Magical 

Dindin's

MAYBE he doesn't find me attractive enough – that is the only reason I can give myself after weeks of trying to seduce my arrogant half – brother. Hindi naman ako nagyayabang, pero maganda talaga ako, kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi maakit sa akin si Jacobo. I tried everything. I did the laundry almost wearing nothing. I leave nothing to his imagination, but I got nothing. He doesn't see me that way, and maybe he will never see me that way and the fact that I can see him flirting with someone else from the same class as I am, irritates the hell out of me. Mas maganda naman ako sa babaeng iyon, pero bakit hindi niya ako makita?

"He's engaged, you know." My head suddenly turned to my left where I find another of those crazy rich bitches in this university.

"Huh?"

"Jacob. He's engaged to Lauren Asistio." I've heard of Lauren Asistio. Popular, rich, perfect, daddy's girl – lahat rin ng dapat para sa akin ay nasa kanya. If only I got to live the life Jacob is living now, maybe Lauren and I will be equals. Hindi ako aaasang magiging magkaibigan kaming dalawa. Hindi ko kilala ang ugali niya. Baka hindi kami magkasundong dalawa, but I shouldn't really care about that.

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked her out of curiosity. She just shrugged. Should I ask for her name? Should I even care? But she talked to me first.

"I just want you to know. I'm friends with Jacob and Lauren and I heard that you are living with him in his penthouse. In case you get any ideas of seducing my childhood friend, I am hoping that there's a part of you that's still thinking straight and will consider the fact that he is engaged to be married since he was twelve."

Tumaas ang kilay ko. Ang tapang ng dating ng babaeng ito. Hindi ko alam kung nababasa niya ba ang utak ko – malamang hindi, but the thing is, I didn't know that Jacobo is engaged. Hindi iyon lumabas sa mga articles na nabasa ko tungkol sa kanya at sa pamilya niya. Muling lumipad ang tingin ko sa harapan ng lecture room. He is still there and he is laughing with that woman. Hindi si Lauren ang babae. If he is engaged, why is he acting like he is not?

"If he is, why is he sleeping around?"

"Oh, he is having fun. Lauren knows that. Everyone in school knows that."

"Then he is a fucking jerk." Inis na wika ko. Kahit gaano man kasama ang ugali ko, para sa akin, cheating is cheating. I will never be someone who will forgive a cheater. Minsan, iniisip kong ganoon ang ginawa ng tatay ko sa amin ng Nanay ko. He married someone else because my mother will never fit the world, he is in. It's cheating, because he forgot about the things he promised my mom. He forgot about her and moved on with his life. Samantalang ako, kami ni Mama, nanatiling naghihintay sa kanya, umaaasang babalikan niya kami pero walang nangyari.

"That, he is." Wika noong babae sabay abot sa akin ng kamay niya. "Nicole Saavedra." Oh. Tumaas ang kilay ko. The Saavedras are the sugar magnate of the South. Nakipagkamay naman ako sa kanya pagkatapos ay sinabi rin ang aking pangalan.

"Divina Gracia –"

"I know. He kept telling me about you, so I know." She has that kind smile, but I couldn't get pass the fact that she just told me that he kept telling her about me. Why would he do that? Hindi nga niya pinapansin ang kahit na anong pang – aakit ko. Could it be that... am I making progress? Napangisi ako. After all, lalaki lang siya at marupok sa tukso.

I want to make him fall for me. I want him to fall harder and then when he trusts me enough, saka ko sasabihin kung sino at kung ano ako sa buhay ng tatay naming dalawa. It will be immoral for us to engage in that kind of relationship considering our blood relation, but I don't care. He'd be broken enough that he wouldn't care about that. If I'll get lucky, aalis pa siya at hindi ko na siya makikita kahit kailan. I sounded so confident. Natatawa na lang din ako sa sarili ko dahil wala naman kasiguraduhan na pipiliin ako ng tatay ko, but I want to believe that he still has something in his heart for my mother and that will be enough for him to choose me...

The daughter he had with the woman he loves – not the son he had with the woman he had to settle down with.

Buong araw ay iyon lamang ang laman ng isip ko. It's a wonder how I got to answer some of the question the prof was giving me during our recitation. I had to give it to myself. Magaling pa rin ako kahit distracted ako.

Mas nauna akong umuwi kaysa ay Jacob. Hindi ko alam kung uuwi siya ngayon. Siguro hindi, baka magpapakasasa siya sa kandungan ng babaeng iyon. I wondered what his fiancée was thinking. Bakit hinahayaan niya si Jacobo na paulit – ulit siyang lokohin? Hindi ba nila mahal ang isa't isa? Kunsabagay, if this is a marriage of convenience, hindi na ako magtataka kung wala silang pagmamahal para sa isa't isa. Usong – uso sa mayayaman ang ganoon. They don't need love. They just need power, money and influence. Malamang ganoon lang din ang scope ng engagement ni Jacob at Lauren.

