Dedicated to aquiveringly even though my lovely friend is reading this when she should not be.

4

Limerence.

That was state of a person was infatuated with another. Someone had used this word in the manuscript I had to edit a couple days ago. By mid summer, that was exactly how I felt about Stephen. I was completely and utterly infatuated with him.

No, that felt too small a word to use, I thought looking at the side of his profile. His eyes stayed on the window, the sound of rain hitting the window filled in the silence in the air.

Another anything Stephen loved to do at night was watch the rain.

He was a pluviophile.

He was a lover of the rain and would find comfort and relaxation staring outside. His eyes never wavered when he shifted on his feet, his fingers tapping against the windowsill in a distant pattern.

I listened to the sound of the wind blowing through the trees that very night. The crackle of thunder resonated in the air outside, making me flinch. Stephen chuckled lowly, rubbing my arms in a comforting manner. "Not fond of rain, are you?"

"I am. Thunder not so much." I mumbled, leaning back into him. The need to stay like this forever flooded my mind with future thoughts of what Stephen and I could be.

I held in a wince, feeling fatigue as a slight headache came on again. It was possibly due to the stress of work but it seemed my own job was becoming too much these days. One of the best things to look forward to was the man behind me. The same man who noticed my slight discomfort and turned me around. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. It's just headache," I looked him in the eyes and it was obvious. He wanted to tell me something. My hand touched against his and I took note of the way he didn't move it, although his eyes glanced down before he stared back into my eyes. "What is it?"

"Juliana, I won't be in town for a couple of days." He said after a moment.

I didn't bother questioning him on where he was going. I didn't truly have the right to and that bothered me. Stephen and I were no more than strangers who had become accustomed in each other's beds. Strangers who had met during an unfortunate event but made something out of it. We merely used one another for pleasure.

I wanted more.

But I didn't ask for it.

Stephen left and I didn't hear from him for a week. I had gone from seeing him day by day to having no communication with him for seven full days. I kept track, my mind wandering on the possibilities of what he could be doing now. I thought of him constantly, missing his presence overall. I grew more infatuated with him as the days went by even though he wasn't near me.

I rolled over in my bed, pressing my nose into my pillow that lingered with his smell. His masculinity. Sighing, my heart sinking when I opened my eyes to realize he truly wasn't here with me.

Getting up, I walked out of the house not telling Genevieve where I was going since she was rather occupied with the man she had met two days ago. The two getting lost in one another on our couch. I walked down the street, my eyes glancing over at the few people passing my way. I sondered, wondering how their lives went. If they were feeling as conflicted as I was about someone who had come into my life not so long ago.

Lost in my thoughts, my hands in the pockets of my jeans, my ringtone cut through the silence. I took it out of my pocket, glancing at the contact ID and answering the call without wasting a moment. "Hey-"

