"Two days left and it’s graduation! We’re finally off to college!” I was so ecstatic that day. Going to Seoul to pursue our dreams has always been our goal.

Sungkyu and I already went there a lot of times to audition at different companies but secretly, without telling our parents because they will only object.

Now that we are going there with full consent, it feels like we are one step closer to our dreams.

“Pshhh. Why are you so excited? You can’t wait to be alone with me?”

“Yahh! Sungkyu!!” I hit his shoulder many times.

“You’re such a pervert!”

“Awww awwww! Yahhh! I didn’t say anything perverted! You are the one thinking it’s perverted!”

“You are so arghhh!” I pouted and acted angry.

But he just kept laughing at me.
Later, when his laughter subsided, he looked at me intently.

“No seriously, I can’t wait to go off to Seoul with you and chase our dreams together.”

His eyes shows so much promise and dreams… and love.

I’m so touched. How could this man include me in his dreams? He has done so much for. I don’t even know how to reciprocate it.

And to divert him from such serious talks, I brought out my pen and notebook.

“Here.” I placed the notebook infront of him.

“Let’s write the things will be doing when we get to Seoul,” I suggested.

“What? That’s cheesy.” He looked away. “No way!”

“Come on! This is fun!” I even acted cute. “Oppa! Hmmnnn…Let’s go to nice places in Seoul, eoh?” I pouted. Even though we’ve been there before, we never really looked around. We just go straight for auditions then go home.

He looked at me suppressing his smile.

“Pleaseeee!”

“Act cutely one more time. Palli!” he requested.

“Aish!” I snorted. I knew it. He’s playing again. “Fine! I’ll write on it on my own and do it alone when I get to Seoul.”

“Hey! Hey! Fine, I’ll join.” He said scratching his head.

“Yey.” I even hugged him.

“Why is my babe’s cuteness so irresistible?” He said while ruining my hair.

I winked at him.

I was thinking of what to write when he took the paper from me. And wrote:

1.Go to Namsam tower and take lots of pictures.

“Really? Namsan tower? I don’t want to go there. That is too usual.”

“It’s the first thing that came to my mind.” I knew he was teasing me because it has always been known to him my quite revulsion to such cheesy place.
“Fine! Take this,” I wrote number two in the paper.

2.Go to an amusement park and ride together.
“What? No! Delete that!”

“But I’ve always wanted to go to the amusement park.”

“Hey! You are taking revenge on me right?” he accused.

“No! I just really want to go.”

It took a long pause before he said, “Fine!”

“Okay. How about we decide seriously on the next stops?” I suggested.

“Fine. Fine,” he agreed.

We decided together on number 3 since we like walking silently near the river in our place.

3.Just stroll at Hangang River.
And also number 4 and 5.

4.Sign in a record company.

5.Perform together on one stage.

“Can we ever do those things we’ve written?” I suddenly felt doubtful. Specially number 4 and 5.

“Why not? We can and we will make a way.” He said with conviction.

“Hey this is just a game, let’s not take this too seriously.” My self-doubt is still at place.

He laughed. “I’ll keep this.”

“Don’t you dare edit that!” I threatened. He kept laughing and teasing me.

His laughter faded in my reality.

That is the story behind the list we made. It now really looked old and faded. The ink have smudges.

I never expected Sungkyu will keep it till now! And most importantly, I never thought we were able to finish all of those things we’ve written.

All of these because of his efforts.

And for me, could this mean… He still cares for me…?

I don’t want to think for it that way.

I want to hear it for myself. His reasons.

“Are we there yet?”

I asked the taxi driver. He scratched his head.

“I’m sorry Miss. I don’t usually go anywhere to that area. But don’t worry I’m figuring it out.”

“What?”

I wanted to yell at him. Of all times, why now? I feel so frustrated.

“Please, help me. Drive faster. I really have to be there!” I cried.

“I’m sorry Miss, as you can see, it’s traffic?”

“It’s already 9:30 pm, why is it traffic?"

“There was an accident near the bridge,” the driver informed.

I let out a huge sigh.

I tried to dial Sungkyu’s number again but he’s out of reach.

After all the fuss, traffic, and Mr. Driver not really good with the road, we reached the place and it was already 10:15.

I went inside the restaurant. But I didn’t see him.

He must have gone already. I’m more than an hour late.

I walked with my shoulders down, all beaten up and sad because I didn’t see him, angry because why did he turn off his phone? I could have reached him and tell him to wait. Scared, because I might have missed this chance. What if tomorrow or in the future he will ignore me again and pretend he doesn’t know me? Frustrated, because I’m such a fool! Why did I forget the paper when Sungkyu gave it to me a while back? Why did I forget the condition he said?

