The car ride home is awfully quiet.

Ali's expression hasn't twitched ever since we left the bar.

"A-ali?"

She kept punching Jake who was barely moving sa sahig.

Sobrang takot na takot ako that I remained seated while holding my top together.

I just watched her as she knocked Jake unconscious and bloody until dumating sina Warren.

"What the fuck dude!!" hinila niya si Ali at tinulak.

But Ali came right back at Jake kahit basag na basag na yung mukha niya.

Dumating sina kuya James and stopped her.

"Hoy! tangina sino ka ba ha?! bat ka nangugulo dito?!" sigaw ni kuya James.

Ali looked at me while breathing hard.

Her eyes were throwing knives. Almost chilling.

She wiped her bloody hands sa pants niya before she removed her jacket and covered me with it.

She was checking every part of me when kuya James pulled her shirt at kwinelyuhan siya.

"Tangina sino ka!? kita mo yung ginawa mo sa kaibigan ko?!"

Ali just smirked and rolled her yes.

"He deserved more" she coldly replied.

"James tama na, bitawan mo siya. You won't seriously hurt a girl right?!" pinatigil sila ni ate Jani bago lumapit sakin.

"Hannah okay ka lang? anong nangyari?" I couldn't speak the truth.

I didn't know pero walang lumalabas sa bibig ko kahit sobrang gusto kong sumigaw.

I looked at Warren at kuya Ori checking Jake and back to Ali na nakasandal sa pader still looking vicious.

I suddenly felt dizzy, I tried to speak but then everything just turned black.

I woke up here, sa kotse ni Ali.

"Ali I can explain.." I tried to reach out.

"I know." she's just staring sa daan, I can feel her cold exterior.

"Please listen boo.." I said weakly.

"Save it for later" maiksi niyang sagot.

I teared up knowing that we're almost facing a hole in our relationship.

I noticed na sugat sugat yung kamay niya while driving, still fresh and bleeding.

I can't take having to see her suffer dahil sa mga katangahan ko.

I silently cried habang nakasandal sa upuan.

"Fix yourself" Ali coldly said as she handed me new clothes and a towel while I was sitting sa couch still speechless sa mga pangyayari.

"Ali.." I held her hand.

"I said fix yourself" she pulled her hand before walking upstairs.

I couldn't stop myself from crying.. all this? was it worth it Sophia?! what hell do I deserve for this? nothing can heal this.

Nagayos nalang ako sa banyo sa baba kahit habang umiiyak parin thinking what's next for me and Ali.

Iiwan niya ba ako? or shall I leave her? I've done more bad than good.

I went to the bedroom and saw her playing video games.

I sat sa gilid ng kama.

"Boo.."

She didn't reply.

"Ali please" she still didn't move.

"Ali please listen to my explanation"

She paused the game and threw her game console.

I stood up dahil sa gulat.

She faced me standing up, still in her pants and bloody shirt.

Her eyes gave me a feeling I've never had. Like it was pulling and pushing me at the same time. Like saying she wanted me to talk but trying to dodge the things I would say.

I can see betrayal, disappointment, I see pain.

Nanginginig yung kamay niya while turning to fists.

She looked up, trying to hold back her tears.

Then she looked at me with all might.

"Why?" she said firmly but weakly.

Almost like she's given up, like there's nothing else she'd want to know. She sounded so broken, so lost and hurt.

I tried to calm down but tears just came rushing down my cheeks.

I stepped closer to her, she's not moving an inch.

I was going to hold her when she spoke.

"Stop"

I cried infront of her, while she's trying to look away.

"I. said. why... Sophia"

She called me by my first name and it hurt like shit, I didn't know why. Pangalan ko yun, she called me but it was more gruelling than comforting.

"Boo I'm sorry.." napaupo ako sa hina.

I continued to cry while she's standing in front of me, her blood dried on her hands.

"I'm so sorry" walang ibang lumalabas sa bibig ko.

I want her forgiveness, I'd die for it. I didn't know what else to do but to beg her to forgive me.

"Forgive me Ali"

She scoffed almost full of hatred.

She laughed bitterly before walking in circles, she put her hands on her nape.

I can't stop crying, why did I even forget how Ali loved me, how did I not think of this when I chose to break her from behind.

"For how long has this been going?" she bitterly asked.

"I-I don't know.."

"Damn it!!" she punched the wall which startled me.

"Atleast know since when have you been cheating on me!"

"I don't know.. I'm sorry Ali.. please" I tried to reach her but she pulled away immediately.

She put her face in her hands wiping her tears before licking her lips.

She smirked.

"You're seriously asking me to forgive you?"

I looked at her, she's so fucked up, all bloody, her eyes puffed and lips dry.

I know I didn't deserve her forgiveness.

I slowly stood up and walked to her.

I cupped her cheeks and looked her in the eye.

Still flaring with confusion and things I didn't know how to depict.

