A few days passed before Jimin got the nerve to do something he'd been thinking about since the most recent day of group. He was lying in bed, his mind and heart racing. He'd just vomited the entirety of his stomach contents into the toilet. He always thought it was such a good idea to do, but always regretted it afterward. He knew this wasn't healthy. But it was a habit now. And he found it hard to stop.

He reached for his phone on his bedside table.

Jimin Can you talk?

He waited anxiously for a reply. Would he even get one? He wouldn't be surprised if he didn't.

Yoongi Sure.

Jimin's heart leapt. He'd completely expected Yoongi to blow him off. He hadn't talked to Yoongi since he'd taken him home and exchanged numbers with him. He figured now that Yoongi might be upset with him again that he still wasn't approaching or talking to him at school.

Jimin I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you. I've just been really preoccupied with studying.

There was a pause for quite a few minutes before Yoongi replied.

Yoongi It's fine.

Jimin sucked in a breath. Somehow he just instinctively knew that it wasn't fine.

Jimin I mean it, Yoongi. I really am sorry.

Yoongi Did you need something?

Jimin I just needed to talk to someone. I just purged and I'm not feeling very great about it.

Yoongi Then why'd you do it?

Jimin It always seems like a good idea until I actually do it.

Yoongi You really should stop. It's not good for you.

Jimin I know. It's just hard. It feels like an addiction or something.

Yoongi That makes sense.

Jimin didn't know what to say after that. But, he found he didn't want to stop talking either. Eventually he just decided to change the subject.

Jimin How are you doing?

Yoongi I'm okay.

Jimin Just okay?

Yoongi Yeah. Nothing really new or exciting going on in my life.

Jimin I see.

Once again, they seemed to be at a stalemate. Neither one, it seemed, knew what to say next.

Jimin Can I ask you a personal question? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

There was another long pause before Yoongi finally answered.

Yoongi I guess.

Jimin took a deep breath as he began typing.

Jimin When did you know you were gay?

The next pause lasted so long, Jimin felt a bit panicky.

Jimin Nevermind. I shouldn't have asked.

Yoongi I guess it was just when I started noticing guys more than girls. I'd never really felt attracted to girls, and one day I just realized that I was attracted to guys.

Jimin nodded as he read the message. He knew exactly what that felt like.

Yoongi What about you?

Jimin It was in middle school. I had a crush on my best friend. He had a girlfriend, and I felt so jealous of her. It was that whole experience that made me realize.

Yoongi Sucks when that happens.

Jimin You've experienced that?

Yoongi I mean, having a crush on someone who's straight. I never had your exact experience. I don't exactly have friends to fall for.

Jimin's heart dropped. He knew the reason Yoongi didn't have any friends was because of him; all the rumors he'd started about Yoongi and all the bullying he'd done. He suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He just couldn't help feeling guiltier and guiltier by the day.

Jimin I'm sorry you don't have any friends. A big part of that is my fault.

Yoongi Yes, it is.

Jimin Maybe you and I are kinda becoming friends now, though?

Once again, Yoongi didn't answer for a long time. When he did, however, Jimin's heart sank even further.

Yoongi I gotta go. I'll see you around.

He couldn't blame Yoongi for not wanting to talk any further about friends, but he'd hoped Yoongi would agree with him that they were becoming friends. Jimin felt like they were. But it wasn't reciprocated, and that made him feel surprisingly sad.

Jimin See ya.

Jimin sighed as he placed his phone back on his bedside table. He felt even sicker now than he had before he'd thrown up.

-

The next day at school, Yoongi wondered if Jimin would finally approach him. Since Jimin apparently thought they were becoming friends, Yoongi figured maybe Jimin would finally put his pride aside and acknowledge Yoongi at school.

But as the day wore on, it became obvious that it wasn't going to happen. Jimin and Yoongi had passed each other multiple times in the hall, and Jimin wouldn't even look at him, let alone talk to him.

Yoongi did see Jimin with Junho, Hwang and Garam at lunch, however. Yoongi was surprised. Jimin hadn't seemed to have been spending much time with them lately. Yoongi watched them discreetly. He really hoped Jimin wasn't telling them they could bother him again.

