Only give your moments of heaven to who is willing to hold your hand and walk with you through hell.
Even if they may be the Devil himself.
-JM Storm

"Emma, Emma you need to wake up." Someone's large hands shake my shoulder, I groan and swat at them which instantly sends pain flaring through my wrist.

I gasp and sit straight up.

Above me Julian stares in concern, and I notice I'm breathing hard.

His hands move off me and I notice Jessie's sleeping form along with Calum's in a recliner. We all spent the night once a storm warning was sent out, we're probably going to have to do it tonight too, unless someone is stupid enough to drive out in the hail.

Only Jules and a pair of set, cold blue eyes are looking at me.

"What, what happened?" I croak, pressing my hand onto my pumping hard.

It's beating so fast.

Julian raises a concerned eyebrow, moving my hair aside to press fingers onto my neck. His eyes widen and he quickly presses the back of his hand to my cheek making me flinch. "You had another nightmare, I was about to wake you up when you tried to claw your neck. I had to hold you down but that only made it worse."

I breath out, my head reeling. "Just a nightmare." I say.

Julian embraces me, shuffling further onto the couch. "It's been so long since that happened, you scared me." 

I frown, hanging my head slightly once he pulls away. "I'm sorry, I didn't hurt you did I?" 

The only real reason I ask this is because I've broken my dad's arm, Jules nose and one of Jessie's fingers during a nightmare before. 

He grins, letting me know he's okay. "Nah, you're a weakling. You might want a clean shirt though, you passed out with all your grossness on display."

Feeling offended I push him harshly onto the floor before rolling my eyes and standing. Soon I yawn and stretch silently, only to squeak in surprise when Julian smacks my stomach. "Cover your flub up Emma. Disgusting." 

I grunt in response, crossing my arms. "If you don't like it don't look, and you don't look much better shirtless my man." 

He scoffs, quickly stripping of his shirt to show off his very unimpressive abs. While he's flexing I snicker and snatch his shirt from the floor before pulling it over my head.

Winking to the now scowling Julian I flop back onto the couch, a smug look on my face.

He settles in next to me, not bothering going to his room again.

It's then I realize, that Xavier must have been the one to wake him up to help me.

I wince, realizing he's still awake and watching us.

For some reason I want nothing more than for him to come over here and sit next to me, to comfort me after my nightmare.

Instead I giggle quietly, return his favor and slapping his bare chest so loud it echos off the walls and the area I hit turns red. 

He groans in pain, rolling over while holding the spot to dramatically fall on the floor.

With a smirk I quickly twist and fall on top of him, sitting on his back as I pretend to get comfortable. "Ooo, so comfy. You'd make a great bed Jules. So squishy, so much flub to expand on. I wish they sold more of you at the store."

"I hate you." He grits out through clenched teeth, quickly changing our position as I squirm under him -unable to use half my body because of the healing wounds lets him sit straight on my stomach. Thankfully he doesn't add his full weight.

And isn't smart enough to hold down my feet.

So he yelps in pain when I knee his arm, sending him sprawled awkwardly on me.

I squirm my way out from under him, about to cheer in victory when his hand curls around my ankle and sending me straight to the carpet. 

Crying out in pain when I land on my wrist his fingers are under my shirt as he's about to tickle when I shove the injury in his chest. "Blood. I'm bleeding. Ha, that means get off me and get me some clean wraps, peasant."

He huffs, but sit's up straight none the less. "Why should I get you anything to cover injuries, unless you're talking about your face of course." My eyes narrow at him.

"Whoever said telling the truth will get you places in life was clearly lying. I don't care how ugly I am Jules, you cause me to bleed again so get your ass up and get me some wraps." I demand, pointing a hand towards his bathroom.

He rolls his eyes but stands either way, I ignore his outstretched hand and lay back down against the ground. "I'm pretty content here actually, the couch got way too hot."

"That's strange, I wasn't there for too long and that," He motions up and down me with disgust, which I choose to ignore. "Steals all the heat around, so ugly it's cold."

"Bitch please, that's my heart. Pure ice." I grin, shutting my eyes as I hear him move away but still continue the conversation.

"Your soul's in the same condition I assume." He calls down the hall.

"You say that as if I have one." I reply, yawning slightly. 

"You have one," Julian says, walking back in the room -which I found out because he threw wraps at me. "It's just small, withered and black."

