fight," I intervened, cognizant of how refractory Noona is. No wonder how she bent the stiff metal rod to her heart's wishes. Hyung must be having a hard time managing his stiff-necked attitude and stiffer-necked girlfriend at the same time.

"Oh Jungkook, it's you. Nice to know that you are accompanying him. I don't want to see that grumpy shortie appear in front of me," Noona nattered and Jimin hyung gritted his teeth, probably annoyed for noona being absolutely reckless and relaxed in her situation.

Can't help, she is manufactured that way

"You know what, Jungkookie? Troubles and people with guns knock on my door more frequently than my boyfriend. Should I date them instead?" Noona asked and I looked at Jimin hyung impatiently waiting to reach out to her, his urge to shut her mouth dominating the necessity to save her.

"Noona, what did you do today?" I asked, to keep the conversation going so we knew she was out of harm's way.

"I was doing my job. How would I expect the Congressman to send his goons because I exposed his infidelity and his bribes to the Chief Prosecutor to free him of the charges for the hit and run case of a pregnant woman? Gosh! I just accused him guilty and look at my condition. Life is so unfair," she grumbled and Jimin hyung shook his head in disbelief.

"This snoopy brat," he muttered under his breath and I chuckled.

"Jungkookie, how much more time will you take? I don't think I can survive in this bin anymore. Should I come out? I think I can fight them, you know I am a black belt but I am just worried about their number and weapons. Ugh! Why do they have to attack me in the early morning?" She asked and Jimin hyung widened his eyes.

"Mi ah, stay there without messing around for some time, will you?" Jimin hyung groaned and sighed out loud when he heard giggles on the other side. This was a part of their routine schedule, noona unmasking the influential people's dark secrets in a live show once in a week and the aftermaths follow her like a swarm of locusts.

"I was never talking to you so quit ordering me around. Jungkookie, are you anywhere near? I am unable to resist the feeling to puke?" Noona muttered, her tone serious and Jimin hyung's body stiffened, probably hearing her suffer in the worst conditions. I accelerated the gas pedal, the empty isolated night roads favoring our odds.

"We are almost there. Do you happen to have the slightest idea about your surroundings? There are garbage bins outside every shop, half of them capable of covering a whole human," Jimin hyung asked, stepping out of the car with a pistol in his hand and I got down as well, parking the car to a corner. We had taken several turns to reach the street despite having a straight path because Jimin hyung wanted to.

Why does this place seem so familiar?

"I didn't really have time to discern my surroundings when I was running for my life, dear officer," Noona snarled and I chuckled, starting to check the bins, so did hyung while his girlfriend kept rambling on the other side about how she smells like fish.

"Mi ah, you smell like fish? Shit, what has happened to my brain? Jungkookie, search for the ones near restaurants, mostly seafood ones," Jimin hyung instructed and I hurried to the sushi restaurants in the street. 

I scanned around the place, faint glimpses of the bright shade flashed across my mind. I looked through the street, the eerie calmness and the dead silence contradicted the shadows racing in my memories.

"Jungkook ah, there he is, our youngest and the best"

I shook my head vigorously in negation, not wanting the harrowing moments to disrupt my concentration. I realized what I stepped into and where this place is but right now, finding and saving noona is more important than skedaddling away from my past and pain.

"It will scare you at first, but then it will be fun once you are used to it"

"No, not now. Kyung Mi noona needs us. Don't think about anything else," I reminded myself and rummaged through the bins near the food stores, not forgetting to peek at the corners to spot someone suspicious since the goons were still wandering around.

"I envy him. He is so young and talented. We will make him a great one" 

I sighed out loud as the cynical recollection of the unforgettable phase paraded in my mind, unveiling the fatalistic chapters of my life. It was ages ago that I had deleted the picture of this place in my thoughts but with a blink, the gruesome episodes flocked my mind again.

"Did you message Namjoon hyung about this?" I whispered, tiptoeing to hyung and he nodded, checking another bin. We kept our guns camouflaged to our dark pants in the night, concealed from the sight of any viewer ahead. We noticed few people around but we should be mindful of the regular citizens before aiming at someone.

The street is uncanny, so dangerously calm that it dreads the skin. Even the footsteps echoed sonorously and every time I make noise while fishing through the bin, I jerked with a strange trepidation. I didn't want to alarm Jimin hyung when he was already kittens over not finding noona yet.

"Noona," I yelled and clicked my tongue immediately, realizing the mistake I have done. She just popped her head out of a cylindrical bin and ducked in again but then, I managed to draw attention to the ones who were eyeing their prey.

Jimin hyung ran towards the bin where noona was present and pointed the gun at people edging nearer the bin. I aimed at the men who were inching towards hyung and scoured the area to see if there was any vehicle approaching us.

