Soulmates should not be this hard, are Hisoka's thoughts as he walks, hands in pockets. Killua and Gon seemed to be doing better again, but the past two days, Hisoka has sulked. Illumi had made no move to say anything, it is eating Hisoka up inside. He walks into the very empty dance studio, being allowed in the school despite the fact they were off.

Hisoka dances away his pain. Or so he tries.

Illumi... Illumi is the moon and Hisoka is the sun, always chasing him and never reaching him. Illumi is the cool night that is uninviting yet so enticing. His hair wispy like the night breeze, and his eyes the turmoil of the night sky. His skin is the stars, shimmering white moondust, too delicate to touch. His voice is the welcomed silence and his laugh the sound of the rare owl's cry. Illumi's touch is the clouds that wisp over the moon. Illumi's entirety is that of the night. Illumi's perfection is way above Hisoka as he is the cool and accepting moon and Hisoka is the blazing and bitter sun.

He pants, looking at himself in the mirror, gentle clapping behind him.

"You're thinking of him," Machi says softly and Hisoka looks at her through the mirror.

"What makes you say that?" Hisoka raises an eyebrow.

"You dance differently when you think of him," Machi explains, grabbing his water and walking over, handing it to him. "You dance... More perfectly, if that's possible."

"Thanks...?" Hisoka takes a swig of his water.

Machi offers a small smile. "So, I'm not going back home."

"What?" Hisoka falters, looking over at her in surprise.

"I'm staying here. Chrollo asked me to move in with him... But I wanted to come talk to you about that," Machi takes a deep breath and Hisoka's heart both crumbles and swells with happiness. His heart crumbling due to his fear of Illumi saying no growing, for whatever reason. And swells at the thought of Machi staying. She has become quite the friend, dare he say he would quite miss her if she left.

"Talk away, my love," he teases softly, leading her to the little lounge area at the back of the studio.

"I... I want to know if things go south with Chrollo, could I always find a place to stay with you?" Machi hugs herself, looking away.

"Machi," Hisoka shakes his head. "You know you always have a home with me."

Machi smiles and throws her arms around him but quickly backs away. "Ew, you're sweaty," she scrunches her nose in disgust.

Hisoka laughs and threateningly holds a sweaty hand out to her, which she reels back from in turn. He shakes his head a little and slumps onto a couch. Machi sits a safe distance away, causing a smirk to play at Hisoka's lips.

"When are you asking Illumi to stay?" Machi prompts.

"I don't know if I am," Hisoka sighs softly, looking away from her.

"What do you mean!? You have to!" Machi counters quickly. "He'll say yes! I know it, I have a gut feeling."

"A gut feeling isn't a for sure thing, Machi. You know how close he is to his family... Even his horrible mother."

Machi sinks into the couch dejectedly. "My hunches are credible..."

"Sorry Machi, I'm really on the fence with this one."

Machi looks at him for a moment before aggressively blowing air from her nose. She jumps up, putting her hands on her hips and taking stance in front of Hisoka.

"You are going to ask Illumi to stay. I am not going to watch you fall apart when Illumi leaves. I just won't! Illumi will say yes! Hisoka you love him!" Machi cries out.

Hisoka looks up at her with wide eyes. No one has said it out loud, not even him. She looks at him expectantly then her eyes flicker.

"You haven't told him you love him?" Her voice is almost a whisper. "Hisoka... Hisoka you're a fucking idiot."

"Sorry?" Hisoka manages out, still in shock Machi suggests it. He loves Illumi? Hisoka purses his lips, can someone fall in love that fast? Hisoka's thoughts come back to Illumi being the night, all his features coming at Hisoka like he had run into a brick wall.

Then a memory floods into his mind.

A time when the two weren't fighting... They had fallen asleep together on the couch, something they did a lot. No... They were in a good spot then. Hisoka had woken up, Illumi laying delicately on Hisoka's stomach, his body in between Hisoka's legs. Golden sun trickled into the room, laying over Illumi and... the pun sounds stupid to think about now, but it illuminated Illumi. Hisoka's mouth twitches into a smile at the memory of the golden sun making Illumi look like an angel, like a perfect diamond in the rough. The first time Hisoka realized he loved Illumi.

"You're thinking about him," Machi says. "I can see it! Hisoka please, talk to Illumi... When he kicked you out before, it wasn't out of malice. You know Illumi didn't mean to come off rudely. Just... Please... Ask Illumi."

Hisoka looks over her, she looks desperate. "I will..." Hisoka decides softly because Hisoka cannot let go of Illumi, no matter how hard he tries.

***

Hisoka's heart is racing as he knocks on the door to the hotel room. It's opened by a man Hisoka doesn't recognize. Illumi shortly afterward arrives, wearing a silky dark green robe. Of course, Hisoka assumes the worst, how can he not? He tries to swallow it, but the annoyance that flashes through Illumi's eyes confirms it for him.

"I'm so sorry to disturb, this was ah... a bad idea," Hisoka rushes off but soon realizes Illumi is hot on his heels.

"Hisoka wait," Illumi calls, catching up to him.

"Wait for what?" Hisoka seethes as he continues, moving down the flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator.

"Hisoka, please, listen to me!"

"Why should I?"

The two are practically running down the stairs now. Hisoka wanting to desperately get away from the situation while Illumi chases him.

"Hisoka, I need you to listen!"

