Rumours, as the old saying went, spread like wildfire. Similar conversations, meant as whispers, were overheard:

"No! Mona on top! No bottom!" 

"No!  Mona not have top! She has bottom!" 

"Mona, on bottom, no top?" 

"Si! No!  Mona on bottom, Samuel on top." 

"Mona naked?" 

"Si! No!  Only half." 

"Skin white like ivory." 

"No, es mas chocolate." 

"What Stupid Samuel say?" 

"Jesu Cristo!" 

"What Mona say?" 

"Muchas Gracias." 

Inside a tent near the large mango tree, the natives held an emergency mass the following Sunday morning. Both practicing and non-practicing members of the community, together with the curious, felt the need to erect a religious institution. They called it Iglesia ni Cristo, or the Church of Christ.

Many were in attendance to view or show recent fashion trends, which were not much, and to hear these words, abridged from a three-hour sermon: 

Priest (self-anointed): Is the kiss just a kiss when the kisser is Stupid Samuel? 

Enthusiastic Congregation: No! 

Priest: Is the act just an act when the actor is Stupid Samuel? 

Congregation: No! 

Priest: Is Stupid Samuel just plain stupid? 

Congregation: Si! 

Priest: Can stupidity be counted as a sin? 

Congregation: Si! 

Priest: All together, let us pray. 

All: Santo Domingo  (referring to the saint hastily named after Sunday, for the lack of creativity). 

Priest: Santo Domingo, Dios be with us. Deliver us from the Diablo. Deliver us from Stupid Samuel. Wash his body with pure water, and not with alcohol because it's too expensive. Cleanse his mind with Clorox. Purify us with the blood of Jesu Cristo. Bless us.

All: These we ask in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Espiritu. Amen. 

Outside the church, the kids sang:  

    Samuel and Mona, sitting under a tree,     

    K-I-S-S-I-N-G! 

    First comes love, then comes marriage, 

    Then comes Pepito in a baby carriage.