"Missing you comes in waves
and tonight I'm drowning"
-Poemsporn

◇◇◇

Hell.

Its currently what I was in because I had yet again acted rather rash when it came to Randy. I hadn't been on the show for the past month so I had decided to stay at my mom's condo with her and Johnny. I didn't want to invade the space of Brie and her family and since the ppv was in Phoenix I figured it would be more convenient instead of being forced in a seat for hours before my match. I had spent sometime in Vegas mostly to get the party out of my system but of course I hadn't left without making a few reckless decisions...

Another reason I was currently in hell? I was being prepared for what could possibly be my last match. There was no way I could win back my title, it was more to clean the slate. Hunter had flown me to see a specialist last week to figure out what was going on and I was basically warned against wrestling. Hearing someone tell me something I suspected hurt more than it probably should have. I had kept my conversation with Hunter strictly injury related in the time we saw each other and he hadn't initiated anything more. Even with the uncertainty I was waiting to eventually speak to Randy about it when I was less easily influenced by my emotions.
So that's why I was looking forward to seeing him tonight, I mean it was Hell in a Cell so I figured if I went through some hell it would be fitting. I was mostly rooting for us discussing all our issues, feelings and getting to a point I thought we reached a long time ago.

"That makeup looks so good!" Trin smiled as soon as she walked into the room, interrupting my thoughts and I winked at her before facing towards our beautiful make-up lady.

"How you feeling about tonight?" Charlotte questioned as she was having her hair done. I was getting my rematch against her tonight and we both knew the outcome.

"I'm feeling hopeful. Its my last go at the title but I'm at peace and fulfilled in my career for the moment." I was being honest, I was satisfied with how things were. People definitely knew who Nikki Bella was after my long reign and I hoped my name would stay on their lips long enough for them to care when I returned.

"Positive mindset is always the way to go, my friend. And plus you have Randy to spend some time with while you heal." Renee winked before she sat down in a chair as well. Rumours had obviously begun about a possible injury and so telling my girls seemed best especially since I vaguely told my family.

"Well he'll be on the road quite a bit." I mumbled as he would and also I didn't really want to bring him up right now when we were still butting heads.

"True but you also get to spend time with Aria and a well deserved break." Trin smiled having heard me.

I nodded as it had been so long since I could be at home without feeling anxious about a upcoming match or anything work related. It would be a huge adjustment especially since I wasn't sure where home would be if I was honest...

●●●

I moved to the board to try and figure out where Randy would be. I had finished my match a hour ago and gotten checked out by Chris Amann with Hunter by my side. My meeting with Chris had been brief as apparently there was some delay in my recent results but he had examined me as well just to be safe. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know if I was completely honest, knowing would mean I would get a definite response on what my work future held.

Randy and I always seemed to casually bump into each other over time but knowing Randy he probably made sure we always found our way to each other. And since we were still on ice he definitely wasn't searching for me so I had to track him down.

Apparently he had tagged with Dean aka another Jon on the kickoff already.

"Hey, has anyone seen Randy?" I questioned and they shook their heads. I sighed and headed towards the exit to see if perhaps he had driven in with John on his tour bus.

"Nikki" I heard behind me as I was about to enter the bus. I saw Nick heading towards me and smiled slightly having not really expected it as while we were civil, there was no real sort of friendship between us.

"Hey. How are you?" I folded my arms and glanced around in hopes of seeing Randy. I actually hated having not seen him for so long, absence as always had made my heart grow fonder for him.

"I'm good and you're looking great as always." He smiled as he did a once over on me.

"Thanks uhm I have to head inside." I gestured to the large bus beside us and he nodded but stopped in front of me.

"I'm sorry you lost your rematch, you might be feeling down. Do you wanna go grab something to eat?" He glanced behind him towards his rental I assumed. I wasn't sure if he was having an off night himself because we hadn't grabbed anything since I had had enough of being humiliated by him.

"No. I'm just going to head back to the hotel." I smiled slightly and figured catching a ride with John was better than travelling on my own if I failed to locate Randy.

"Look Nicole, we have a lot of history and recently I have been realizing just how badly I fucked up. I mean I pointed it out before but I have been thinking..."

I sighed as I really didn't have energy for Nick realizing the error in his ways right now when I either needed to head home or track down my boyfriend, "Nick I..."

"I'm not the same guy I was years ago. I was so fucking stupid and..." I glanced away briefly but as he stopped talking I frowned and realized he was leaning towards me and didn't hesitate in slapping him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I glared at him as I was fucking angry, it was the last thing I needed and why on earth did he think he had the right to even make a move on me?

