10: The Memory of Your Kiss

"All done," Chow Chow said, after cleaning the last of Snow's wounds on her back.

"Ah, I thought it would never end! Look away, please. Were the wounds bad?" Snow said over her shoulder as she put on his outer robe.

Chow Chow was silent for a moment as he thought about the deep gashes and bruises across her once unmarred skin. "It's not too bad," he said hollowly. "Especially after what you've been through."

"I still don't know exactly what happened to me." As she turned to face him, she spied the medicine bottle on the floor. "Don't forget this." She picked it up and held it out to him.

His gaze flitted to the bottle, then at her. "Keep it. It's yours now." The expression on his face was unreadable.

"Oh, thank you," she said, glancing down at the fine bottle in her hand.  It obviously means a lot to him, she thought, as she watched him fold and slip the bloodied handkerchief into the front of his inner robes. Behind him were her drying clothes on the floor.

"Why don't you keep it for me first? I have no place to put it now," she said, taking his hand to press the bottle into his palm. She closed his fingers over it.

"I can do that," he said, tucking the bottle away in his robes. He picked up her injured leg and rested it on his folded leg again. "From what you've described, I can deduce what had happened. The question is whether you can accept the answer or not," he said as he gave her a meaningful look.

She glanced down at her foot on his lap, then back at his face. I think I know the answer myself. But half of me does not want to believe it. Do I have to know now?

"I. . ."

She was interrupted by the sound of her grumbling stomach.

"Oh, forgive me, Princess! Where are my manners!" he cried, looking so flustered she was spared her blushes. He put a hand up his voluminous sleeve. "Here," he said, fishing out a water gourd. "And – ah! I know you like this," he said, pulling out a cylindrical package wrapped in pastel pink paper and handing it to her.

"Wow, thanks. Are those magic sleeves or something? I'm amazed you can carry all that with you," she said, eagerly unwrapping the package.

"I always carry something. Can't let a lady go hungry, not least my princess," he said, smiling coyly.

He makes it sound like he goes around feeding ladies like feeding stray cats, she thought, trying to not let her displeasure show. She peeled back the remaining part of the pink paper.

Is this what I think it is? she wondered, staring at the round, golden baked flaky pastries in her lap. The fragrance of white sesame seeds rose to her nose as she bit into one.

Oh, I miss this so much, she thought as she savored the soft filling of candied winter melon and almond paste. She'd never thought she'd taste a sweetheart cake again after moving to the steppes with Erden. It reminded her of her childhood, and of all the things familiar to her – like dainty rabbit shaped steamed buns, the sweet aftertaste of Tie Guan Yin tea. . . And her attendants, Lotus and Peony.

"Do you not like the cakes?" he asked, his brows knitted with worry when he noticed that she had stopped chewing.

"I do! This is really delicious," she said with her mouth full of the pastry, pretending to push away a stray strand of hair while quickly flicking moisture from her eye. He knows me so well.

"I have more if you'd like."

"Mmm," she said, feeling her spirits lifted. "Oh, where are my manners now. Have some with me," she offered, holding the opened package out to him.

"Sure, they're one of my favorites too," he said as he picked one.

Oh, yes, now I remember. I had to keep my eyes on these in particular – because the moment my back was turned, nearly all of it disappeared off my plate, she thought, watching him close his eyes as he bit into his pastry.

Back then, by the time she caught Chow Chow after a wild chase around her chambers, he would have snarfed down all that he had scooped up in his jaws. Imagine that, a dog with a sweet tooth, she reminisced fondly.

A thought struck her. "Say, do you have any plum wine up that sleeve?"

He shook his head curtly. "No wine."

"Why not? You had some previously."

"I don't drink anymore," he said with a glum expression on his face. "I make bad decisions when inebriated."

Snow suppressed a chortle by stuffing the rest of the pastry into her mouth. He got drunk so quickly, she recalled, unable to hide the gleeful smile on her face.

He looked sheepishly at her. "Do you want to know what happened to you today?"

Sighing, she said, "Probably later. Let me rest first. I just don't know how I'm going to lie down with all these wounds and with my foot like this."

"You can lean on me," he offered.

He shifted to sit against the cave wall near her, and held his arms open to her. His face was honest with a childlike pureness as he gazed expectantly at her.

Do I trust him? He sure knows how to take care of a lady, but is it proper for me to do this? she wondered. If I recall correctly, he did try to make a pass at me. The memory of his amorous grin and cheeks flushed from drinking too much wine popped into her mind.