Napalabi ako. "Nakakainis! How can I make you fall for me?!" Kung naririnig ako ngayon ni Mama, sigurado akong magagalit siya sa akin. Sino ba naming matutuwa na ang anak na pinalaki mo nang maayos ay nagbabalak paibigin ang sarili niyang kapatid. I will be going to hell because of this, and yet I don't care. I'd rather go to hell than die poor. I will steal everything from Jacob, I just really hope my plan works.

xxxx

J.A.P

IS SHE already at home? I couldn't help but look for Dindin in the crowd. Alam kong tapos na ang klase niya. She was in the lecture room earlier and I know she saw me talking to that girl. It's kind of amusing to look at her facial expressions. Halatang hindi siya natutuwa sa ginagawa ko. I don't know why that brings me joy. I guess her reactions are the confirmation that yes, Dindin – my ever so innocent Dindin is trying her best to seduce me.

I thought that it was just me. Sabi ko pa nga sa sarili ko, baka ako lang ang nag – iisip ng ganoon. Why would she do something like that? Hindi naman ganoon ang pagkakakilala ko sa kanya noong mga bata pa kaming dalawa. But it's been thirteen years since we last saw each other, napakaraming pagbabago ang naganap sa pagitan naming dalawa. Maybe she looks innocent but she's not anymore and that thought makes me angry. I want to be Dindin's everything. I want her to need me, but I don't know what her intentions are. I don't like the way she's acting whenever I am around her. She's trying to hard to please me and I just want her to realize that she doesn't need to do anything to please me. She just needs to breathe and I am down with whatever.

"Hey." It was Nicole who greeted me. I was only minding my world inside that coffee shop. I'll be meeting Mira – the girl I was talking with earlier at the lecture hall. I don't like her that much, but she seemed to be interested, so I gave in. I hope I won't be regretting today.

Nicole sat on the chair in front of me. She looked like I did something bad – well I do something bad every day. Napangisi na lang ako.

"You were flirting with Mira. I do hope you had better taste, Jacob." Tumawa ako. Napailing naman siya. Isa si Nicole sa mga kababata ko. She is friends with Lauren and she is very aware about our engagement. Isa rin siya sa nakakaalam na ang engagement na iyon ay walang silbi hangga't wala pa kami sa tamang edad ni Lauren. She has her own opinions about it, but I really don't want to hear her say anything about it. Minsan ay tinanong niya ako kung kailan naming seseryosohin ni Lauren ang kasunduang iyon. I know Lauren is taking is seriously. She is doing everything to be a fit wife for me. Nag-aaral siyang Mabuti, she participates in those charity events, gala and other things that will gain our families influence and money, kaya alam kong sa akin nakadirekta ang tanong na iyon ni Cole.

If she is to ask me that question again, I may still not know the answer. I choose not to let it bother me because it's not gonna happen for another ten years. Ang palagi kong iniisip ay napakarami pang pwedeng mangyari. Maaaring magbago ang isipan ng mga magulang namin, o mag – iba ng gusto si Lauren. Wala naman bilang ang opinion ko, but if someone is to ask me about what I want... there is only one thing that I want... and she is in my home – hopefully – now waiting for me.

"What can I say, Cole? I am irresistible."

"Ugh! Yuck, Jacob! Magseryoso ka naman! Take Lauren seriously. Hindi mo ba naisip ang nararamdaman niya? She's doing everything for you."

It's funny. People are always asking me to think about Lauren's feelings, or my father's feelings and thoughts, but nobody dares to ask me what I feel or what I want.

"Inaaway na naman ni Cole si Jacob." Another one joined us, it's Nicole's brother, si Noel. Noel is a year older than his sister. Palagi silang nagbabangayan na dalawa but no one can deny that Noel treasures his sister so much.

"Shut up, Noel! Pagsabihan mo iyang kaibigan mo. Luging – lugi sa kanya ang best friend ko."

"Walang lugi." I told her. "Everything in our world is for investment, and do you think mag-i-invest ang tatay ko sa isang bagay na ikalulugi niya? Lauren and I are a match made in heaven. Hindi pa lang naming panahon ngayon, but maybe one day, we'll take this seriously." I grinned at her again. Nicole rolled her eyes.

"Fine, whatever, but be careful."

"I've always been careful." Tumawa na naman ako pero nawala iyon nang magsalita muli si Nicole.

"Be careful with the golden scholar, Jacob. You don't know her. She's a gold digger. Sinasabi ko na sa'yo. O, natahimik ka? It can be true."

"You don't know her."

"Do you?" Balik tanong niya sa akin. I wanted to say yes, because yes, I do know her, pero tulad nang iniisip ko noong nakaraan, maraming taon na ang lumipas sa aming dalawa ni Dindin, she has changed, hindi ko na siya kilala, but I am willing to take the risk. I am always willing and ready, basta para kay Dindin...

