-----------

'Ex-es could get second chances. And they say, love is sweeter the second time around.'

What am I thinking again?

"Shut up! Shut up!" I want to beat myself I'm just thinking so much.

"A-are you talking to me?" Just then when I realized stylist eonni entered the dressing room.

"Oh! No eonnni," I said. "I was talking to... to myself."

"I thought you were angry at me," she laughed.

"No- Of course not," I fake a laughter. I almost got caught going crazy.

"That happens to me sometimes. I talk to myself too," she shared. We both laugh for a while.

"Is the recording done?" I asked afterwards.

"Not yet. But we have to start cleaning up."

"Oh! Okay," I stood up and started clearing things.

"This is your first time coming in music shows right?" she asked afterwards.

I nod. "Yes."

"Thanks for helping us a while back. We didn't see that situation coming. It's a pity you didn't get to enjoy wandering around."

"It's okay. I've seen enough." And had enough. I remembered Sungkyu again.

Good thing stylist eonni is very chatty atleast I get to distract myself for a while. She told about her vacation plans on our upcoming break. And I told her mine that I'm thinking over joining the Jeju trip.

---

Time passed and little by little, they are coming in. The recording must have been finished.

The members started to change back to their normal clothes. It's weird because Sungkyu didn't come back yet.

I went out carrying some of our stuffs. The hallway is packed of idols chatting. I feel like floating everyone just looks amazing.

Just as when I was to enter the elevator when I saw Sungkyu's familiar built walking toward the door to the stairs. My curiosity pushed me to follow him.

He entered and walked down the stairs.

And then I saw him stopped and there stood Bora. I realized it's also their promotion period. It looked like she was waiting for him. They hugged. And I can't hear what they were talking next.

Then, I saw Sungkyu leaning to Bora! Like they are about to kiss!

I'm more than shocked! I immediately looked away that caused me to drop the things I'm supposed to send to the van.

I didn't know if the noise caught their attention or what, I immediately picked them up and ran away. I immediately rode the elevator and as soon as its door closed, tears started to fall from my eyes.

I just saw my entire hope crash infront of my eyes.

After placing the things in the van, I pondered if I'll go back, or I'll go in and just wait for the others. It's just that, I can't stop myself from crying.

I hate that my tears fall down so easily these days. I hate that I got affected with what I saw. I hate that I'm hurt!

It was only a while back when I was happy with fluttering feelings and now, I'm so damn hurt. But this is the reality. What we had a while back is just a fantasy I created.

It's my fault anyway. I almost believe something could go between us. Why did I even think like that?

It's my fault cause' I assumed things I shouldn't have.

I hate that I'm so stupid to even let my heart hope. I hate that for a moment, I believed in second chances.

I don't have a single right on Sungkyu so I don't also have the right to feel this way. Bora is just ideal to him.

And again, I'm just no one.

I can feel my self-esteem crashing again.

"Hey Soul!" someone greeted from my back. I was frozen. It's L.

I secretly wipe the tears from my eyes. "Hey!" I answered, not looking at him.

"You alright?" he asked again.

"Yes! Yes! Of course!" I answered and then I looked at him with a smile.

He suddenly tapped my shoulder and gave me his cat smile.

"You know what? You can take the day off."

"Huh?"

"You need it. Don't worry, I got this. I'll tell them." He said while putting his things on the van.

"But-

"Soul... Fighting!" He went into the van.

I stood there and my tears escaped from my eyes. Again.

Does he know anything? But whether he does or not, I'm touched. Those are the words I needed right now.

"Myungsoo... thank you!" I said. He gave a thumbs up then I ran away.

------------------------------

I contacted Jin. I told her it's an emergency and she went to me immediately.

I'm not really that kind of friend who goes telling everyone about myself. Or what I'm going through. Well, unless I can't take it anymore.

Today, I just want company.

"So, what's the emergency?" she asked, worried.

"I'm hungry!" I stated.