"Meet me at the apartment. Now." He didn't allow me to respond. He cut off the call faster than he rang me.

~~~

I brushed my lips over his and a breathless sigh left his own when they parted. I had only stepped into the luxurious apartment, only to be taken into the bedroom and thrown on the bed faster than I ever would have imagined.

Spent, I rolled off his body and he was already reaching over to his dresser to grab the glass, pouring wine into it. He offered me some and I politely declined.

"Where did you go?"

"Away." He answered vaguely, a light smile on his lips as he put the wine cup on his dresser, the red color of it staring right back at me. I looked back at him. The stain of the red wine had covered his lips to look like the color of cherry. 

"What did you do?" I curiously asked in a soft voice, not wanting to sound too eager about his plans. I probably did sound desperate for information but I didn't care at this point. I wanted to know more. I needed to know.

"I visited someone." He answered, dipping his head. The dim lighting in the room cast a shadow on his face. The darkness dancing across his skin as he shifted made him look intimidating, daunting almost. 

"Someone important?"

"Used to be." He shrugged, his hands on my hips now.

"Who was she?" I could only hint that it was a she. The way his lips curled just at the thought of this said person, scowling at the thought of them. Stephen, to my knowledge, was straight and I knew that the cause for the hatred that quickly became apparent on his face was caused by a woman.

"My ex." He muttered, reaching out for that wine glass again, downing the drink in one go.

"Why?"

"Why all the questions, Juliana?" He reached forward to pull me towards him. I followed suit, straddling his waist, his hands running down my bare back, making me mewl softly against his shoulder. The pads of his fingers were rough but warm. The sensation of the patterns he was tracing on my skin almost distracting me from my inquisitive thoughts. Almost. 

"I can't be curious?"

"Do you want to know what I was doing there? With her?" He asked, putting the glass aside for the second time.

He looked me dead in the eyes, the mischievousness in them was gone. The brightness in them had turned from their usual occurrence. The darkness from the subject had a comparison from the usual light. They were both entrancing, inviting and unbelievably tempting. I could see that familiar look of lust veiling over them but also the expectation of how I was going to react to his answer.

"What?"

He brushed my hair away from my shoulder, pressing a light kiss to where my neck connected to my shoulder. He dragged his lips up, his tongue peaking out between them to leave me wanting to press him impossibly closer to me. He breathed against my ear, erratic and hot. The motion making my back arch into his body heat. "I fucked her."

Covetous. 

I tensed up. All feelings of lust and desire reduced immensely as I took in his words. I detached myself from his touch and the room he was in. I shivered, remembering I was naked but the anger pulsing through my veins took over the importance. "Juliana, wait."

Stephen followed me into the kitchen, grabbing me by the wrist and turning me around. My eyes flickered down to where he had hid himself back in his boxers like he had done so hours ago. I couldn't look him in his eyes. Those eyes that were ethereal. "What?" I all but hissed.

"I don't understand why you are mad," He mumbled, his eyes trailing down my body before looking up in my eyes which I was quick to avoid. "Are you upset that I was with someone else? All I did was tell you what I did."

I didn't speak. Instead I opened doors in his kitchen, my eyes searching for a strong liquid that I couldn't find. He continued talking and for the first time since we met, I wanted him to stop.

"She's not important anymore. She's an old fling, in the past. Our relationship means nothing and we both agreed that it was nothing."

"You went back to her." I whispered, fining the bottle and closing the cabinet shut with my hip. I faced him for a moment, the look of desire and passiveness on his face. I obtained a cup, pouring the clear liquid into the glass before taking a well-deserved sip, the burn tingling my throat. The burn partly red, partly green coursing through my body. The jealously and slight anger stirring within me. 

"She is insignificant."

"You still went back to her." I mumbled, swallowing heavily. The anger subsided but the jealously was still there. The thought that someone else was with him upset me. When I put the cup back in it's place, it was empty. It's contents making their way down my throat to the pit of my stomach.

I moved past him and when I stumbled, he quickly held me up. Despite the feeling of being light-headed, I yanked my arm away from his grasp, continuing my way to his bedroom. He leaned against the doorframe, watching me put on my underwear. I pulled the straps of my bra over my shoulders when I felt his fingers brush against mine, doing the job for me. "Juliana, look at me."

I turned in his arms, looking up in his eyes when I asked the question I've been holding off for too long. "What is this? What are we doing?"

Stephen stared at me with uncertainty. Then realization flooded on his face. The shadow of the moon streaming in from his window reflected on his face, more evident since the light was off in his room. "Juliana..."

"Answer my question."

"I thought we had an understanding since the first night." That we would have this idea that we both would be involved in a sexual relationship, not expecting more?  

My hand reached down to grab his shirt, slipping it on over my body. "But if I want more?"

I could hear the faint inhale from him. He looked at me with a mixture of confliction in his eyes.

I didn't want that feeling. That feeling of not being wanted in the same way. There was a part of me that always knew I would receive it no matter how much I differed from the thought.

All I wanted was him but he wouldn't offer it.

He could never offer it.

"I can't give you more."