---- [W -> D] ----

W: What did you do with my boobs?!
D: ...
D: I don't know how you want me to respond
W: I MEANT BOOTS DAMNIT

----

D: She wears short skirts...
W: What?
D: I wear T-shirts...
W: ...
D: She's cheer captain...
W: Don't you dare
D: And I'm the dark lord satan
W: Why are you like this?!

---- [The Three Muskequeers] ----

W: Chemistry is more like cheMYSTERY because I have no idea what's going on
D: Calculus is more like calKILLus because part of my sanity dies with every equation
W: Biology is more like BYEology because I'm out
D: Math is more like no
R: YOU TWO ARE LITERAL GENIUSES

---- [W -> D] ----

D: Take me to museums and make out with me
W: But they said not to touch the masterpieces
D: Dude

----

W: If in a year, I'm single and your single...
D: Wally, no
W: A month
D: No, Wally
W: A week
D: Sure

----

W: How much do we have to flirt to be listed as a couple?
D: I think we're safe for now
W: What a relief

----

W: Barry tried to pick up a banana to make it look like he was talking on the phone but all the bananas in the bunch came with it and he just looked at me and said "I guess it's a conference call"
D: A++ recovery
W: Don't encourage him

----

W: Switzerland accidentally invaded Liechtenstein
W: Liechtenstein was cool with it
D: Just because I am in Switzerland doesn't mean it's all you should text me about!

----

W: If it weren't illegal I would eat cereal for every meal of the day
D: It's 2am but I have some wonderful news for you

----

D: If I cut my foot off and swing it at you am I hitting you or kicking you
W: Neither, your mentally scaring me

----

W: Are you okay dude?!
W: ...
W: Is a book character having difficulties again?
D: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND MY PAIN

----

D: Having seaweed brush up against you when your swimming is like having Satan slowly caress your legs and toes well smiling at you and whispering "mayonnaise"
W: I have never been this uncomfortable before

----

W: Snakes don't have arms?
W: They can't go bowling!
D: Damnit. There goes my snake bowling team. Screw this

----

D: My mind says college but my heart said isolated sheep herded in Iceland
W: YOUR FOURTEEN!

----

D: So this lady in front of us just gasped loudly and said: "I forgot my dog!"
D: She forgot to bring her dog
D: To the vet
W: Why are you at the vet?
D: Don't sweat the details

----

W: It's 4am and there's a cat sleeping on my chest
W: I don't own a cat
D: You do now

----

D: If i were in the Hunger Games I would fill one of those parachute gift things with all kinds of poisonous berries and then climb into trees and send them down to other tributes
W: I love your evil mind

----

W: It snowed for the first time today and naturally I'd been on my computer all day and didn't know and aunt Iris asked me to take out the trash so I stepped out into about an inch of snow and ice and I just yelled "What the HELL" and then I heard my neighbour in his backyard go "Oh my god, he's outside"
D: You have great neighbours

----

D: Firefly is the opposite of waterfall
W: What have you done

----

W: It's hard being hilarious when everyone ignores you
D: Sorry, did you say something?

----

D: Nothing will screw you up as much as the realization that there's no real reason the alphabet has to be in any certain order
W: I told this to uncle Barry and he hasn't moved in 15 minutes

----

W: There are so many Starbucks employees here
D: Where are you?
W: Starbucks

---- [The Three Muskequeers] ----

D: Your the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup
R: Soup is delicious

---- [W -> D] ----

W: My cookies won't fit in the cupboards because of all your cereal
D: One of our addictions has to give

----

D: I asked the waitress for a steak knife but she could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
W: Smart women

----

W: I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
W: I SHOULDN'T BE ON A TRAIN

----

D: No need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything, nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable

----

W: I want a burrito
D: You are truly the voice of our generation

----

D: Did you put 9lbs of birdseed on my bed?
W: You weighed it?

----

D: I got suspended
W: What did you do?!
D: The teacher said that the stupidest person in the world lives in Canada
W: Okay...
D: And I said
D: "You must be mistaking, sir, you live in America"
W: You are a truly beautiful person

----

W: I love the smell of upsexy
D: What's that?
W: What do you mean?
D: You said "I love the smell of upsexy" what's that?
W: You're supposed to say, What's upsexy?
D: Nothing much, you?

----

D: Dude, it's been three weeks since I've eaten a vegetable

----

D: Why stop at capitalism? Destroy everything
W: You truly are satan

----

W: You just left me a three-minute voice message of you eating pop rocks
W: I'm sitting right next to you

----

D: People always shoot down my ideas and I'm sick of it,
D: Two sentences in and everyone's all "You can't do that" or "That's illegal"
D: Let me speak damnit

---- [D -> B] ----

D: If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow it's not what you think
B: Richard
D: Oh... hey Bruce
D: Wong number...
B: Call me
D: No, it's fine, don't worry about it, really
B: Richard Grayson-Wayne
B: Call me

---- [W -> D] ----

D: I'm grounded
W: What did you do?
D: You don't want to know

----