Vyra

Embarrassment quickly bloomed into obsession.

I made the Alpha feel something towards me, after he swore he wouldn't cave to the bond at all.

It consumed my waking thoughts.

Was it just the bond? More than likely. Did it bother him? From how he reacted, yes, it was unnerving. Had it happened before then and I hadn't realized? Unlikely, but possible.

I found myself lying awake in bed, smiling devilishly that I had been able to make stony Seren lose control, even if it was for a few moments.

It all came crashing to a halt when I came back to reality.

What would my father think?

I reminded myself that as his fated mate, this was natural. He was attractive, unreasonably so, and the goddess tethered our souls together.

Seren was still the opposite of everything I wanted. He was moody, unfeeling, secretive, cold, calculating, and most of the time an asshole.

He still hadn't apologized for the things he said to me about my family and his father.

But then there were times I wondered if I had everything wrong...

It weighed on my mind, even now.

"So what happened with Mena at the feast?" I asked Titus, as he escorted me to the quarters where Sonya and Petir were staying.

The guard scoffed, his boots scraping against stone. "You know the first stages of friendship are the most fragile. Shouldn't you be more careful and not try to step on any toes?"

He was the one who told me I should take a chance and throw caution to the wind.

It felt much better to speak my mind than be too frightened to even open my mouth.

I relented, "Fine you don't have to tell me. I can already guess what happened, from the state I saw her in when she found Cyrus with me."

Titus looked at me. "I can't deny it."

"I have a different question." I waited. "Mena often joined Cyrus in making me feel as ostracized as possible. When she found me with him, I had little faith she would help. It made sense when she walked away, leaving me to drown."

"And?" Titus asked, his jaw clenching anxiously. Why?

My mind worked harder, "It was just interesting how quickly she came to my defense when no one else from Clan Umbra would. It could have solely been for the Alpha, if what we thought was true and she has feelings for him. But it seems like she likes you very much."

The guard flushed deeper. "I don't know what you're getting at. She follows the Alpha's orders, like anyone else. Even though we are his friends, his title comes first, and we loyally serve him."

My brows furrowed, "I understand. But she could have very easily told you and left us. I still would have been saved and Cyrus wouldn't have been exiled without her memory being shown to the council. It just makes me wonder."

"What?"

Maybe Mena wasn't so bad after all. Or she was meant to be watching me.

"I don't know. Nothing," I muttered to him, keeping my theories to myself.

I caught his smile as he shook his head, trying to clear it of the woman. He would open up about it soon.

"Here are your friends," the guard said finally, stopping in front of two small wooden doors across the way from each other.

"Perfect thanks-" The door to the left opened, cutting off my words.

Petir stood tall in the doorway of Sonya's room, smiling for once.

"Hi, Vyra." He beamed, before doing some sort of hand grab gesture with the guard before him. Titus was surprisingly smiling back. "See you in the morning."

Titus pointed back before leaving us.

"You're better friends with him than I am?" I asked, sounding pathetic even to my ears.

Petir rolled his eyes, "Not all Outcasts are mopey like you."

"I'm not mopey."

"Are too. But we love you anyways. Come in, Sonya will be out from her bathing chamber in a second."

"Fine." I sighed, shuffling into the room and setting myself flat on the bed.

It was beautiful and bright, like Sonya was. Everything was a brilliant emerald green held up by warm wood.

"So what's the matter?" Petir asked, crossing his arms in a manner that told me he was analyzing my expression.

"Well, I passed the first trial." I said shyly.

Petir grinned, "That's amazing! Why do you not seem excited about it?"

My head fell to my chest. "You know why. Every single victory means I am one step closer to death."

Petir's metallic eyes flashed, "Who is to say you will lose?"

"Hah!" I barked out a laugh, settling a blanket over my lower half. "I love you guys for being delusional, it's proof you care for me. We all know I am going to lose."

"There are ways you can win, Vyra, if you wanted to."

The look in his eyes reminded me that he was from two clans who were skilled in strategy. I don't doubt my fiercely protective friend has thought about ways to save me.

"I don't want to kill him."

"Why?"

"I don't believe two wrongs make a right. Killing him won't bring my family back. Besides, I am not sure he deserves it either."

He was an ass, but did he deserve revenge because my family was punished for their wrongdoings?

Petir snorted, "The way you describe him paints him differently, but alas you have a heart of coal despite others trying to crush it into a diamond."

"I'll be out in a minute!" Sonya yelled, making both Petir and I swivel our heads.

I lowered my voice, not wanting to upset our other companion. She was much more sensitive than either of us.

"I don't know Petir. I just want the truth before I meet my end, okay?" I let out a quiet breath, "I just feel like I'm missing something. I know so little about my parents and what truly happened."

Petir stood straighter, "Do you believe you are being lied to about it?"

"I don't know. I hate to say it, and I've never even thought about it before, but how strange is all of this?" I was at a loss. "The goddess choosing fated mates between two different Clans? Making a woman and the same mated pair competitors to become the Alpha? Why the significance for someone like me?"

"Unless..." My friend placed his hand on his chin, showing he was thinking deeply.

"Unless?" I questioned, the temperature in the room dropping.

"You're more important than you've ever been given credit for. And many people have died to make sure you don't find out."

***

My first attempt at sneaking into the library was a complete failure.