"I'm sorry Ali.."

She removed my hands and winced before charging out the room downstairs.

"Ali! Ali please, let's talk" hinabol ko siya pababa but she quickly grabbed her phone and keys before closing the door hard.

I put on my shoes before rushing out to the parking lot to find her car when I saw it almost out the exit.

I ran as fast as I could shouting hanggang makalabas kami ng building but she was too fast.

It's my first time seeing her drive her car that way, sobrang nagaalala ako na mapahamak siya.

She's not in a condition to go out, lalo na nang nakakotse, I dialed her phone but she wasn't answering.

I texted her.

"Ali please come back I'm sorry just please come home"

Nanginginig yung kamay ko habang nagtytype.

I tried to call her again but she ended it.

"Please boo, pupuntahan kita saan ka? please text me nagaalala ako"

Bumalik ako sa condo to change into clothes na pwede panlabas when my phone rang.

It's Jake.

I declined the call. I didn't want to hear anything from him anymore.

Palabas na ako ng condo to look for Ali when my phone rang again.

"Ma? bakit?" I was in a hurry so I spoke fast.

"Hannah! tumawag yung tito mo anong nangyari kay Jake? kasama mo ba siya?"

Huminga ako ng malalim stopping myself na magalit kay mama.

"Hindi ma.." I answered.

"Ano?! bakit? nasa hospital siya Hannah! bakit? nasaan ka? nakay Ali ka ba?"

"Ma.. pwede ba wag ngayon?" sinubukan kong icompose yung sarili ko, hearing these from my own mom, I don't even get why this is happening.

"Ano?! sinasagot mo ako ng ganyan?! puntahan mo si Jake ngayon na!"

I ended the call before I put my phone in my pocket and ran to the elevator.

Ayoko nalang makarinig kila mama, kila tito, I need to find Ali.

Ambilis ng tibok ng puso ko habang pumapara ng taxi. I decided na magpatulong kay Keily at Ella.

Ella at first was hesitant, dahil sa galit niya sakin and nahirapan siyang isink in lahat ng nangyayari.

I understand, kaibigan din nila si Ali, she should resent me for what I did but she said she'd help me find Ali cause she's her friend too.

We've been anywhere trying to find her, sa bahay nila, sa Tagaytay even sa Diliman but we didn't see any sign of her.

We were circling around every club or bar nagbabakasakaling napagisip isip niyang uminom but still nothing.

Mag 4 na ng umaga, Keily borrowed her dad's car when I got to her kanina. We're still driving around, I called Ali a lot of times and texted her pero hindi niya sinasagot or nagrereply.

I was so tired of crying, halos ubos na yung lakas kong imulat pa yung mata ko but all I could think of is nasaan si Ali, what have I done to her?

I saw how completely broken she is, in her eyes was all disappointment and questions as to why I did what I, did.

I burst into tears again which made Keily stop the car and look at me.

"Please stop crying Soph.."

She held my hand and looked at me with soft eyes.

"I'll text her" singit ni Ella bago binuksan yung phone niya.

"I'm sorry guys.. sorry" I just cried while talking to them.

Ella sighed before lumapit sakin from the back seat to hand me tissue.

"Oh.. I'll talk to her pag nahanap natin siya"

I smiled weakly kay Ella.

"Thanks Els, but this is my mess.. I hurt her, I cheated on her. Let me fix it" I know they want to help me, but I know Ali doesn't want to involve them in our shit.

Nagpahatid na muna ako sa condo bago pauwiin sina Keily, may kanya kanya pa kaming klase mamaya and the sun's already rising.

They didn't want to leave me alone sa condo pero pinilit ko sila, I can't disturb their personal lives with mine. Hindi na tulad ng dati ang lahat, mga bata pa kami noon.

I tried to call Ali one more time but nakareceive nanaman ako ng call from mama.

"Ma? bat gising pa ho kayo?" I leaned sa couch, I can't control my tiredness, I feel so drained and empty.

"Hannah.. magsasampa ng kaso ang pamilya ni Jake"

Ano?! putang ina naman! hanggang san pa aabot to!

"Ano Ma?! bakit?" I closed my eyes trying to handle the stress.

"Bugbog sarado yung boyfriend mo.." I winced when she called him my boyfriend.

"Sabi nina James gawa daw ng ex mo, tapos nasaan ka ngayon?! ni hindi ka manlang humingi ng tawad?"

I teared up hearing all these. Hindi ko na alam san kukuha ng lakas, Ali's nowhere to be seen, she's not answering any of my calls.

Hindi ko na alam kung anong gagawin ko, I'm so fucked up!

"Ma.. muntik akong irape ni Jake ma! tapos yan lang ang iniisip niyo?! Ali saved me from hell ma! ginawa niya yung hindi niyo magawa, yung kinakatakutan niyo bilang magulang ko, she did what you and papa should have done!" I cried hard sa call.