"We're not describing your brain, calm down Thatch." I tease him, knocking against his skull as he crouches next to me. "That's nearly empty."

"If you weren't injured already Carter, you would be now."

I don't take his words to heart and just cheekily smile in response, only when does his hand moves up to presumably ruffle my hair do I flinch and suck in a breath. Julian recoils, realizing his mistake. 

After my nightmare's I'm usually sensitive and have a hard time controlling flinches, even if I don't remember the dream itself my body does. 

"It's okay," I tell him softly, trying to smile. "I'm used to it by now."

"You shouldn't be okay with that shit Emma, nobody should. First of all I get it's been happening for years, your mom's not helping and I know you're strong but you shouldn't have to do it alone." Julian says, a deep frown on his face.

I sigh, wishing we wouldn't discuss this with Xavier in the room. 

He already knows too much.

"If I hadn't gotten my dad killed then-"

"You didn't get him killed!" Julian whisper-yells. I flinch again. "It's not your fault those men decided to try and rape you. He did what any father would do seeing his child in that position, I would try and help someone too. He didn't know they had a gun, he didn't know what would happen. That's no one's  fault besides the one behind the trigger."

Tears pop into my eyes, I look away from him which is sadly right below Xavier's couch. 

"If he had just let it happen, knowing what we know now everything would be so much better. If we knew he was going to die he should have just let it happen. He should have just ran away and left me." I confess, feeling tears spill down my face. I don't move to wipe them away.

"Emmeline!" Julian speaks in his normal voice, appalled. "You can't mean that."

"I do. Of course I do. Shit like that happens all the time, it happened anyway and I'm pretty sure it's not worth someone's life. Especially his life and I know mine would be so much better now if Dad was in it." I argue back.

"There's a difference being raped by fifteen men and raped by one." Julian says quietly, as if he feels my pain. I drop my cheek into my palm and let my eyes drift towards my best friend. "Your dad was the best guy I've ever known, he couldn't live with himself if he just turned his back on you and let that happen. You know he would regret that for the rest of his life. I know he would want to-"

"What?" I interrupt him, glancing down at my scarred wrists and back into his pure brown eyes. "Kill himself?" 

"Emma I didn't mean to..." Julian trails off with a wince.

"I know, it's okay. You're doing better then most would." I admit, giving him a small smile. "Don't worry. My dad's dead, and no matter how much we talk about it that fact won't change. I doubt you need to worry about that decision being made twice."

"That's not what I'm worried about." Julian says, touching my chin to wipe off another tear.

I hear a small scoff and look up to Xavier. "Would you take your sob story somewhere else? Some of us are trying to sleep."

Julian looks so offended but I simply roll my eyes, but don't meet the Devil's eyes either way. 

"Such a conversationalist." I mutter, he only snorts as a reply. 

"Don't call what we were talking about a sob story." Julian snarls, much to my surprise. "You've already heard it all, so I'm not going to sugar coat shit. This is something that destroyed her life, it hurt her more then I bet you've been hurt and it damaged her beyond belief. She's still healing, so if you want to continue on complaining about lost sleep you can brave it out in the storm. If you don't care I suggest you keep your mouth shut, she's lost more sleep over this then you will over a ten minute conversation. Even I have lost sleep over this, now if you want a reason to be tired when you wake up I can give you one, until then fuck off, roll over and block it the hell out."

Xavier stares at me in what I should say is shock, I find myself looking straight at my feet.

There's no way in hell I'm meeting his eyes after that.

"Well," I clear my voice, forgetting about the clean wraps. "That's my cue to go hide in Jessie's room. Night."

Julian scrambles after me, but I shut the door before he can reach me. "Do you need to talk."

I try to sound okay with my throat clogged and tears streaming down my face. "I'm okay, just go back to sleep. I promise I'll be fine by morning." That's a lie.

But he believes it.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well okay? Come to my room if you have another nightmare." 

I agree, making him walk away.

Silently I go to Jessamine's bed, which is just as familiar to me as mine. 

A hour later, when it's nearly two am I find myself still staring at the violet walls around me. I don't trust myself enough to sleep, I don't want to close my eyes.

I'm afraid where I might go.

A soft knock sounds at my door, I don't respond which only prompts the person behind it to open it and slip in.

