Plans

Dindin's

I ENVY those people who call themselves a morning person because I am fucking not. The moment I opened my eyes, I was greeted by the sunlight that shines directly on my face. Silaw na silaw ako. Dapat pala ay isinara ko ang mga kurtinang iyon. Tuwang – tuwa kasi ako kagabi sa view ng city lights. I had never imagined myself to be in this place, let alone IN the house where my half – brother lives – just the person that I need to be with. Hindi ko alam kung anong nakain ni Jacobo Amberto at niyaya niya akong tumira sa bahay na ito, pero mas pinadali niya ang lahat. Isip ako nang isip kung paano ako makapapasok sa buhay nila. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari, but he literally opened the door for me, he let me in and now, all my plans are in motion. Kung paano ko sisimulan ang plano, hindi ko pa alam. Hindi ko nga rin alam kung buo nga ba ang loob ko para gawin ito, pero mas malakas sa akin ang urgency na makuha ang buhay na dapat naman para sa akin.

Hindi ko kasalanan na ipinganak akong mahirap, pero malaking kasalanan kung mahirap pa rin akong mamamatay. I will live with that motto: All is fair in love and war. Wala naman akong kahit anong nararamdamang pagmamahal para sa lalaking iyon. I don't even consider him as a brother, para sa akin, mang-aagaw siya. Inagaw niya at ng nanay niya ang buhay na para sana sa aming mag – ina. Wala akong emosyong nararamdaman para sa kanya kundi galit, inggit at panghihinayang. Galit dahil hindi ko nakuha ang buhay na mayroon siya, inggit dahil akin dapat ang lahat ng tinatamasa niya ngayon, panghihinayang dahil hindi naranasan ni Mama ang buhay na mayroon ang naging asawa ng Papa ko.

Jacobo's mother died in a car accident when he was only eight years old. Sab isa research ko, his mother was dead on the spot but Jacobo suffered a lot of injuries and was in a comma for a month and then he woke up. Dinala siya sa America para sa mas maayos na treatment. Wala naman sinabi sa records kung anong naging injury ni Jacobo, but he came back a two years later and he's fine. Rogelio – our father – have then decided that it's time to train his one and only son to handle the company.

Jacobo is an achiever. He was always on top of his classes. Kahit sa mga contests na sinasalihan niya ay hindi siya kahit kailan natalo. When he aims to be the best, he comes out the best. Doon ko na-realize na kung patutunayan ko kay Rogelio Castillo na mas karapat – dapat ako kaysa sa nakasama niyang anak, then I must be on top of my game too. Nag – aral akong maigi. Tulad ni Jacobo, tuwing may sasalihan o papasukin akong isang bagay, I will come out the best. Wala akong pakialam kung dahil sa pagiging ambisyosa ko ay wala akong naging kaibigan. Wala akong pakialam kung kapag nakikita ako ng mga kaklase ko at mga kasing edaran ko noon sa probinsya ay tinataasan ako ng kilay at pinagbubulungan nila ako. For me, those people aren't enough. They will only be hindrance to my plans. Wala akong panahong makipagkaibigan at makipag-plastic-an sa kanilang lahat. I only want one thing and that is to be on top of it all. Titingalain nila akong lahat. Lahat ng nang – api sa aming mag – ina noon, lahat sila, titingalain nila ako, hahanga at magsisisi dahil minsan sa buhay nila, inapi at pinamukhaan nila kaming dalawang mag – ina.

Alam kong punong – puno ng galit at inggit ang puso ko. Bad as it may be, but only those two things fueled me. Kung hindi dahil sag alit at inggit na iyon, wala ako rito ngayon.

I sat up and gave out a sigh. Napakaganda ng view mula sa penthouse na ito. I stood up and walked near the window. I could see the whole city from where I am standing. Busy na ang lahat sa ibaba, habang ako, iniisip ko pa kung anong mangyayari sa akin ngayong umaga. Nakatulugan ko na lang kagabi ang mga senaryo ng plano ko, sa isipan ko, kahit saan ako mapunta, anuman ang maging tingin sa akin ng lahat, wala akong pakialam, I will get what I want.