"Leave us to her and we won't cause a mess. We are fifteen and you are just two," a man spoke and I looked at noona slightly peeking through the lid of the garbage in. Now the empty street had a decent number of men, probably assembled with a code signal.

"Why don't we check the numbers then?" Jimin hyung answered and in a snap, a few of their men pointed guns towards the others. That was breathtaking but it wasn't unanticipated. I smirked, walking towards the bin to pull noona out. Well! Considering this is a game involving Jimin hyung, this will be more of plot twists and mind games. 

I don't even know when he played his knight

"Ho-How?" the man stuttered, frightened at hyung's stupefying move while I carefully picked noona out of the bin. She looked a mess, soaked in sweat and eyes red. Though she didn't fret about being chased by men, staying in a mucky trash can was terrible.

Jimin hyung removed his blazer and handed it to her, his face turning dark at her horrible state while she just passed him a smile. I helped noona wrap the blazer around her and held her shoulders protectively in assurance.

"Pawns are not the players, mate. They all look similar, making it easy to clone," Jimin hyung calmly spoke and the men who aimed guns removed their masks, bowing to Jimiin hyung. I grinned, understanding the whole plan of action.

While we were driving through the streets, hyung must have mentally noted the outfits of the suspicious men around and messaged the dressing style to Namjoon hyung or Yoongi hyung, and they must have ordered the men of charge in the area to clone the goons. We had enough time while we were searching the bins, marking a plus point.

"Since it's not your intention to harm her, I will set you free. Your men are probably knocked down in the streets of the area," Jimin hyung muttered, hands shoved in his pockets, a daunting expression evident on his face. The men quickly took off their heels, pushing everything on their way and I smiled along with noona.

"Thank you," Noona muttered to the men and they left after a quick bow to three of us.

"You should thank Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung for that," Jimin hyung groaned, holding noona's hand and started to walk towards the car but noona stayed stock-still. He turned to look at her choking out light sobs and I smiled. She was so different from the noona who dissed Jimin hyung on the phone.

"Will you hate it if I hug you now?"

"Nevermind, don't. I stink anyway," She decided to herself and in a flick, she was yanked into his arms. Noona began to cry in tiny as hyung stroked her hair a bit hesitantly at first and then continued to console her by patting her back.

Hyung loves her

And he's just dumb to not realize

Why that load of intelligence when he can't see through himself?

"Did you eat anything?" he asked her and she shook her head, tarnishing the thousand-dollar white shirt that he never usually gave a damn about.

"Let's go and freshen up. Then we can go to a restaurant you like, alright?" he spoke softly, pulling her out of the hug delicately. She nodded and puckered her lips into a small pout, her fingers pointing at his stained shirt.

"I spoiled this, didn't I? Ugh! Now, you will blame me for dirtying another white shirt," Noona drawled and Jimin hyung wiped her tears, with an impassive face. I looked at them and couldn't help but coo internally at how far they have progressed even when Jimin hyung was a very tough man to deal with. He rarely speaks out what he feels, he stays menacingly calm and composed and would always be the one to put a checkmate.

He was called heartless but I knew he just had a tainted heart, a very fragile one in all honesty. He cares and always did, but he fails to express, making him the bad one among everyone but he cares the least regarding others' opinions. 

We have him and he has us

In the end, that's all matters

"Won't you come?" Jimin hyung asked me, getting inside the car.

"No, you guys go. I will ask Soobin or V hyung to pick me up. Don't worry about me, I will be fine. Take care of noona," I rambled on before he could set forth a point to disagree. I didn't want to be a cockblocker while they have their moment. 

Moreover, I need some space

"But Jungkookie-"

"No, noona. I am not hyung who is pretty unskilful with weapons. I have a pistol and a handgun as well so I will be fine. You take care, alright?" I intervened, reassuring them of my safety and Jimin hyung sneered before taking the driver seat. 

"Did you have the medicines? Jang Mi noona told me she will take care but I just wanna know before ditching you alone in this deserted road," Jimin hyung inquired, starting the car and I smiled, warmed at his words of concern with a tad bit of sarcasm.

"Yeah, I had the medicine and Jang Mi noona made sure to give me the medicine before I slept very hurriedly as she had some important business to do with Namjoonn hyung, probably in his bedroom or their office desk," I cooed and Jimin hyung smacked my head playfully while Kyung Mi noona cackled out loud. Namjoon hyung and his personal assistant, Jang Mi noona always made up time for their secret unofficial rendezvouses that were awfully vocal and steamy.

"Reminder! We will be going to Aeri's house in the evening," he mentioned and I nodded.

"Take care, Jungkookie," Noona squeaked as the car drove off.

I messaged Soobin to pick me up and started walking around the familiar streets, a burning sensation beclouding my throat. It was a strenuous task to walk out of the luring sphere that put you on a dog leash, taught you that walking on spikes is no difficult than walking on wool, made you the monster's pawn in a dirty chess game, coerced you to consume pain like an addictive drug, led you to endure the pain of clasping a honed saw in your hands, just to prepare you for a stabbing wound.

