~Chapter 20~

"Maddie, what time do we have to be there again?"

Maddison groaned from beside me, banging her head on the car window, getting chastised by Dianna as a result.

It was Liam's twenty-third birthday today and we were all going out to celebrate. We would've just gotten drunk at a bar but for Maddie's sake we had decided to go ice skating instead and then get a meal together. However, Maddie and I were going to be slightly late because of all the traffic and the prospect was irritating her a lot. So much so that I couldn't help but tease her — it was what best friends were for.

About fifteen minutes later we finally reached the rink, much to Maddie's relief, and I took it upon myself to scare Liam when I spotted him talking to Winter, his back facing me.

"Liam," I shouted as I grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to make him jump.

He didn't even flinch, spinning around to pull me into a bear hug. "You can't scare me, Harps, but it's great to see you. Now, you ready to lose at ice skating," he taunted with a raised brow and I grinned devilishly in response.

A lot of people had called me competitive throughout my life and I liked to blame it on the fact that I had nine siblings so had to fight for everything at home when in reality I didn't actually think that was the case. I just liked winning, plain and simple but the only person I was ever properly competitive against was Zack.

Yes, I liked to beat my other siblings but Zack was a whole new level of challenge. So, when he died it felt like my competitiveness had died too. Winning didn't feel the same without his pouty face in sight, muttering curses under his breath.

So when Axel — and now Liam — decided to challenge me to things it made me feel like my old self I supposed. Surrounded by my friends, I felt lighter and more like myself than I had in a while and I needed that so much. I needed my friends to help pull me through this.

By stirring my inner competitive spirit it almost felt like Zack was still with me as strange as that sounded and nothing comforted me more. "You're on, Kalu."

~*~*~

Ice skating was a much-needed break for me. Spending time with my friends always seemed to lighten my ever dulling world but when I got home that evening my temporary happiness started to fade. No longer were the smiling faces of my friends surrounding me. Now I was all alone just like I had been for years.

I still felt much too warm after I took my thick woollen coat off and hung it on the coat stand. I was so warm in fact, I had to wipe a bead of sweat from my forehead. Had I accidentally set the heat too high this morning? My footsteps echoed across the laminated wood floor as I made my way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I needed to cool down.

However as I stepped inside the predominantly white room, my eyes shifted to one of the cabinets that hadn't been properly closed. Peaking out from between the crack was an old friend of mine, taunting me with that devilish glint it always carried in any light.

Before I could even think, two bottles of vodka were in my hands, the cool glass soothing my burning skin. Maybe this would help more than water ever could.

The next few minutes passed in a hazy blur, each picture swirling into the next like it was being sucked into a bottomless vortex, leaving me in a cold, dark space all alone once again.

"One shot, two shots, three shots, four," I started to sing to myself, cuddling the second of the two bottles to my chest like it was my baby. "Five shots, six shots, seven shots galore."

I tipped more of the clear liquid down my throat, enjoying the pleasant burn that came with it. At least now I felt something.

I continued to sing, my voice sounding more like a sad yet sinister lullaby than anything else. "Eight shots, nine shots, ten, eleven. Now I'm finally so close to heaven." I felt the remnants of a salty tear run down my cheek as more drops from the bottle were forced down my throat.

"Don't worry, Zack," I cooed to the hollow glass, clutching it much too tightly. "Don't worry, Belle. We're almost all together again. I'm almost free. I'll see you both soon, I promise. I promise."

The bottle slipped from my hands and thumped as it hit the floor, the remaining liquid sloshing about violently. It rolled away from me but I didn't have the energy to follow after it. Instead, I curled up in a ball on my kitchen floor, holding my legs to my chest in a vice grip. I rocked back and forth waiting for the end to finally take me so I could be free. So I could be with my loved ones again.

Loved ones? Images of Maddie, Winter, Liam, Damien, Nathan, Wyatt, dad, Carter and even Axel all flashed through my mind. They all loved me and I loved them. Was I ready to leave them all behind? No.

Then I thought of Zack and I thought of her — Belle — and the grief overwhelmed me, swallowing me whole without even the decency to spit me back out again. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be with them more than anything. The two people who had loved me more than anything; I couldn't leave them. I wouldn't.

A faraway knocking started to bring me back to reality. "Harper," the voice called. Zack?