"That's your emergency?" she asked.

"Why? What if I'm dying because I'm hungry?" I laughed. And then she stared at me for a long time.

Maybe she noticed. I just know she did.

We ordered patbingsoo, which I chose for the two of us. The summer heat is just too strong we have to cool ourselves.

And my head.

And my heart.

"How have you been at the restaurant you're working?" I asked to shake of the thoughts that are starting to creep in my head again.

She blushed. "It's great."

I didn't see that coming. "You're not telling me something," I said.

"Eyyy... It's not important. This is not about me," she paused. "Tell me."

Should I tell her?

There was a long silence.

I just feel so heavy I have to tell her.

"I realized I'm still in love with Sungkyu," I heard her gasp and I just continued eating the patbingsoo.

She seemed really shocked with my straightforward statement. I thought she's going to tease me. But she saw I'm serious.

"Did you tell him?" she asked.

"He doesn't know anything. There's no point telling him. Besides, he doesn't feel the same." I'm surprised I could talk so openly about this.

"Sujeong eonni! What are you going to do now?" she's half crying.

"I don't know," I simply answered.

"Eonni! Eottokke?" she sounded really worried.

"I'll be fine." I smiled at her bitterly and took a spoon of patbingsoo on my mouth again.

"Eonnie. Uljima." She said.

I looked at her. Uljima?

I'm crying?

When I realized that, that's when I really cried hard. Jin went to my seat and hugged me as I tell her everything.

People see me as a strong person and that is what I always show. But the truth is, I could also get hurt. And I also cry.

"I feel helpless. I know I shouldn't feel this way. But I can't do anything." I cried. "I don't want to go to work anymore. I don't want to see him. I'll just get hurt."

"Then resign."

"But I also have to be there. I have to live. I need money."

"Then don't resign."

"Yah!" I complained. I wiped the tears in my eyes.

"I'm just making you laugh."

So though I was in tears, I laughed.

"Thank you friend. Though you didn't help me at all."

"Hmmmnn!!" she reacted excessively. "Tell me what to do to help you."

"Just accompany me for a while."

Good thing I have a friend.

All emotions are fleeting. I may feel hurt now but I know I'll be alright. Maybe not today, not tomorrow, but I will, soon...

-----------------------------------

Indeed, feelings could change easily. Because the next day, I just woke up irritated.

I even saw Sungkyu this morning and I glared at him. I don't know how I was able to show that but I did anyway.

I'm irritated at him. I'm irritated at everything. Or am I irritated because I'm actually feeling hurt and sad and in denial?

Anyway, it's been decided I can't really go to Jeju. Which made me more irritated.

Why can't I just have everything I want?

So my activities for the work break has been decided too, I'm going to stay in my apartment and just clean and do the laundry.

Anyways, I'll just do my job today which is basically almost nothing. The company party is already tomorrow and everyone is just talking about that and the vacation.

I feel too left out so I just walk around the company.

"Hey Soul! You look like a zombie!" Hoya commented while I was walking in the hallway on my way to the Admin office.

"Is that a compliment? Thank you," I smiled uninterestedly. But I'm just too down to smile.

"Eii. Did I offend you? I'm sorry." I immediately felt guilty. Maybe he was just trying to be friendly.

"No. It's not that." I sighed. "I'm just not in the mood."

"I see," he said nodding. "Then, do you want to do something interesting?"

"Huh? What?"

"Come with me for a while!"

"Where?" I thought. What if this has something to do with Sungkyu again? Like the birthday party?

Too late for any objections, Hoya pulled my arm and led me to the practice room?

"Wait- why are we here?" It the small practice rooms where only a computer set and a piano is set. This is mostly used for practicing instruments and personal vocalizations.

"Let's do a guide for this song," he said taking out from his pocket some paper and then waved them infront of my face.

"Me?" I pointed at myself.

"Yup?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I wrote this song and the chorus is supposed to be sang by a girl. I have no one else to ask. So please?" he begged.