It was already too late when I opened the door, a fire burning brightly in the hearth.

"Vyra," the Alpha called, sitting in a large arm chair. The entire front of his body was illuminated in light, his dark waves and features turned bronze and the shadows making him look painted.

His hips were wide open, his head reaching over the top of the furniture, like he was too overwhelming to truly ever fit into any space.

The Alpha knew I was there. He probably scented me before I even opened the door.

"Alpha Umbra," I said, trying not to tremble.

It was the first time I had seen him since the chasing incident.

The male remained statuesque as always, before letting out a frustrated groan. "Why do you insist on calling me that?"

He leaned onto his knees, running his fingers through his ebony hair. A single gold ring etched with a floral pattern glinted on his smallest finger.

Turning his head slightly, he caught my eyes on him.

My intake of air nearly choked me, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I mean I wouldn't have at all, if I knew you were here. I'll leave now."

I turned, trying to leave out the way I came. The genuine tenor of his voice stopped me.

"Wait. Please."

Facing him once again, I saw him gesture with his hand for me to come closer. I obliged, though I made no attempt to make myself comfortable or to get too close.

Keeping my distance, I stood before him, my back heated by the burning fire.

He looked up slowly, his eyes trailing over my night dress and up to my face.

We were at a standstill for a moment, a soft breeze flowing through us from an open window. Winter was beginning to thaw, and it reminded us both we had little time to waste.

Fire cracked behind me, making me jump. The material of my dress brushed his hands, and I quickly stepped back, my skin warming.

Silver irises branded me, as the male spoke in hushed tones, "I have something I've thought about for a long time and never reached an answer. Do you mind if I ask you, Vyra?"

I nodded my head.

He returned the gesture and ran his teeth over his bottom lip. I watched him play with the ring on his finger, methodical in how he twisted it.

"Is it better to never know love, or to love and have it taken from you?"

The word love on his lips sounded like a broken melody. It was something I know he possessed but would never admit out loud as a leader and as the Alpha.

Shaking my head, I answered. "I've never thought about it."

"I can't stop." He laughed without humor, his straight teeth carving into his lip again. He looked up at me, almost pleading. "Please, just say what you're thinking right now."

It seemed like he needed an answer. I'm not sure what it was he was looking for, but I tried my best to be honest.

"I've never loved anyone so I'm not sure." The man sat up in his seat, intrigued. I began to ramble, threading my fingers together. "There's different kinds of love. I mean, I think I love my family even though I never met them. Before, when I was an Outcast, I never really let my mind go there. But now? When I think of them, I get a warm feeling in my chest and a dull ache everywhere else. I'll never get the chance to see them again. I miss them, and I will never know them as much as I want to."

"And now?"

He said it softly, his expression open and listening.

"I stay in the room they made for me, and now I know them past the stories and the legends. I know that they loved the night sky. I know they assumed my favorite colors would be silver and purple, and they were right." I laughed to myself, "I imagine them bickering over where to place the furniture, because there are scraped pieces of wood by the fireplace. When I lived as an Outcast, I had nothing. No one had ever cared about what I liked or made anything for me. Now I know that people did and..." That same dull ache rose in my chest again, "I was much happier when I didn't know I was loved."

The Alpha said nothing, his fists balling at his sides. I must have answered in a way he didn't like, because he appeared upset. He spoke before I got a chance to ask what was wrong.

"Thank you, Vyra. I understand."

"You do?"

I never expected the Alpha to have a single understanding about me ever. We were so different.

He didn't elaborate, instead changing the subject.

"I know you've been asking Titus about my mother."

Guilty.

"I'm sorry." I meant it, this time.

"Aurelia Valor would've liked you." Seren said that compliment like it was nothing. My heart leapt to my throat when he looked up at me, "Everyone believes she ended her own life. But I know for a fact my mother was poisoned."

"Who do you suspect?"

"I have my list. With time, I've crossed out maybe ten names. Still, I am lacking the proof I need." He sat forward, his strong hands wringing together. "I miss her too. I knew her, and she was taken from me, and yet I still miss her."

So, it seemed his question remained unanswered. He had love and it was taken from him. I never experienced it at all.

We were both still in pain.

"I am truly sorry about your mother. She seemed..." I looked up, choosing my words carefully. I didn't know her well.

She always seemed like a ghost, standing next to the previous Alpha. I caught her steering the older man away from me multiple times when we crossed paths.

She seemed to dote on Seren.

The Alpha smiled, one of the real ones. The kind he usually kept hidden from me, where his eyes became half-moons and his dimple appeared.

"Not as horrible as the rest?"

I couldn't hide my own laugh, which I quickly covered with my hand. The Alpha seemed startled by it, sitting back.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Out loud, dear Vyra, but surely you were thinking it." Like the air was stolen from the room, our tension grew severe once again. "What is it that you want?"

His words were accusatory, but his eyes reminded me of lying on the snowy ground with him above me.

"Excuse me?"

"You passed the first trial. You wanted to see your friends, and I gave them to you," he said carefully, leaning forward. Dark waves fell into his eyes. "If you could have anything, what would you want?"

I knew what he was asking, but it felt like more. And I hated that I wanted it to be more.

I needed to run, without him chasing me.

"I don't know. I need time to think."

Silence took over.

"We have another ceremony soon, Vyra."

I didn't respond before fleeing. He did not come after me.