Hindi ko napigilan yung sarili kong sigawan si mama, hindi ko alam kung san nanggaling yung lakas ng loob kong sagutin siya.

All I wanted was for them to understand na may buhay din ako, hindi ako ginawa to take every bullet for them, hindi porket panganay ako I'd be their shield from any harm.

Magulang ko sila, they should be the ones protecting me from these things. But Ali was the only one who bravely chose to face the chaos in me.

"Anong kalokohan pinagsasasabi mo Hannah?! anong rape rape!? magpirmi ka nga, puntahan mo si Jake at humingi ka ng tawad" she ended the call.

I fell sa sahig crying. How can she not believe me? hindi ba dapat kay Jake siya galit? that we should sue them for that? hindi ba dapat ako yung magpapakulong sakanilang lahat?!

I couldn't control my hands as I threw away the things sa table.

Sumigaw ako. I screamed so loud I can feel my throat hurt.

"Putang ina!!" fuck this life! why me?! out of all people bakit ako?!

I was happy with Ali, we dreamed, we were unstoppable.. bakit ako? bakit kami..

Nagulat ako when my alarm rang, 8:00 am, I have a class at 10 am but I didn't even move.

Nakaupo sa sa floor habang nakasandal sa sofa. My cheeks has marks of tears, my hands were bruised sa pagwawala ko.

Ali..

I quickly opened my phone to see if nagreply na siya.

You have 4 messages from Jake

Tinapon ko lang ito sa couch bago tumayo to get water sa kitchen.

My throat is dry from all that crying.

I took a bath and changed to clean clothes before getting my phone and dialling Ali.

Still no answer.

I pocketed my phone before leaving the condo to look for Ali again.

I decided na kausapin yung parents niya about what happened, they can help me.

"And now you can't find her?" natakot ako sa malamig na boses ni tito.

"Uhm.. opo"

"Look, iha, I don't have time for such bullshit. Lalabas din ang batang yan" he said bago umalis na at sumakay sa sasakyan nang pagbuksan siya ng driver.

"Tito please po- tito!" sinubukan ko siyang habulin pero nakaalis na yung sasakyan niya.

Pumasok ulit ako sa loob at nadatnan ko si tita na umiiyak.

"Tita.. I'm really sorry po, patawarin niyo po ako.." naiyak na rin ako when I witnessed Ali's mom's situation.

This is my consequence? this is hell.

She looked at me with worried eyes.

"I understand Hannah, nakinig ako sa explanation mo.. I'll look for Aliya rin. I'll handle this, you have to attend school" she said bago may dinial sa phone niya.

I slowly left, I didn't want to eavesdrop sa call ni tita.

I got back sa condo when I received a text from her, she asked for my number nalang kanina to udpate me if anything happens.

"Return to your normal life, I'll take the matter into my own hands na iha, thank you for your concern"

I broke down in tears, ayokong tumigil hanapin si Ali.

I have a million things to tell her, and a lot more to apologize for.

I can't continue leaving behind such unfinished things with her.

It's been a week since nawala si Ali, she disappeared from everyone, even her own family.

Every now and then I call her and text her how I just want to talk.

She never replies to any of them, nor answer atleast one call.

I've been constantly paying attention to my phone, baka tumawag si tita or just anything but all I'm receiving are from Jake, from mama, all just stressing me more.

Ilang times na rin kami lumalabas nila Keily at Ella para maghanap, anywhere, everywhere.

About sa kaso na gustong isampa ni Jake kay Ali, I had no news. Simula nung sinabi ko nina tito at tita hindi na ulit naopen ni mama yung topic, I guess they took care of it.

Nakalabas na ng hospital si Jake yesterday, his face is fucked up, broken nose and all kaya he needed to rest and not come to school.

Which actually is so relieving in my part, he texts me every now and then so I know what's been happening to him.

I use it to my advantage everytime, atleast for now hindi ko siya masasalubong anywhere.

I already thought of what to say to Ali once magkita kami ulit. I love her, but she doesn't deserve me, and any of what I have to offer.

I'll ask for her forgiveness then I'll continue to be my family's hero.. shield rather.

If letting go of Ali will save her from everything else, and help my family..

I teared up thinking of it.

All I ever have is for you Ali.. please forgive me one day.

Nagulat ako when I was called out in class.

"Ms. Fajardo? care to briefly explain to us the next topic?"

"Uh.. I-"

I stuttered as I stood up.

Lalo akong nagulat when my phone vibrated.

I quickly opened it.

"Ms. Fajardo didn't I tell you to not use your phone in my class-"

Unknown number.

"Ma'am wait lang po, importante kasi to" I ran out of the room bago basahin yung message.

I don't know but I get feels from it, parang ito na yung inanatay ko for the whole week.

I opened it hesitantly.

"I know where she is"

~~~~~~~

uwu :<