"But, I don't sing-

"It's just a guide song. Don't worry! And we'll just play around! No need to get serious."

I stayed silent thinking.

"What's going to be graded is the lyrics and the instruments," he added.

"No-

"Please? I'll do anything if you will."

Can you take Sungkyu out of my heart?

"Please?"

I sighed. "Fine! But I demand a patbingsoo for this," I joked.

"If this gets approval from the CEO, I'm going to give more than a patbingsoo," he smiled. And so we both entered the practice room.

We took a seat across each other.

"This is the piece. Read it." He handed me the paper.

"Okay. So what kind of song is this?"

"Find out!"

I started reading it out loud. "At dawn, while dreaming of you. I wake up but it's hard to open my eyes. The happy moments, the laughter from my dreams are erased by the reality in my head..." I looked at Hoya.

I gave him approving nods. "Hmmn... is this a heartbreak song?"

He shrugged and smiled at me proudly.

"I'll just practice it for awhile while you read that." Hoya started playing in the keyboard.

I continued reading it with my eyes. I thought it was just simple but as I go on... the lyrics gets deeper and beautiful.

I think I've under estimated Hoya. The lyrics is beautiful!

"Did you really write this?"

"Why? You think I can't write?"

"Yeah!" I answered.

"Ouch! You're really blunt as always."

"Hey! I didn't mean it like that. I mean, it was just unexpected!"

Again, he gave me a proud smile. "Actually Dongwoo hyung wrote it with me. Those with blue font are his compositions. Since this is just a guide song, I'll record his parts too."

"Really? Wow!" As expected from Dongwoo, even with his happy going personality, he can be deep and poetic.

"How did you write your parts in this song?"

"Emotions."

I cleared my throat. "Your experience?"

"No. It's someone else's."

I raised an eyebrow for that but I just stayed silent as I continue reading.

But what struck me the most is the chorus, the part I'm going to sing...

'...How much do I have to cry?

For our memories to go away?...

I guess that won't happen,

You might comeback,

I can't close my windows I miss you

I cry, I cry, I cry...

If this is what you want

I'll fly... '

Why does this song feel like it's my story? I could totally relate to it!

'The memories of us that were left behind,

Can't you see me? Where are you?

I hope you'll come back

I can't take it anymore, I need to see you... I cry...'

I had to blink away the tears that's starting to form in my eyes and then I called Hoya's attention.

"I'm done reading," I said.

"Great! Sing it like this," he taught while pressing notes in the keyboard.

"Eolmana deo ureoya... uri chueogi bitmure gieok beonjinayo...." I sang.

Then Hoya stopped playing the keyboard.

"Why did you stop?" I asked.

"You can sing! And you're good!" he exclaimed.

I waved my hands in front of me. "Not really," I said shyly.

"You have a really beautiful voice color and you're hitting the notes just the way I wanted!"

He clasp his head. "This is really beyond my expectation!"

"Heyyy... Stop it! I might believe what you're saying."

"You should believe what I'm saying! You know what? Now, I'm more fired to finish this recording. Let's do this!"

He sounded so assuring, I can't help but feel good about myself.

I smiled at him. "Yeah!" We had a high five. It feels good to be complemented like this. Even though it'll be just a guide song, I'll give my best!

We practiced for a bit. He rapped his parts and then I sang the chorus.

After a while, we both headed to the recording studio.

With the help of a staff, we recorded the song. Everything is so new to me. I didn't even know how to properly place the headphone in my ears. So Hoya helped me with that. He guided me all throughout the process. And I really enjoyed it.

I never thought I'd have fun.

Now, I'm feeling better.

Or so I thought.

<<Author's Note>>

I'm so sorry if this chapter is lame!!! Huhuhu! I don't know! I can't think!ㅠㅠ

But this chapter is important so I have to upoad it still. I promise the next chapters will be better. ㅠㅠ

PS: Do know the title of the song above? i know you do: )