What are you talking about, girl! a voice piped up in her head. You've kissed him before! Surely you can rest your weary self on him.

Yes, but you're married now! You can't be sleeping on another man! a second voice countered.

It's either his inviting arms, or the hard stone floor, said the first voice.

That's an excellent point, she thought. But after all that he had done for her, she still had to ask.

"How will I know you will not take advantage of me?" she said, drawing his outer robe tighter around her.

His arms lowered slowly, and his right elbow came to rest on a raised knee. He looked hurt by her question but he quickly hid it by smoothening his brow.

"Princess, I promised your mother that I will protect you. I will never harm you," he said quietly. "Besides, I know where I stand. You've made your choice, and I have to respect that." His eyes moved to the flickering flames, before resting on her again.

"Lastly, you have a broken foot, possibly a cracked rib and cuts all over. I'd be a cad if I took advantage of you in such a state," he added, with his chin raised, looking as though the mere suggestion of him doing that repulsed him.

Wow, he's such a gentleman.

"Alright. But if you try to be funny with me like the last time, I'll punch you," she threatened.

"What? Last time?" He looked so genuinely innocent and shocked that Snow had the overwhelming urge to tease him. She gave him a reproachful look.

"Yes. The time when you licked your teeth suggestively and said in my ear, 'I can make you very happy'," she said in a sultry voice.

At that, he blushed a violent pink and covered his face with his hand. Snow pressed her lips together to stop from snickering aloud.

"I admit, I was tipsy and I acted out of line then," he said behind his hand, sounding utterly embarrassed. "It won't happen again."

Satisfied by his answer and contrite behavior, Snow scooted over to him, wincing from the aches and pains everywhere, until she was sitting between his legs. He helped prop her injured leg over his extended left leg, and supported her back with his right arm.

"Is this comfortable enough for you, Princess?" he cooed huskily.

"Yes," she said, leaning towards him. She rested her cheek against his chest, and felt his chin touch the top of her head. Oh, he's so nice and warm.

Her earring pressed against her jaw. I've forgotten that I'm wearing these moonstone earrings. It's a miracle I still have them-

She suddenly raised a hand to touch the other earring, and craned her neck to search for his earlobe beneath his white hair. He looked down at her with a half-smile.

"Keep them. They look good on you," he said.

"Oh! Thank you," she said, wanting to bury her face in his robes to hide her reddening face. She'd never worn anything that belonged to Erden. At most, she had shared a cloak with him, and here she was, wearing Chow Chow's clothes and jewelry.

Ah! He carried me in the rain, let me wear his robe, tended to my wounds, fed me and gave me his earrings. And I was so mean to him!

"Rest. I'll keep watch. I'll wake you when it stops raining," he said.

"Okay," she said meekly.

They stayed like that for a while, listening to the pitter patter of rain falling outside the cave, and the crackling of the fire near them, until Chow Chow broke the silence.

"You know, Princess. I have to say, you have mean right hook. I saw the way you punched that half-brother of yours."

She cracked a smile. "I was so mad when he kicked you. I don't know what came over me. If the servants hadn't stopped me, I would have punched him some more."

He carefully wrapped his arms around her, and she nuzzled her cheek against his robes. She could hear his heart beating beneath her ear.

"I came back for you," she said.

"I know," he whispered above her.

"And I buried you. If. . . If my father had not punished me to kneel for so long, maybe I could have. . ." she trailed off.

He patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "What's past is past. If that did not happen, I would not have been there to intercept you in the Heavenly realm, right? Who knows, maybe all that was meant to happen."

"You really think so?"

"Mmhm. Anyway, I was so useless as a small dog. Couldn't even get a decent bite out of that good-for-nothing's leg," he said gloomily.

She raised her eyes to look at the underside of his jaw. "The way you said that, makes me wonder. Could you have been a bigger dog?"

His breath halted. There was a long pause, before he replied, "Yes."

"If that was the case, why were you a small Pekinese with me?"

She felt his chest expand as he sighed deeply.

"Oh, Princess. You have no idea how vexed I was to be in that tiny form. Unfortunately, that was the only form I could assume in the Palace without arousing suspicions."

Tiny form. . . Suspicions. . . Her eyelids grew heavy. She wanted to stay awake a bit longer, but she was exhausted, and his voice was lulling her to sleep.

"I wished you were a huge dog. I would have loved it. Then the princes wouldn't dare bully me."

"I wished the same thing too, Princess."

Her eyelids started to droop. "Please, call me by my name. Nobody calls me princess anymore," she said sleepily.

