I slowly put one foot in front of the other. I didn't care how much my ankle hurt. I didn't care that I almost fell with every step. All that mattered was that I had to find my family. Mother and Anna. They had to be okay, there was no other way. They had been all the way to the other end of the street when the building had started to fall. They were safe. They had to be.

I looked each and every dead body in the face just to make sure I didn't know them. The emptiness in their faces seemed unnatural, like it wasn't right there. Some of them were completely buried under the debris. Only their legs or arms were still sticking out. Blood, debris and bones as far as the eye could see. The city was a pile of debris. Nothing was left of the largest city but remains. No one had come to save us. No Aes Sedei. No king. No rich merchants. No noble knight. No one. Although they all always promised it. Saviors in need. But no one had helped us and now it was too late. 

Blue-green eyes, my eyes. Pale, beautiful skin. A few freckles in the right places. Natural red lips. She looked like a doll, a porcelain doll. And she looked just as lifeless. Everything about her seemed so familiar and yet so foreign. I wanted to shake her by the shoulder, wake her up. I wanted to scream. Wake up please wake up please mom. But I did none of that. I just stared at her. Into the eyes that could have been mine. Should have been. Slowly I knelt down next to her. Brushed the strand of blonde hair smeared with blood from her forehead.

I always thought grief would be sadness but that moment I felt numb. Almost okay. Everything felt like a dream, a nightmare. But not real. It wasn't my mom dead on the floor. It wasn't my home burned down. My mom was downstairs in the kitchen making dinner. Anna's favourite pasta probably. I could feel the sun tickling me through the window. The last few rays of sunlight for the day. And tomorrow would be just like today. It almost felt like it was real. My fragile fantasy was snapped away when a hand was put onto my shoulder.  I didn't finch I didn't scream just sat there. The hand  pulled me up but I had no energy left to resist." Arela you are alive" my father's voice was a strange sound in my ears. He pulled me in his arms. Should that make me feel better ? Should the pain go away now ? Should everything be okay now ? 

In end I don't know how we ended up in that tend we stayed in for the next days. I don't know how we found Anna or how father broke the news to her. All I know is that this hug didn't heal me. It just made me realise that father was stranger to me.