~Chapter 21~

It had been a week since I had woken up in that dreaded hospital bed. They'd had to pump my stomach when I was brought in and luckily got everything out so discharged me not long later but I still felt nauseous just thinking about the whole ordeal.

How could I have been so stupid?

How could I have been so careless?

Like Maddie, I had let vulnerability and sadnesses get the best of me in the worst way possible. I had almost let it kill me.

I shuddered at the thought as I washed my cereal bowl that morning, the ceramic dish nearly slipping out of my hands. Regaining my composure, I dried the dish and put it away, about to go have a shower and try to relax for the first time in a week.

However, a knocking on my front door stopped me in my tracks and instead I sighed as I looked through the peephole before opening the door.

In front of me stood Axel Knight, looking slightly tired but still just as handsome as ever. "Hey, Freckles," he greeted, stepping into my apartment when I gestured for him to.

A knot grew in my stomach the further into my apartment he got. He was the only one who knew what had happened as he kept his promise to keep it a secret and somehow managed to hide the ordeal from the paparazzi. I was impressed at his skills to say the least but the thought of him seeing me like that — at my absolute weakest — was mortifying, seeing as I'd always been the type to hide my emotions from everyone.

I wasn't even completely sure what I had said but I knew it must have been bad so I'd been avoiding his texts and calls all week. I wasn't sure when he was scheduled to fly back to England but I was hoping that I could have stalled him for long enough but I supposed not.

Realistically, I knew the talk we were about to have was inevitable but that didn't mean a girl couldn't still dream.

We moved to sit on opposite sofas in the living area of my open plan apartment in complete quiet. I could tell Axel didn't know what to say and neither did I but eventually, after sitting in silence for almost two minutes, I couldn't stare at the ceiling any longer. "So what brings you here?" I asked softly, not meeting his eyes.

It was strange to feel so awkward around Axel when he usually made me feel so comfortable and relaxed but I supposed this situation was beyond even our bond. "I wanted to see how you were feeling, seeing as you've been avoiding me like the plague," he said but it wasn't accusatory but almost... vulnerable?

"A lot better," I said honestly, trying to string words together in my mind about how to have this conversation. "I honestly don't know what came over me so I'm sorry you had to see.... whatever it is you did."

We were both still for a few long and excruciating moments until he finally decided to speak — at least I wasn't the only one unsure about the whole situation. "Don't be sorry, Freckles. We all have our weak moments and we all need people to help us through them."

Great. Did he pity me now?

"Axel, don't look at me like that."

His brow furrowed and I sighed, moving to sit cross-legged as I hugged a throw pillow to my chest. "Like I'm... weak and... and broken."

I clutched the pillow tighter, not ready to look him in the eyes just yet. Being so open and vulnerable with someone —  even Axel — was just so hard and unfamiliar.

"Harper," he said softly. "I could never think of you like that and you know it. I've said it to you before but you're one of the strongest people I know."

It certainly didn't feel like that was true, especially when I had a sneaking feeling that he was holding back on what he wanted to say. "Then why does it feel like you're treading on eggshells around me? Just come out and say what it is you want to. I can handle it."

Axel chuckled lightly and I gave him a strange look, meeting his eyes for a brief moment. "I forgot how blunt you were."

I shrugged, not knowing how to respond to that. I knew a lot of people didn't like that quality of mine and found it almost rude but I couldn't help it. I tended to say what was on my mind around people I was comfortable with because it was such a nice counter from how reserved I had to act most of the time.

He sighed in resignation and I finally looked up from my pillow long enough to take in what he was about to say. "It's not that I'm treading on eggshells, Freckles. It's just... how do I phrase this? What happened terrified me. I thought I was going to lose another friend and well... I didn't know what to do. I know that it's all in my head and you're fine but I haven't stopped thinking about you all week. I've been worried sick, Harper, and honestly, I'm a bit out of my depth with all of this."

So he didn't think I was weak? He was just as thrown by this whole situation as I was?

I couldn't help the slight upturn of my lips and Axel seemed a bit confused by the sudden change in expression and it was honestly adorable. "Well, that's a relief because I feel a bit out of my depth too..." I admitted. "This whole situation was a lot. I don't really know what came over me but I promise I won't do something like that again, Axel. And I'm sorry, I really am. I never meant to put you through something like that."

