Kabir's POV

Finally, Kavya fell asleep on my lap and this gave me time to look at her carefully.

I didn't know what to think.

Sohum is not alive.

Even in my wildest dreams, I never thought that he is dead.

I was feeling thousands of emotion and yet I didn't know what I was exactly feeling.

Kavya stirred in her sleep and once again I started stroking her hair.

I was feeing guilty as I had said so many things to him in my mind.

I was even feeling sad for Kavya, as she has gone through so much.

And, I even hate myself, for feeling relieved that she is not married.

Maybe because, now at least one guilt of getting attracted to a married woman has lessen down.

But, now I think that I should stay away from her. Just because she is not married, doesn't mean that I have a chance with her.

When I came to know that she stays alone, I thought that maybe they were divorced and it made me happy, but after knowing that he is not in this world anymore, I am feeling guilty.

If she was divorced, it meant that they are having problems and decided to part ways but today I saw that how much she loves him.

You were trying to find ways to be near her even after knowing that she was married, but now you are trying to distance yourself?

I pulled my hairs in frustration.

God! 

My mind was playing games with me.

If she was divorced, that means parting with him was her choice but he had died, that means she never wanted to leave him, fate parted them.

She still loves Sohum.

Once again, Kavya stirred in her sleep and I went back to stroking her hair.

From the first day, I saw her, I felt attracted towards her but I knew that I will never get her.

But, after some days, when I realized that, maybe she has got divorced, I felt happy to think that I had a chance with her.

But now, I don't know what I am feeling anymore.

The real question is, what I was going to do with her?

I don't believe in love, so I knew that I cannot love her.

I don't even know that if I love Raj, and he is with me from the day he was born.

Yes, I care for him, and I can fight with the whole world for him, but I don't know if I love him.

I had never asked myself that, even if I had a chance with her, what was I going to do with her?

Because, somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was sure that I had no chance with her.

Then why were you jealous of her husband?

Why you felt happy with her?

Why you were angry at her?

Why you were having the need to touch her?

Today when you saw her with Ravi, why were you so angry?

And now also, why are you here and stroking her hair and looking at her like, she is the most beautiful woman of this planet?

Once again, my mind bombarded me with so many questions.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my mind.

Was it because it was forbidden?

Did I enjoy the thrill of liking a married woman?

But, before her, I met so many married woman but they didn't have any effect on me.

So, this is definitely not the reason.

I only found one answer, from the first day I saw her, I was attracted to her and I wanted her near me all the time and I felt happy with her.

This is the first time I felt something like this, and for the first time, I felt so happy with somebody.

I know I will never have a chance with her, as I know that she still loves Sohum, but what will I give her, even if I have a chance?

I can't love her.

After everything that happened, I don't believe in love and marriages so what will I be able to give her even if we both have a chance?

Nothing.

I realized everything today which made me realize the next thing which is,

I have to stay away from her.

I need to stop feeling happy with her, or feeling any emotions for her.

I was alive before her, yes, I was very happy with her, and I felt all sorts of feelings with her, but human can stay without happiness and feelings.

She is just a teacher of Raj.

And, of course, she is my friend, and I will treat her as a normal friend.

As a friend, I will be with her, share her happiness and sorrows but I will stop any feelings for her.

She tossed and turned around and then she opened her eyes, looked at me and smiled at me.

'You know Kabir, after so many years I slept so peacefully,' she told me and woke up.

'How are you feeling?' I asked.

'I am feeling better. Thank you.'

'Kabir, I just realized that you have not eaten anything, Wait! I will prepare something for you,' she said and was leaving but I held her wrist, and then she looked at our hands, which reminded me that I told myself to keep distance from her so I hurriedly pulled my hand way.

'Kavya, I will leave now. I will eat after I go home. There's still khichdi left for you, so you don't have to prepare anything for dinner. Please don't go to school for some days, and if something happens, you can call me or your neighbor.'

She was just staring at me.

'Why are you acting so distant, Kabir?' she asked.

What?

How did she found out?

'No Kavya, it's nothing like that.'

'I can feel it. Is it because I didn't tell you anything about Sohum? Trust me, I wanted to tell you everything but after so many years I didn't see pity in someone's eyes and I wanted to experience this feeling. I was so greedy to experience the look without pity, that every time I tried to tell you the truth, my heart asked me to wait for one more day.'

'Kavya, I am not angry at you and I am not distancing myself. I understood why you didn't tell me but I am glad that you told me. Now, I will not upset you by saying something which will remember you of him,' I told her.

'I can never forget him, so how can I remember him?' she asked and I was stunned for a second because of my feelings.

I thought if she says something about her husband then I will not get hurt as from now onwards I made sure that we are just friends, but it hurt me.

Anyways, I know it will take time for me to stop getting attracted towards her.

What is the exact words for this?

It will take time for me to un-attract from her.

Is un-attract a right word?

Kabir, you have gone crazy.

Once again, my mind mocked me.

She bought me out of my trance by calling my name.

'Sorry, I was thinking something. Anyways, Kavya, don't think so much. I am leaving because I want to spend some time with Raj also before I once again get back to work,' I lied and she nodded her head in understanding.

'Take care, and you don't have to come to teach Raj till you are perfectly fine. Bye,' I said and was leaving but suddenly I felt a touch and turned around to see that she was holding my hand.

I turned around and looked at her.

'I will thank god for giving you as my friend. Thank you for everything you have done today and...' 

'And?' I asked as she was quiet for few seconds.

'Today I had the best sleep. For the past three years I have not slept so peacefully,' she said and I just wanted to go and stroke her cheek or do something to close the gap between us which I have decided to make. 

But, I controlled myself.

This time, I will try to stick to my decision.

She said 'friend.'

And, for the first time, I was glad that she said it.

It is good to be friends.

Just friends.

'Will you be able to get un-attracted from her?

It's not even a word, but the condition you are in right now, I will let you slack off.

This time I wanted to kill my mind.

'Kabir, are you okay?' she asked.

'Sorry, today I am tensed due to some problem in the hotel,' I lied once again.

I am glad Raut uncle decided to handle everything today. When I call him 'Raut uncle' instead of 'Mr. Raut' he gets ready to do anything for me, so I called him Raut uncle today and he got so happy, and I decided that from now onwards I will call him Raut Uncle at work also.

'That's why you are zoning out. It's okay. Take care and tell Raj to revise everything I have taught him till now. Bye,' she cut off my thoughts and left my hand which made me felt empty.

In this rate you will never be able to forget her?

Do you love her?

Today for the first time my mind was speaking so much.

No, I don't love her.

I don't even love Raj.

I promised myself that I will never love anybody long time back.

There's no thing such as love.

With time, everyone falls out of love from one person and start falling for another person.

Once again I bid her goodbye and left the place.

I literally ran away from her house before the urge to stay with her takes place and I start finding reasons to stay with her.

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I hope you liked the chapter?

Did you ever imagine that this chapter will turn out like this?

What do you think of Kabir's point of view?

What do you think will happen now?

And, what do you think of Kavya?

Random Question:- If I ever publish a book, out of all of my stories, which book should I publish into a hard copy?

If you are new readers, you can check all my completed stories.

And currently I am writing an ongoing book about a gay couple. You can also check that if you want.

Please COMMENT and VOTE if you liked the chapter.

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