"Oh, okay," he said, sounding hesitant.

"Say my name," she murmured.

There was another long silence, then finally, he breathed, "Snow."

She closed her eyes. In her mind, she saw a full moon glowing in a wintry night sky, illuminating snow-covered pine trees, and thick, white snow surrounding a frozen lake. It looked like something out of a painting, though it felt palpable to her, like a memory from a past life. There was a pavilion by the lake, and the scent of jasmine on the cold wind. . .

"So pretty," she whispered, and drifted off to sleep.

Chow Chow looked down at her, wanting to ask what she meant by that, but realized by her steady breathing that she was already fast asleep. Leaning his head against the cave wall, he allowed himself a low groan.

The journey here took too much out of me, he thought. He could feel the pain starting to gnaw at him, but she was lying on him and he couldn't reach the front of his robes for what he needed.

Later, he told himself. Just bear with it for now.

He glanced towards the cave opening, then down at her face. The cut on her cheek was starting to heal, he noted with relief. He hoped the rest of her wounds and bruises would fade away too. If not for the Qilin's help. . . He shuddered to think about what would have happened to her.

His eyes studied her fine features, and noted the lushness of her lashes, her rounded cheekbones and the softness of her alluring lips. Oh, those lips, he sighed to himself as he stared longingly at her mouth.

When I was chained up in the darkness, the only thing that kept me sane, was the memory of your sweet kiss.

And soon, I'll have to send you back to your home and your husband, he thought sadly.

He slowly bent his head to kiss her on the forehead. But before his lips could touch her fair skin, he stopped himself. No, I can't do this, he told himself, biting down on his lower lip so hard that his canine teeth nearly punctured the skin.

Resting his chin on the top of her head, he trained his gaze towards the cave entrance – and kept watch, like he said he would.

֎֎֎֎֎

"Princess, the rain has stopped. We can leave soon," Snow heard someone say above her.

"Let me sleep, Lotus," she mumbled groggily as she hugged her warm blanket.

She heard a faint gasp.

I'm so comfortable where I am now, please don't wake me, Lotus! Though my foot is aching like hell, she thought with annoyance. She buried her nose into her rose scented blanket.

I had such a strange dream. First, I transformed into a small furry animal, then an eagle carried me off, and then wolves were about to eat me, when a Qilin and a handsome white-haired celestial being rescued me.

Lotus was shaking her gently by the shoulder. She finally raised her head from her bed and blinked sleepily at the fair face smiling down at her.

Looks like I'm still dreaming, she thought, noticing that the celestial being was holding her in his arms, and that her arm was wrapped around his waist. For once I'm having a nice dream, she thought, running her hand up and down his back. She saw his eyes widen.

Wow, not bad, my dream is pretty realistic. He feels solid, she thought as she patted him on the chest and poked his lean abdomen, much to the being's amusement.

"Princess, you're bullying me," he said in a playful tone.

Huh?

"You asked if I might take advantage of you. But here you are, feeling me up and taking advantage of me instead," he said, batting his eyelashes at her.

She stared at Chow Chow in incredulity. "Ahh! You're real!" she shouted.

"Careful, you're hurt, don't get up too suddenly," he said, holding her by the shoulder.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried, wishing that the ground beneath her would swallow her up.

He chuckled. "I hope you've enjoyed that. It's something only you have the privilege of-"

His face paled and he turned away abruptly with a hand over his mouth. At the exact same moment, the fire spluttered out and they were plunged into darkness.

Author's notes:

Uh oh, what do you think is happening?

What do you all think of this chapter? Do you like the conversation between Chow Chow and Snow when they reminisced about old times?

Yes, Chow Chow has magic sleeves! Or in the Chinese xianxia genre (I think?) they call them qiankun sleeves. It's like a Mary Poppins bag or Doraemon pouch where you can store a lot of things. Here, I'd like to thank MoYun_ZJ for reminding me of these sleeves in her beautifully written book A Sliver of Frost!

Tie Guan Yin (Iron Goddess of Mercy) tea is a Chinese oolong tea. The kind that I like is golden yellow in color. I don't know how to describe it, to me it's smooth and warm, has body and a delicate, sweet aftertaste.

The pastry mentioned is called lou po beng which translates to wife cake in Cantonese. Lou po actually literally translates to old lady. It's like how you call your husband 'my old man', or your wife 'my old lady'. I only recently found out that it was also called sweetheart cake, so I used that term instead! Do you think it's sweet that Chow Chow gave that to Snow?


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