I can't do this anymore.

-------

I open my eyes and get out of my bed.

I sneak to the front door and enter the fresh, cold, night breeze.

Again, I'm standing on the stairway down the monastery.

It's dark and foggy.

I can't see the ground from up here.
Like every time I'm looking down there.

Tempting to jump...

I kept looking down and down and down.... drowning in my thoughts...
I feel like I'm stuck in this hell.
Being killed by my own thoughts.

So I keep looking down.

I take a step closer to the edge.

A stone crumbles and falls down the deep way to the ground.

Again, I take another step.

Getting closer and closer to the edge.

I'am now standing on the very edge.

Still looking down.

I feel no fear.

So I take one more step.

And I jump.

And I fall down the long way.

I'am not afraid. I feel... free.
Relieved.

As if all worries we're taken away in an instant.

I see the end, the hard ground slowly getting closer and closer.

I close my eyes and hit the ground.

For a second, I feel pain.

I manage to open my eyes for a second. I see a bright light.

Is this heaven? Am I dead?

Then, it all gets dark again.

And I see nothing.

I remember nothing.

Am I dead?