I sat in my corner for probably ten minutes without anyone really noticing me. I suppose it was the perks of sitting in a corner, tucked away. Perhaps I could believe that they were all ignoring me, but they were setting up for a scene, so I didn’t exactly expect them to see the awkward girl against the wall, ducking behind her camera.

Everyone moved about with purpose, getting their jobs done, and it was a semi-comforting thought to know I was out of their way. The actors got in their positions – it was apparently some sort of party scene, as all the extras came in wearing dresses and tuxes – and everyone else went to their station, either manning the cameras or sound booms. James and Gemma were situated at what looked to be a poker table, Carson was looking particularly moody as he leaned against the bar (that James was sure to explain to me held nothing more than apple juice and dyed water), and Ava and Liam were out of the shot, holding guns and ready to rush on.

I felt like I looked stalker-ish, sitting in my corner with my camera leveled to my eye, so I decided to switch from my camera to my sketchbook. Slowly and quietly, I put my camera in my bag and retrieved my sketchbook and pen. Remembering my iPod was buried somewhere in the depths of my bag, I reached in, trying to scavenge it. As I pulled the iPod out, my sketchbook and pen slid off my lap and with a loud smack sort of noise, they hit the ground. The surrounding crew and actors whipped around, finding the source of the noise and, reluctantly, that source was me.

As if I couldn’t get more awkward, I now had everyone looking at me.

I looked weird, mid-position of grabbing my iPod and trying to catch my things from falling and I could feel my face heating up as I felt dozens of eyes on me. Stop looking at me, I beg of you. James was biting back a laugh, trying not to add on to my humiliation, but that didn’t help when I made eye contact with the one person I didn’t want to.

Liam stared straight at me and if my face wasn’t red before, it was certainly about to match the color of a tomato any second. His expression was impossible to read, some sort of mix between looking happy to see me and terrified of what might happen next. While everyone else sort of shook their heads and turned back to their original work, he still stared at me. I couldn’t tear my eyes off him either. Maybe I was hoping he would come over and explain the kiss if I looked at him long enough or at least tell me it was a mistake. I feel like I could live with heartbreak much better than uncertainty. 

“Alright, A marker, everyone in position,” the director called and Liam turned back to the set

Well. There goes what ever confession I was hoping for.

Sighing, I got off my chair to pick up the fallen items and settled back down, this time making sure nothing fell off my lap. I tapped my pen against the sketchbook, thinking of what to draw and I found myself in a rut. Every possible creative thing I could have etched onto my paper seemed to vanish from my brain. My eyes wandered up to see Liam charging onto the stage, gun held outright, and for a moment I considered drawing him in all his glory. Could I even capture the essence of Liam Hawthorne? I doubted it. Besides, he went through my work all the time and the last thing I needed him seeing was a full out portrait of himself. Talk about creeper.

I shook my head of the thoughts and started aimlessly doodling. It started off a basic tree, thick, dark strokes making the trunk and long, winding branches stretching across my paper. But slowly I began to notice that the branches were turning into shapes as I wound my fingers tighter around my pen, inking my paper with objects caught in the branches. A random book, a cage, a person all tethered to the branches. It was very possibly the strangest drawing I’ve ever done, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to stop drawing the weirdness. It was like I was letting out all the weirdness that was going on in my own life by putting it on paper.

“Hey, what do you have there, Camille?” My head snapped up to meet Liam plopping down in the seat next to me. My heart picked up speed and I couldn’t find myself breathing. Cam, say something. Do something. You look like an idiot.

“Is this a new drawing you’re working on?” Liam asked again, pointing towards my sketchbook and I could barely nod, I was so mesmerized that he was sitting beside me and pretending nothing had happened.

“Let’s see it then.” He took it from my hands and they just fell limply in my lap. Why couldn’t I get a grip on myself? He was acting completely normal! Why wasn’t I? Get it together, Cam. Breathe in, breathe out. Calm down.

“It looks a little intense,” he noted, staring down my drawing.

I let out a shaky breath as I gathered every ounce of courage I had. “Yeah, it was just mindless. I was just… drawing,” I ended awkwardly. No duh you were drawing, you idiot.

“What have you been working on lately? Mind if I look?” He asked, about to flip through the last couple of pages.

“Oh no you don’t!” I urged, taking my sketchbook back and guarding it with my life. The last thing I needed him seeing was the aftereffects of the kiss. I did not want to discuss how he turned me into some disgusting, hormonal teenager who needed to draw their feelings because I couldn’t talk about them.

“Why? Something particular?” I wanted to slap him. Violent, maybe, but he was beginning to deserve it. Something particular? Seriously? Was he going to play this off like it was all my doing and he has amnesia or something?

“No, nothing at all,” I said, crossing my arms. “They just aren’t good.” 

Liam gave me a curious look as if he was wanting me to elaborate. Well too bad, mister, because you are acting like a butt.

“So,” he began after a long silence, “excited for Paris?”

“Oh, mais oui monsieur,” I agreed, throwing in my small knowledge of French. “I just hope it lives up to my expectations.”

“Like how?” He asked.

