LORENZO ELRIC GARCHITORENA

THE CRIMSON-hued sky headlined the atmosphere when I exited the school gate, at saka naman ako dumeretso sa convenience store na may signage na Oneshoppe Convenience Mart sa malapit para doon hintayin si Mommy habang nakaupo sa isa sa tables sa labas.

Hindi pa naman oras para i-dismiss kami sa klase, at heto ako't nakalabas na ng school premises. Yes, I ditched my class with Sir Rocco, and was it great? I guess so. And may purpose naman kaya ako nag-cut ng classes. It was my lola's birthday celebration, and nag-set sila ng mini-gathering. I already issued an excuse letter in advance.

As I glanced at my wristwatch, it's already 5:45 in the evening. 'Yong waiting time ko pa ngang umabot na sa 12 songs sa Spotify ay wala pa rin si Mommy hanggang ngayon, but my assurance is pabiyahe na iyon. Napayuko na lang din ako habang iniiwasan ang tingin sa couple na nasa likuran ko; sa sobrang sweet nila, sinasalakay na sila ng mga langgam.

Feeling preoccupied with thoughts, I just tapped my fingers through the wooden table as I listened to the music coming out from my phone, para lang maibsan ang boredom kong ito. What would I expect? Boring naman din ang personality ko.

But I suddenly regained my conscious mind when I heard a familiar beeping sound, and it was my cue to stand up and get my things; medyo nag-tremble na nga ako sa pagmamadali.

Pero hindi pa man ako nakalalapit sa black Montero Sport na dina-drive ni Mommy ay mayroong lumapit sa akin. 

"Kuya, bukas 'yong bag mo." A lady wearing a Travel Management uniform approached me, pero hindi na ako makaangal nang maramdaman ko ang pagsara ng zipper ng main pocket ng backpack ko. It was a total dishonor!

Geez! Nalimutan ko na namang isara ang zipper ng bag ko. "Nakakahiya ka talaga, Lorenzo since the beginning of time," I muttered out of humiliation.

My palm almost slapped my face pagkasakay banda sa tabi ng seat ni Mama, at bumungad sa akin ang kaniyang face of disappointment habang hawak ang manibela. Napasandal na lang ako sa aking upuan habang napatingin sa bintana ng sasakyan.

As we hit the road, she also started her tirades: "So, 'yong girlfriend mo pa ang nag-ayos ng bag mo, ha." And my face frowned on what she said. Wait, ano raw? Girlfriend?

"Mom! Hindi ko siya girlfriend, okay?" I blurted, explaining my side. 

"Fine, palibhasa, hindi mo kayang i-manage ang sarili mo." I slightly groaned while leaning at the window for my mommy's excessive bluntness. Nagsasabi naman siya ng totoo, at kasalanan ko na naman.

Yeah, right. As always, ako na naman ang mali. Palagi na lang may mali sa bawat gagawin ko; every slight move of mine may doom out the entire universe. 

---

I didn't mind our relatives while they are busy having their conversations because I am too busy (and too hungry) eating my food, and I must admit that it was a bomb!

Sa isang Italian restaurant nagpa-reserve sina Tito for our lola's birthday celebration. It was quite small, though, and kaya lang i-accommodate ang small number of people. Pagdating naman kasi namin ay naka-set na ang long table sa may second floor ng bistro, na mukhang inayusan talaga to become more formal. I was seated sa may gitna, katapat ng ilan sa aking mga pinsan. It was fine, because mas maganda nga naman na may privacy. Plus, 'yong vibes na rin na napaka-rustic.

My grandmother just reached her 75th year, but she still looked dauntless and vintage despite her age. Maybe from her youth, she may be compared to Audrey Hepburn (no sugarcoating).

So... yeah, I continued munching a slice of Four-cheese Pizza, trying to act formal while slicing it with the dinner knife, and stabbing the pieces with a fork.

Habang iyon nga, busy pa rin sina Mommy na pag-uusap nila. Naglaan pa talaga ng oras ang ilan sa relatives ko para sa birthday ni Lola. There was my Tita Lacey who just came from Paris, she was the youngest among the siblings, and she keeps on talking about the fashion line na pinaplano niya.

Tito Hubert, on the other hand, even called for a proxy para sana sa business meeting nila in Cebu just for this occasion. Being a magnate, isa siya sa major stockholders ng ilang malalaking corporations here in the Philippines. My other uncle, Tito Niño was not present because of his other commitments overseas for their business.

Hindi rin naman nakikipag-usap sa akin ang ilan kong pinsan. I am too shy to approach them; I really felt being out-of-placed.

I started to devour the Fettuccine ai Frutti di Mare, which is a pasta dish that surprisingly, doesn't have any fruits, but different types of seafoods (yet, its other ingredient, tomato is considered a fruit). And... my face turned sour with the sudden change of flow with their conversation.

"... Look how Kendra have grown into a fine, beautiful, and bright lady," Mommy said as she praises my cousin who is one of the children of Tito Hubert. She was just sitting adjacent to mine.