Tracing my fingers over the dusty and rusted metal shutters of the street, I held in my breath, controlling my best to not break down. It was agonizingly painful yet I craved it. I found comfort and pleasure in the most disgusting things and it took might and main to forgive my past self, to move on from the horrendous parts of my life.

I wanted to deal with this alone and I knew this would be dangerous to me but it was hard to digest that I lived a life without recollecting the scenes of this place, the scenes where I laughed out so evilly, the scenes where I played with people's emotions, gambled with innocent's weaknesses and succumbed to hideous sins.

"Long time no see, Jungkook ah," a familiar voice coursed through my ears and my blood turned cold at once. My gaze dropped to my ground as goosebumps awoke on my skin, my soul trembling on hearing the same horrifying voice that haunted my dreams years back.

"Won't you greet your hyung? Hmm, seems like you reek of gold now. Are those shoes Prada?" he asked, being the shameless man he was and I pushed him away, running as fast as I can. I shouldn't have stayed alone. How could I forget that they could still live here?

How could I forget that I go weak in front of them?

The filth whom I considered as a family at one point of time

"I just caused you a small shock, didn't I? Just like the one you gave us years ago," he snorted in his animalistic tone and I closed my eyes, breathing heavily. Taking in the air seemed inaccessible, as it was fifty feet far from me, the ground beneath me felt like a thin glacier, ready to crack so I can bury myself into cold ice sheets, undetectable to the whole world.

"Running away? Didn't you always do that? You left us in crumbs. You made us rats feeding over dirt and here you are, so fine and loaded. You got their assets after death, didn't you?" he mocked and I held my chest, gasping for breath. 

He's making it worse

Panic switched off my brain, overloaded with crippling memories and nightmares. It is painful. It is scary. I need someone right now or I am scared if the demons inside my head take the stand for me. I didn't want to strangle that piece of shit to death. 

Stay calm, Jungkook

Take deep breaths

You shouldn't get affected by it again

You got over it long back

"Don't you dare," I warned as he tried to get closer. I pulled the gun out of my pants and pointed at him while he took a step back, his brows knitting in panic. He wasn't armed and he was never the courageous guy so I should not get down my guts.

"You are just sick-minded. You killed them for wealth as well, how can I expect you to be sane?" he snapped at me and before I could count a second, he fled from the place. Holding the gun with quivering hands, I crashed on the ground, tears rolling out my brimmed eyes.

"You killed them"

"You are a murderer"

"No, I am not," I cried out loud, throwing away the gun and slapping myself continuously.

"You destroyed a family"

"I am so sorry," I wailed out loud, grieving the dreadful past. I closed my eyes, leaning on a store's shutter under the flickering streetlight, hugging myself as drowsiness accompanied the suffocation inside. But then, I could still decipher the words of a female that caught my ears for the voice seeming vaguely familiar.

"I am sorry to do this to you but I don't have an option either"

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Schizophrenia

A disorder that affects a person's ability to think, feel and behave clearly

A/N:  Sorry if the parts are turning out too long and wordy. I just didn't know how they end up so long. I never planned on writing chapters with 6000-7000 but then, the plot isn't helping. The next chapter will be mostly a filler and less wordy, I promise.

To avoid confusion,

Bold Italics - voices in his head

Italics - his real thoughts

"Italics in quotes" - Dialogues that were ringing in his mind, said by someone

And also, I changed the date when Jungkook and Jimin met Aeri. Previously, it was 23rd but it was now changed to 25th since it goes right with the sync. Dates could be confusing, so in brief, all of this is happening before Jungkook, Jimin, and Aeri's conversation. If it's not changed, please remove the book from the library and add it again, it would the solve the problem.

Also, from today's chapter, we knew Jungkook was there with Aeri and Soobin while they were mourning for their mother's death but remember, I only mentioned Jungkook so Jimin didn't visit her yet. So, it is safe that Aeri brought up Hannah's missing case when he visited her. I am sorry if I made it confusing anywhere. You can drop your questions if you find something confusing. 

Regarding the mental illness:

In detail, Schizophrenia is characterized by thoughts or experiences that seem out of touch with reality, disorganized speech or behavior, and decreased participation in daily activities. Difficulty with concentration and memory may also be present.

Treatment is usually lifelong and often involves a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and coordinated specialty care services.

Schizophrenia is different from Dissociative Identity Disorder, the former makes you a different person and changes your way of handling things and managing yourself. The latter splits your personality into fragments that could have different identities and characteristics, polar to each other, and mostly happens with some traumatic experiences in childhood. Again, psychosis is another disorder that could occur as a result of a psychiatric illness such as schizophrenia if not taken care of properly. It refers to the loss of contact with reality. 

P.S - Sorry if I confused you with various terms