"I figured if we kissed you would realize that there is still something there, Nicole." His voice softened as he reached for me but I moved backwards, hoping to create some sort of distance from what could only be some sort of test.

"Something? I have a fucking boyfriend, Nick" I shook my head and glanced around hoping no one saw the stupid move he had made.

"What?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my locks, "I'm dating Randy Orton. How is that not obvious?"

"I thought you were annoyed by the guy. You're dating that prick?" He frowned seeming genuinely shocked to which I was confused at. The world saw me team up with him, yes I was always hesitant to officially announce it but that was due to the man standing in front of me.

"As a matter of fact yes" I simply said and he seemed to be struggling to actually believe it were true, why?

" Your first relationship after me is with Randy Orton? You seriously expect him to give you what you never got with me because you claimed I was immature?" He scoffed and I wasn't sure what filled me, a rage against him that had risen when he thought he could kiss me. An anger due to him basically trashing Randy when Randy was a fucking saint with his love for me, admitting it so many times that I never should have questioned it.

"Yes. Randy has never been afraid to express his love for me. He is vocal about it all and unlike with you I never have to feel insecure about where I stand in his life. I'm the only woman in his life." I didn't hold back the venom from my voice with my last sentence as I knew he probably assumed Randy would be just like him. I didn't need to prove Randy's worth to him but he was upsetting me at a time when I had too much on my plate.

"Oh my word. So you're in a new relationship and you're high and mighty its..."

"Its barely new. We have been together for almost a year." Kind of.

"And he loves you and all that huh? But you're just dating the prick" he shook his head, taking it all with a grain of salt and it shouldn't have mattered.

I shouldn't have cared that he was mocking me and my feelings but he didn't have the right. He made me feel like I felt all those years ago, not good enough even when I knew I was enough for Randy.

"I'm not just dating that prick. I'm marrying him."

"You're engaged?"

"Yes!" Shit.

"Odd. The Nikki Bella I know would be flaunting her ring to the world"

I glared at him thinking he knew me when I had become more reserved. And in all honesty my affair with Hunter had taught me that.

"The Nikki you knew would flaunt her relationship to the world as well and we both know where that got me. I have nothing to prove to anyone which is why you didn't know about anything" I shrugged. "But now that you do, please respect my relationship."

I turned on my heel but heard him, "I look forward to seeing the ring soon, since you're engaged and all."

Fucking dick.

I groaned as soon as I entered the building realizing that I had let my anger and other emotions get the best of me. I hated not being able to show him that I deserved what he didn't give me and there was a man who could provide it. I knew he was taunting me and I basically fell into it. But it didn't really matter since I wouldn't be on the road anymore...

"Hey Jon!" I screamed out as I spotted him with Joe who pulled me into a brief hug before heading with Carrano. Jon frowned at my presence, "I saw you were on the card with Randy, do you maybe know where he is right now?"

"Aren't you his girlfriend?" Of course the guy that didn't care to know anyone else's business knew but my ex didn't. He was friends with Colby though so I guess it made sense.

"Yes but I don't get why that's being pointed out right now." I frowned, slightly paranoid he had seen the attempted kiss by Nick.

"He hasn't been on shows all week and then they told me today our match was cancelled cause he is on the injured list" Jon sighed and I saw the disappointment in his face as it had clearly meant a cancellation of a match for him.

I nodded and immediately left him after thanking him knowing he didn't want to prolong our conversation so I made my way back out and hoped Nick was gone. Injured list?

I knocked on John's tour bus door and I wasn't sure if I was happy when he opened or not. Had he seen what had happened or heard? His wet hair let me know he probably hadn't and I was sure he would have taken Nick down. He also seemed surprised to see me obviously having not seen me in about a month or so, "I have a match in ten. What's up?"

"Since when is Randy injured?" I sighed and hoped he wouldn't question why I lacked the knowledge of it.

"Well he got hurt during a match on Raw but during rehearsals he realized he couldn't go. I was with him when he went to Chris."

I pouted slightly at the thought of him going through what I had and of course he hadn't called to tell me anything. He was Randy Orton, he was stubborn like me so why should he tell me when I hadn't told him?

"So where is he now?" I questioned hiding the hurt from my voice as I felt a lump in my throat. I was concerned about him, I loved him and even though I had claimed I needed distance it would never mean the end.

"Probably on a flight home." He shrugged.

Fuck.

"Look you can wait for me until I'm done. I have an appearance close by so you can head with me on my jet."

I stared at him and knew he probably didn't but sensed I wanted to be by Randy's side asap. "Thanks, John"

He nodded before continuing to get ready and I briefly checked my phone in hopes I had missed something but there was nothing. I guess it was for the best, we needed to see each other face to face as things could just get worse over texts or calls...