She thought she'd  be able to let go. It was all so easy to give into that broken heart of hers and allow it to guide her far away from him, but it wasn't real. Unlike Sophie's incredibly genuine heartbreak with her husband, this one seemed nothing more than a mirage of confusion and disappointment. 

But Lucas' heartbreak was very much real, and not one she could mend on her own, or maybe even at all. Looking over at his glossed over glistening eyes, Sophie wanted to wrap her arms around him and peel away the pain he was suffering through. Her own pain seemed so insignificant by comparison to the one he'd been facing every single day for the last nine years. 

Sophie let out a cough, wiped the snot away from her nose, and stood from the couch. "Why did you sleep with me that day?" It was a question that had plagued Sophie's mind for months, thinking she had it answered so many different times. 

"Short answer is to feel something, have something that was real, even if I couldn't keep it. I've been living this other life all this time, and it's been keeping me going through my worst days. But I know it ain't real. All this love I've had, and the love I've felt, has kept me in the past. I just wanted something real in the present. I guess if only just to know that my heart wasn't dead.

"I do love you, Soph. A part of me fell in love with you the second I saw you. I'm not a man who believes in love at first sight, but as soon as your eyes landed on mine, I felt something. The more I got to know you, the more there was to love. Same with those kids of yours.

"But I don't think balance is an option. Even when you and I were friends, I was starting to lose her. The more I felt myself becoming a part of your family, the more she started to fade. When the kids come over, sometimes I don't see her for days afterwards. Arianna feels like she needs to step back so I can move on, but I'm not ready to move on and lose her like that."

Sophie nodded her acceptance and collected the fresh tears beneath her eyes with her fingers. When Joel told her there was a story she needed to hear, she'd held onto hope that whatever the story was would bring clarity, and maybe even bring her and Lucas together. 

Things were clear now. At least, as clear as they could be. Unfortunately, that clarity didn't work in Sophie's favor. The only thing it provided her was some measure of acceptance. Lucas had faced the impossible choice between his daughter and becoming part of a new family who loved and adored him, and made that choice. "So, we're still not going to happen," Sophie stated rather than asked, her voice cracking as she spoke those seven words.

"I can't say that for certain, kid, but I'm not about to ask you to wait for me either. I've hurt you too many damn times, and you holding onto that hope is just going to hurt you more and hold you back. I don't want to keep holding you back, Sophie. You and those kids deserve more than half a mans fucked up heart."

The thing of it was, Sophie was ready and willing to wait if she were given a sign there'd be a rainbow after the rain. But without a sign, without knowing if she'd be waiting months or years, she had to do what was right for her. Sophie couldn't ask for a timeline on his grief, and he couldn't provide one. 

Maybe it was time to rip off the band-aid. The longer she waited around here, the longer she allowed herself to fill with hope, the worse it would all feel once the time did finally come for her to move on. 

"I don't know what in the hell I'm supposed to do here, Lucas," Sophie admitted. 

He stood from the couch behind her and pressed his palms against her shoulders. "You walk away from this and start your life over. Maybe someday I'll find the courage to do the same. If that day does come, and you have a man in your life or you've fallen out of love with me, then I'll keep my distance. I just want you to be happy, kid. I wish I could be the one to help you get there. I wanted to be. But I'm too messed up to give you that."

Sophie allowed his arms to wrap around her from behind, and rested her head against his chest. They'd shared so many goodbyes this year, and each felt like a punch in the gut. This one felt lighter than the ones before, yet final, even with the hope within the words. 

The thing Sophie had realized before and needed to remind herself of now was that you couldn't rely on someone to make you happy. They could amplify that happiness, but couldn't create it. And he was right. She'd had this sadness floating above her for far too long. Waiting for him would only be relying on him for something she could only give herself. 

She turned in his arms and held him back, soaking his shirt with her fresh tears. Lucas wasn't aware of her plans to move away. He didn't know that soon she'd be living halfway across the country. And no one, including herself until that moment, was aware that those plans had changed.

Waiting until the end of the school year would leave her in agony, hoping beyond hope he'd show up at her door and ask her for a date or for forever. Instead, after Christmas and before the school break was over, she'd move on with her two children. 

Her plans for the farmhouse he helped rebuild had also changed. She couldn't sell it. It was a reflection of who Lucas was and a reflection of what they shared, no matter how brief it all was. It was in the time they spent together that made Sophie love him, but it was the time away from him that showed her she was in love. Sophie would keep it because it was a part of him. Maybe years down the line, they'd live in it together. Maybe it would just be something she stayed in while they visited. The future was uncertain. 

But it was time to walk away from the past and take her first steps forward in her new life.

"I love you," she whispered against him, her voice only just above a whisper.

Yes, it was time to move on with her life for the sake of herself and her children, but the love she felt for Lucas would remain. 

"I love you too, kid."