I took a walk and went slowly to the park near the restaurant.

He must have hated me.

I sat quietly at the bench near a fountain.

I just stared blankly, not knowing what to feel.

I’m such a fool.

How could i let go of such opportunity?

“Yah Lee Sujeong!”

My senses woke up. I immediately looked to the owner of the voice.

A few meters away, there stoods Sungkyu with his frowning face. His hands in his waist.

“What took you so long? Why do you always have to make me wait?” He moved a little closer.

“Do you know how long I waited?” He looked at his watch. “3 hours, 17 minutes and 52 second!”

A tear fell in my eyes which I wiped hastily.

All my feelings boiled down in frustration. “Are you insane? It’s not my fault you waited that long why did you turn off your phone!?” I sounded like an angry girlfriend.

“No one told you to wait that long. You can just simply go home.” I yelled and acted strong even though I wanted to run to him, hug him and kiss him.

I’m so feel pissed! I felt played with. How could he make me feel so many emotions at once!

“If I went home, whom will you see here?” he boasted as if he is so sure I’d come running.

“What made you so sure I’d come here?”

“Because, you were thankful? You were thanking me a while back right?” he said.

I took the paper from my pocket and showed it. “How about this?”

“You know what that is,” he answered.

“Why did you make me do all of this things?” I asked fishing him out.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“I don’t want to think of any reasons. You’re always been very vague! You keep confusing me. Sometimes you are kind to me, sometimes you ignore, sometimes you care and most of the times you annoy me. I don’t want to hope for anything. I want to hear a clear and honest explan-

-I love you,” he cut.

That straight forward three words made my world stop. I wasn’t able to say anything.

“I said because I love you!” he repeated. This time, louder and stronger.

He looked at the ground and then to me. He gazed at me softly but at the same time with so much emotions, and it is piercing through my soul.

“I guess it is true that it is possible to fall inlove with the same person twice. Or maybe I never really stopped loving you.”

“I tried to stop myself. I did the best I can, to stay away from you, to purposely push you away and show I don’t care, that I hate you. But I always betray myself. When you are sad, I feel the same. Seeing you happy makes me happy. Seeing you hurt and broken makes me want to hold you close and ease the pain.”

“At first, I tried to deny this feeling but I don’t want to lie to myself anymore. You make me crazily love you,” he said almost to himself.

I stood there stunned. I can’t sum up all the feelings boiling in me.

“I know we’ve hurt each other so much in the past.

And I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you.
Can we forget the past and begin again?”

Is this even real?

Is this a dream?

Is Sungkyu really confessing to me right now?

“Are you just going to stand there? Aren’t you going to atleast say something? I actually feel so embarrassed right now.” His ears are burning red, I know he is feeling nervous.

Finally tears escaped my eyes.

I run the distance between us and hug him tight.

“Soul… ” he muttered, quite surprised.

I felt him hug me back, tight and warm.

I cried in his chest. I can hear his heart beating so fast.

“I never thought this time would ever come,” I said. “But the words you said are also the things I’ve always wanted to say to you. I don’t want to lie anymore either. I am more than willing to begin again with you.”

“Thank you,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head.

It took us a very long time to be in each other’s arms.

So many pains and struggles.

But this is it, the time has come to finally free ourselves for what we truly feels.

“Kim Sungkyu… I love you so much..”

Author’s Note: (THIS IS LONG)
I was listening to Infinite’s “Begin Again”. I was actually inspired by it while writing… so much!

Like Infinite, 2017 has been a hard year for me personally.. I was so lost and I don’t know what to do with my life (mid quarter life crisis? Maybe.)

But this new year is a good chance to Begin Again.

If you read the lyrics, it’s Infinite’s song to Inspirits. Here are my favorite lines:
You make me run when I used to stop
This moment, I feel like we can overcome everything
We send off each other’s painfulness, we become that close together
At last, after running round and round, we were facing each other
Finally I can smile
Even though it is a little bit insignificant
But because you were there for every special moments
That makes me smile
Forget my yesterday, begin again
Don’t worry, the person that knows me best in the world
It’s okay to be a little slow
We walk side by side matching each other’s step
The future I selected, would you come with me
Only you, no one else but you
You make me want to continue having a dream
Let’s start again

Thank you so much my dear readers. You make me want to continue having a dream~ continue writing even though most of the times I doubt myself.

Thank you so much….

PS. This is not yet the end of this book, I’m just being sentimental hahahhaah
Please do wait for the next chapters :D