"But first, breakfast." Napahikab pa ako habang nag – iinat. Gising na kaya si Jacobo? Pwedeng oo, pwedeng hindi, pwede ring nakikiramdam lang siya sa mga galaw ko, but I don't care. Gagawin ko ang dapat kong gawin para naman wala siyang masabi sa akin. Utang na loob ko pa rin ang pagpapatira niya sa akin rito, kailangan gawin ko ang end of the deal ko. Ayoko pa namang tumatanaw ng utang na loob sa ibang tao.

I went to the kitchen. Maganda ang kusina ni Jacobo, state of the art lahat ng gamit. Halatang mamahalin. Iyong iba siguro rito, mas mahal pa sa buhay ko. I chuckled. Naghanap na ako ng maluluto sa kusina. I saw eggs, bacons, hotdogs and the likes. Kumpleto ang gamit. Lahat ng klase ng snacks ay naroon. I opened the freezer drawer and was quite surprised when I saw a dozen of ice candies. Iyong ice candy na nasa maliliit na plastic ng yelo, iyong nabibili sa mga tindahan na tag-five pesos tapos may buko salad, avocado and such na flavors.

I let out a giggle. I was suddenly reminded of a boy I used to play with. I remember us sitting on the swing inside the hospital park, eating ice candy while talking about things that we thought mattered before. Nagkasakit kasi si Mama at napakatagal niya sa ospital. Tuwing uuwi ako galing school noon, dadaan ako sa ospital, doon ko siya nakilala. We just started playing, and whenever he has ice candy, bibigyan niya ako at uupo kami sa swing. I had the best memories with my friend back then. He makes me happy. Bata pa ako noon pero alam kong mabigat ang kahaharapin ko sa buhay dahil sa pagkakasakit ni Mama. But he made things a bit better, and I am always thankful for him because of that.

I shook my head to dismiss that memory. Nagsimula na akong magluto. I cooked three eggs, a bunch of bacon, I toasted some bread and made some coffee. Hindi ko alam kung nagkakape siya, ako kasi hindi, may GERD ako at bawal na bawal ang kape. I just got a cup of hot water, and just started eating.

Hindi naman nagtagal ay narinig ko ang mga yabag ni Jacobo na papunta sa kusina.

"Good morning, Sunshine." Wika niya sa akin. Magaan ang tono ng pananalita niya but then he's not smiling so I didn't know how I would react. I nodded at him. "Breakfast smells nice." Naglagay lang siya ng coffee sa tasa tapos tumayo siya sa may counter. I eyed him. Nang hindi siya gumalaw para maupo sa maliit na dining table ay nagsalita na ako.

"Hindi ka ba kakain?"

"Nope. I don't eat breakfast. But it smells nice." Noon lang siya ngumiti. I just notice now that he has this cute gummy smile – mukha siyang batang munti habang nakangiting ganoon sa akin. He looked so innocent, but I know better. Kung may inosente man sa katawan nitong si Jacobo, malamang iyong dulo na lang ng buhok niya.

"But you told me to cook for you."

"Dinner. I would like to have dinner with you – I mean homemade dinner, of course with you kasi dito ka kakain, diba? I don't eat breakfast. Lunch naman after class sa University, so the only thing you'll think about is dinner – also cleaning the place."

"Does that mean I need to clean your room too?" Tumango siya.

"It's not like you'll find something out of the ordinary in there." I made a face, malamang napansin niya iyon. He grinned at me. "Nope. I don't bring girls here. I do my business somewhere else."

I made a face again. I didn't need to know that! Why would he tell me that! Alam naman sa buong campus na halos lahat ng babae, kahit nga yata mga kalalakihan ay gustong sumama dito kay Jacobo. Not that I am judging them, I am judging this man! I just hope that the girls and the guys that wants it with him would have a better taste. I took a deep breath and continued eating while Jacobo keeps on staring at me. Nawi-wirduhan ako sa kanya. Nandoon kasi iyong titigan niya ako, tapos bigla siyang mapapailing, ngingisi, tatawa nang tahimik na para bang nang-aasar hanggang sa maubos niya ang kape niya ay ganoon siya sa akin.

"What time is your class?" He asked after he finally finished his coffee.