“Paris just has a romanticism about it. The lights, the food, the architecture, the whole ‘Paris is the city of love’ thing. All I want is to have that romanticism evident during my stay,” I explained and once the words left my mouth, I wanted to take it all back. Did I ever want that romance evident in Paris, but I was forgetting my vow to pretend Liam wasn’t anything more than a friend to me if he was going to pretend the kiss never happened. I am an idiot. I am an idiot. I am an idiot.

Liam was giving me a funny look again and I didn’t like it because I couldn’t tell what it meant. Was that a grimace because he thought it was a disgustingly girly thing to say or was he having an inner debate about what I was trying to tell him or –

“Come on, Hawthorne, it’s your scene with Nelson,” Liam turned to see the director waving him over and the other actor – Nelson, I’m guessing – waiting for him, dressed in a menacing looking suit. I still hadn’t figured out who was playing Mr. Z, but I’m guessing that was him. Liam turned back to me, offering a simple “see you later” before bounding off to go do his scene.

Well, okay, if that’s the way you want to go about this, then fine. Game on, Hawthorne.

“Hey Cam,” Ava said, taking the spot Liam was in.

“Hey Ava, I love your dress by the way.” She was dressed in a midnight blue cocktail dress and she looked faintly like Anastasia when they go to the opera.

“Oh thanks, but that’s not why I came over here,” she said, leaning a bit forward and folding her hands. “What happened between you and Liam?”

“James told you, didn’t he?” I asked, accusingly. “Why would he do that? He tells me to not tell anybody and here he goes blurting out the whole thing to everyone. What is his problem?” I started looking for James so I could give him a proper smack over the head.

“Uh, James didn’t tell me anything,” Ava said, her eyebrow raised high. “But clearly something happened and you can’t exactly lie anymore.” Dang it.

“No, Ava, I really don’t want to talk about it. Not here, especially.”

“It can’t be that bad.” Oh it was worse than “bad”.

“Actually it really can.” Ava looked at me, curiosity filling her features.

“Cam… what happened?”

I looked around the room, trying to figure out who was close by. Okay, James and Liam were on set, Gemma was completely out of sight and Carson seemed far enough out of earshot.

“So this happened last week,” I began.

“Last week? Something happened last week and you haven’t told me?”

“I haven’t exactly seen you. But anyway, remember when we invited everyone over for a movie and only Liam could come?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, long story short –”

“I don’t want the short story, I want to hear every detail.”

I sighed heavily, “You sure about that?”

“Yes.”

“Okay so…” I went through every detail, which ended up telling her more than James even knew because James did want the short story. When I reached the kiss part, Ava looked like she was about to pass out. She was already on the verge of fangirling throughout the entire story of cute cuddles and him being adorable, but then I had to reach my least favorite part of the story. “Then he left. No explanation, no declaration of love. Just a solid, wonderful kiss –”

“– You mean ‘full on snog’, but sure.”

I shook my head while rolling my eyes. “And then he got up and ran out the door.”

“I’m going to kill him. You don’t deserve that.”

“No, Ava, don’t. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, then neither do I. I’m just doing what he did and pretending it never happened.”

“How can you both do that?”

“Well, we already succeeded earlier when we were talking. So I’m just dealing with it until I get over it.”

“But you fancy him, yeah? A lot.”

“Of course I like him. That’s why I’m so mad that he kissed me because he ruined everything!” I hissed, getting more flustered by the second. “I’m sorry, I just… I just can’t deal with this properly,” I breathed out. I definitely shouldn’t be talking about this here.

Ava was about to say something to me when the director called her over. She looked over at me with a sympathetic look.

“Listen, Cam, it’s completely normal to be upset about this. If you need a girl to talk to, I’ll be around. We’ll go out later, okay?”

I nodded wordlessly and she gripped my hand, squeezed it, and then ran back to the set. Shaking my head, I picked my sketchbook back up and decided to draw something new for a change. A little taste of Jace from London, the moody teen turned into a quiet softy. I found the saddest, darkest music I could on my iPod before beginning to sketch withering trees and looming shadows. If this was some weird sort of therapy, it was working. I wasn’t focusing on couples or love or Paris, I was focusing on making the trees scragglier and the shadows darker. In some sort of twisted way, I was feeling happier and lighter. Maybe Jace wasn’t so weird after all. 

I sat there for a few hours, drawing things that had no connotation to Liam and I felt myself feel better. I could get over him if I wanted to, I just needed to distract myself. This was going to be a piece of cake. Eventually, James told me we’d be leaving in a few minutes and that I needed to get my stuff together so we could head out to the hotel. Flipping my sketchbook closed and capping my pen, I stashed everything away and slung my bag over my shoulder.

Looking up, I saw Liam and Gemma laughing at something and I felt a pang of jealousy surge through my veins before I scowled as I followed James out the door into the black car.

Maybe getting over him was going to be harder than I thought.

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So Cam's going to try and get over Liam. And he's ignoring her! Oh the HUMANITY.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and remember to let me know if you did via comment and voting :) If you didn't like it, c'mon, you know the drill.

School's back up now (so I'm going to be busssyyyy) plus I got a new, REAL job so I'm going to be SUPER busy. But there's still plenty Starbird to come!

You stay classy y'alls.

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-Kate