Locking eyes with Xavier I sit up lazily and raise a eyebrow at him. He stares down at me before clearing his throat and scratching the back of his neck.

"You can't sleep?" He asks.

I give him a unimpressed look, that's the best he could come up with?

"No, I can sleep like a baby, can't you tell?" I reply back sardonically. 

"I'm sorry." Xavier apologizes, catching me off guard. 

"For what?" I ask. "As far as I know I don't hold a grudge against you. Apologizing then explaining it to me might make me have one." 

"All that shit I said...it was uncalled for."

"I agree."

"And untrue." He adds, making me recoil slightly.

"I don't agree. Sure you were a asshole but you weren't lying. I have daddy issues, oh the fuck well. I'm not much compared to most girls, but you can't expect someone to be perfect. And we didn't have sex, and you might have been disappointed at the time but I bet you don't regret that now." I respond evenly, trying to stay as calm as possible when my heart is beating out of my chest.

It's not him that's making me nervous.

It's myself, sleep.

Emotional talk always wears me out.

I don't want to fall asleep with another nightmare, panic and pain already below the surface.

"I was lying." He argues.

"Well now you are." I bait him. 

"I don't regret meeting you. I don't regret kissing you, or touching you, or marking you. I regret treating you the way I did without knowing you, and I don't regret not sleeping with you but not because I didn't want to or because it's not appealing. Because at the time it would have been right." I stare at Xavier, shocked.

Out of all the ways I was expecting this conversation to go this wasn't on the list.

"I still don't get why you hide yourself. I don't think I ever will when you look the way you do. Your best friend was wrong, you aren't defined beautiful because you're better then another girl. You're beautiful because you're beautiful, and that beauty just happens to be better then other girls." He says this casually, like a fact. I can't help but to think this is some sort of trick or prank. I personally wouldn't put it past him. You don't have daddy problems, you've just been hurt a lot. Your dad didn't do anything to you, or upset you. He died. That's not daddy issues. You're friend was right too by the way."

"About what?"

"Having a real reason to miss sleep, I'm sorry I've been such a douche. I shouldn't have been, no to you." I suck in a breath when he sits next to me on the bed. "So I'll stay here, with you, until you're asleep and if I wake up tired I'll wake up tired. And it will be worth it."

My mouth parts at his words and I find myself shocked.

The Devil does not apologize for his sins.

Not even to Eve.

"But why?" I sputter, twisting my body to face him completely. "Why say any of that, any of this to me. What's so important that you need to push me away, and then pull me back in."

"I don't know." Xavier says, a frown on his beautiful face. "I just know I don't want to ruin you, but when I learned everything about you, all you've been through...I started to think I could do more good then bad. If you'll let me."

"'I am part of that power which eternally wills evil and eternally works good.'" I quote, and upon realizing I did it out loud wince. "Sorry, my mind wanders. I'll let you stay, I don't hold anything against you." 

I look back up at him, only to find him much closer then he was before.

My breath hitches and I feel myself lean into him.

His hands wrap around my waist, tugging me a inch closer. One of mine splay on his chest, while the other wraps around the back of his head and digs into his black hair. 

"We shouldn't start this." He says, but his voice is deeper and his hands refuse to leave me.

"I agree." I say, but my eyes are attached to his lips and my fingers dig against him.

And then we're kissing, and I can't tell who started it.

I don't know who will end it.

Our lips work fast against one another, he crushes me against him before slowly climbing over me. I'm breathless when be pulls away, my bottom lip between his teeth yet again. 

Giving out a small gasp as his lips find my still marked neck and begin to work against it, nipping at the sensitive skin. "Xavier-" I begin to tell him something, what I'm not sure, when he opens his mouth and bites me. His tongue scrapes over the area a second later and I feel myself melt into the bed.

If biting is his thing, then it's also mine.  

Suddenly his lips are on mine again, demanding entrance. 

I let him have it, knees coming up on either side of him. He grabs my thighs, pulling me until our hips connect and my ankles lock around him. Xavier then grabs my hips, keeping me in place yet again.

"I told you...we shouldn't..." Xavier speaks while kissing, not even finishing his sentence. 

"I know..." I trail off too, not regretting it.

And then we go, kissing all over again.

Not once did I have a flash back, or think, feel even, that it was somehow wrong.

His words don't affect me when me and him, together, is just so right.