Axel's lips started twitching upwards too, his soft brown eyes warm and caring and the relief I felt was almost overwhelming. He forgave me. He actually forgave me and wasn't looking at me like I was a fragile porcelain doll. He was looking at me like I was just Harper, his friend and someone he cared about.

"Oh thank God, I thought it was just me," Axel said, smiling in relief.

"Can we put this whole thing behind us?" I asked. I wanted the regular Axel and Harper back where we felt comfortable and happy together. I wasn't sure how much more of this stiffness I could take.

Axel nodded but then paused. "Gladly... but there is one thing I wanted to ask you."

My stomach started to twist as I opened my mouth. "Shoot," I said, sounding a lot more relaxed than I was.

"It's alright if you don't wanna answer or talk about it. I totally get that. This is a personal thing and it's not really my place to pry. I was just curious and you know I'd never judge you about anything. At least, I hope you know that. But I've just been wondering, you know? I guess I'm fa—"

I cut Axel off with a small laugh, waving away his worry with my hand. "Axel, calm down; It's fine, honestly. What's the question?"

"Who's Belle?"

My words stuck in my throat.

Belle. Had I mentioned Belle that night?

I couldn't look him in the eyes. Instead, I watched my fingers which were grasping the throw pillow so tightly they were turning white. Breathe, Harper. Relax.

"She w-was my best friend a long time ago," I murmured so quietly I wasn't even sure he heard. "But she's... ummm... she d-died."

Memories from the past came rushing back, hitting me like a vicious tidal wave against an old damn.

I could see Belle, grinning when she aced her GCSEs, waving the piece of paper around excitedly.

I remembered going bowling for her thirteenth birthday and her pouty face when I won.

I thought of when we first met back in primary school and became best friends instantly after we both bumped into each other by accident on the playground, running inside for lunch.

They wouldn't stop and with each memory, another tear started welling in my eyes until one decided escaped, dripping onto my balled-up hand and I finally looked up, meeting Axel's honey-brown eyes which somehow always seemed to have me transfixed until I was calm.

Just by looking at them, I felt my breathing shallow until I could finally hear my own thoughts again. "Sorry," I muttered. "It's a bit of a sore subject."

"No, I'm sorry," he rushed out. "I shouldn't have mentioned it."

I wiped away the traitorous tear from my face. "It's fine, honestly, don't worry about it. Anyways, why'd you ask?"

"Well... last week, when everything happened, you mentioned her and it got me thinking. Is that what you meant you told me everyone close to you seemed to get hurt?"

Well shit. I'd really given a lot away. Urgh, I was so stupid sometimes.

Maybe... maybe it was time I told him the whole truth. But would he leave if he knew?

"Yeah kinda..." I trailed off, losing my voice.

There was a long pause before Axel spoke, his voice slow but warm. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Did I? Was I ready to tell him? "Umm... well..."

"You don't have to," he rushed out so fast his words tumbled over one another. Cute. "It's just I know confiding in someone can help a lot and you know I'm here for you if you want to... but of course if you don't want to that's completely fine... I just thought... hell, what do I know anyway? This is obviously really personal and not my place. Sorry, forget I mentioned it."

The atmosphere in the room lightened at his words, for me at least. Axel being such an adorable dork made it almost impossible not to smile and seeing him like this and knowing that he cared for me made me realise that it was the right choice to confide in him.

He was here for me and he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon — at least, I hoped not.

"No, Axel, I want to. I want to tell you everything. I think you're the right person for me to finally talk to but..." I hesitated. "Promise me you won't hate me after or go running for the hills?"

His grin was so bright it was almost blinding. "I doubt that very much, Freckles. And you know I could never hate you, never."

Using his words to pluck up the courage I needed, I breathed in deeply before I let my mind travel back to the past and through some of my worst and most shameful memories.

~*~*~

Chapter 21 done guys! How'd you find it? I'd love to know your thoughts :)

... and the next chapter is a big one with most of the answers you've been looking for so get ready for that.

Also, if you have any suggestions for a ship name for Harper and Axel let me know. The best I got was Axer so any ideas would be great 😂❤️.

(Ps. We went from 8k to 20k in two weeks?! What! Thank you so much 💜💜💜)

Until next time my lovely readers, stay safe xx