I fumbled to my feet, trying desperately to reach the door faster. "I'm coming, Zack. I'm coming," I tried to shout but the words all slurred together.

The knocking got louder. "Harper, are you there?"

I started to realise that the voice didn't sound like Zack's but I didn't care. That familiar British accent was all I focused on as I fought to turn the key in the lock. "Hang on, Zack. Don't leave me. I'm almost there."

I fell to my knees as the door finally swung open to reveal a familiar tall figure. It wasn't Zack but I couldn't place him. He looked like a fuzzy blur as did the rest of my world.

"Harper?" the voice asked, sounding worried.

"You're not Zack," I accused but my words were all jumbling together so I wasn't sure he could understand me. "Where's my brother gone? Is he outside waiting for me there?"

I couldn't see the person's face in the darkness of the room but even in my state, I could feel the sadness coming off of them. "Are you looking for Zack too?"

The hazy figure shook his head, giving me his hand to help me off the floor. I gladly accepted the help, stumbling to my feet and falling into the person's chest. They seemed oddly familiar, so much so that I didn't feel at all alarmed letting them into my home and being so close to me.

The man guided me to my sofa and we sat down together, staring at each other in a comfortable silence for a long moment. "If you're not here looking for Zack then why are you here?" I finally asked, addressing the elephant in the room.

As nice and comforting as this man was, he wasn't Zack and all I wanted to do was get to my brother whatever the cost.

"I was looking for you?"

"Why?"

"I wanted to see you, Freckles."

"Why?"

The man sighed from next to me. "My flight was delayed so I missed the party but I still wanted to see you," he explained. So I did know this man; I knew it.

"What does any of this have to do with Zack?"

My mind started to spin as I asked the question. The previous high I had from hearing my brother's voice starting to fade, leaving behind the overly drunken mess that I was.

"Harper, Zack isn't here," the man said so delicately as if I was fine china that would break at the slightest touch.

"Then where is he?" I pressed, becoming dizzier by the second. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold out. I needed to find Zack now before it was too late. Before he was gone forever.

He hesitated. "He's... he's gone away and he's going to be away for a long time."

"How long?" I asked, tears welling in my eyes at the prospect of not seeing him again. Why did this all feel so familiar in the most painful way?

The man didn't get a chance to reply before I spoke again. "If I can't find Zack, at least tell me Belle is here."

He paused for a long time. "Who's Belle?"

"My best friend," I said, not missing a beat. "She died a long time ago but now I can finally join her."

The man shifted in his seat so he could reach for my hands, cradling them in his much larger and inked ones. "Harper," he said slowly, making sure to annunciate each syllable. The softness with which he spoke stirred something unknown in my chest. "Why do you think you can join her?"

"Well, I drank a lot and by a lot, I mean a lot. I'm pretty sure it was enough so now I can be with Zack and Belle again," I explained to him.

He got to his feet so quickly it almost gave me whiplash. "We have to get you to a hospital, now."

I tried to shake my head but it felt too heavy on my shoulders so I leaned into the sofa more instead. "No. I want to be with Belle and Zack."

"You can't, Harper," his voice cracked but he was seeming more distant by the second.

"But everyone will be so disa-disappointed in me," I tried to explain.

"They'd be more upset if you died, Harper," he said, sounding so desperate as I heard the faint sound of a phone ringing. 

There was muttering from where he was standing but I couldn't make out anything as the world around me grew darker and darker.

It didn't take long before the man was by my side once again, holding onto my hands tightly as I lost consciousness lying down on my sofa.

"Stay with me, Freckles," he whispered so softly. "They're almost here just stay with me, please. I can't lose you too, please." I felt a slight wetness drip onto my hands as the world completely blackened around me.

Would I be okay if I died? It was a bit late to decide now but I didn't know. I wasn't sure if I really could leave everyone behind. The man sounded so scared and upset so maybe I wasn't ready. "Promise me something," I rasped out, clinging onto the last of my consciousness. "If I make it through this, don't let anyone know what happened to me. I don't want them to think I'm weak. Promise this stays between us."

"You're not weak, Freckles."

"Promise?" I begged, my voice quiet and thin.

"Promise."

~*~*~

Okay so I know life is pretty crazy for everyone at the moment so hopefully this made your day slightly better :)

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