At the end of the day, Yoongi trudged home slowly. Group was that night, and he was seriously considering not going. If he did, Jimin would surely talk to him and it would just make Yoongi angry that he hadn't at school.

By the time he got home, he'd made the decision not to go. He'd give his parents an excuse of not feeling well or being overwhelmed by schoolwork or something similar. He just couldn't bear to be near Jimin right now.

It was about 9:30 that night, two hours after group had ended, that a knock sounded on Yoongi's front door. He was in the living room with his parents and all three of them looked around at each other confusedly.

"Who would be coming here this late at night?" Yoongi's mother wondered. "Yoongi, are you expecting company?"

"No," Yoongi said honestly. "I don't really have anyone to provide me company."

His mother tutted at him. She hated when he was self-deprecating.

Yoongi's father eventually got up and answered the door.

"Yoongi," he called from the foyer. "It seems you do, in fact, have company."

Yoongi's brow furrowed as he got up to head toward the door. His mother watched him curiously, but said nothing.

When Yoongi reached the foyer, he stopped short. There was Jimin, standing on his front porch.

"You alright, Yoongi?" his father asked as he eyed Jimin suspiciously.

"Uh, yeah," Yoongi confirmed. "I go to school with him."

His father nodded his head, then turned and went back into the living room.

Yoongi and Jimin just stared at each other for a few moments. "Oh," Yoongi suddenly said. "Do you, uh, wanna come inside?"

"Sure," Jimin agreed quietly.

He stepped into Yoongi's house and Yoongi shut the door behind him. "What are you doing here?" he finally asked.

"You didn't show up to group," Jimin explained. "I, uh, got worried."

Yoongi cocked an eyebrow. "Worried? Why?"

Jimin shrugged. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, I guess."

Yoongi shook his head. "You didn't have to come here."

"I know," Jimin replied. "I just...wanted to, I guess. I wanted to see you, to make sure you're alright."

Yoongi suddenly heard a small gasp from the living room. His mother. He realized she must have been eavesdropping. He sighed.

"Let's go to my room," he said. Jimin nodded and followed Yoongi to the stairs.

When they entered Yoongi's room, Jimin scanned his surroundings. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't this.

There was a keyboard and guitar sitting in one corner of the room, and some music equipment Jimin had never seen before on a small desk near the instruments. There were music sheets spread out across another, bigger desk on the other side of the room. There were pictures on the walls of famous musicians and some other apparent celebrities Jimin had never heard of or seen before.

"You, um, make music?" Jimin asked.

Yoongi closed the door behind him. "Yeah," he confirmed. "I write, play and record and produce."

"Wow," Jimin said, honestly impressed. "Can I hear some of your stuff."

"It's just a hobby," Yoongi said as he plopped down onto his bed. "Nothing special."

Jimin slowly lowered himself into Yoongi's desk chair. He spun it around to face Yoongi.

"Why weren't you at group tonight?" he asked suddenly. Yoongi sighed.

"I just didn't feel like going."

"Is everything okay?" Jimin asked, concern evident in his tone.

"Yeah," Yoongi said. "I just wasn't feeling it tonight."

"Why do you think that is?"

Yoongi scoffed. "Who are you? Mrs. Choi?"

Jimin chuckled. "I don't mean to pry, but I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"Yeah, so you said," Yoongi replied. "You know, you could've asked me if everything was okay at school today," he continued pointedly.

Jimin hung his head. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You're just full of apologies. You'd think you'd do something to prove them," Yoongi said.

Jimin looked up quickly. "I..." But he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Well," Yoongi said, standing up from the bed. "You're here. You saw me. I'm okay." He walked over to the door and opened it. "I guess you can go now that you've got your confirmation."

"Yoongi," Jimin said in a slightly pleading tone. "Please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not. I'm annoyed with you. There's a difference."

Jimin shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yoongi. I guess I'm just scared to talk to you at school. I – "

"Don't want to risk people seeing you talk to me? Too prideful? Still too concerned about your precious reputation?"

Jimin looked down again in shame. "Yeah," he whispered.

"Seriously, you can go now." Yoongi gestured out of the open door.

"Yoongi..."