"Ten."

"Oh, mauuna pala ako sa'yo. I can come back and pick you up—"

"Why would you do that?" I hate it because my voice faltered. Baka isipin niya vulnerable ako. Ayokong magpakita ng kahit na anong kahinaan sa lalaking ito. I am a strong independent woman. I've been strong since I was fourteen, right after my mother died, I've been trying so hard that I got used to being strong, independent but lonely. But I can deal with all that.

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you afraid of people seeing us together?"

"What if they see us?" He dared me. "They wouldn't dare say anything about me."

"Of course. It has something to do with your status." Bakit ko nga ba naisip na mahihiya siyang makitang kasama ako? This man clearly doesn't care about anything but himself. But come to think of it, wala rin naman iskandalo o kahit na anong kumakalat na grabeng chismis pagdating sa kanya – well maliban na lang sa grabe siyang mambabae and that he doesn't sleep with a woman twice.

"I don't know about you or anyone else but being seen with such a beauty like you wouldn't be embarrassing at all." Sinabayan niya ng ngisi iyon. I swear my face turned red. Why is he doing this? He is flirting with me... or wait, is he? Hindi naman ako katulad ng mga babaeng nakakasama niya. I may look like a dragon, might act like one, but I never had experience in the sexual field. Ni hindi ako nagkaroon ng pormal na kasintahan. I was too busy being on top that I have forgotten to stop, relax and smell the fields.

"I'll come back and pick you up."

"H'wag na." Wika ko. "I can manage. I can walk to school."

"Okay. Remind me to register your fingerprints at the door so you can come home anytime you want even without me." Sabi niya sabay alis. I wanted to ask him if he is flirting with me, but I couldn't. Bakit ko pa itatanong kung iyon rin naman ang plano ko?

I will make him need me, fall for me and then when he is so into me, deeply, madly and truly, I will break him and take everything away from him because everything he has now belongs to me and my mother. Nothing will ever change my mind.

xxxx

J.A.P.

"GOOD MORNING, father."

I never call him Papa or Dad or whatever. He told me I can only call him father because that's what he is to me. He was a father, a good provider, but he was never a Papa or a Dad. I kind of lied to Dindin when I told her that I would be going to school at this time. I wasn't. I got a message from my father's secretary telling me that I need to come to the mansion to have breakfast with my father and my fiancée's family.

I am engaged to Lauren Asistio of the Asistio Builders. Once of the most renowned Architectural Firm in the country. My father and her father thinks that our union will be beneficial to their businesses and that's the ONLY reason why we're engaged now. Lauren and I had been engaged since we were twelve years old, pero maliban sa engagement na iyon ay wala kaming relasyon ni Lauren. Nagkikita kami sa University, nag-uusap. We are civil, but both of us aren't really thinking about the engagement. Ayon sa kasunduan ng mga magulang namin, Lauren and I will be married when we both turn thirty-three. That's ten years from now. Napakalayo at napakaraming bagay pang maaaring mangyari sa buhay naming dalawa at sa desisyon ng mga magulang namin.

"Good morning, son." He gave me his signature half smile. He smiles at me like that, a smile that never reaches his eyes. Maybe because of Mother's death, he was never happy. He dedicated his life to his work and he has forgotten about the son that lives with him. Binibigyan niya lang naman ako ng atensyon noon kapag nagkakamali ako, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon ay gagawa at gagawa ako ng paraan para magkamali at mapansin niya ako. I'd rather he smiles at me like that, than be his problem.

"Sit down, son. You're late. Kanina pa nandito si Lauren at ang Papa niya." Mahinahon naman siyang nagsasalita. I looked at Uncle Leo and uttered my apology. To be frank, I didn't want to be here. I would rather be in my home, with Dindin, drinking my coffee while looking at her make that unusual faces. Oh, she's too cute and too innocent. I want to protect her from all these things.

"I'm sorry, Uncle, Lauren. Masyadong traffic ngayong umaga. I should've come here earlier. How are you?" Tanong ko. I am just being civil. Tumawa naman ang Papa ni Lauren.

