I woke up shivering and profusely sweating. The nightmare,its back. I had been having nightmares since Shanaya left but eventually therapies helped me overcome but here I'm back to square one. I looked up to the clock to find its just 4 am, I laid back but can't get out of that terrible feeling.

I saw myself standing in the centre of a road, crying and shouting. There was Shanaya with a sad smile and red eyes standing opposite to me and she held her hand for me to hold. I forwarded my hand to her but she turned her head to left and gave a huge smile and mouthed 'I love you '. I was standing with hand held in front of her. She didn't hold my hand and even didn't meet my eyes. I shouted her name but a speedy car rammed her. I was standing bathed in blood ,her blood.The nightmares are haunting me again.Where are you Shanaya ? I hope wherever you are, you are safe .

The morning ain't that good .I stood against the wall in the garden contemplating whether to cancel meeting Akshara or not.  But then deciding against it I texted her to meet me at the university.She texted back to wait for her at a cafe near her university. 

It's 02:30 pm and I have been waiting for her since half an hour. She would be here any moment. I scrolled through my phone.

“ Arjun “ I heard someone behind me.“  I hope I'm not late.” Akshara said making me shake my head. She is always scared but this is the first she's talking without stuttering.
“ No, I was early. A coffee?”I hoped she'd say yes and she did. We both walked into the cafe.

“  One coffee and you ,Akshara?” I asked her without ordering for her. She said “ Kadak chai with ginger .” Akshara has a weird choice, not that I mind her having a tea but normally girls in my group had coffee when we hanged out together. 

Once we were served ,I asked her “ Did  Maa talked to you the other day about….about me?” I couldn't find words .I felt at a loss. My nightmare peeping into my head from nowhere suddenly making me nervous." She did. I'm, uh ,umm ,okay with everything. No problem.” She said . Like seriously she has no problem. I thought girls would reject when they comes to know that their soon to be husband had a terrible love life , was depressed and whatnot I was. “ Are you okay with it . See Akshara there's no pressure. ” “ I'm okay , Arjun. Its your life and I'm not judging.”She said making me smile and forget the nervousness. 

She finished her tea first and waited for me to finish my coffee. Once I finished she said ,"I should leave, I'm running late.”  “ Do you have to be somewhere? I can drop you.” I tried to act normal even though I was thinking to extend the conversation.  “ No please,  I can go . May I? ” I blinked my eyes and paid the bill and walked along with her . She is playing with her dupatta, looking down. No wonder if she bumps into someone or something .

After bidding goodbyes I saw her walking to the bus stop, she is not a fan of metro I guess. I saw her getting into the bus .I stood near my car until the bus vanished from my eyesight. 

I'm ready for her , marrying her. I know she is my twin soul if not then too I can be me with her . I smiled at my thoughts and returned home.  I forget toask her if she has any social media account.  Should I text her ? No leave it . I'll see her in just two weeks from today.Its our engagement. 

I walked to the cafe to see Arjun with his phone in his hand. I called him “ Arjun, I hope I'm not late.” He shook his head . “ No, I was early. A coffee? ”I nodded at what he said. We both walked into the cafe.

He ordered coffee for him and asked me . Coffee , a big No. I hate coffee with all my heart .I  said “ Kadak chai with ginger .”
( I know her hating coffee might offend you but she's weird )

Once we were served ,he asked me “ Did  Maa talked to you the other day about….about me ? ” I replied “ She did. I'm, uh ,umm ,okay with everything. No problem.” Why would I have any problem with him working or giving most of his time to work . “ Are you okay with it . See Akshara there's no pressure. ” “ I'm okay , Arjun. Its your life and I'm not judging. ” I said with a smile .

I was done with my tea but he was still sipping on his coffee, too slowly that I'm literally feeling awkward. Once he finished his coffee I said ,” I should leave, I'm running late.”  “ Do you have to be somewhere? I can drop you. ” He asked me.  “ No please, I  can go . May I? ” I asked him if I could leave and he replied by blinking his eyes. He looked so cute . I can't risk myself by accepting his offer of dropping me home . The least I expect is to Papa find out that I met him. Its not like I came here without informing anyone home. Amma and Di knows it.

I walked to the bus stop after bidding goodbye to Arjun. I can feel him standing against his car looking at my direction. I smiled at his behavior and got into the bus .

Papa wouldn't like me taking a metro to home. The bus stops at our residential area.

Once I reached home I texted him to inform about me reaching home and to know if he reached or not. I received a text back after several hours .I  smiled at  his text. I have my exams and engagement.  I can't afford a bad academic validation so I focused on my studies. 

The only thing Papa has not deprived me is of my education and I can't afford to lose it. Its not like he don't love me or anything.  If I was told to trust a stranger and Papa, I would go for the stranger. Don't ask me the reasons. 

Dear diary

Today I met Arjun,I had a tea with him. I hope everything goes well.  I'm happy for Di and jiju also I wish Arjun and I share the same vibe.

I'm confused at what is happening.  Everything is happening so fast that  I'm scared if it's for good or bad. 

I let the universe decide

Akshara

Signing off
Ashwani

Author's note

Currently facing a writer's block because the story in my mind has gone too far and the chapter I'm writing is far behind ,much confusing too .