"It's fine, Jimin. Just stop acting like you want to be my friend. You obviously don't. I don't want any 'halfway' friendships. I'm not that desperate."

"I do want to be your friend," Jimin said emphatically. "I just...don't know how, I guess."

Yoongi's brow furrowed. "What does that even mean?"

"I don't know how to have real friendships," Jimin admitted. "You don't actually think I like hanging around with...what did you call them? The idiot army?"

Yoongi snorted. "Yeah."

"Well, that's just it; they're idiots. I don't want friends like that."

"Then why do you care what they think of you?"

Jimin paused, unsure how to answer. Finally, he decided just to be honest. "It's not just them," he admitted. "It's...everyone. If you and I hung out with each other at school, everyone would dump me. I just don't know if I could handle that."

"Get out."

Jimin looked up in surprise. "Wha – "

"Get out, Jimin. And leave me alone. I won't be going back to group, and I don't need your car rides or secret texts. Just stay away from me."

Jimin didn't know what to do. So, he just stared at Yoongi as tears began to form in his eyes. "Yoongi," he said pleadingly. "Don't do this."

"You don't need to be worried about anyone finding out we're friends, because we're not friends. And we won't ever be. I'm giving you an out, Jimin. Take it."

"An out? I don't understand."

"Stop acting like you have an interest in my life, okay? Just go and stop worrying about having to feel ashamed or that you're hiding something. That's your out."

"B-But, I-I don't want an out," Jimin said, tripping over his words.

Yoongi slammed his bedroom door in frustration. "Why do you even want to be friends with me, Jimin?" he almost shouted. "You've never shown any interest in me other than to make my life hell for the past three years. Why are you going all good Samaritan on me now?"

"I want to make it up to you, the way I've treated you. And I feel like we can really relate to each other. That's why I want to be your friend."

"Friends don't pick and choose when they want to be friends. You can't just have a friendship with me outside of school, but still treat me like shit inside of it. Do you not see how hateful and disgusting that sounds?"

Jimin stood as a renegade tear ran down his cheek. "Yes," he admitted. "I do."

"Then what're you gonna do about it?!" Yoongi exclaimed.

Jimin stared at him for a few seconds before he quickly crossed the distance between them. He then placed his hands on Yoongi's cheeks and pulled his head toward himself. And then, he planted a kiss directly on Yoongi's lips.

A small sound of surprise erupted from the back of Yoongi's throat. But after a short moment to process what was happening, Yoongi's eyes closed and he kissed Jimin back.

And it quickly turned from what could've been an innocent peck into a frenzied, passionate kiss that neither of them expected. Yoongi groaned when Jimin deepened the kiss, and this only made Jimin's lips and tongue more frenetic.

Jimin's hands dropped from Yoongi's face and he wrapped them around him. Yoongi then wrapped his own arms around Jimin's neck, and they continued on. There were no signs of stopping. The initial kiss was only just the beginning, as they were now engaged in a full on make-out session.

Jimin began walking backwards, pulling Yoongi toward the bed. When they reached it, they both fell onto it, but never disconnected their lips in the process. Soon enough, there was touching and it didn't occur to either of them that this may not be a good idea until Jimin tried to lift Yoongi's shirt over his head.

Yoongi immediately broke the kiss and pushed himself away from Jimin.

"This is too much," he whispered. "I-I...I can't do this."

Jimin sat back on his elbows and watched Yoongi carefully. "I'm sorry," he offered. "I shouldn't have gone that far."

Yoongi shook his head. "You shouldn't have kissed me in the first place," he said quietly. "You think I wanted to give my first kiss to someone who's ashamed of me?"

"Yoongi!" Jimin said in shock. "I'm not asham – "

"Yes, you are," Yoongi fired back. "You'd just admitted that you didn't want to be friends at school. How on earth would you be okay with being outed as a couple there?"

Jimin looked down. "I'm ashamed of myself," he said quietly.

"You should be," Yoongi said pointedly. "It's really time for you to go now."

Jimin nodded, then pushed himself off of the bed. He felt like he needed to apologize to Yoongi again, but he'd done enough of that already without following through with his actions. And he knew he wouldn't be able to follow through on this one either. So, he simply exited Yoongi's room without another word, and hurried down the stairs and out the front door.