"Ikaw naman, hijo, it's okay. Sobrang hirap ng traffic situation dito sa Pilipinas. Talagang hindi ito maiiwasan. Ikaw naman kumpadre, hindi naman kami matagal naghintay nitong si Lauren."

Lauren smiled at me. I nodded at her. Hinayaan naming mag – usap ang mga magulang namin, asu usual, tungkol na naman ito sa negosyo. I don't even know why we're here. Hindi naman kami tinatanong at kinakausap ng mga magulang namin. After eating, I excused myself, isinama ko si Lauren dahil alam kong tulad ko ay inip na inip rin siya. We both ended up walking around the pool area, talking about our classes and courses.

"You seemed different, JP. There's something about you today that I haven't seen before." Sabi niya sa akin. Tumingin naman ako sa kanya. She was holding a white daisy in her hand.

"Do you like daisies, Lauren?" I asked. Father has a bunch of daisies around the garden. I assumed that it was Mother's favorite flower because he has a lot of them in this house. Even his cufflinks were daisies. Must have some meaning for him.

Because I always see these daisies, I got curious for their meaning. It means new beginnings, and rebirth. And as of this moment, those two words has one symbolic meaning for me – and that is Dindin.

"They're okay." She shrugged. "I don't really like flowers." Walang habas na wika niya. Napatawa naman niya ako.

"I always give you flowers on your birthdays."

"I know that it's from your father's secretary, not from you." Nagtawanan na naman kaming dalawa tapos bigla kaming natahimik. Lauren cleared her throat. "What do you think about the golden scholar, JP?" Tanong niya sa akin. Nagulat ako, pero hindi ko ipinahalata.

"What about?"

"I don't know. Rebecca Quizon is telling everyone that you took her in. Is that true, JP?"

"What if it is?"

"Nothing." She said. "I'm not your girlfriend, wala tayong relasyon, pero ang akin lang, mag – ingat ka. You don't know everyone around you, JP. Except for the friends that we both have, people around us might have some sort of hidden agenda. Paano kung ganoon din siya sa'yo?"

Pinisil ko ang kamay ni Lauren.

"Thank you for the concern, Lauren. But if that happens, I can take care of myself. I know myself..." And I know Dindin. Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Lauren always looks after me. I appreciate her a lot. Eleven in the morning nang sabihin ng Papa ni Lauren na kailangan na nilang umalis. I politely said goodbye to them. Father and I watched them leave. When they were finally out of sight, saka ko hinarap ang tatay ko.

"I'll be leaving now Father." I said to him.

"Mmm... You take care, Jacobo."

"You too."

And that's just about it. Wala naman kaming ibang mapag-uusapan. I drove my car so I could get away from that suffocating place. I was thinking if I'll go to school now, or I'll go straight home. My classes don't start until two in the afternoon. I can go back to sleep or study one of my major subjects or read one of those start up business proposals that was handed to me a week ago.

Yes, that's appealing to me. I'm sure Mikel is waiting for my input. Himala ng ana hindi niya ako kinukulit tungkol sa mga start up proposals na binigay niya sa akin noong nakaraan.

So, I came home. Thinking that I'll be alone because Dindin will be at school by this time, but to my surprise, I found her in my room, changing the covers. My mouth parted a bit and my eyes widened when I saw that she was only wearing that oversized white shirt, and a pair of black boyleg shorts.

Dindin's legs were divine and long and I want to touch her to places that I shouldn't be thinking right now.

She looked at my direction. Maybe she saw the door opening.

"Oh, you're here. I thought may class ka."

"What are you doing here?" It come out harsher than I thought. Tumaas lang naman ang kilay niya.

"You said na linisin ko ang kwarto mo and that's what I am doing."

"Akala ko ba may klase ka ng ten am?" Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

"I was supposed to. Pero nag-cancel si Sir Perez and nagpadala na lang ng lectures. May emergency daw siya. So, I thought that I'd clean the house before I do anything else."

"Why are you wearing that?"

"What? Akala ko walang tao, balak kong maligo after. Sorry if this bothers you. Tapos na ako, I'll leave now." Nagmamadali siyang umalis. Mabilis ko namang isinara ang pinto.

"Dammit!" I hissed. Why am I acting like a teenager with raging fucking hormones!