My Dindin...

xxxx

EVERYONE is telling me to be careful, but how could I? Si Dindin ang pinag-uusapan dito. I had always wanted to see her. I regret not being able to say goodbye to her. I regret so many things and now that I found her, how can I be careful when all I want to do is to shower her with everything, she lacks of?

"Oh, you're here." It was her that I first saw after entering the living room. She was comfortably sitting on my ever so expensive Italian couch, books scattered everywhere, a notebook in her lap, she was holding a pen on her right hand while she has a biscuit on her left. She was simply chewing it while looking at me from head to toe. Wala na siyang ibang sinabi pagkatapos niyang i-acknowledge ang presence ko. I wanted to ask her if that's it. Wala bang simple pang – aakit na magaganap ngayon? Kahapon nang dumating ako, sinalubong niya ako nang isang napakalamyos na tinig, I almost choke. It took a lot of effort now to pin her on the wall and kiss her senseless. I want her, but I want her to want me because of me not because she needs to or she thinks she will get something out of this.

Maybe I am ideal, or ambitious or a fucking hopeless romantic. I don't know, when it comes to Dindin, I am not sure of a lot of things.

"You're busy." I stated the obvious.

"Yup. I cooked dinner. Sinigang na baboy. I hope you eat meat. Kundi naman, you're free to cook whatever or order. I have a quiz in one of my majors tomorrow, please don't disturb me." Mabilis na wika niya. Gusto kong matawa. Sinabi niya talaga na kung ayaw ko sa luto niya ay bahala ako sa buhay ko. I wanted to kiss her forehead. I just want to but I didn't. Instead, I took one last glimpse of her and went inside my room.

Tahimik ang buong gabi. I didn't even eat. I didn't want to disturb her but when 8 pm strikes, I couldn't help but check on her. She's still reading her notes. Naglilipat – lipat ang mga mata niya sa notebook at sa libro niya. She's so cute when she's like this. I wondered what kind of student she was back in high school. Was she happy? I know her mom died. It's such a shame and a pain in my hear whenever I think that Dindin faced that pain alone. I wished I was there with her. I really wished I was there to protect her.

Nag – inat si Dindin. Napabuntong – hininga siya at medyo malakas iyon. I took that as a sign to come to her. Napatingin na naman siya sa akin.

"I want to eat out." I told her.

"Then go." Talagang wala siyang balak pansinin ako. Naupo ako sa harap niya at saka pinagtatanggal ang mga libro at notes niya sa harap.

"Jacobo!" She hissed. "Nag-aaral ako!"

"Mamaya ka mag – aral! I need attention!" Natatawang sabi ko. Inirapan niya lang ako pero lalo lang akong napatawa. "Come on! Take a break. I want to eat out. Let's go out. Palit ka ng damit."

"Fine! Kapag bumagsak ako sa Philo, kausapin mo si Mr. Ramos!"

"Sure. Iyon lang pala." Kinindatan ko siya. Muli na naman siyang umirap but Dindin stood up to go to the bathroom to change clothes. Nagpalit na rin ako ng damit. Ten minutes later, we were walking along the avenue leading to the biggest mall in Asia. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko siya niyayang lumabas, but I just wanted to be with her.

"Where do you want to eat?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"Ikaw ba? Saan mo gusto?" Nagpatuloy sa paglalakad si Dindin, ako naman ay natigilan. I watched her as she takes several steps away from me. Bahagya na siyang malayo nang bigla siyang huminto para lingunin ako. She sighed when she saw our distance, binalikan niya ako. "Hoy, aayain mo akong kumain tapos ganyan ka lang dyan. Saan mo nga gusto?"

"Paano kung gusto ko lang sa convenience store?"

"E di doon tayo kakain."

"Bakit?"

"Kasi doon ang gusto mo. Okay ka lang ba?"

In my twenty – three years in this world, Dindin is the only one to ask me what I want and is willing to comply to it. Even the people that works under my family only takes order from my father, they never really care about what I want. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam noon.

Titig na titig ako kay Dindin. Kitang – kita ko ang pag – iiba ng ekspresyon ng kanyang mukha. I watched until her face became soft and she caressed my left arm.

"I know you're rich and you get what you want even without asking for it, but don't... don't they ask you what you really want or think?" Nakuha niya. I wanted to hug her tightly. How is it so easy for her to read me? Does she not really remember me? Is she just pretending or she really doesn't have any idea? But whatever it is, I'll take Dindin in any form.

Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong tumatango. Dindin sighed.

"What a lonely life you have, Jacobo." And then the most magical thing happened, she smiled at me. "So now, tell me, where do you want to eat?"

How can a simple question make me feel so wanted and treasured? I don't know. I have no idea, but probably because the question was asked by Dindin...

My Dindin...