Anakin: hey Wolffe, have I ever told you what a great commander you are?

Wolffe: no

Anakin: well here's the thing... I, uh...

Wolffe: what

Anakin: I need you to babysit my kids

Wolffe: what?! No no no. That's not happening. I cant babysit your kids

Anakin: i don't like this either, but I have no other choice

Wolffe: no other choice? What about Rex?

Anakin: he's in sickbay. Hardcase served him blue 501st themed donuts. Turns out Rex is allergic to blue food coloring

Comet: ironic

Wolffe: what about Cody?

Anakin: offworld

Wolffe: grrr

Anakin: you're babysitting my kids, Wolffe. That's an order

Wolffe: but I don't wanna

Anakin: I already talked to Plo. He's gonna make you do it

Wolffe: ...

Anakin: if you don't agree to do this right now, I'm gonna have threepio accompany you while you're babysitting

Wolffe: FINE

Wolffe:  where is the little nutcase

Anakin:  hold on

*anakin disappears and comes back with Luke on a baby holder thingy strapped to his chest*

Anakin:  Wolffe, this is Luke

Wolffe:  should've named him Puke

Anakin:  I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that

Anakin:  and this is...

*spins around to show leia in a baby carrier thing on his back*

Anakin:  LEIA

Wolffe:  HOLY FORCE THERES TWO OF THEM

*anakin takes off baby carrier things*

Anakin:  okay they're in your care now have a nice day Wolffe and byeeeeeee

Wolffe:  I didn't know there were two of them!!!

Comet:  but didn't we all go the baby shower...?

Wolffe:  so?  I forgot they were twins.  Big deal

Sinker:  it kinda is a big deal...

Wolffe:  whatever, I'm sure the kids will be fine, I'm just going to go on with my normal day

*Wolffe pulls out a machete*

Boost:  O_O

Sinker:  Uhh, since when did-

Comet:  YOU HAVE A MACHETE???

Wolffe:  of course I have a machete, how else am I gonna open all of these coconuts?  *points to kitchen counter full of coconuts*

Warthog:  that's a lovely bunch of coconuts you've got there, sir

Sinker:  I don't think this is safe for the kids...

Wolffe:  they're just coconuts

Sinker:  not the coconuts wolffe, I'm talking about the kriffin MACHETE IN YOUR HAND

Comet:  speaking of the machete, where did it go?

*machete floats in the air and goes to Leia's hand*

Leia:  ooh, shiny lightsaber!

Boost:  NO

Wolffe:  lol, what if the kid dies and I don't have to babysit anymore

Comet:  oh please, Wolffe, you'd cry if anything happened to her

Wolffe:  no I wouldn't

Comet:  then why are you sweating so much

Wolffe:  uhhhh, I need my coconut water!  *snatches machete out of leia's hand and starts chopping coconuts*

Luke:  Guys check out my new hat!

*he's got a half a coconut sitting on his head*

Boost:  hey that's pretty cute!

Comet:  aww, I want a coconut hat too!

Leia:  it looks like a dinosaur dropped a giant turd on your head

Luke:  WAAAAAAAAAAAA

Warthog:  ah great, now he's crying.  Wolffe, what're we gonna do?

Sinker:  ...Wolffe?

*Wolffe turning up the music on the radio to block out the sounds of Luke crying*

Wolffe:  if I can't hear a problem, I don't know about it.  If I don't know about it, I don't have to deal with it

Comet:  those are some wise words

Warthog: Wolffe, you've got an incoming transmission

Wolffe: oh shit

Wolffe: who is it?

Warthog: it's Rex

Wolffe: whew, okay *accepts transmission*

Rex: hey, Wolffe, how's babysitting going?

Wolffe: leia stole my machete and Luke is crying. You can imagine how wonderfully this is going

Rex: bro why the hell did you bring a machete when you're going to babysit kids

Sinker: that's what I said!

Wolffe: how else am I gonna chop my coconuts!

Comet: yeah but since when did you care about coconuts so much

Wolffe: well at first I thought it was a bowling ball and then general Plo sliced it open and showed me there was water inside. Pretty useful in a battlefield too

Boost: yeah! I bet you could just crack one open, hydrate yourself, and then throw it on a clanker!

Comet: EXTRA AMMO

Rex: umm, cool for you guys I guess, but I think you should keep an eye on the kids. It looks like leia is trying to figure out if your helmets are coconuts too

*leia is about to slice Wolffe's helmet in half*

Wolffe: NOOO NOT MY HELMEY

*snatches machete out of her hand*

Leia: you're mean *crosses arms*

Wolffe: how am I mean? You should be glad I convinced your dad not to bring threepio here. He'd bore you to death

Leia: ugh threepio is so ANNOYING! He's always talking about how he can speak 6 million languages and bla bla bla

Wolffe: couldn't agree more, kid

Leia: cocky bastard

Sinker: ...

Rex: lol, that's leia for you

Wolffe: reeex, why did you have to go and get yourself sick. It's your fault I'm the one babysitting

Rex: it's not my fault I'm allergic to the color blue

Kix *in the background*: you're allergic to blue food coloring! Not the color blue!

Rex: yeah anyways, this sucks, now I can't eat blueberries anymore

Kix: that's not how it works -_-

Comet: so I guess you can't wear blue painted armor anymore HAHAHAHAHA

Kix: again, that's not how it w-

Wolffe: Rex is allergic to his favorite color HAHAHAHA, I can't wait to tell Cody

Rex: well you better make sure you're still alive by the end of this babysitting session first

Wolffe: hey, where'd those kids go anyways

Rex: :)

Wolffe: what?

*comet points at the roof*

*leia is chilling on a ceiling fan*

Wolffe: AH GET DOWN FROM THERE

*he puts her down*

Wolffe: man, the general is gonna kill me

Rex: check out Luke

*luke swinging machete around*

Luke: I AM A COCONUT MAN! LIKE MY BABYSITTER BEFOR ME

Wolffe: no! That's MY machete!

*luke throws it to leia with the force*

Rex: lol

Wolffe: when is this day gonna end

Anakin: I'm baaack!

Rex: haha good luck Wolffe *disconnects*

Wolffe: Uhh, hey General

Anakin: so, how was babysitting

Wolffe: it sucked! Don't make me do this ever again!

Anakin: well, it looks like everything is alright

*luke and leia are sipping coconut water like civilized people*

Wolffe: ???

Anakin: hey kids, did uncle Wolffe do this for you?

Luke and leia: yup!

Anakin: aww that's nice

Wolffe: but where did the mache-

*warthog covers wolffes mouth*

Anakin: alright, time to go. Thanks for doing this, Wolffe, I'll definitely be having you watch Luke and leia again

Wolffe: what?! No no no no

Anakin: why? Clearly, they had a good and safe time

Comet: Uhh, define safe

Anakin: well I don't see any sliced eyes, severed limbs or large sharp objects soooo, yeah we're good. Bye guys

Warthog:  you both have the same eye sliced by a lightsaber...

Comet:  by the same person too...

Boost:  coincidence?? 

Sinker:  I THINK-

Wolffe: yeah I'm never doing this babysitting bullshit again

Comet: I don't think you have a choice

Wolffe: as long as Rex stops eating blue food and doesn't get allergic reactions, we're good

Comet: ummm, I may have put a little blue food coloring in rex's coffee

Wolffe: COMET