Katulad ko, nakasuot pa rin siya ng school uniform--kita 'yong white blouse niya ay pinaibabawan ng navy blue vest. Nakasuot din siya ng gray na blazer--na mukhang piling students lang ang nakapagsusuot nito, based on the other students I saw wearing the same uniform. She answered with such pride and confidence which makes me slightly suffocated.

"Medyo stressful po, Tita. But I am passionate naman sa ginagawa ko, Kaya it's fulfilling na rin," she answered back to my mommy's other question about her achievements and stuff na para bang pinamumukha sa akin na isa akong malaking disappointment sa pamilyang ito.

"How's Kenzo pala?" Tita Lacey also asked my tito while eating her salad.

"Oh, he's doing well in the US. He's currently finishing his special degree there, and maybe this year ang balik niya rito sa Pinas." With Tito's tonality, I could say that he's really proud with his children. Napatingin tuloy ako kay Mommy, at napag-isip-isip ko... May nagawa na ba akong bagay to make her proud?

It really runs in the family... So should I run away right now?

Kuya Elroi is now training to be a chef in a prestigious hotel in Manila; Kuya Kenzo is a Math prodigy; Kendra is an achiever and at the same time, handling the highest position in their school paper organization... And there's me, I already completed the Alolan Pokédex! I even defeated the Lingering Will secret boss in Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix!

...But, nah! Isa lang naman akong basura sa pamilyang ito. Maybe my family will start to disown me.

"I can't wait na one day ay may ipakilalang special someone itong si Lorenzo." Napabuga ako sa iniinom kong tubig sa sinabing iyon ni Lola. WHAT?

"Uh... I don't have time for that. Aral muna po," I awkwardly answered sabay iling, pero wala talaga akong oras or interes. Sino'ng babae ba naman ang magkakagusto sa akin?

"Kuya, bukas 'yong bag mo." Darn! Naalala ko na naman 'yong nangyari kanina. Kung puwede lang na mawala iyon sa isipan ko. I would really like the earth to swallow me whole sa kahihiyan ko!

The conversation flowed smoothly, together with some of braggings na mula sa iba kong pinsan, which I am not interested to listen. E 'di, sila na. Okay, I'm the sore loser! Ako nang napag-iiwanan!

"'Nak, may problema ba?" my mom asked me with a worried tone.

I heaved a sigh, "Can I go out for a while? Magpapahangin lang po." After gaining their approval, lumabas ako at sumandal sa grills ng resto habang pinanonood ang pagdaan ng mga sasakyan.

Napabuntong-hininga ako habang napatingin sa madilim na kalangitan.  I checked my phone for the time... And guess what, it's time for me to accept the screwed-up reality: I'm really an useless piece of scum. I'm weird. I'm unattractive. I am the epitome of everything that is negative in this world.

"You're too preoccupied with your thoughts, eh?"

Natigilan ako sa pag-iisip nang lumapit si Kendra. Baka naman gusto ring magpahangin ng isang ito. And yeah, it's windy outside. Her medium-length hair is even been swayed by the gentle winds. Hindi niya rin suot ang kaniyang gray na blazer na mukhang iniwan niya sa loob.

"And why?" I muffled habang malayo ang tingin ko sa may kalsada, at pati na sa mall which is just across the restaurant.

"Finally, the trash bin talked." This lady really knows how to screw-up a conversation. She's really an expert for this!

"It's quite obvious naman na suffocated ka sa conversations nila sa loob. Feeling mo ay napag-iiwanan ka na kaya you end up treating yourself like a trash." Natigilan ako sa sinasabi niya. Her snarkiness and authoritative tone of speaking is kinda trembling.

"Well... I know na college is the period of application. Ito ang time para mas i-explore natin ang mga kaniya-kaniyang potential. Pero sa nakikita ko... You're trying to be a laid back person." And I'm kinda used na mapangaralan. But it's kinda strange na isang Senior High School student pa ang magbibigay ng words of wisdom sa akin. It's just literally, wow.

"Imbes na i-unleash mo ang iyong potential, you just prefer to sulk in one corner. 'Di ba? Wala talagang mangyayari sa iyo, Kuya Lorenzo." Her words are true. Her frankness is like a double-edge blade.

"Kung ako sa iyo, gamitin mo ang potential mo in this world of competition. Of course, maraming magagaling sa field na pinasok mo. They're trying to be the best; they're trying to stay on top. That's why they're keep on dragging others into the rock bottom. Kaya kung ikaw, magpapatalo ka pa ba?

"Oh, well... You're right. Basura nga ang tulad ko." I sighed, contemplating every word she said.

"Correction, an upgraded piece of garbage. Ikaw lang naman ang basurang kayang makapag-isip," she  snapped.

"Oo na..." I conceded. Siya na naman ang panalo rito.

Kendra and I are not really that close... I'm really distant with my cousins unlike before. We have our own set of priorities and interests, kaya mukhang malabo na maging malapit kami.

But the way she speaks to me, para bang sobrang kilala niya ako. As if she knows every single cell of mine, or she's just observant.

"O siya, balik na ako sa loob. Ikaw ba?" Ipinagpag niya ang suot niyang navy blue vest. Then she asked me bago siya naglakad papasok sa loob.

"No, dito muna ako," I insisted. I would like to spend more of my time all alone.

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