Chapter 23

I learn new things everyday.

            Like today, I learned that for Frank, hanging out means sitting on his couch at his apartment while he plays video games with his roommates.

            I have not been offered to join the game at any time, just to basically sit there and... well I'm not sure really.

            Be their cheerleader?

            I got to his apartment about one hour ago, and I got offered a beer and tatter tots, which is fine, I said yes to both, but then after that I was basically just left to myself while they continued playing their game.

            I'm not really even sure why I'm here.

            I am not contributing to anything. We're only having half conversations because Frank is fairly engrossed with his game.

It's one of the Assassin's Creeds games. I'm not sure which, but I know my brother plays it.

It's not a bad game. And maybe I should try to get more into it. Frank is basically trying to share a hobby of his with me. I should be happy about it, and try to connect with him through it.

At least, I think that's what someone should do if they are interested in someone else.

I don't know how to date. I had one boyfriend in high school. I don't know how modern dating looks like. Maybe this is it?

I'm trying to come up with something to ask him about the game, but I just feel like I'm going to be interrupting him while most of his attention is on the screen though.

In between different parts of the game, when it loads I have time to chat, so it's like I'm spending all the time in between these moments to find the perfect conversation starter, but I don't end up with anything that's worth it really.

I feel like I need help. Or to vent.

In either case, I grab my phone while Frank is on his quest, and open my messages on Instagram.

This is turning into a habit of mine.

            "Sorry, she's just my dramatic friend," I tell Frank while putting my phone away.

            "No need to apologize, I was just teasing you," he replies.

            "Is the online version of this game fun too? Or you just do the missions?" I ask him, to get the attention off of me.

            "Mostly just the missions, the storylines are always interesting," Frank replies, a little absentmindedly. The game started up again before I finished asking my question.

            So, I leave him be.

            I think about what Tenth Knot said. I don't think I should actually drag him away from his game. It would be rude. And Frank never told me that coming here would mean I would have his undivided attention.

I think also, maybe this is partly my fault? I didn't make any specific plans with him. He said hanging out. This is hanging out. I'm the problem right now, for assuming that this was going to be anything else.

I didn't ask him on a date. I didn't make any plans. I should not be expecting him to do everything.

It's my fault for making up scenarios of this date in my head.

            We don't even know each other that well. This is only our second time seeing each other outside of work. In the grand scheme of things, I really shouldn't be expecting for a romantic candlelit dinner and grand gestures.

            Honestly, I wasn't even sure how I felt about Frank a couple of weeks ago. 

            Real life is not like the movies. Real life is simpler, less flashy displays of affection. I know this. I know I should not be expecting someone with a boombox at my window.

            Honestly, I don't even know why this relationship feels like it's something I suddenly absolutely need right now. It's not like a need a distraction from anything specific that made me think for a second that I was the main character...

            God, I have issues.

            Finally, it starts getting late and I feel like I'm getting a headache from just staring at the television so I get up from the couch.

            I let out a breath and tell Frank. "I should probably get going now. I work tomorrow."

            Frank looks up from his game. "It's fun that we work together because I know you're saying the truth and not just trying to run away."

            I chuckle. "I'm going to have to invent a sick grand parent to do that the next time."

            "Looking forward to that next time," he tells me with smile.

            I smile back. "Me too."

I walk away, not sure if I meant it.

            He does not walk me to the door. I guess that's fine. I'm a big girl. I don't need to be accompanied to open a front door.

            Shouldn't he want to lock up behind me though? Just security wise, not gallantry wise.

            I put on my earphones as soon as I'm out and I put Please You by Nine Knots on repeat fighting off the urge to sing along out loud "I cut myself into pieces, only keeping the parts of me that would please you. There was too much of me for you, so I tried to make myself smaller, hoping it would please you. I gave and you took, losing myself to find you, hating myself to please you."

            It feels liberating to listen to the song somehow.

I get on the bus and sit. I switch it up and I look for Aleksias edits on my way home, just to really let myself feel single.

            It's clips after clips of them smiling at each other, or holding each other by the pinky, or cuddling, or joking around or dancing together or just looking at each other with what can only be described as heart eyes.

            If these two act like these together and their relationship is apparently just platonic and they're not a couple, shouldn't I be expecting a little more from a guy I potentially want to date?

            Or am I just asking for too much?

__________________

Hello hello my little Pretzels! <3

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's my post for my Twelve Days of Christmas today. :D

I've been looking at my planning and I think I have maybe ten more chapters left for this part of the story, and then I'll start off the second part. There should be three parts in total, so kinda like three books. But I call them parts, because *issues*.

Unless plans changed, this part shall be called Pretzels & Douchbag. Second part. Fanpage & Meet Cute. Do what you will with that information. ;P

Alright. Going to bed now. I shall have an actual uploading schedule in January to get things moving.