Hisoka turns around once Illumi has chased him a little way down the street. "What? What more do you want from me Illumi? What more do I need to do to prove myself to you?"

Illumi looks at Hisoka, wide-eyed, the two of them standing under a street light. "Hisoka," his face grows impossibly soft. "You've already proven yourself to me."

"What?" Hisoka's voice wavers, they're standing on opposite ends of where the light to the street light starts to fade. No one is really out, it being late, but the odd person stared at them as they walked by. Neither Hisoka or Illumi seem to care.

"Hisoka... Hisoka you proved yourself when you were so worried for me the night Chrollo picked me up, Machi told me all about it. You proved yourself every time you made it a priority to make me food. You proved yourself when you modeled the entirety of my collection without complaint. You proved yourself the first time I came crying to you, drenched from rain, and you took care of me through it all. You proved yourself every time you danced for me. You proved yourself the second time when you were mad and yet you still ran out in the rain to come to me. You proved yourself every time you made me hot chocolate. You proved yourself when you came and asked if I wanted help even after I had snapped at you... Hisoka you have proved yourself over and over and over, don't you get it? I want you."

Hisoka looks at Illumi, who had slowly come towards Hisoka through his speech. Hisoka stares in disbelief before tears start spilling from his eyes.

"No... No, Illumi you don't want me. You don't. You're too good. You're too perfect. I'm disgusting, Illumi. I am so disgusting. My past is so gross, it makes me gross. You deserve so much better, you deserve a pretty rich man, who isn't disgusting like me," Hisoka never cries, but confessing this to Illumi he is streaming tears like they are small waterfalls on his face.

Illumi gently places his hands on Hisoka's face, wiping away tears with his thumbs. "Hisoka you are not disgusting... You're here, proving yourself to me again. You proving why I chose you, why I am outside, in a robe, chasing after you. Hisoka you are beautiful. No matter what happened to you in the past, you are beautiful and you are mine. I want no one else. When Chrollo left... the day he kissed me... that's when I realized, it is you who deserves better than me."

"What?" Hisoka hiccups, calming his tears. "No... No Illumi... Illumi I want you. You're too good for me. Please, this may be too much to ask, but I just want you to be mine."

Illumi is all too gently rubbing his thumbs over Hisoka's cheeks. "I was always yours."

Hisoka hugs Illumi, impossibly tight, pulling him into a deep hug, burying his face into the crook of Illumi's neck. Illumi simply holds him in return, not letting go until Hisoka does.

"I love you, Hisoka Morow," Illumi says every so softly, allowing Hisoka's chest to explode.

"I love you too, Illumi Zoldyck," Hisoka responds, hardly managing to get out the words in his surprise.

Illumi gives him one of the rarest Illumi things, a smile. "Now come inside and let me take care of you for once."

Hisoka allows Illumi to start a bath for him once back inside the hotel room. The man from before seems long since gone. Hisoka goes to make food but Illumi scolds him and forces him into the bathroom, blocking his exit while ordering take out. Hisoka allows himself to take the bath before changing into a pair of sweats Illumi left for him.

When he walks back out, Illumi has the take out sitting on the coffee table by the TV. He glances up at Hisoka and motions him over.

"Are we going to watch something then, my love?" Hisoka asks as he walks over. Illumi freezes for a moment and looks at Hisoka, his face unreadable. "It something wrong?"

"You said it," Illumi explains. "You called me 'my love.'"

"I told you I would... Do you not like it?"

"Only if you stop calling Machi that."

Hisoka kisses the tip of Illumi's nose. "That I can do, anything for you, my love."

Illumi places a finger on Hisoka's forehead and pushes him away, sitting down and starting to grab for food. Hisoka follows suit, a smile on his face, but nerves eating away at him. He just confessed everything to Illumi about how he felt, and yet here he is, unable to ask if Illumi would stay. Not only that, Illumi doesn't know why Hisoka is so gross. Would he still love Hisoka if he knew?

"Hey, hey," Illumi's food is quickly put down. "Hisoka breathe, look at me, breathe," Illumi's hands are on Hisoka's cheeks again. "I can feel your turmoil... Hisoka it's okay to be yourself with me... You can tell me anything. As I lean on you, you can lean on me." Illumi's voice is soothing. His voice softer than normal, clearly wanting Hisoka to relax. But Hisoka is scared to ask him to stay. Too scared.

Hisoka pulls Illumi into another hug, desperately wanting to tell him everything yet unable to bring himself to.

"Hisoka, can you please eat, if you don't I'll kill you," Illumi says, however not letting go of their hug.

"I can do that," Hisoka's voice is a little rough, wavering slightly, not due to tears but due to nerves. Illumi forces a takeout box into Hisoka's hands and waits until he takes a few bites before starting to eat himself.

"You worry me," Illumi mutters.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault. I just want you to be happy... And I never make you happy. I just make you angry and upset."

It felt so out of character for Illumi to say things like this, but in the moment, they are both vulnerable. Hisoka had opened up and Illumi wanted to care for him. They both are in situations of discomfort because neither were used to what they were doing.

Hisoka doesn't know how else to convey how wrong Illumi is, so he takes Illumi's hand in his and presses a kiss to the back of his palm. Illumi's eyes fill in an understanding and he gently squeezes Hisoka's hand in return.

"Illumi... When I walked in a few days ago when you had kicked me out... I was going to ask... Illumi, please," Hisoka looks desperately into Illumi's eyes. "Please don't go back home. Please, stay here, with me."